Spying no Jutsu
by daniel-gudman
Summary: Disguised as a girl, Naruto will spy on Kage level kunoichi at the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival. On a related note, Sasuke deals with his growing attration to a mysterious new kunoichi. Also, the first ever Iruka Love Polygon. That I'm aware of.
1. S Class Mission Revealed

Summary: Naruto will need special training and a secret identity to perform an S-Class mission and spy on Kage-level ninja at the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival.

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns the toybox, I'm just playing with his action figures.

**S-Class Mission Revealed**

Tsunade sighed, and leaned back in her chair and rubbed her forehead.

Iruka scrupulously looked the other way.

"We're boned, aren't we?" Tsunade said.

"Er... yes, Hokage-sama." Iruka agreed, brow creased with hesitation.

Shizune strolled in the door with a pot of coffee and frowned. "What's the problem?"

Tsunade sighed, and reached down to pick up an intelligence report and wave it in the air. "There's going to be a special hot springs festival in the southern part of the snow Country in a little over a month."

Shizune blinked, then frowned. "You're not going."

Iruka cut in when he saw Tsunade's 'anger' vein throbbing. "Er, that's not what the Godaime meant, Shizune-san. Intelligence reports place both the Tsuchikage and the Raikage's wife at the festival."

Tsunade sighed. "So, the two most powerful kunoichi from the Stone and Cloud countries will be attending."

Shizune nodded, eyes widening. "You think they're going to negotiate an alliance."

Tsunade scowled, crossing her arms (Iruka pinched his nose). "Any alliance between those two would definitely not be good for our country, but at the very least we should send a spy."

Shizune put the almost-forgotten pot of coffee on the desk. "So, we need to send a spy to the hot springs. A ninja that can spy on kage-level women in the bath."

"Jiraiya already volunteered," Tsunade said sourly, "but the idea is _not_ to unite them against the leaf." She grabbed the pot and refilled her cup.

"So, we send a kunoichi." Shizune said.

"That's the obvious solution." Iruka said, sighing.

"Too obvious..." Shizune said, picking up on what he really meant, frowning. "They'll probably have their own guards... ones who'll recognize all our jounin."

"And chuunin." Tsunade said. "That's the downside of the open exams. Other countries can easily compile lists of all the chuunin-level or higher ninja in a village, if they have intelligence people present at all of the exams."

"So, we need to send a genin-level kunoichi to spy on kage level shinobi." Iruka sighed. "The best answer would be Hinata, because of her Byakugan, but even if she had the confidence for it, those very eyes would make her too obvious."

Tsunade growled. "I could do it, if my age-change jutsu wasn't so famous." Among kunoichi, it was the single most sought-after ninjutsu in the world.

Shizune raised an eyebrow. "What about me? I haven't built up the reputation you have, either."

Tsunade snapped at her. "You're my public assistant and apprentice. The most obvious choice for the spy, even if you were never officially ranked as a ninja."

Iruka, sensing another cat-fight, and being the wonderful sort of guy that averted them instead of encouraged them, stepped in. "So, we basically need a kunoichi that doesn't actually exist, with the guts to spy on a whole bunch of really good ninjas."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "It's not like there's a 'sex-change no jutsu' that we can use on Kakashi or something."

Iruka coughed, doubling over in the chair as his eyes went wide.

"Eh? You ok?" Tsunade said. She did not get out of her chair.

Iruka nodded. "Well... there isn't such a thing as a 'sex-change no jutsu'... but what about, 'sexy no jutsu'?"

For a moment, Tsunade glowered at him, thinking it was a come-on.

Iruka cowered.

Abruptly, Tsunade laughed. "I remember now!" She turned to her apprentice's. "Shizune... could you go get Uzumaki Naruto for me?"

He was unpredictable enough, it might actually work.

-----

Currently, Naruto was beating the tar out of himself. Himselves, more accurately.

He'd pestered Sasuke about training together, but his rival blew him off. Kakashi and him were doing some special Sharingan training.

Then he'd went looking for Jiraiya. The old pervert blew him off to peep at women bathing. Naruto had just stormed off when the old pervert told him he was training for an S-class mission.

Yeah, right!

Neji was doing some weird training with his uncle, and Naruto knew better than to go pester a whole entire _clan_ of people that hated him. Who could do that fruity eye thing and screw up his organs.

Kiba was training with his family. Shino was training with his dad. So was Shikamaru.

_And_ Chouji.

_And_ Ino.

He'd even went to track down Lee and Gai. They were off in one of the more forested training areas. They'd begged off, since Gai had been teaching Lee to open another Gate.

That sounded so _gay._

But he wasn't about to tell _them_ that.

Even Sakura was busy, practicing a jutsu on a fish like Tsunade had told her to. Naruto, reminded (again) that both his teammates had sensei that actually taught them stuff on a semi-regular basis, had finally just stormed off, shouting that he'd practice by himself.

So he did.

Sakura had rolled her eyes and told him he'd just be wasting his time.

Naruto smiled. Actually, this was probably the most productive training he'd had since he'd learned the Rasengan.

He jumped out of the way as a shuriken whizzed past, and threw one of his own. That's what he got for being distracted during training!

While he was dodging, he was tackled from behind, and he rolled around, grappling. Finally he managed to pull out a kunai and stab his opponent in the throat.

The kage bunshin disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Naruto's success was short-lived, however, as he had to immediately evade another batch of shuriken. He hid behind the tree, and looked out across the field. "So... it came from other there, so I must be in that patch of bushes..." He thought out loud. Then he frowned.

Shizune scowled. "Naruto, what on _earth_ are you doing?"

"Ahh!" He shouted, and lept away from his hiding spot while pulling three kunai out. He blinked. "Shizune-neechan! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"

Shizune blinked back, and frowned. "If you're having a breakdown, we should probably take you to the hospital."

"Eh?" Naruto said. "Why would you think that?"

Shizune pinched her nose. "Naruto, you were just wondering if you were hiding in the bushes of the opposite side of the clearing."

Naruto blinked, and scowled in confusion. "Well, of course I was. I don't know where the other two Naruto are, but I'm pretty sure one of them is in those bushes..." He pointed, trailing off when he noticed Shizune was staring at him.

"What?" He asked, half-shouting.

"Never mind." Shizune said, waving her hand. "Just... the Hokage wants to see you, immediately."

"Why?" Naruto said, ever obstinate. He'd _finally_ figured out a great way to train all by himself, and _now_ the old lady wanted to interrupt him?

"I don't know!" Shizune said. She didn't. Why would Naruto need to know about a top-secret kunoichi mission? She wagged her finger at him. "But, if the Hokage calls for a ninja, they should report immediately instead of asking questions!"

"Yeah, yeah." He turned and shouted at the clearing. "Oye! Naruto! Training's over now!"

Shizune stared. She fell down when he got an answer.

"What? Already? We just got started!" Naruto's voice back shouted from the other side of the clearing.

"I know, but baachan called, so we gotta cut it short!" Naruto said.

"Ok, I guess." Naruto's voice came from a _third_ place.

Two Narutos popped out of the bushes, and waved. "Bye!"

The original Naruto waved back, and the second and third poofed into smoke.

Understanding hit Shizune like a train. Or maybe a truck. "Kage Bunshin?" She asked, staring at the genin her master had befriended.

"Yeah, of course." Naruto said. He laughed. "What, you didn't think I'd talk to myself if I wasn't there, did you?"

He laughed again, faster and louder, and ran off to see the Hokage.

His parting comment gave Shizune a headache.

-----

"Hey, Tsunade-baachan!" Naruto said, coming in through the window. That way the ANBU wouldn't give him a hard time.

"Naruto, that's not the way to address the leader of the village." Iruka scolded, looking up from a series of mission profiles. He had a bunch to hand out later that afternoon.

"Sorry!" Naruto said. He tried again. "Hey, Hokage-baachan!"

Iruka just groaned and rubbed his temples as Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"Oye, brat." She said. "I've picked you out to go on a special S-class spying mission in a month. But you'll need some special training first."

Iruka had to admire the way she phrased that. That pushed every button Naruto had about missions.

"YES!" Naruto said, pumping his fist in the air. "I'll do it!"

"Good." Tsunade said. "Here's the mission briefing." She handed him the scroll, and he practically pounced on it. "By the way," she said, with a hint of a smirk, "you'll need to be disguised as a girl during it."

"WHAT?" Naruto shouted. "Whattaya mean, I have to be disguised as a girl?"

Iruka grinned. Finally, an object lesson in patience, and not jumping ahead. This would do Naruto some good. "Naruto..." he pointed at the scroll. "Look carefully. You need to infilitrate a hot springs resort to spy on enemy kunoichi. To do that, you'll have to maintain your 'sexy no jutsu' for several days, at least."

Naruto frowned, peering at the scroll. He couldn't read the whole thing, since there were so many kanji, but he took Iruka's word for it. "I dunno..." he said, frowning. "That sounds an awful lot like a mission the ero-sennin would give me."

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. It was bad that he said it. It was worse that it was true. "Well, it'll only be perverted if you're a pervert about it."

Naruto frowned, clutching his chin. "Yeah, I guess that's true." He looked up, and smiled. "Well! I'll definitely take the mission!"

Iruka grunted. "Just like that?" How was Naruto supposed to learn about jumping into things if he was a good sport about it?

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, sheepish. "Well, I accepted, and I can't back down. That's my ninja way!" He smiled. "Besides, it's not like you two would try and trick me into a mission... Ero-sennin would and Kakashi might, but I trust you two more than them!" He finished.

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. 'Twist the knife a little more, why don't you?'

Iruka coughed. "Anyway, you really are going to need special training. Everything should be in that assignment... scroll..." He trailed off.

Naruto chuckled, embarrassed. "Uh... I can't read it all, so... could you help me?"

Iruka sighed. "Fine. I'll help you work out the details. Why don't you show up at my place? We can have dinner first, while we're at it."

Naruto frowned. "So, sevenish?"

Iruka smiled. "That sounds great."

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto said, jumping out the window and going back to his training.

"...What?" Iruka asked, a little nervous under Tsunade's leer.

"It's a suspicious circumstance that you've created for tonight, that's all." She responded.

He wasn't sure what exactly she meant, but it was probably bad. "Well..." He said, "It's not like that. I'll just be giving him some brotherly advice, I suppose."

Tsunade smiled back. "That's good. He could use more support."

Iruka scratched his face, blushing again. "Well, I try to look out for him, when I can, but... like he keeps telling me, he's basically a grown-up now."

Tsunade sighed. "Yeah..."

"Erm."

They both jumped as Shizune re-entered the room. Shizune raised an eyebrow. "Getting a little... close, while I was away, Tsunade-sensei?"

Iruka, mortified, stammered out an excuse.

Shizune wasn't listening. She had to dodge Tsunade's chair.


	2. Like a Natural Woman

**Like a Natural Woman**

On days like these, Kurenai hated being a genin-team leader.

Today, Kiba's mother was teaching him more advanced Inuzuka jutsu. Shino's father was teaching him a method for holding their contracted insects in jugs. Even Hinata was training with her father, something she'd been doing ever since the chuunin exam.

Since Kurenai couldn't take high-class missions while she was a team leader, that meant that on days when her team was training, instead of doing missions, she had nothing to do.

Asuma, with this year's Ino-Shika-Cho team, had the same dilemma. Except he enjoyed spending his days doing nothing but smoking.

Kurenai did not.

Kakashi, on the other hand, had the opposite problem. All three of his students had only him to learn from. And Kakashi was a terrible teacher. The only one that could learn anything from him was the one with the Copy Eye.

So, when one of the little mission-assignment birds came to her window, she was more than happy to see what exactly the Hokage wanted.

-----

Tsunade pursed her lips, frowning slightly. "It's not a mission exactly, but you have to maintain absolute secrecy. Even if you refuse, don't breathe a word of this to anyone."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Kurenai responded. It was intriguing, to be sure.

Tsunade sighed. "The problem is simple. The two strongest kunoichi from Stone and Cloud are going to be at the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival this year. We want to insert an agent." Tsunade sat back, shrugging. "But, we can't send anyone they could potentially recognize. That means all kunoichi above the genin level."

Kurenai frowned. "So... you want me to train a genin kunoichi up to an acceptable level before then? I don't think that's possible, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade grimaced. "Not quite. There's a shinobi in Konoha that possesses a genjutsu that gives him the appearance of a girl."

"It had better not be Jiraiya." Kurenai said darkly.

Tsunade chuckled. "No, no, not him. But, this person will need intense training, not only in feminine behavior, but also in certain spying techniques and genjutsu. I want you to be his adviser and teacher in this."

Kurenai frowned. "I don't like working with perverts, but I'll do it for the sake of the village."

Tsunade snorted. "He's not a pervert, actually. I don't quite now why he developed that weird jutsu in the first place." She smiled, then. "Still, I'm glad you'll do it."

Kurenai nodded, slightly demure.

"His identity is Uzumaki Naruto." Tsunade said abruptly.

Kurenai's eyebrow started twitching. "Is he even capable of this?" Naruto wasn't what she thought of when she thought of 'spies.'

Tsunade grunted. "He's our only hope in this matter."

Which was a good way of saying that the answer to her question was no, and that the answer didn't matter. "Couldn't he teach this jutsu to some more capable ninja?" Kurenai asked.

Tsunade snorted. "Yes. But who? Jiraiya? Kakashi? Asuma? Genma, or Raidou?"

Kurenai sighed. "I guess it is a jutsu we don't want falling into the wrong hands." Perverted hands, that could use it to sneak into women's bathhouses. The information probably wasn't worth _that_ price.

Tsunade nodded. "You'll want to get started as quickly as possible. He's eating at Iruka's house tonight at seven, and discussing details of the mission. Why don't you drop in on them?"

Kurenai agreed and left. It was kind of arrogant of Tsunade to tell Kurenai to interrupt their dinner, but orders were orders, even if they were implicit.

Kurenai remembered Iruka from when they were in the Academy together. She particularly remembered the bugs in her hair. She'd held a grudge over that.

She also remembered the body-covering bug genjutsu she'd used on him in the chuunin exam. He'd laughed it off, after he stopped screaming.

She saw him in the mission office quite regularly, and was always struck by how nice he was. She couldn't quite believe anyone was that nice. Until she saw him tearing into a group of students one time.

When he'd asked her, off-handedly, to assist in genjutsu training one day, she'd been a little surprised. Iruka wasn't good at genjutsu, but he wasn't bad either.

That had been the day she met Hinata.

Kurenai paused in her roof-hopping. That sneaky little... he'd set them up. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the ever-responsible Iruka had once been the class prankster.

She couldn't exactly blame him, though, considering what a wreck Hinata had been.

Kurenai landed, and rang the doorbell to his apartment.

She smiled softly. Umino Iruka was a pretty good guy, really.

Which was why she was surprised when a buxom, teenaged blonde answered the door wearing only a too-large shirt.

"Can I help you?" The girl had said politely. Warmly, even.

"Um, yes, I was wondering if Iruka was home?" She said, slightly flustered. That sounded so suspicious, but she couldn't exactly divulge why she was really here.

"Come on in!" The blonde said brightly. "Irukaaa-kun! There's a beautiful woman at the door for you!" She sang out, drawing out that last note.

Iruka smoothed the frown off his face as he came into the front room. "Good evening, Kurenai-san." He paused. "Er, would you like to join us for dinner?"

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't want to... interupt." She said, slightly snide. "But, the Hokage asked me to discuss an important mission with you that came up today."

"Oh?" Iruka said, not quite following. "Oh!" He smiled. "Naruto, you can drop the jutsu."

"Sure thing, Iruuuka-kuuun!" The blonde said. With a burst of smoke, she vanished, and Naruto struck a silly pose where she had been. "Did I fool you, Kurenai-sensei?"

Kurenai's eyebrows went up. "Actually, yes."

"Yeesss!" Naruto said, pumping his fist. "See? See? I told you I was incredible at this skill, Iruka-sensei, but you didn't believe me!"

Iruka sighed. "Okay, Naruto, I admit, you're better at pretending you're a woman than I thought. But, that doesn't exactly make me feel better."

Kurenai frowned. "What I want to know is why he was flouncing around wearing only that shirt."

Iruka hastily deflected the glare to Naruto. "That's a good question." He said in his most teacher-like voice.

Naruto, unconcerned by the scrutiny, rolled his eyes. "Please! I still have to maintain some of my prankster reputation! I have my pride, you know."

"..." Iruka just dropped his face into his hands.

The oven timer went off.

"The mushroom puffs!" Naruto cried, dashing into the kitchen.

-----

The dinner was surprisingly good. Kurenai thought two guys wouldn't be able to cook well, but they proved her dead wrong. It was probably the most pleasant surprise she'd had all day.

Naruto summoned a few Kage Bunshin to deal with the dishes while they sat around the table to discuss strategy.

"First, we need to establish an alias that won't draw too much attention." Kurenai said. "Any spies from Cloud and Rock are probably being extra-sensitive to anything that could break through security at this Hot Springs Festival, so we need to do this in absolute secrecy."

Iruka frowned. "Naruto, can you do the Oiroke no jutsu without the whisker marks? Come to think of it, could you change your hair and eye color, too?"

Naruto frowned, cupping his chin. "I've never tried before." He admitted. "Well, one way to find out! Oiroke no jutsu!"

With a puff of smoke, Naruto transformed. She was taller than he was, with a black page-boy haircut and green eyes. Her complexion was quite pale, and she didn't have the marks on her cheeks. She looked, in short, like Sasuke's cousin.

Kurenai frowned. She placed her hands on Naruto shoulder, and with a muttered "Kai," tried to release the genjutsu. It failed.

Naruto looked at her oddly.

Kurenai explained. "Most genjutsu, like henge, can be broken with that." She knitted her brows for a moment, before they came apart. "That's not a pure genjutsu."

Naruto shrugged. "Well, I was really bad at Henge, but I found I could do it if I filled my whole body with chakra, instead of just layering it over me, it worked!"

Kurenai stilled. "Naruto... that sounds like a ninjutsu." Using pure ninjutsu to change the body directly was incredibly dangerous. Molded chakra didn't usually react well with body tissue; that was the foundation of the Hyuuga Jyuuken.

Naruto frowned. "Well, I still do the same seal, and everything, but through my whole body." She released the illusion and returned to his normal gender and appearance.

Iruka spoke up. "So, instead of changing your outward appearance, you change your whole body, inside and out, with that illusion?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah!"

Kurenai shrugged, surprised. "Well, I guess it's possible... I've never heard of it being done. I guess that's why the Kai didn't work, then, if your chakra system itself was cloaked."

Naruto frowned. "Eh?"

Iruka sighed. "If I've explained it once, I've explained it a hundred times."

Naruto sighed. "Ah, not another lecture..."

Iruka, with a glance to Kurenai, frowned. "Well, maybe later."

Naruto sighed with relief when that bullet was dodged.

"Anyway," Kurenai said, "we need to develop an alias for you to use while you're training. Also, we need to explain where Naruto is, while you're gone."

Naruto shrugged. "I'll just leave a note saying I got dragged off by Jiraiya. If Tsunade tells him to, he'll play along with that."

Iruka raised an eyebrow. "Just like that?"

Naruto sighed, and crossed his arms. "Are you kidding? That big pervert will be jealous." 'Probably demand I take pictures in exchange, though.' Naruto thought.

Kurenai twitched. 'Better not to think about that part just yet.' Teaching a boy how to spy on women in the bath was not something Kurenai had ever expected to do.

"So, we need a name, an appearance, and an explanation for why you're here." Kurenai said, trying to pull them back on task.

"How about... Motoko?" Iruka said. "Since we don't want anything to connect her with him, we shouldn't call her 'Naru' or 'Naruko' or something obvious like that."

"True." Kurenai frowned. "Motoko should probably be a chuunin, so we don't have to explain away a genin team. But, a new one."

Naruto pursed his lips. "Then, how about..." and he used his jutsu.

In a puff of smoke, she appeared. She was just as buxom and curvaceous as Naruko, but had less hair, neck-length, and held back on the left side with a hair clip. Her eyes were still blue, but much darker. Her face was more heart-shaped, with more pronounced cheek-bones than Naruto had. She also looked to be about 15 or 16, older than Naruto by several years.

"That's good." Kurenai said, noting the tight miniskirt and tank top. It would be less revealing when she had a chuunin vest on.

"Thank you." Motoko said, slightly demure. Her voice was soft and smoky. Totally different than Naruto.

'That's just uncanny.' Kurenai thought.

Iruka nodded. "That should work great."

Abruptly, her demeanor changed. Motoko squealed, clasping her hands together as she leaned in. "Really? Do you think so, Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka blushed, "Uh, yes I do, Na—I mean, Motoko... chan..."

"Kyaaa!" Motoko shouted, leaping forward to hug Iruka.

"I think I'll be going, since you two seem to be getting busy." Kurenai said darkly.

With a puff of smoke, Naruto appeared where Motoko had been. "I'm gonna go home, too. I need to talk to ero-sennin tomorrow."

Kurenai nodded. "After that, meet me at the Hokage Tower, at..." Kurenai paused to think about her next day, "one in the afternoon, alright?"

"Sure thing, Kurenai-sensei!" Naruto said. "Well, goodnight, Iruka-sensei!" And with that, he was out the door.

"He certainly is energetic." Kurenai said.

"Yeah." Iruka sighed. "He's a real good kid, though, at heart."

"Mmmn." Kurenai said. She remembered something that occured to her earlier. "Why did you set me up to meet Hinata like that?"

Iruka stiffened for a moment, before relaxing. "Figured that out?" He asked, rhetorically. "I did that because Hinata needed a positive role-model. A kunoichi she could look up to."

Kurenai frowned. "Why not just ask me?"

Iruka smiled a little half-smile. "Hinata doesn't believe in herself, but she's a smart girl. She probably thought you were trying to be her friend just to make you feel better, even when you honestly trying to connect, right?"

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "That's correct, she did." It had taken a lot of earnestness to convince Hinata that Kurenai really did care about the girl.

"Hinata is a strong Hyuuga... maybe not as strong as Neji, or Hanabi, but she has good control of her byakugan relative to the whole clan. She would've known you weren't being honest." Iruka said. "Besides... it's what she expected, since her self-esteem was so low."

"That's remarkably insightful, for you." Kurenai teased lightly.

"Thanks." Iruka said dryly.

"But, why be so circumspect?" Kurenai said. "That seems like an awful lot of dancing around."

Iruka sat quietly for a moment. "The Hyuuga clan doesn't quite approve of me."

"Why not?" Kurenai asked, surprised.

Iruka shrugged. "Hyuuga Shirota lost all of his children and seven grandchildren to the Kyuubi. Hyuuga Kaede lost her husband, her brother, her children, her nephews, and all but one of her nieces. Hyuuga Gendo lost his leg, his wife, and three of his four children. His son still can't walk." He paused, and let that sink in. "There was a lot of opposition over letting Naruto into the Academy."

"That seems a little unfair." Kurenai said, savagely.

Iruka shrugged. "Sandaime-sama had the ANBU escort them out of his office, when they suggested I be removed because of that."

Abruptly, Iruka grinned so broadly his eyes were nearly shut. "Well! That was a fun evening. Do you want some tea or anything?"

Kurenai smiled softly. "No, no, that's ok. It's late, I should go home."

-----

AN: A little more serious this time than I expected. All sorts of hijinks next chapter, though. Jiraiya makes an appearence. And, Sasuke has a close encounter of the Motoko kind. Is love in the air?


	3. Special Training: Beginning

AN: I'll be referring to Naruto as "Naruto" and "Motoko" interchangeably, while he's using his jutsu. Unfortunately, that also extends to pronouns... I'll try to keep people contextually obvious.

**Special Training: Beginning**

"So that's the situation, ero-sennin!" Naruto finished, crossing his arms.

Jiraiya stared at his apprentice, telescope forgotten. "Naruto..." He said, standing up.

"Yeah?" The boy responded, slightly nervous. This situation possessed bad potential.

"I'm so proud of you!" Jiraiya said, grabbing Naruto by the shoulders. "I worried that you wouldn't develop a healthy taste for peeping, but this surpasses my expectation in every way!" Jiraiya's leer turned more unpleasant. Crazed, almost. "You'll be so close, and you'll be collecting S-Class pay! Not only that, but the targets are the incredibly attractive kunoichi of foreign nations!"

Jiraiya struck a pose, arms flung out and hair majestically blowing in the wind. "They may be a little old for you, but this is your opportunity of a lifetime!"

Naruto grunted. "So, you'll cover for me?"

Jiraiya chuckled. "Definitely!" Jiraiya suddenly turned serious. "Naruto. There is something else."

"I won't take pictures." Naruto said flatly.

Jiraiya sighed, and slumped over. "Well, okay." He straightened. "More seriously, though, what's your appearance going to be?"

"That I can share!" Naruto said. "Oiroke no jutsu!" He exclaimed, and was engulfed in ninja smoke.

A buxom brunette wafted it away. "So, what do you say, Jiraiya-sama?" The girl said. "Am I cute enough?"

"Hell yeah!" Jiraiya said. "I didn't think it was possible, but this appearance actually exceeds the cuteness of the blonde!"

"Oh, you're just teasing me!" Motoko said, turning away with her hands on her cheeks. "I'm not that attractive..."

"No, it's true!" Jiraiya protested. He draped an arm over her shoulder. "In fact, why don't I take you out somewhere, get something to drink? I'm sure you'll have a good time."

"Don't forget who I am... ero-sennin." Naruto responded in his real voice. He ground his heal into Jiraiya's instep, and turned and walked away. "If you want to win women over, you should live up to your self-proclaimed title 'Gallant Jiraiya'... you pervert." Motoko loftily advised him.

"Erk." Jiraiya stumbled. That was harsh. "Still..." the sannin muttered. "I can let it slide because..." He stood up straight. "This is the best inspiration of all time!" Jiraiya said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I'll call it 'Ichaicha Espionage'!"

-----

Sasuke was tired. Sasuke was sore. Sasuke could feel every nerve in every muscle in his body, telling him he'd gone a little too far, a little too long.

It was great. Losing himself in training, simply becoming stronger, he could forget everything. His brother. His curse seal. Nearly betraying the village.

The Godaime had decided to keep his almost-defection secret. Only a few people outside of his classmates had even learned that he'd tried to leave. She'd decided to keep it secret, even from the ANBU, to 'maintain the morale of the village.'

But she'd really done it because Naruto had asked her to.

Naruto... thinking of him, Sasuke's jaw clenched. The Battle at the End had been close. Very close. He could have won.

But he lost. To the Dead Last, the idiot, the class clown, who pulled out a jutsu greater than Chidori, and a transformation greater than the Level 2 curse seal.

That monstrous red aura showed up in his nightmares, now.

Itachi had been the only one in his nightmares.

Sasuke clenched his fists. How? How had that blonde moron gotten so strong?

How could Sasuke get that strong? How could he--

He abruptly stopped wondering when he had to swing his arms up to catch his fall. He glared over his shoulder.

A brunette, slightly older than him, with a chuunin vest. She was smiling with an incredulous eyebrow raised, and had one leg extended. "Shouldn't the genius Uchiha Sasuke have better situational awareness? You almost plowed into me."

Sasuke huffed. "I was thinking."

The girl chucked, and bent over slightly to offer a hand. Sasuke took one look at the extended hand, looked up at her, and turned away, blushing slightly.

He hauled himself to his feet. "You're pretty arrogant, to go and trip some ninja like that."

She giggled. "Making it sound like I'm not a ninja as well..." She jabbed him in the stomach with a finger. He felt a little disgusted that he responded by indignantly scrunching up.

"...people will think you don't like girls." She finished.

Sasuke turned away. "I don't care what anyone thinks." He shot back, turning to walk away.

"Saying a cool thing like that..." She responded, slightly dreamy. Sasuke held back a disgusted snort. 'Fangirls,' he thought.

"Makes me think you're lying to me." She finished, lightly. That wasn't what he'd been expecting.

"Huh?" He said, turning to look at her.

"It's simple." She said, crossing her arms, incidentally forcing her breasts up and together. Sasuke scowled and looked away. "If you really didn't care, then you wouldn't say anything." She leaned forward. "So, I think you're really trying hard to maintain that cold-hearted bastard image!" Then she flicked his nose.

Sasuke scowled, reaching up to bat her hand away. "Whatever. This isn't worth my time."

"There you go again," she said with a sigh, "saying such excessively cool things. It kinda pisses me off." Then she reached out to flick his nose again.

"Would you stop that?"Sasuke growled, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"Grabbing some girl's hand... you move fast." She said, leaning against him. "Be gentle, it's my first time."

"Gah!" Sasuke said, pushing her away. "Why are you teasing me, anyway? Don't you have something better to do?"

She smirked, an eyebrow quirking up. "You're right, I do." She turned, and started jogging away. She looked over her shoulder, and waved. "See you around, Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke snatched his hand back once he realized he was waving back.

"I see why you keep turning down Sakura now."

_Oh no._

Sasuke turned, with a feeling of dread, to see Kakashi leaning against the wall behind him. He had his hands in his pockets, and his little orange book was no where to be seen.

"I hadn't thought of you as the type to like older girls, but in retrospect, it fits your character." Kakashi finished. "She seems good for you."

"It's not that." Sasuke shot back. "I don't know her, she was just being excessively familiar." He shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking home again.

Kakashi ambled along next to his student. "Maa, maa... I think she'd be a good girlfriend for you."

"It's not like that at all." Sasuke growled back.

"Still, I should make sure she's good enough for my student..." Kakashi said, exactly as if Sasuke had agreed with him. "What's her name?"

"I don't know." Sasuke bit out. "I just met her."

Kakashi sighed. "I'm a little disappointed, Sasuke... ninjas should be good at gathering information like that." The man was teasing him.

It bothered Sasuke a great deal that he really was a little disappointed that he hadn't even learned that much. But only a little.

Besides, Sasuke thought, it's not likely he'd ever run into her again.

He was a little disappointed about that, too. But only a little, he reminded himself.

-----

Kurenai was in something of a bind. For the next month, she would have to apply her every waking moment towards getting Naruto ready for the festival. That meant she wouldn't have enough time to train her own genin team.

Being the responsible sort, she felt she should arrange for a substitute teacher for her team.

But there was only one jounin-level ninja that owed her enough favors to give up an entire month of jounin-level missions for genin-level C class work.

Kurenai hoped the experience wouldn't scar her students too badly.

"Anko, I need to ask a favor." Kurenai said.

Anko looked up from the chair she was sprawled out in, inside the jounin lounge. "Yeah?" The special jounin replied, with a bit of trepidation. Anko owed Kurenai a lot... any favor she asked for could potentially be very unpleasant, and Anko would have to agree, really. She hoped it was something cool.

"You want me to kill someone?" Anko said.

"No, no, nothing like that." Kurenai said. With Anko, beating around the bush was a bad idea. "Can you look after my genin team for a month?"

Anko stilled. "Why can't you do it?"

"That's classified." Kurenai said. It was an acceptable reason between shinobi.

Anko grunted. "Yeah, I guess. You sure you want me to?"

Kurenai smiled. "Thanks, Anko. I really do appreciate it."

"No problem." Anko said.

Kurenai walked out. It was nearly one. She'd be meeting with Naruto soon.

Anko rolled back, and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. "A genin team, huh? Shit." She sighed, remembering her genin days. "I think I need a drink."

-----

"You seem to be taking this awfully well, Jiraiya." Tsunade said.

Jiraiya chuckled. "Sometimes, in a man's life, he has to acknowledge that his student has chances that exceed the ones he was given, and in that case, he casts aside his jealousy and happily supports his disciple." Jiraiya flung out an arm. "This is called the compassion of the master!"

Tsunade stared. "You're unbelievable." She growled. "Saying a line like that about peeping on the women's bath?"

Jiraiya frowned. "What else would I be talking about?"

Tsunade punched him out the window.

-----

"Konnichiwa, Kurenai-sensei!" Motoko hailed, jogging up to the genjutsu master. The jounin looked up from where she was sitting, a bench next to the Hokage tower.

"Good afternoon. I was a little worried you might have picked up bad punctuality from previous instructors, but I guess not." Kurenai said, standing up. "So, how are you?" She gestured vaguely. "Walk with me."

"I'm doing great!" Motoko replied, matching stride. "I ran into Sasuke. He didn't recognize me."

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Really."

Motoko pouted. "A sensei should have more faith in their student's abilities."

"But, I haven't taught you anything yet." Kurenai pointed out. "I still don't understand how you developed such a good skill at masquerading as other people."

"Oh, that one's easy!" Motoko responded lightly, sliding past a couple out on a stroll. "For the last three years, I've done all of my shopping in Henge no jutsu. I can emulate any age, either gender!" She finished by grabbing her flexed bicep. "Henge is a good skill for me!"

"Why even bother?" Kurenai said.

"Well..." Motoko said, getting quieter, "I'm not exactly the most popular person in the village. I get better deals if I'm not me."

Kurenai hadn't known that it was quite that bad. "I see."

"So, you should definitely teach me some amazing genjutsu, instead!" Motoko said, suddenly genki again. "With a sensei like you, I'll definitely reach a new level of mastery!"

"Hm." Kurenai responded. Teaching someone else the subtleties of genjutsu... it was appealing. Kurenai just hoped that Naruto was smart enough. Well, he wasn't smart enough, if Kurenai was honest with herself. She hoped he was cunning enough.

They were getting closer to a training area.

"Well, first, let's establish the basics." Kurenai said. "How much do you know about genjutsu?"

"They're illusions to trick people!" Naruto immediately replied.

"Didn't Iruka teach you anything?" Kurenai said.

"He tried, but I don't remember things so well." Naruto responded.

Kurenai bit her tongue to keep from saying 'I can tell.' Instead, she began a lecture. "Actually, there are two kinds of genjutsu, and there are two uses for genjutsu."

Making sure the other was listening closely, Kurenai began. "Genjutsu work by manipulating the inner coils of the target and deceiving them into perceiving a false reality. There are two ways to do this. You can either cast the genjutsu over an area, or you can cast the genjutsu into a person."

Kurenai stood straight, and the two were at the edge of a training ground. "Area-genjutsu can affect numerous people, but their effects are severely limited. Also, if someone suspects that they're under it, they can easily break free."

"Yeah, I was caught in one of those during the exam... it made us walk around in circles for hours!" Naruto said.

Kurenai nodded. "That's a good, basic area-genjutsu. By contrast, personal-genjutsu can only be used on one person at a time, and you have to specifically target them. On the other hand, they can have almost any effect, and most people can be hypnotized into believing it's not a genjutsu, as well. These kind are potentially lethal."

Naruto's eyes widened. "I had no idea genjutsu were so amazingly strong!"

Kurenai smiled. It was good for her ego to meet someone so easily awed.

"That brings us to the two kinds of genjutsu." Kurenai said. "Most genjutsu are used to manipulate people's perception of their surroundings to give you an advantage, either during a mission or during combat." Kurenai paused for emphasis. "However, some genjutsu can force effects on the target with auto-suggestion. It's possible to kill someone this way, but worse, this is the foundation of all mind-control kinjutsu."

Kurenai noted, with wry amusement, that Naruto (still with Motoko's appearance) had gone totally still, and was looking at her with wide-eyed enthusiasm.

"I doubt you'll be ready for those in a single month, though. We'll be concentrating on sneaking-type genjutsu, anyway." Kurenai said.

Naruto nodded, a little disappointed. "Well, those are great, too."

"Depending on how you do with this, we'll see about those other kind, later." Kurenai found herself promising.

"Really!" Naruto said. "That's great!" He cried, punching the air. It had interesting effects on Motoko's anatomy.

"Remember what kind of body you're in." Kurenai scolded.

"Sorry, sorry." Naruto said. "So, what jutsu am I learning first?"

Kurenai shook her head. "None."

"Eh?" Naruto said. "But, how am I supposed to learn, if you won't teach me jutsu?"

"First, we need to improve your chakra control." Kurenai said. "As it stands, your control is terrible, right?"

Naruto sighed. "That's what everyone says."

Kurenai nodded. "Well, to improve it, you're going to have to practice That's what we'll do for today."

"Alright!" Naruto said. "Let's get started!"

-----

It had been a long day. First had been shuriken practice in the academy, complete with shouts of "KONOHAMARU, IF YOU AREN'T MORE CAREFUL I'LL POKE YOUR EYE OUT MYSELF!"

Then the ninja office had to assign a hunter-nin. That had run late, until past eleven.

After that, Iruka had stopped by the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends that he was running low on.

So, Iruka, dog-tired, with a bag or groceries clutched in one arm, hurried home. It was just past midnight, and Iruka had to get across town to where his apartment was.

It was in that condition that Iruka found Mitarashi Anko passed out just inside an alley.

"Anko-san?" He asked, leaning over (but not too close!) as he crouched next to her.

She mumbled something unintelligible, and rolled over.

Iruka grunted. She was stone drunk.

He hesitated to leave her passed out in an alley. The nights were too cold to be sleeping outside, especially with what Anko wore.

Sighing, Iruka hefted the soused special jounin over his right shoulder, and held his groceries in his left arm. It was a little heavy, but not much for a ninja.

As he walked down the street, it suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea where she lived.

"Oh, great." Iruka muttered to himself. He couldn't just set her back down; he didn't want to just leave her somewhere after committing to her welfare. That left just one option.

Iruka would take her to his place.

"I hope this doesn't end badly." Iruka muttered to himself.

Iruka could be foolishly optimistic, sometimes.

-----

**OMAKE: ART**

_(In the forbidden script format!)_

AN: "Un" means "yeah."

Sasori: Art is something that lasts. It's something you can come back to, and see again, and it's appearance is unchanged. Art is fundamentally eternal beauty.

Dedaria: I disagree, un. Art is a bang! That single instant when the whole world lights up. When everything and all your attention are consumed for that one instant, un.

Jiraiya: Art is naked women!

Sasori & Dedaria: . . .

Sasori: Philistine.

Dedaria: Un.

**OMAKE: A BAD IDEA**

AN: Inspired by manga chapter 140.

"Let's get something to eat, you said."

". . ."

"It'll only take a minute, you said."

". . ."

"It'll be fine, you sa--"

"Alright, alright. Sheesh." Kisame said, groaning. "Maybe eating in an outdoor teahouse was a bad idea." He pointed at his partner. "But, it's not like you said anything at the time."

"I'm just saying." Itachi said. "Eating in public is a bad idea when we're dressed like this."

"Doing anything in public is a bad idea in these costumes!" Kisame exploded. "I don't know why the leader wants us to wear these crazy get-ups, but they don't exactly help us blend in anywhere."

Itachi tsked.

"You're just angry because those three jounin knew we were trouble and your brother didn't recognize you." Kisame shot back.

". . ."

"Oh, now the great Uchiha genius is going to sulk." Kisame said, shifting the sword on his shoulder. "You may think you're giving me the 'silent treatment,' but you're really just going to pout."

". . . I hate you." Itachi responded.

"Your hate is weak, though." Kisame shot back without missing a beat.

". . ." Itachi stared at his partner disbelievingly.

Kisame sighed. "Alright, that one was pretty bad."

**OMAKE: UNEXPECTED LINE**

"For the next 72 hours," Itachi intoned, "I will slap you with this trout."

**OMAKE: BORING**

Most people didn't know it, but using Tsukiyomi was boring. Yeah, using an illusion to make someone suffer unspeakable torments for three days was pretty kick-ass, but it got old awful quick. And since Itachi had to be right there, controlling everything, it felt like three days for him, too. That's why using the eye was dangerous... psychosomatic sleep exhaustion.

Take right now, for example.

"For the next 72 hours, I will pierce your flesh with this katana," he'd said. It'd been the coolest thing he'd gotten to say, like, all week.

Shit. It had only been 10 minutes, and Itachi was already bored.

Only 71 hours and 49 minutes left, now. Itachi held back a sigh.


	4. Special Training: Middle

AN: I got paradigm-shifted. I've been spelling (and pronouncing!) the Godaime's given name as "Tsunande." This is incorrect. It's Tsunade. I'll fix that from here on out.

The pairings will remain A SECRET! Sorry, but it's funnier that way.

Also, this is by far the longest chapter yet.

**Special Training: Middle**

"Motoko... what the hell are you doing?" Kurenai asked.

Standing on top of the river, looking remarkably disheveled, was Motoko. With a potted plant on her head. Doing the chakra-molding exercise Kurenai had given her yesterday.

"Kurenai-sensei!" Motoko exclaimed, slipping a bit. The plant wobbled dangerously before abruptly righting itself. It was being held in place with chakra, Kurenai realized.

Motoko, or rather, Naruto, was actually doing something quite difficult. Standing on a river required a constant flow of chakra out through the legs. Keeping the plant stuck to her head was like the tree-climbing exercise; an exact amount had to be steadily kept. Too much and the pot would crack. Not enough and it'd slip off. Finally, the hand-seal exercise required periodic bursts of chakra.

So, Motoko was flowing chakra out her legs at a constant rate, maintaining a constant amount of chakra in her forehead, and molding a specific amount of chakra in her hands at an interval.

Come to think of it, this was all happening while Naruto maintained the henge across his whole body.

It was actually an excellent exercise to improve control, better than what Kurenai had actually assigned. But it required a substantial well of chakra to keep so much of it active.

Plus, it was a damn sight sillier looking.

"Have you been out here all night, Motoko-chan?" Kurenai asked, surprised.

"I guess so." Motoko cheerfully agreed. "I'm pretty tired though, since I've been doing this exercise for a couple hours now."

"A couple hours." Kurenai repeated. A couple hours of _that_ would put her in the hospital with chakra depletion. Or even burn-out.

"Yeah! I pretty much worked out the drill an hour or two after I got home, so I put Ukkun here," Motoko bobbed her head, drawing attention to the plant, "on my head. That got too easy quick, though, so I came out here after that to stand on the moving water!"

"I see." Kurenai said faintly. She had been told that Uzumaki Naruto was a "stamina monster," but she'd never quite understood until now.

"Ahh," Motoko said, sighing as she set the plant down by the riverbank, "that was a good exercise! I could really feel the burn."

"Motoko-chan," Kurenai said, "what burn? You can't actually feel the chakra in your body. Unless you begin to burn. . . out. . . your chakra circulatory system." Kurenai suddenly felt like she needed to sit down.

"Ah, so that's what that is!" Motoko said cheerfully. "I just know I have an easier time controlling the chakra during training, when I can feel the pain in my body!"

Kurenai squeezed her eyes shut. "Motoko-chan," Kurenai began, "if you'd payed any attention at all in your Academy lectures, you'd know that 'burn' is the feeling of your chakra cooking your body. Too much and you could cripple yourself."

Motoko blinked. "Really?" She sat down, rather heavily. "I guess it's a good thing I heal so well, then!"

Kurenai nodded, slightly dumbstruck. This kid was nuts.

"Anyway," Kurenai said, "why don't we take a break, then, so you can rest?"

"But I'm not tired!" Motoko whined. At Kurenai's disbelieving stare, she qualified it. "Okay, well, I'm tired, but not too tired to train, and I have plenty of chakra left!"

"You would." Kurenai muttered. "Well, then, do the drill as I showed you."

"Okay!" Motoko said, far more enthusiastic than someone who just spent a night burning chakra could logically be.

Naruto, Kurenai was astonished to find, had surprisingly good chakra control. It wasn't great, but after listening to everyone talk about how terrible it was, she was surprised at the reality. But, she reasoned, the last time someone had thoroughly evaluated Naruto's skill had been before the Genin exam. Since then, Naruto had learned Kage Bunshin, Kuchiyose, and (rumors told, but Kurenai was a little incredulous of this one) Rasengan. Constantly performing A-rank ninjutsu was bound to improve someone's control.

Naruto's seal-making speed was pretty atrocious, though. That had been the focus of the drill Kurenai had given him.

"All right, that's enough." Kurenai said. She was satisfied. "Well, you've progressed a lot faster than I thought... I guess it's time to teach you some jutsu."

Kurenai raised an eyebrow at Motoko's enthusiasm. Almost as bad as Lee. But, considering her appearance, it came off as "cute" instead of "fruity."

"Genjutsu time!" Motoko crowed. "I'll create an Alien Zone that will instantly deceive all opponents!"

"Settle down, settle down." Kurenai instructed. "Now, genjutsu are a lot more flexible than ninjutsu or taijutsu. That's a weakness and a strength. Most genjutsu of a similar type have the same handseals and chakra flow. The difference is the effect you visualize."

"So," Motoko said, her face scrunched up. On Naruto, it was a frown. On Motoko, it was an adorable pout. Kurenai was pretty sure Naruto wasn't aware of just how cute Motoko had turned out.

"So," Motoko repeated, "It's important to know exactly what I want the other person to see?"

Kurenai nodded. "And feel, and hear, and smell. With genjutsu, you can't just mold the chakra with your hands, but also your imagination and intent. Otherwise it will be stale."

Motoko nodded. "I get it! It's a thinking-type jutsu, so I have to think!"

Kurenai nodded. "Put that way, I don't know how successful you'll be."

"Ah!" Motoko said. "That's a little unfair, Kurenai-sensei! I may not have much intelligence, but I'm number one at tricking people!"

That was true. "Good point." Kurenai conceded. "So, let's get started. First is Kori Shinchu no Jutsu."

"The 'get-lost-in-woods' one?" Motoko asked.

"Sly Mind Affect Technique." Kurenai repeated, gently correcting her student. "It's not just getting lost in the woods. You cloud the opponent's awareness of their surroundings, by taking advantage of the human tendency to quickly glaze over what someone sees but deems unimportant, and pulling to the front of their mind what you want them to see. You can use it not just to make someone lost, but also to hide your physical presence."

Kurenai held up a finger. "However! Since most jounin-level ninja can sense when they're under this sort of genjutsu, because their self-awareness is high, it will actually alert them to your presence. On your upcoming mission, it's basically useless. But, it's a good starting point."

"The hand seals are. . . ."

-----

Anko's first thought, upon waking, was "Grahumphuhblarg."

After that, she became aware of the fact her head hurt, a pain that was halfway between ache and throb, her throat was dry and cottony, and she didn't recognize the apartment she was in.

Clearly, she was hung over, and was now waking up after a one-night stand.

She remembered Kurenai asking her to look after the jounin's genin team for a whole month. Since she owed the other kunoichi a couple favors, Anko had agreed.

That had brought back memories of her own genin team, and Yakumaru's particularly grotesque allergic reaction to her sensei's Curse Seal.

Wanting to get Orochimaru out of her head, Anko had gone bar crawling. Her memories got continually hazier, so she guessed she'd succeeded in driving that creepy snake bastard out of her head.

And now, she noted with a grimace, that bastard had just left her alone. Whoever he was. Leaving her all alone with a vicious hangover.

Bastard.

Her eyebrow went up when she finally noticed a glass of water next to the futon she'd been sleeping on.

As she greedily sucked it down, she also noticed all the shades and blinds were drawn, keeping the inside of the apartment pleasantly dim.

Thoughtful bastard.

There was a note, too, now that she checked.

_Anko-san,_

_I had to leave to go to work, and I thought you'd probably want to keep sleeping. There's some food in the fridge if you want any. Help yourself._

_-Iruka_

_P.S. You like dumplings, right?_

Anko raised an eyebrow as she sauntered into the kitchen. She only knew Iruka from the mission office—he was a stiff-necked bastard. Come to think of it, he taught at the academy too, didn't he?

She pulled open the fridge. He was the kind of guy she hated. Straight-laced, follow-the-rules... the sort that looked down on her because she was Orochimaru's apprentice, way back when.

Not the type to take advantage of a drunk girl, either, if she was going to be honest about it.

And he'd been surprisingly thoughtful. The dumplings in front of her was testament to that.

Anko decided to drop by the Academy and hear his side of it.

But first she went back to the fridge.

-----

"Ano..." Hinata said, looking up from her hands.

"Yes, Hinata?" Kiba said, with forced patience.

"Weren't we supposed to have a substitute sensei today?" The girl asked, shy even for her.

"Yes." Shino curtly reponded.

"Then..." Hinata trailed off, not quite able to finish.

"She's late!" Kiba snarled.

-----

Kurenai was beginning to think she'd created a monster.

Naruto had a talent for genjutsu. And the malicious cleverness to use them well.

After learning Kori Shinchu no Jutsu, Naruto had proceeded to use it on a group of Kage Bunshin. Since they were as incapable of breaking genjutsu as Naruto himself (that would be their next training item), Kurenai had decided to let him test his jutsu on her.

Which was why she was currently lost in the woods of one of Konoha's forested training areas. It seemed Naruto had discovered how to layer genjutsu on top of each other and, in keeping with his penchant for overkill, had layered at least seven different illusions. They were the same jutsu, but subtly different each time. Different enough that they had to be broken separately.

Kurenai broke the eighth one, and bit back a curse. She could still sense that she was under the spell.

"Okay, Naruto, I think you've proved your point." Kurenai said with a grunt. "You can come out now."

"Okay, Kurenai-sensei!" Came the disembodied voice of Mokoto from _right behind her_.

Kurenai whirled. "Motoko!" She said, surprised. "Where are you?"

The area subtly blurred as several congruent genjutsu were canceled. Kurenai saw that Motoko really was right behind her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Even if you could fool my eyes, I'm surprised that you're capable of defeating my ears and other senses to the extent of sneaking up on me, a jounin."

Naruto grinned, tucking his hands behind his head. Since he was still Motoko, this had a much more lurid effect on her appearance, especially with how that pose bent her spine. "Well... my perception skills aren't very good, but I'm really good at hiding! Hokage-jiji sent some ANBU after me at least once a week at the height of my pranking, so I learned to hide from them."

Kurenai raised her other eyebrow, too. It seemed Naruto's childhood hadn't been as wasted as she'd been led to believe. His taijutsu was still crude, and his knowledge was still abysmal, and his strategy was terrible—but his support skills were surprisingly good and his understanding of shinobi tactics was deep, indeed.

Such a bizarrely misshapen skill set, no wonder he was "number-one at surprising people." There was a lot to be said for that sort of ability. Kurenai drew her eyebrows down, frowning slightly. Come to think of it, she should say it so he'd understand.

"Naruto." She said, seriously.

"Eh?" He responded, the sound incongruous with this body.

"I need to explain something very serious." Kurenai said, "So listen up. You have a good talent for sneaking about. Use it. The foundation of all shinobi arts is deception, and the most fundamental deception is hiding your presence."

Naruto scowled. It was his 'thinking something through' scowl. "That sounds like one of the Shinobi Rules, but I never learned them." He said honestly. "I understand needing to sneak around to get places you're not supposed to be, or do things you're not supposed to do... but what about fighting?"

Kurenai shook her head. "Too many genin become overly concerned with the power to straight-forwardly attack the opponent. An ideal ninja would kill every enemy without any warning or battle. That's why defense is so much harder than offense for a ninja—why an assassination is only a B or A class, while the comparative defense is an A or S class. Hit and run, striking only a few times before the enemy can react, and fading back into hiding—that is a ninja!" Kurenai said empathetically. She'd given variations of this speech a number of times to her own team. Shino had gotten it quickly. Unsurprisingly, Kiba hadn't. It was an unwelcome surprise that Hinata didn't quite understand, either. That aspect of ninja arts was sadly lacking in the Hyuuga training.

Naruto was thinking of his own experience. The talk about assassination versus guardian missions drew his mind back to his own first serious mission.

Momochi Zabuza... Kakashi had described him as "an expert in silent killing." Naruto would never forget that feeling of helpless terror as those thick mists rolled off the lake and Zabuza so easily attacked them. Naruto was only beginning to understand the depths of Kakashi's strength, and Zabuza had so quickly pushed his sensei to his limits by using a simple D-rank skill, the basic technique of the Hidden Mist village.

Naruto experienced a paradigm shift. "Yeah..." He said, slowly. "Yeah, I understand." He thought harder, scrunching up his face. "It seems like... to defeat the opponent, first defeat their senses."

Kurenai blinked. A cunning insight, indeed... better than she could have come up with. "That's exactly right, Naruto!" She warmly praised. "And the obvious corollary is, 'to be undefeatable, have unfoolable senses'..." that segued perfectly into what she wanted to cover next. "So, I'm going to explain how to break genjutsu now..."

-----

Iruka didn't pause in his screaming when he felt a ninja's presence outside the door. He wasn't as close to the Godaime as he was to the Sandaime, and it didn't feel like the Hokage either, who was really the only person he'd interrupt a lecture for.

So he finished screaming at Konohamaru for inattentiveness.

Then he scowled as he set the class to copying down the shinobi rules. He stood over them, staring, as they worked. A little pressure wasn't exactly healthy, but it was important that they get used to it for when they became ninja.

Finally, class ended, and he dismissed them. Then he said, "You can come out now."

Anko slid through the door. Apparently she'd disguised her presence from the students. "Hey." She said, smirking. "I'm surprised you could sense me."

Iruka rolled his eyes. He caught a lot of guff for being the chuunin-sensei, sometimes. "Naruto alone necessitated a good situational awareness. And he wasn't the only deviant little bastard I have to teach."

Anko grinned. "Talking about your students like that, how two-faced."

Iruka gave her a flat stare. "Anko-san," he said, "I'm teaching them how to be _shinobi_."

"Er, right." Anko said, a little flustered. Most weren't able to turn the tables on her like that. A little more seriously, she continued. "So... what happened last night?"

Iruka shrugged, rubbing his scar. "I was coming home last night and found you passed out in an alley. I didn't want to leave you, and I don't know where you live, so..."

She raised an eyebrow. "That's a suspicious thing to say."

He blushed. "That's not what I meant!"

She sauntered forward, careful to sway her hips. "Umino Iruka... are you blushing over me?" She crowed.

He scowled. Still flustered, it didn't work very well. "Rest assured that I didn't molest you in your sleep. Tempting though your body is."

She felt herself blushing a little bit at that. Iruka having his way with her, when she was too soused to stop him... that was actually kind of hot.

He pressed his advantage. "Besides," he continued dryly, "somehow I doubt you'd want to be the one on the bottom, anyway."

She narrowed her eyes, and slid up against him. "Oh, you shouldn't assume you know what I like, little man."

He blushed more, and stepped back. "Hey, we're still at the academy."

She grinned toothily, eyes narrowed. "Oh, we'll teach those little kids something new and exciting, then. I don't mind being on display."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, but even if I could, I'd refuse."

She froze. "I see." She turned away. She was surprised this sort of rejection still hurt. "I guess I'm not good enough for you, huh?"

"I'd rather not be the rebound, thank you." Iruka retorted.

"...What?" Anko said, her voice turning dangerous.

Iruka ran his hands along his hair. "Anko-san, you drank yourself into a stupor last night over someone, I think. I don't think having casual sex with me is going to help anything."

"It was over Orochimaru." Anko said brittlely, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Everyone was always a little disgusted when she reminded them of that. Usually she hated reminding people of her connection to that traitor, but she wanted to hurt him a little bit.

"Oh." Iruka said. That was it. His eyes didn't even widen or anything. "I forgot about that."

She turned back to him fully now, leveling a disbelieving stare. "What?"

Iruka shifted, uncomfortable. "Well, do you want to talk about it?"

Anko snorted. "And what would you know, huh? How could you understand?"

Iruka shrugged. "Mostly, I'd just say that Orochimaru is Orochimaru, and he left the village. However, Anko-san is Anko-san, and stayed."

"He left me behind, he tossed me aside." Anko said, bitter. It still stung.

"Good." Iruka said. When she snapped her eyes up, he shrugged uncomfortably. "That guy's a crazy bastard. You're better off without him, I think."

Anko considered him for a moment. "You're pretty unbelievable, you know that?" She said. Then she smiled. "Take me out to dinner tonight."

Iruka shifted uncomfortably. "I can't." He admitted. He hastened to explain, to temper the rejection. Heavens knew Anko had had enough of that. "I'm having a couple friends over, but..."

Anko frowned sourly. "Well, in that case, I'll join you, and we'll go out somewhere afterwards, okay?" And then she smiled again, full-blown this time, and jumped out the window. "See ya!" She shouted, almost giggly, and left.

Iruka groaned. Explaining this to Kurenai and Na-... Motoko would be difficult.

-----

"I'm really taking a chance on this, here." Kurenai said. "Loaning out technique scrolls to someone at a too-low rank is a violation of village security measures."

"You can trust me 100 percent!" Motoko responded, before coming closer to whisper conspiratorially. "Besides, baachan could make that kind of trouble go away."

Kurenai shrugged. "I'd rather she didn't have to. Just, don't let you anyone see what you have, okay?" And then, Kurenai grew a serious look. "Besides that, these are my personal collection of illusion techniques. If you lose them, I'll get... angry."

Motoko shivered involuntarily. "Sir, yes sir!" She responded.

"Good." Kurenai said. "Now, I'm going to go get ready for dinner." And with that, the jounin leapt up onto the roof and sped away.

"But we're eating with Iruka in _two hours_..." Motoko said, confused, and then shrugged. Whatever! It's not like Naruto understood girls, anyway. Carefully, Motoko tucked the valuable technique scrolls into her backpack, and strode down the street.

"Hey." A familiar voice called from her side. Motoko turned, and raised an eyebrow. There was Kakashi, dragging along Sasuke, who was studiously looking the other way.

"Do I know you?" Motoko said politely.

"Probably not. My name's Kakashi." The jounin replied easily. "This is Sasuke. _Uchiha_ Sasuke." The jounin said, jerking a thumb at his student.

"That's nice." Motoko said coolly, turning to walk away. She wasn't comfortable associating with Kakashi. He could too easily suspect something. Better to avoid them. With that, Motoko walked away.

"Maa, maa." Kakashi said. "What's with the cold shoulder? Why didn't you even introduce yourself, in return?"

"She clearly doesn't like you, Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke said, "So, why don't you leave her alone." He desperately wanted to avoid this. At least, he didn't want Kakashi here. No! He didn't want to interact with the girl... right?

"It's nothing personal." Motoko responded, turning to face them. "But, I don't like perverts."

"Eh?" Kakashi said, surprised. "What makes you think that?"

Wordlessly Motoko pointed at his left hand. Kakashi looked down. "Oh, that." He said, with a chuckle. "Yeah, I guess." He had his copy of _Ichaicha Paradise_ in his left hand, like he did most of the time.

"She has you nailed, sensei." Sasuke said, unable to resist a jab of his own.

"Don't say it like you aren't also a pervert." Motoko said.

"Eh?" Sasuke said, whipping his head around to Motoko.

Motoko rolled her eyes. "Please. You're that guy's student," she said, pointing at Kakashi and ignoring the jounin's muffled protest, "And anyways, I've seen the way you string all those girls along." She turned back, muttering to herself. "Creepy Bastard."

"Hey!" Sasuke said. "That's not true!"

Kakashi silently disappeared. No way Sasuke would let up, now. 'Mission accomplished,' he thought to himself.

"Oh?" Motoko said slyly. This was the perfect revenge! Naruto thought to himself. He was a genius. "Acting so cool..." she said, sauntering up to poke him in the chest. "You're trying to get them interested in you. Admit it."

"I am not!" Sasuke exploded. "They're just a bunch of lame girls! I don't get what they like about me, and I wouldn't care even if I did!"

"Psh." Motoko said, rolling her eyes. "Just words, little boy."

"I'm not a little boy." Sasuke said, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Well then, why don't you show me what a man you are?" Motoko said, soft and sultry, leaning in against him.

"Urch." Sasuke said, swallowing.

Motoko laughed, and Sasuke could help blushing. She was disheveled, and sweaty, and her hair was limp, and it was obviously from training. Sasuke liked that. And she was cute, and so confident.

Then she shoved him, and he pinwheeled a bit before falling down. She winked. "Maybe once you're a little older, I'll make you into a man then, Sasuke-kun."

His cheeks heated up as she walked away. For a moment his attention was drawn to the sway of her hips and then he shook himself, and stood up. "Wait!" He called out to her.

She turned, and arched an eyebrow. "What?" she said.

"What's your name, at least?"

She grinned, and called back. "Motoko's my name, but you can call me Motoko-chan." She winked saucily, and Sasuke could feel his cheeks getting even redder, as the girl bounded off.

"Motoko-chan, huh?" He said, with a raised eyebrow.

-----

Anko hummed to herself as she bounced along. Someone else was cooking her dinner tonight! Also, she was going to take Iruka out for some fun, and see where that went. She had some high hopes for this one.

She was nearly home when she noticed three genin hanging out, looking totally bored, on the roof of a nearby building. They looked familiar.

That's it! They were Kurenai's students. Curiosity satisfied, Anko got ready to hop off again, when she stopped. Kurenai's students... and Anko had promised to teach them for a month or so. Starting three hours ago.

With a silent curse, Anko disappeared, and reappeared among them in a puff on ninja smoke.

"Hey." She said. "Sorry I'm late, but I was really hung over, and then I had to flirt with Iruka."

Kiba groaned. "That was even worse than all the stories Naruto tells about Kakashi's excuses."

"Hey!" Anko shouted, pointing a finger. "Don't compare me to that lame guy!"

"What!" Kiba snarled back. "You're not only lying, but it's a lame lie!" He leaned forward. "Saying such a ridiculous thing!"

"Ano..." Hinata said, hesitantly.

Anko leaned in, herself. "I don't know who you think you are, puppy, but I'll have to discipline you if you keep shouting your yap off!"

Kiba snapped. "I'd like to see you try, you old hag!"

"HAG?" Anko shrieked. "I'll show you _hag_, you mangy inbred little _mutt_!"

"Oh yeah, you floozy?" Kiba shot back. "Why don't you just--"

"Excuse me." Shino said. He flinched when they both turned their glares on him. He'd forgotten how scary this Naruto-like kunoichi could be. "Are you the substitute sensei that Kurenai arranged for us?"

Anko, her anger forgotten, laughed, throwing her head back. "That's right!"

Kiba inched backwards as her laughter slowly morphed into a malicious cackle.

"And the first order of business," She sneered. "Is stamina training. So..." She twirled a kunai around her finger. "Start running around the village!" She shouted, and threw some knives when they hesitated. They took off, and she followed, still cackling, still throwing kunai to 'motivate' them.

-----

"Yo." Kakashi said as he appeared in the Hokage's office.

He promptly dodged the chair that rocketed forward, and it smashed into and through the wall behind him.

Acting like she hadn't just tried to kill him, the Hokage raised her gaze. "Kakashi. And only an hour and a half late."

Kakashi shrugged uncomfortably.

"Anyway," the hokage said frostily, "I just wanted to let you know that Naruto's going to be out of town with Jiraiya for a couple weeks, so don't be surprised that he's not around."

Kakashi made a sympathetic noise, but inwardly he felt a little squirm of guilt. He hadn't even noticed that Naruto hadn't been around for three days... not since he'd had to ask the orange genin to leave him and Sasuke alone during some Sharingan training.

"That's good." Kakashi said.

"Mmm." Tsunade said. "So, how's Sasuke doing?"

"He's... okay." Kakashi slowly responded. "He's throwing himself into training, but I get the impression it's to surpass Naruto, now. Losing at the Valley of the End... really shook up his confidence, and he'd already felt left behind."

Tsunade made a disgusted little noise. "Comparing himself to jinchuuriki, naturally he's not as powerful... regardless of whatever bloodline abilities he has."

Kakashi just shrugged. "It's not like he knows."

Tsunade sighed. "Well, is that it, then?"

Kakashi grinned a little bit. "Actually, he's been hitting it off with a girl. A few years older, and a chuunin, to boot."

"Really." Tsunade said, eyebrow raised. She hadn't guessed he'd be the type to be interested in girls, but apparently she was wrong.

"Yeah," the jounin said with a chuckle, "she really had him flustered. I watched them for a while after they thought I left." He paused. "Her name is Motoko." He said, clearly fishing for information, and just as clearly asking tacitly if they should be allowed to continue. Sasuke had a _lot_ of baggage, beyond most ninja, and was ill-equipped to deal with it. Or with girls.

Tsunade had a very wonderful, very cruel idea.

"I see." Tsunade said quietly. "That girl was recently promoted to chuunin and is beginning specialist training in genjutsu. Also," Tsunade paused, and then added gravely, "she'd be good for Sasuke."

Kakashi's eye widened, then went slack again. That was tantamount to an implicit order to hook them up. He wasn't really looking forward to this, but they had enough naturally chemistry that he (hopefully) wouldn't have to do much.

"If you think so, Hokage-sama." He murmured, and then he disappeared again.

Tsunade waited until he was truly gone before throwing back her head and cackling. She couldn't wait to see Naruto's face when this prank came to fruition.

-----

Outside, Shizune worriedly looked at the door of the Hokage's office. She recognized that cackle, it was always Tsunade's laugh when a hair-brained scheme was cooked up.

And Shizune couldn't talk her out of those, anymore. With a sigh, she slumped forward. What to do, what to do?

Maybe Iruka could help. He had surprising tact, and Shizune had been impressed by his ability to control the Hokage's wilder schemes in the mission office.

She nodded decisively. She understood that Iruka was having Naruto and Kurenai over for dinner to talk about the mission. She hoped they wouldn't mind her showing up, but she could take a minute and Iruka would understand the necessity of derailing whatever scheme the Hokage had in mind.

Plus, she'd be able to eat good home-cooking for once, instead of take-out.

-----

Dinner at an Aburame house is a surreal affair. Since the Destruction Bugs stymied the growth of the digestive organs in order to provide themselves more room in the body cavity, a typical Aburame had an extremely inefficient stomach, and short intestines. They could eat like a normal human, but for nutrition their symbiotic bugs regurgitated food directly into their small intestine.

This meant when an Aburame "eats" they just sort of sit quietly, without moving much, and their bugs swarm all over a plate of nutritive paste. It looks kind of like thoroughly mashed dog food, mixed with a little water.

They still eat as family, to have "family togetherness" time, but they don't actually _do_ anything.

Dinner at an Aburame house involves a lot of motionless sitting. And staring.

Today, however, Shino had something to say. "Father," he said.

"Yes?" His dad responded.

"Kurenai-sensei will be busy this month. She arranged for a substitute instructor." Shino said.

His father patiently waited for his son to finish. A rhetorical question would be an interruption, not an affirmation that he was listening.

"Mitarashi Anko." Shino finished.

His father sat, pondering that for a moment. "That woman," he finally said, "is a total babe."

"Yes." Shino agreed.

The conversation was over.

-----

"Yakumaru" basically means "Unlucky boy." I like the shounen convention of making everyone's name a pun of their character.

"Kiri Gakure no Jutsu," Zabuza's 'hide in the mist trick,' is listed as a D-class (supplementary) technique on wikipedia. I assume that since it has the same name as Kirigakure, the Hidden Mist Village, and it's so low rank, that it's a foundation of their style. Since we've only seen a few Mist-nin so far (Zabuza, Haku, Kisame, and now Hidan), and they were/are pretty high-level, we don't really know much about the "average" Mist nin.

Which segues beautifully into the next thing I want to talk about: Chapter 312. I came up with the plot before Chapter 312 came out, so naturally it's not technically "canon" anymore. But I had some ideas that are just too hilarious to pass up, so... we'll see how it works out.

Mostly, Hidan is just so cool. Another of the Seven Swordsman, IMHO, and a Bible-thumper to boot.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep the "basics" of Naruto's training implicit, so I don't just end up re-stating stuff that's said in the manga, while still expounding on elements that are "original." I hope I'm succeeding?

Sorry about that last, mostly irrelevant scene. I just couldn't resist that sort of incongruous behavior, which is one of the roots of humor.

* * *


	5. Special Training: End

AN: Before we start, I should probably give away some of the plot (even if I don't want to), since it looks like it's negatively impacting readership. This isn't a Sasu/Naru story. Even if they were gay, they'd be at each other's throats way too much for a relationship to work. Remember: Motoko isn't a real person.

Anyway, a shout out to Dan, my Beta Reader. Ironically enough, his name really is Dan, unlike me, whose name isn't really Dan.

**Special Training: End**

Kurenai paused to check her reflection in her compact mirror.

"Iruka-kun, the noodles are ready!" Motoko shouted inside. Kurenai smiled a little at that, and knocked on the door.

It flew open almost immediately. "Come on in, Kurenai-sensei." Motoko said, smiling.

"Motoko..." Kurenai looked over her student as Motoko closed the door. "Didn't you get cleaned up at all before you came here?"

"Nope!" Motoko said. "I spent the whole time practicing genjutsu with some Kage Bunshin. I lost track of time, so I had to rush over here to avoid being late!"

"I see." Kurenai said. It made her a little proud to think her student was so dedicated.

Iruka chuckled as he came out from the kitchen. "If only you had been that dedicated to schoolwork, maybe you wouldn't have been in last place."

"That's not fair, Iruka-sensei!" Motoko objected. "I'm the type that learns with their body, so naturally I won't get anything from a lecture."

"Well," Iruka said, "that's true, I guess." Abruptly, he slapped his palm with his fist. "I almost forgot! Anko will be joining us tonight."

Kurenai arched an eyebrow. "I didn't know that you knew Anko, Iruka."

Iruka shrugged, and rubbed his nose while looking away. "Well, I only met her yesterday—well, not yesterday, I already knew her and she was unconscious then anyway—but she stayed the night last night and—" He cut off abruptly as Kurenai delicately arched an eyebrow.

Motoko was less contained. "Ah!" She cried, holding her head, "All my senseis are incurable perverts!"

"_All_ of them, Motoko?" Kurenai said pointedly, even as Iruka sputtered.

Motoko shrugged. "Well, you thought that same thing I did, and I thought, 'what would ero-sennin think,' so it was probably perverted."

Iruka shrugged. "For some reason, she went drinking last night. She said something reminded her of Orochimaru."

Kurenai felt her stomach drop out at that. She hadn't even considered how Anko would feel about looking after a genin team, considering her own experience as a genin.

"...Why would Anko think about Orochimaru?" Motoko said, frowning.

Kurenai had almost forgotten that Motoko was also Naruto—and was thus privy to only genin-level classified gossip. Practically everything surrounding Orochimaru's history was classified to at least chuunin level. It would be bad for business if the public thought too often that Orochimaru was a leaf nin.

"Orochimaru was Anko's jounin sensei." Iruka informed Motoko.

Kurenai whipped her head around to look at Iruka. That was a serious breach of confidentiality to reveal classified personal information like that! Especially for a guy that worked in both the Academy, which trained the entire next generation, and the Office, which was familiar with the classified abilities of every ninja in the Village.

Iruka met her gaze and mouthed "I'll explain later."

Kurenai kept her peace.

"Oh." Motoko said, nonchalantly. Then her eyes widened. It made Kurenai apprehensive. "So that's why Anko can summon snakes!" Motoko nodded sagely. "That had kind of bothered me before, but now I get it."

Well. That was a surprisingly low-key reaction, Kurenai thought.

"Anyway, she should be here—" Iruka was interrupted by the doorbell. "—about now."

He stepped over to open the door.

Iruka blinked. "Um, hello Shizune-san."

Shizune smiled brightly. "I hope I'm not interrupting, but I thought I'd stop by and talk about the mission a little bit."

"Uh, certainly." Iruka said. Then his 'polite' instincts kicked in as he closed the door behind the newest girl. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Sure!" Shizune responded. Score! She'd hoped he'd ask. That way, she wouldn't be imposing, but she'd still get to eat something better than the Hospital cafeteria special.

An oven timer went off.

Iruka and Motoko both rushed into the kitchen to finish with dinner.

Shizune looked over at Kurenai, then blinked. "Kurenai," she said, "are you wearing make-up?"

Kurenai turned to study the new girl that had rejoined the village with Tsunade. They had known each other as children, but that was a long time ago.

"I could turn your question back at you." Kurenai coolly responded.

Shizune blushed. "Well, it's just that--"

The doorbell rang.

"Could you get that, please?" Iruka shouted from the kitchen. "We're both busy with something in here."

Kurenai opened the door.

"Ohayo Iruka-kuuun!" Anko said. It somehow possessed the quality of both a sexy cooing sound and a shout. Anko flounced forward, and then blinked. "Kurenai! What are you doing here?"

"That's a little complicated." Kurenai said.

"And Shizune!" Anko shouted with a finger jab. "When the hell did Iruka suddenly get popular with women?"

It was at that exact moment that Motoko bounced into the room. "Dinner is served!" She announced, waving her arm cutely.

Anko's eyebrow twitched.

-----

Dinner was, mildly speaking, tense. Shizune, Iruka, and Kurenai couldn't discuss the upcoming mission in front of Anko. It was a "need-to-know" basis and, frankly, Anko didn't need to know.

Motoko was too distracted by the stir-fry to think about either the mission or that Anko couldn't know about it.

This left Kurenai and Shizune with no real excuse explaining why they where there.

After fifteen minutes of mumbled conversation that entirely dodged the issue and didn't stray far from the weather, Anko finally stood up. It coincided with when she had finished eating.

"Screw this beating around the bush crap!" She said. She pointed a finger. "Just when I finally find an interesting guy—I won't lose Iruka to _any_ of you!"

"W-w-what?" Iruka said, choking on some green pepper.

"That's assuming an awful lot. Anko-kun." Kurenai said frostily.

Shizune just blushed. Then, she hurriedly helped dislodge the green pepper from Iruka's throat when he started turning blue.

Motoko frowned. "Well, you're a little perverted, but I approve!"

Anko stared. "...what?"

Motoko bobbed her head and smiled cutely. "Yeah! Iruka's like my family, and I think you'd be good for him." She frowned. "Just, don't get too kinky with him, okay?"

Anko smirked. "It's arrogant of you to tell me something like that, girl. I'm not gonna let someone else tell me what to do!"

Motoko smirked. "Fine! Then Kurenai-sensei can be his girlfriend!"

"Motoko." Kurenai said, her voice chilling. "I. Don't. Need. Your. Approval." It only occurred to her after she said it that she had just implied she was interested. Now that Kurenai thought about it, though... was she? She would need to consider it more.

Iruka was a nice guy. That pretty much summed him up... he was the sort of person that always got overlooked in the dating pool. Once she got to know him a little better, though, he was surprisingly wise and deep. He deserved a closer look.

Shizune, meanwhile, was sitting off to the side, forgotten and pondering. She'd worked with Iruka a lot more than the other two had, and was more familiar with him professionally. He had been a huge help getting Tsunade acclimated to her new job, and had even run the mission office practically by himself after Sandaime had died.

He was nice, but boring. After a childhood on the road with Tsunade, and Tsunade's shenanigans, "nice but boring" was exactly what the doctor ordered. Maybe Anko was onto something...

Anko's thoughts were much more straight-forward. They went something like this: 1) He was cute. 2) He wasn't creeped out by her. 3) He didn't care about Orochimaru. 4) He was nice. Conclusion: Get him.

"Hey!" Iruka protested. "Don't I get any say in this?"

All three jounin-level kunoichi whipped their eyes around to stare at him.

Iruka flinched. Things went downhill from there.

-----

"Ohayo, Kurenai-sensei!" Motoko said cheerfully. "I finished learning this last jutsu from your scroll!"

"Alright, then, Motoko, please demonstrate it." Kurenai requested.

The ground began to waver, and then there was an indistinct sputtering sound as tree roots erupted from the ground and enveloped Kurenai. They had the perfect shape for a tree, but they were a monochrome, dull green.

Kurenai closed her eyes. Also, the illusion had the texture of cardboard. She broke it easily. "Good attempt, Motoko-chan."

Motoko grumped, and kicked dust disconsolately when her sensei broke the jutsu so easily.

Kurenai sighed. Truth be told, Naruto's attention was just too scattered to really produce good genjutsu. It wasn't that he lacked the mindpower, exactly, he just lacked the ability to really put everything together. He could get one element of a genjutsu perfect, but combining them... was beyond him. Anything with more complexity than a D or C rank was too easy to break by simply focusing on a weak element.

She'd learned all the jutsu from Kurenai's scrolls within a week. She knew the seals and what effects to visualize, the key ideas. She had learned all the jutsu Kurenai had been willing to teach her with surprising speed, absorbing them quickly once she got her head wrapped around the idea of genjutsu.

But, mastery, on the other hand...

"It still needs work." Kurenai said. Then she frowned. "Motoko, getting frustrated won't accomplish anything. Just calm down, and try again."

Motoko sighed. Sensei was right. Still, it was infuriating. It felt exactly like Rasengan training had, right between the second and third stage—like he was missing something that would be obvious in retrospect.

"Okay, Sensei." Motoko said, with a calming breath. She formed the hand seals, again.

-----

Anko cackled. "Faster! Better!" She shouted.

"Crack the whip a little harder, you bi—OWW!" Kiba's muttering ended with an abrupt yelp.

Anko cracked her whip again. It was made out of rawhide.

Shino wondered where she had kept that thing all along. Also, he wondered if she had kept it in reserve, just waiting for Kiba to say that, so she could make that terrible pun.

"Crazy witch!" Kiba shouted, pointing.

"Shut up and _train_, grub!" Anko screamed back at him.

"Bi—OWW!" Kiba snarled, jumping up, involuntarily clutching his butt as he hopped skyward again. "Stop that, dammit!"

-----

Motoko groaned, standing up. Kurenai had worked her to the bone with genjutsu practice earlier. As was her habit, Motoko stayed beyond extra time to keep practicing. Since she didn't have Kurenai to practice on any more, she was using a Kage Bunshin.

"Magen: Jubaku Satsu." Motoko said, hands forming the seals as quickly as she could. It still wasn't fast enough, though, for Motoko's taste. Plus...

Kage-Motoko stood still, as the Tree Bind Death illusion erupted behind her. The tree grew, opened, and expanded forward to engulf Kage-Motoko. However, the effect was weak because the tree was quavery and indistinct, looking more like it was made from ectoplasm then wood.

"Your 'visualization' still isn't strong enough." Kage-Motoko said.

"Dammit." Motoko cursed, hitting the ground. "I don't get it! Why isn't this good enough yet?"

She sat down, legs crossed, to think. She was still pondering when Kage-Motoko sighed. "I'm bored." The clone said plaintively. "Can I try it now?"

Motoko snorted. "Why? It's not like you'll do any better!"

Kage-Motoko pouted. "You don't have to be so mean!"

Motoko scowled. "You aren't contributing... 'You're not visualizing enough!' 'You're not trying hard enough!' I'm doing my best, damn it1"

Kage-Motoko scowled. "If you're going to be like _that_, I'm gonna leave!" The clone sulked a little more before canceling itself.

Motoko was frowning. There had to be a better way! She was putting everything she had into it, but it was still too focused!

"What the hell?" Motoko shouted, throwing her head back, and finally collapsing onto the ground. She looked up at the moon.

When she had gotten stuck in the Rasengan, at least she had had that cat to give her a clue, to spin the chakra in different directions. Of course, she'd needed a Kage Bunshin to help with the control, since the chakra had to be going so many different directions.

Wait...

Motoko sat up with a grin. "I have it!" She smugly formed the seal and created some Kage Bunshin. "Oh, I'm a genius!" Three Kage Bunshin popped into existence.

Motoko barked out orders, and two stood next to her while the last stood across from them. Simultaneously, Motoko and her two Bunshins linked hands, each doing one half of their own seals while doing a fourth of someone else's.

The fourth Kage Motoko gulped as the Illusion Tree Death erupted out of the ground and confined her. "Success!" She called out, in a joyous cheer. "Now, let me go!"

"Ha ha ha!" Motoko laughed, "I'm so awesome!"

"I certainly am!" One of the Kage Motoko agreed.

"...Wanna do it again?" Said the third.

"You bet!" Motoko chorused.

-----

Iruka was frowning, shuffling through mission assignments and organizing reports during the afternoon lull, after the batch of afternoon missions was assigned but before the night-shift missions were distributed.

Shizune set a pot of coffee down and joined him at the table.

"Huh? Oh, thanks, Shizune." Iruka said with a smile.

"You're welcome." Shizune said, smiling back. Iruka didn't quite notice that she was blushing slightly.

"I, uh, wanted to say that I really appreciate all the work you do around here." Shizune said.

Iruka looked up, surprised for a moment. Then he grinned, embarrassed.

'Cute!' Shizune thought.

"Well, it's an important task for the sake of the Village, so I don't mind." Iruka said, somewhat flustered. "Besides, you do some pretty incredible work at the hospital, yourself."

"T-thank you." Shizune said.

The afternoon flew by for Shizune.

-----

Motoko collapsed to the ground, panting. The moon had long since set, and only Naruto's somewhat acute night-vision kept Motoko from stumbling around in the dark.

"I'm almost out of chakra." One Kage-Motoko said. "So, I'm gonna cancel myself."

"Me too." Said the other one as the first bamfed into ninja smoke.

"Well, I'm still fresh!" bragged the one that had just been the test dummy. A glare from the real Motoko convinced her it would be prudent to cancel herself, as well.

Motoko grunted as she stared up at the sky. It was a beautiful night, not a cloud in the sky between her and the stars.

She chuckled, indulging in some well-earned gloating. She'd sure made good progress, focusing only on the "shape" while she focused only on the "texture" and "color." It had looked so awesome and real when she was under it.

Wait. She'd only done _one_ of those things. Maybe it would have been better to switch roles, but she'd only focused on doing "shape." But she could also remember doing the other parts, too, while being under the genjutsu.

It was like she could remember what the Kage Bunshin had done, too!

No way... Kakashi would have told her if her best jutsu had such an awesome feature.

Well, there was one way to find out.

Motoko created a clone. "Think of a number!" She barked, pointing at it.

"Five!" It responded, somewhat surprised.

"..." Motoko frowned. "Uh, don't you know what I'm trying to do?"

"Oh!" The Kage Bunshin said. "Okay! You should turn around, then!"

Motoko blinked. "Why?"

Kage-Motoko smirked cutely. "Because I had a better idea!"

Motoko frowned. "Well, what is it?"

"Ah ah ah!" Kage-Motoko chided. "You should trust yourself more!"

Thoroughly convinced, Motoko turned around. A short time later, the Kage Bunshin disappeared with a "bampf" of ninja smoke.

"Ah!" Motoko said. "The shadow me wrote a number on the ground!" She grinned. "I can surprise even myself sometimes. Now.. that number is..."

She turned around, and cheered. "It really was six and three-eights!"

Motoko smiled broadly. "Now, how can I use this to my advantage..." Ignoring her tired body, ignoring her exhaustion, Motoko launched herself back into training, too psyched to stop and rest.

-----

Motoko had stumbled home near dawn, slept, and then headed out to meet Kurenai for another training session around noon. They had covered behavior and etiquette for the Women's side of a hot spring.

Motoko was determinedly compartmentalizing that information so she wouldn't turn into a pervert once she was Naruto full-time again.

But the day was nearly done, and the sun was setting, and Motoko was looking forward to turning in a little earlier than usual.

"Yo."

Motoko grunted, turning to face the pair behind her. Kakashi had barely glanced up from his book, and Sasuke was glaring at him.

"What do you want, pervert?" Motoko flatly said.

"Maa, maa," Kakashi said, "I just thought it would be impolite if your friends didn't say hi to you in the street."

Motoko raised an eyebrow. It stung, a little bit, that Kakashi would call Motoko a friend when he wouldn't do the same for Naruto, his own student. "Whatever." Motoko said sourly, turning to walk away.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Well, see you tomorrow, Sasuke." he vanished.

Sasuke grunted, and turned to catch up with Motoko. "Hey." He said. "That was kinda rude, don't you think?"

Motoko grunted. "That guy... he reminds me of my own jounin-sensei. I respect him as a ninja, but... I resent him for not training me as much as I'd like."

Sasuke grunted. "Well, Kakashi isn't that guy."

Motoko just hmned, not quite willing to respond to that.

Sasuke sighed, suddenly. Motoko shot him a surprised look. Naruto had never seen Sasuke looking quite so... forlorn.

"It's tough to be a symbol..." Sasuke said. "Everyone sees me and expects me to act a certain way, or something, because I'm an Uchiha. Usually I don't care, but sometimes, it kinda pisses me off."

Motoko just nodded. Inwardly, Naruto was churning. Did Sasuke really feel that way? He'd never said anything before... he'd only expressed pride at being an Uchiha.

Maybe there was more to Sasuke than Naruto had given him credit for.

"So." Sasuke said, looking away. He was blushing. "You want... to go get something to eat?"

Motoko smiled. It was Naruto's wide-faced grin, happiness that the one who called him his 'best friend' wanted to spend time with him. It had been really tense...

"Yeah." Motoko said, still smiling brilliantly. "Let's go."

-----

When Kurenai came to meet Motoko two days later, she was greeted with an even more bizarre sight than was usual.

"Motoko." Kurenai said.

All three hundred clones turned to face her. At least, the ones not writhing under the effects of genjutsu.

"The _real_ Motoko."

"That's me!" Fourteen of them said in stereo.

"..." Kurenai had no response.

"Maybe we should just cancel the jutsu." One of them suggested.

"Okay." The others chorused, and before Kurenai could finish her "Naruto! Don't!" they all vanished into a puff of smoke.

The last remaining Motoko collapsed, dizzy, onto the ground.

"Oh no." Kurenai moaned, moving as quickly as she could to Motoko's side, pulling her student's head onto her lap. "Naruto! Oh gods, Naruto, can you hear me?"

Abruptly, Motoko blinked, and her eyes unclouded and swam back into focus. "Kurenai-sensei? What's the big deal?"

Kurenai just stared. "Naruto, did you just cancel hundreds of Kage Bunshin and absorb all their memories?"

Motoko frowned. Wasn't it obvious? "Yes?" Motoko finally hazarded.

"Without overloading and fracturing your brain?" Kurenai added, nearly screeching.

Motoko frowned, and thought as hard as she could. "I'm fine." She said. "Why?"

"Naru—no, Motoko." Kurenai said, holding her forehead, "Do you know why Kage Bunshin is a kinjutsu?" From the blank look, the answer was obviously 'no.' Kurenai kept going. "Motoko," she hissed, "didn't you ever wonder _why_ Kage Bunshin is a forbidden technique?" Another telling blank look. "Didn't Kakashi say anything to you?" This blank look was at least also perplexed.

"I don't get what the big deal is." Motoko complained. "Also, can you let go of me? I'd like to stand up." The jounin-sensei hastily complied.

Kurenai sighed, and rubbed her forehead. "Absorbing the memories of a Kage Bunshin puts a powerful stress on your mind, Motoko. The brain simply isn't wired to suddenly acquire all that information. Too much, and you give yourself an aneurism."

Motoko frowned, then grinned. "Well, it doesn't matter to me, because I heal so well!"

Kurenai frowned. "Dammit, Motoko, stop gambling with your life! It's not like you can just regrow your inner coils or your brain or your organs!"

"...But I can." Motoko whispered. Naruto had first understood that the Kyuubi could heal him after their mission to Wave Country, but it wasn't until the Battle at the Valley of the End, when Sasuke had rammed his chidori through his chest, that Naruto could understand what his body was capable of.

He still had dreams of that time, when he'd pulled out first one, and then two tails of the Kyuubi's power, and overwhelmed Sasuke.

"What?" It was the only response Kurenai could make.

"I... really can regrow organs and stuff." Motoko said slowly. "It's because... of..." and her gaze drifted down to the hand she had clutching her stomach, her fingers digging into the muscle.

It clicked in Kurenai's head. "I see." she said quietly. "Well." It was one thing to know that Naruto could call out some portion of the Fox's power during battle. That it was constantly synchronizing with his own chakra, constantly mingling, that was something else. Something horrible.

She swallowed the bile. "Well, then." Kurenai said, forcing those thoughts away. It wasn't like Naruto had been twisted into evil so far, so it should be fine. "When did you get here?"

Motoko watched her, with wide, liquid eyes, and then smiled the wider than Kurenai had ever seen. She almost seemed to glow with happiness, even as she shrugged in embarrassment. "I, ah, kinda never left."

Kurenai blinked. "What? You pulled _another_ all-nighter?"

Motoko frowned and retaliated. "Hey! I hafeta leave in only three days! These last few weeks have been good training, but am I really ready?"

Kurenai sighed. Motoko had run up against a wall. She simply couldn't split her attention and juggle all the different elements of an illusion to dynamically maintain a genjutsu. She'd made amazing progress in her first week and then gone nowhere.

"Just, show me what you've got." Kurenai said, gently encouraging. Kurenai had been focusing on the other aspects of the mission over the last two weeks, getting all the necessary details and minutiae out of the way.

"Well, okay." Motoko said. Her hands flashed through seals. Kurenai's eyes widened.

That was dramatically faster!

"Magen: Jibaku Satsu!" Motoko announced.

Kurenai watched, somewhat amazed, as a tree abruptly sprouted out of nowhere and wrapped around her. She channeled chakra to break it, but it didn't work. She tugged gently, trying to break the "touch" element, and was surprised as the rough bark didn't give at all.

She could even _smell_ the tree, now that she thought about it.

She couldn't break it with her chakra. She couldn't disrupt the illusion!

Grudgingly, she bit her lip, and focused on the pain to snap her free. It was a crude method, but it worked against any illusion of less than A rank. This was only a B-rank technique.

"Motoko," Kurenai said, "just how were you training, exactly?"

"Well." Motoko said, disappointed that Kurenai could break free so quickly. "With the first batch of Kage Bunshin, I had each one focus on getting one element perfect. One worked on shape, one on color, one on texture, one on sound, one on seal-making speed, and so one. Then, the second batch combined two or three elements from the previous batch. With the third batch, I worked on combining all the elements together."

"So, was that the fourth batch you just finished with?" Kurenai said.

Motoko shook her head. "The eighth. It didn't work out quite right, so I actually started over again." She shrugged. "Also, I was working on a bunch of genjutsu with the second set on, instead of just that one."

Kurenai stared. It was quite possibly the only time she'd ever heard of anyone learning genjutsu by brute force, by practicing discrete elements a hundred times and putting them together. It was so counterintuitive, so against the accepted theory of 'dynamic' or 'spontaneous' genjutsu that she'd learned. It was against the accepted wisdom of over a century of tradition!

Oh, right. With Naruto, it was in one ear and out the other.

"Well." Kurenai finally said. "I guess you've advanced a lot in the last few hours."

Motoko chuckled, rubbing her head. "Looking back, this one night feels longer than the whole last month."

From her subjective perspective, it probably was, Kurenai mused.

"Frankly, I'd planned on spending today improving your genjutsu, but... you've already done that." Kurenai sighed. "The Hokage had an hour free at five this evening, so she scheduled a meeting with you, Iruka, and myself to strategize about your mission. Until then, get some rest."

"Can do!" Motoko cheerfully said. Incongruously, there were bags under her eyes.

Kurenai disappeared in a swirl of leaves as Motoko yawned hugely.

"I guess I'll get something to eat, first." She said. She smacked her lips. She wanted to eat while she still had some energy to do so.

-----

"Hi Iruka!" Anko sang out, pouncing on the chuunin instructor from behind.

"A-anko!" Iruka said. "What, ah, do you want?" He was just packing up his teaching supplies and was getting ready to head over to the mission office.

Anko, smirking, leaned forward and whispered in his ear. When she was done, she licked the outer shell of his ear.

Iruka's eyes rolled back in his head as blood exploded out his nose.

-----

Sakura sighed, disconsolately stirring her bowl of Ramen. Sasuke and Kakashi were late.

Again. The annoying part was that Kakashi wasn't even consistently late; he'd show up anywhere between five and forty minutes after the scheduled time, so it's not like she could show up a little before him.

Kakashi had being late down to an art form. It kinda pissed her off.

Her training with Tsunade was going nicely. That sort of focused one-on-one training was producing amazing results. She already grasped the basics of medical jutsu. Before long, she'd be learning the field skills.

In other words, she was fulfilling her promise of not just following Sasuke and Naruto.

But those two... Sasuke was spending all his time with Kakashi, practically, or doing exercises Kakashi had given him while Kakashi was on a mission. After his failed attempt to join Orochimaru, it seemed that Kakashi had decided the only way to keep Sasuke here was to train him really hard.

And Naruto was off training with Jiraiya. Part of Sakura felt sorry for him—after years of being basically alone at the Academy, he finally makes friends and gains the recognition of his peers... only to spend all his time out in the wilderness, away from them.

The more vocal part of her Inner Self, however, was pissed. 'Dammit! Those two... can't they give it a rest!'

But who was she to criticize? It was very confusing.

She sighed again. Sometimes, she felt like a different kind of person than the other members of her team.

"Hey hey, Old Man! Gimme a Mega Deluxe Miso!" Called a cheery voice.

Sakura turned with a raised eyebrow. She didn't know how often she'd heard those words from Naruto, and here was someone else saying them.

Sakura's other eyebrow went up when she realized that it was a cute chuunin kunoichi several years older than her.

The girl plopped down two seats to her right, as the chef cheerfully made up her ramen.

"Ano..." Sakura said, in Shy But Cute Mode.

"Eh?" The girl said, turning to look at the girl.

"Um... my name's Haruno Sakura." Sakura said.

"Eh!" Motoko replied. "Well, my name's Motoko." That was all Naruto could come up with.. he didn't know what to say.

"This is my first time seeing you here, Motoko-sempai." Sakura said.

"Er, really?" Motoko said. Inside, Naruto wanted to kick himself. Dammit! He had a part to play... how could he expect to fool Super Kunoichi from other villages if he couldn't even keep his wits about himself with Sakura-chan?

This was a challenge!

Motoko grinned. "Well, I guess we've been on different schedules, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura smiled back. "I suppose that could be true, sempai."

The chef set the bowl down and Motoko broke her chopsticks apart with a happy cry and began to eat the noodles. Slowly, by single mouthfuls—Kurenai had spent two whole days covering the ways girls eat, and told Naruto to practice that at every meal. For the sake of his S-Class mission, Naruto had cheerfully complied.

"Ano..." Sakura said.

Motoko shifted to look at her, pausing between mouthfuls. "Yeah?"

"It's good to meet you. I don't know very many chuunin in the village." Sakura finally said.

Motoko chuckled lightly. "Well, I'm a new chuunin myself... just passed the exam before that last one." The one that had been interrupted by the Invasion.

"Actually... I participated in that one, but I didn't make it to the Tournament." Sakura admitted.

"Ah, that's still really good!" Motoko said with a smile. "Next time you'll definitely win your qualifying match, right?"

Sakura frowned. "But... I don't think I mentioned that part..."

Motoko froze for a moment. Damn! Better make something up. "Well, it's like this... you said, 'I didn't make it into the Tournament,' not 'We didn't get through the Forest of Death.' Also, it was all over the place that they had to run qualifying matches this year, so I just went from there!" Motoko finished, with a cocky grin. 'Yeah, that's the ticket!' Naruto thought to himself. 'I'm so awesome!' Now for the kill. "Genjutsu types like me should notice these things!"

"Sugoi!" Sakura said with a smile. Such deductive abilities really impressed Sakura's brainy nature. And a genjutsu type, just like Kakashi had called her. "Motoko-sempai! Do you think you could teach me some genjutsu?"

Motoko laughed nervously. "Uh, I dunno... oh look!" Motoko pointed. "Sasuke's here!"

Sasuke merely raised an eyebrow as he pushed aside the curtain and stepped into the stand.

"Ohayo Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said.

"Sakura." He nodded to his teammate. "Motoko-chan." He greeted the chuunin.

_'What's with that Chan?' _Inner Sakura demanded. "Um, do you two know each other?"

"Yeah." Motoko said absently before turning to Sasuke. "Hey, lemme buy you a ramen, eh?" Motoko turned back to the counter. "Oye! Old man... two more Deluxe, one for me and another for ol' scowley-puss here!"

"I'll get it, you don't have to buy my food." Sasuke said patiently.

Motoko frowned. "Hey, you paid last time, so it's my turn."

_'LAST TIME?' _Inner Sakura exploded.

"Che, the guy's supposed to pay." Sasuke said.

"Maybe so, but I'm a chuunin, Sasuke-kun." Motoko said with a smirk. "So, I definitely make more money than you do."

Sasuke scowled, but his heart wasn't in it. "Whatever, Motoko-_sempai_."

"That's the spirit." Motoko said with a chuckle.

"I, uh, how do you know Motoko-sempai, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura said, dazed.

"We met a couple weeks ago... oh." Sasuke said. "Motoko, this is Sakura. She's my teammate. Sakura, this is my...friend, Motoko."

Sakura smiled. It was pretty sickly, plus her eyebrow was twitching. Inside, Inner Sakura was raging. _'THAT SUSPCICIOUS PAUSE! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BETWEEN THESE TWO?'_

Sasuke took the seat between them, but he was turned towards Motoko.

"Hey, you're doing that 'oh, I'm so cool,' thing again, bastard." Motoko mocked. Then she flicked his nose.

"Stop that!" Sasuke said, covering his face with his hands. He was pouting. Sakura couldn't believe it.

"Not so cool now, eh, Sasuke-kun?" Motoko jeered, poking him in the ribs.

"Seriously, cut that out!" Sasuke said, squirming about. Sakura twitched. For Sasuke to just put up with someone touching him like that, when he got all pissy when anyone even got close to him... Sakura's eyebrow twitched.

"Well, since you asked so sweetly, Sasuke-kun." Motoko said, fluttering her eyelashes. She turned back to her noodles as Sasuke grunted, looking down and away at the counter as he stirred his noodles.

Sakura could see his face. He was blushing. Over a girl.

"Well, that was good. I'll see you around. Sakura-chan. Sasuke-kun." Motoko said, standing up and slapping some money down on the counter. She yawned. "I'm gonna take a nap."

Sasuke watched her go, and continued to stare after her long after she'd left. Sakura's eyebrow was twitching uncontrollably.

'She's kind of annoying.' Sasuke thought. 'But... not in a bad way.' He grunted. He had an inner dilemma. She was an interesting girl, but...

Itachi.

He sighed, and turned back to his noodles. It would be best not to get involved.

"That love-lorn sigh..." Kakashi said with a drawl as he sat down next to his students. He smiled in that peculiar one-eyed way of his, before turning to Sakura. "I guess that means that you finally met Motoko-chan, eh, Sakura?"

Sakura snapped. She stomped out of the ramen stand and shook her fist at the sky. "MOTOKO! I WON'T LOSE SASUKE-KUN TO _YOU_, YOU HEAR ME?"

"What is she screaming about?" Sasuke griped. It didn't quite cover his blushing.

Kakashi just chuckled.

-----

A much refreshed Motoko flounced through the window at exactly five o'clock that evening.

"Motoko-chan," Tsunade said, "I'm glad that you're here on time." Behind her, Shizune stifled a giggle.

"Sure thing, Hokage-baachan!" Motoko responded, unphased. Naruto knew he'd been cutting it close, but he'd overslept. Still, he felt like a new person after that nap.

Iruka sighed. He'd given up on correcting Naruto's speech.

Kurenai walked thorough the door then. "Hokage-sama. Motoko. Shizune-san." She paused, and smiled at the chuunin instructor. "Iruka-kun."

"Kurenai-san." Iruka responded, studiously ignoring Tsunade's eyebrow.

He stiffened as Kurenai sat down next to him. Right next to him. Almost on top of him next to him.

"So." The Hokage said. "The goal of this meeting is to develop a method of inserting Naruto, as Motoko, into the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival that starts in three days. It's a two day trip, so he should leave tomorrow."

Kurenai, now focused on business, frowned. "How difficult will infiltrating the festival be?"

Tsuande sighed. "Well, sneaking into the hot springs themselves won't be difficult. They're naturally occurring, from a geothermal uprising on the side of a mountain in the Snow Country. They're tiered, with the largest naturally occurring hot springs water fall in the world."

"However," Shizune said, "that's not the difficult part. The festival lasts ten days, and the Tsuchikage and Raikage's wife will both be there, officially on vacation." Shizune paused. "It's an open secret that they will also be probing the Hidden Snow village over its loyalties."

"They're currently aligned with us." The Hokage confirmed, "but those two countries are closer and can exert more pressure on them."

Shizune sighed. "We don't even know if those two are going to meet privately. No one's been able to find anything out. They have an official agenda, and on it, they go nowhere near each other."

Kurenai hmmed. "That's not trustworthy at all."

Iruka frowned, rubbing his scar. "So, Motoko's mission becomes not only infiltrating their meeting, but finding out where it's at, _if_ it happens?"

"Right." The hokage sighed. "Even Jiraiya's network couldn't crack what's really going to happen. There's a cohort of ANBU from either village, but they're just bodyguards."

"It's another open secret," Shizune chimed in, "that the real guards for both dignitaries are three other jounin level ninjas—so they each are part of an elite team." She glanced to the side, and smiled. She'd forgotten how serious Naruto could be for a mission he was interested in. Usually he complained about how it wasn't cool enough. Now, though, he was quiet and attentive.

Tsuande sighed. "That's a common tactic when a high-level nin in political power travels—some ANBU to cut down chaff and the nin's own team to deal with anything elite." It was an implicit assertion of the ninja dignitary's competence as much as a security tactic.

Iruka shrugged. "Well, the meeting has to involve both parties. So, if Naruto can definitely tail one the whole time, he'll be able to find the meeting."

Motoko frowned. She was having trouble just keeping up, her head was spinning. She'd have to ask Iruka to sum up. "I don't get it." She complained. "I mean, why am I _infiltrating_ the festival, exactly?"

Tsunade growled. "Motoko, just showing up out of the blue is suspicious, you need to be circumspect. Showing up as a tourist is too obvious, you need to sneak in."

Motoko stared. "But won't there be _lots_ of tourists?" It was a festival, after all...

Oh. Yeah. Tsunade supposed that was true.

"So," Iruka said, "Motoko will be a civilian attending the festival."

Tsunade frowned. "How on earth would he disguise his chakra signature? Any ninja would be able to pick that up!"

"Ha!" Motoko crowled. "Witness my incredible jutsu!" She worked the seals Academy students used for the henge no jutsu, and was engulfed in a puff of ninja smoke. When it dissipated, she looked exactly the same.

"..." Tsunade stared blankly. "Motoko, nothing happened."

"Watch this!" Motoko said. She walked up the wall using chakra. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Kurenai drew in a sharp breath. "Naruto, how long have you been able to do that?"

Motoko grinned. "It's part of my original Oiroke no Jutsu!"

"I don't get it." Iruka confessed. "What's so special?"

"Check her chakra signature." Kurenai said.

"It's still at a civilian's level..." Shizune said, catching on.

"Completely erasing someone's chakra with genjutsu isn't too difficult, but it's more obvious than doing nothing, in most situations." Kurenai mused. "What you're doing is more subtle than that. You're making your chakra network feel as inarticulate and weak as a civilian's!"

"I got the idea when the ANBU caught me after I put glue in all the coffee makers." Motoko explained. Iruka remembered that prank. Izumo and Kotetsu _still_ complained about it, since the one in Lounge 3A still didn't percolate any more.

"Anyway, I used Oiroke to completely eliminate my chakra, and they caught me immediately. One of them made a snide remark about everyone having chakra, or something." Motoko said. "So, the next time, I just illusioned myself a civilian body."

"That's surprisingly subtle." The Hokage admitted. "I wouldn't have thought Naruto capable of such a cunning move."

"HEY!" Motoko protested.

"Anyway," Iruka interrupted, "So, the point is, Motoko becomes one of the hundreds of civilians at the festival." He ticked it off on one finger.

He ticked the second finger. "Then, he sticks to either of the two teams as closely as he can so he can learn their plans."

Third finger. "If, probably when, they meet in secret, he tails them, and learns all the pertinent bits."

Iruka ticked the last finger. "Finally, he has to do all this without being discovered. By anyone."

"Put that way, I have a foreboding feeling." Tsunade said. It was, after all, relying on Naruto's memory. "Ignoring that, however, I think Motoko should have a support team readily available if she needs it."

"That begs the question of who." Kurenai said.

Tsuande sighed. "We can't have them too close. Who else happens to be going up in that direction? We can't reassign a completely new team for this, either village has a good enough spy network that they'd find out."

Shizune frowned. "Gai's team is patrolling the northern border on a fourteen-day tour staring yesterday. That's only a few hours away..." Shizune trailed off, thinking. "It's not out of radio range." She finally admitted. "But, I don't think they'll really be able to do anything, should a problem develop."

Iruka frowned. "I think..." He got up, and shuffled through the paperwork. "Aha!" He said, pulling out a scroll. "This is a C-class mission request that was filed earlier today."

He handed it to Tsunade. She read it, and smiled. "This is a request for an escort to the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival."

"Izumo mentioned it to me earlier. I think he was planning on giving it to one of the Genin cells from Naruto's class." He frowned. "But, which team would be best?"

Tsunade grunted. "I'd like to have Kakashi there... of all the jounin-sensei, he's the deadliest, and the most familiar with that area." She paused, musing. "Also, that mask of his stands out... they'd keep an eye on his team, and be satisfied that he wasn't a spy. That might convince the enemy we're unaware of their plans." She didn't add that he'd also be the one most capable of bailing out Naruto.

"But, who would go in _my_ place?" Motoko asked.

Tsunade smirked. "Let's just say he'd think it was troublesome."

Motoko frowned. "I don't get it."

-----

**OMAKE: NEW TEAMS**

The Leader appeared with the wavering hum characterized by their Astral Projection Jutsu. "As you all know," He said, "Orochimaru has left the Organization." He paused for a moment to let this sink in. "This means that we will have to reassign partners." The Leader was a strict believer in the Buddy System, even though he never called it that in front of the group. The rest would resist just on principle.

"Dibs on Itachi." Kisame quickly stated his claim. Like most (eight tenths—well, seven ninths, now) of Akatsukai, Itachi was completely obsessed with something. Unlike the other seven (six, now), however, he didn't wax poetic about it at every opportunity. This made him way more popular within Akatsukai.

Plus he could melt people just by staring at them really hard.

"Damn." Sasori muttered, angry that Kisame had beaten him to it. As Orochimaru's ex-partner, he was hoping for someone that wouldn't grate on his nerves. Yeah, they had both sought immortality, but they'd gone about it completely different ways. Plus Orochimaru wasn't interested in art—the only beautiful things he liked were boys. That creeped Sasori out, Living Puppet or not.

"...There are only nine of us, un." Deidaria pointed out.

"And Orochimaru still has his Decoder Ring." Kakuuzu grumbled. They were dreadfully difficult (and, thus, expensive) to replace. It's not like Decoder Rings came in cereal boxes. Well, at least not the kind of Decoder Rings (the real kind) that Akatsukai used.

"So someone will have to work alone." Zetsu mused.

"**I nominate me."** Zetsu (the other Zetsu) said.

"Well... I guess you kind of count as two people." The Leader mused. "Sure, why not."

"So, if Zetsu works alone, then his old partner Kisame will work with Sasori?" Kakuuzu said, hiding his eagerness. There was no way he wanted to give up being Itachi's partner. Let the Freaky Duo be split up to form a new Freaky Duo to replace the Creepy Duo.

"Hey, I called Dibs." Kisame disagreed. "Plus, I don't want to work with Sasori." He knew what people had called the Zetsu/Kisame team—the Freaky Duo. He wanted to escape that sort of negative name-calling, like he did when he killed off most off the Mist royalty and left the country that persecuted bloodlines like his.

"This brings up another point." The Leader said. "I want to break Deidaria and Hidan apart."

"But we work so well together, un!" Deidaria said.

"Yeah, he really understands my religion!" Hidan added.

"That's kinda the problem." The Leader said. "Remember your last mission?"

"Assassinate that Cloud daimyo?" Hidan guessed.

"Yes." The Leader paused significantly. "Not 'blow up a castle and massacre everyone inside.' You killed the target, granted, but..." Here he lifted his arm, and gestured impotently. "You two kinda egg each other on."

It wasn't pretty. Since Hidan was a zealot of the "break everything" religion and Deidaria's jutsu were pretty much limited to various types of explosions, they resonated. Like the way sound waves resonate to destroy glass. Only instead of glass, cities.

"Well," the Leader said, "let's compromise. Since they're both artists, Deidaria and Sasori will work together." He nodded. That was perfect.

"Well..." Dedaria said doubtfully, "that's less of a connection than saying, 'they're both ninjas,' un."

Sasori was a little more blunt. "His art is retarded."

Dedaria huffed and turned to face his new partner. "Just because you disagree doesn't lessen my artistry, un. My differing vision creates an effect different than yours--"

"Yeah," Sasori interupted, "A retarded effect."

"Good to see you'll get along." The Leader interrupted, steamrolling their argument. "Now, I guess Zetsu will work alone, unless anyone has any better ideas?"

"**Tobi's a good boy.**" Zetsu offered helpfully.

"You know the rules," The Leader said gently. "Nobody can join Akatsukai without a Decoder Ring."

"Well, that's acceptable, then." Zetsu said.

"So, I guess Kisame will work with Itachi, and--"

"Wait, I don't want to switch partners." Kakuuzu interrupted. In the background, Kisame cheered "Yes!"

"Yes, I understand that, but," The Leader said, with slightly less patience, "Kisame had dibs."

"But I'm already partners with Itachi, so I should get to stay with him." Kakuuzu whined.

"I don't care." The Leader said. "Your new partner is Hidan."

"Don't worry, you'll get used to my religion soon enough." Hidan added. "I only have to pray for ten minutes before I fight, or for half an hour after I kill someone, and for an hour a day, or so." He paused. "Oh, and my religion is evangelistic, so you'll convert soon enough."

"Can't he stay with his old partner?" Kakuuzu whined.

"Yeah." Sasori added. "I think Kakuuzu is right. Heck, I'll trade and be his partner."

The Leader sighed, and rubbed his temples. "But that would defeat the whole point of breaking up Hidan and Deidaria if I just stuck them back together, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, but--"

"No buts!" The Leader roared. "It's final! You and you," He jabbed a finger at Sasori and Deidaria. "are partners now. Work it out!" Then he turned on the other two. "And you and you," fingers pointing at Hidan and Kakuuzu, "are also partners! Kakuuzu, try to be a little more open-minded, and Hidan, for crying out loud, maybe you could tone it down a little?"

"I dunno." Hidan said reluctantly. "My religion is pretty strict."

"Whatever." The Leader said. "Just... get to know your knew partner. I don't care anymore."

And with a quivering pop, his astral presence disappeared.

The ninth member disappeared right after that.

"Wait a minute... how come the Leader gets to keep his old partner?" Kakuuzu moaned. "That's not fair at all!" Granted, the rest of Akatsukai didn't even know that person's gender, let alone anything about their personality, since that person never talked at meetings. It was really more the idea of the thing than an actual, concrete objection.

"The privilege of rank, I guess." Hidan shrugged. "So, I've gotta go pray. You... can count some money, or something, I guess." With that, Hidan also left with a pop, leaving his new partner sputtering.

"Yeah, I'm out of here." Zetsu said. "**Goodbye**," said the (other) Zetsu, somewhat redundantly. Then he (they?), too, disappeared.

"So, do you want to visit an Art Museum, Sasori-danna?" Deidaria finally asked his new parter.

"As long as you don't blow it up." Sasori sneered.

As the two disappeared, Deidaria's last comment rang ominously in Sasori's ears. "How did you know, un?"

"Screw it. I'm out of here." Kakuuzu said, somewhat flatly. He popped back into reality.

"So, you wanna go get something to eat?" Kisame asked.

"Okay." Itachi finally spoke up.

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


	6. Interlopers

AN: Sorry this took so long. I have excuses, but they kinda suck, so I won't bother with them.

WARNING: OCs galore!

**INTERLOPERS**

I I I

"That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard!" Kiba roared.

Shino didn't say anything, but he agreed.

"Um... maybe if you told us the purpose of the exercise... Anko-sensei." Hinata politely asked. If she was the sort of girl to think things were retarded, or even just plain dumb, she would also have agreed with Kiba. As it was, she had a horrible lurking suspicion that Anko was just doing it to be mean.

"It's simple!" Anko chirped. "You work on your flexibility and strength this way! It's also a good way to practice jumping, which we use all the time to travel through the forest!"

"What the hell!" Kiba roared. "That's a lie!" He wildly swung an arm, and pointed at the training structure. "Seriously, what the hell!?" He jabbed his finger a couple of times, to accent the outrage he couldn't completely articulate.

"Yeah, well, guess what, smart-ass, now you're gonna work on resisting fire, too!" Anko shot back, and then she inhaled while working a series of handseals, and then exhaled in the direction Kiba was pointing.

The hoops caught fire.

"Now get jumping, bastard!" Anko roared.

I I I

The Land of Waterfall, as it is called in the modern era, has a lot of waterfalls.

It seemed like a truism, she mused, but on the other hand, the Land of Wind wasn't very windy. The origin of the names of the countries was a mystery.

Well, some names. Her homeland, the Land of Stone, had a lot of rocks.

She is the Tsuchikage, a dreaded woman with a feral appearance. Like all stone shinobi, the shirt underneath her vest has only the left sleeve; unlike her subordinates, her sleeve is ripped off just above the elbow. The tattered sleeve sometimes shows the jagged tattoo of the Stone assassination squad she commanded in her youth.

Her favorite possession is a necklace made from bears' teeth she keeps around her neck, and her name is Ursura.

She is also bored.

"Hey Chigaku." Ursura shouted, "is Okute back yet!?"

Chigaku is a high-level jounin of Hidden Stone. Her appearance is best described by "brown." Her black robes are covered in a coating of dirt. Her eyes are hazel-colored; her hair is brown, and her complexion, while not dark, is certainly more of an "earth tone" than other people. Her specialty is earth-type jutsu, and she is an unparalleled genius.

"Not yet." Chigaku said, lifting her head off the ground, ending the special hearing-type tracking jutsu she was using, "I can still hear her searching a few more places before we move out."

"Hmm." Ursura said, lounging for a bit. She begins to wonder why the Fire country has the Village that Hides in the Leaves. Instead of the Village that Hides in the Fire. Obviously you can't really hide in fire, but oh man, if you could, it would be like a whole village of arsonists--

"Report." Ursura says.

"Um, yes'um." Okute says, fidgeting as she emerges from the earth. "There's, ah, nobody around for a few clicks, we're absolutely safe." Okute is a newly minted jounin with no particular skills. She is insecure and shy, and hanging out with the greatest kunoichi of the village isn't helping. The only thing going for her is an unusually deep well of chakra. Her new specialty is kage bunshin.

"Alright!" Ursura says, standing up and smacking her hands together. "Let's move out already, I can feel my brain turning to paste!"

"You shouldn't be so hasty, Tsuchikage-sama." Scolds the last member of the party. Her name is Tetsuko and she is the second-strongest woman alive. She is careful, conservative, and fond of overwhelming force.

"Ahh, don't be such a party-pooper, Tetsuko." Rebuts Ursura. "Like there's anyone around that could handle my beloved bears, let alone me."

The group sets off at a fast pace, bounding through the forest of the Waterfall country.

"Hmph." Tetsuko says, shifting the giant iron club slung across her shoulder. "Be that as it may, we should be cautious. You're a juicy target, boss."

Chigaku pauses, frowning.

Tetsuko comes to a halt. "Something wrong, Chigaku?"

"Umm..." Chikagu says, pointing. "That big rock is igneous, it's probably a glacial erratic, but there aren't any volcanos to the north."

Ursura grunts. "So, something strange has happened inside of... what? The last hundred thousand years?"

"78 thousand." Chigaku corrects. "Also, no later than 64 thousand years ago, that's when the last glacier in this area receded. Unless it's not a glacial erratic at all, but then I can't offer a hypothesis for why it's there."

"Don't distract us with meaningless trivia." Grunted Tetsuko.

Chigaku's eyes flashed. "It's not meaningless! Geology is the incredible knowledge that the power of our village arises from! You never know when an understanding of the local geology will give a doton-user a winning edge!"

"Both ya shuttup." Snapped their leader. "Okute! We still alone?"

Okute paused, sending a message over the radio she kept strapped to her neck. It was set to randomly change frequencies, making it impossible to spy on. It was also impossible to communicate with an ally.

Unless you were a Kage Bunshin who possessed an exact duplicate of it.

"Umm, yes. I'm not reporting anything." Okute says.

"Okay!" Ursura clapped her hands together. "Moving out, this time for real!"

I I I

The wind was kind of cold this high up.

Loud, too. It was making her sniffle, but she didn't sneeze, because it wasn't that windy, really.

"We there yet?" She asked. Her name is Kirema and she is the wife of the Raikage, and she is one of three tied for the title of "Cloud's Second Strongest." Her hair is long and severely black, tied into a tight ponytail. She has two swords strapped to her back, and several braces of kunai in each of the holsters on her thighs.

"No, Kirema-sama." Says the second person tied for the title of "Cloud's Second Strongest." Her name is Kamome and she is mostly worried about her genin team. Her hair is at least as long as her leader's, but Kamome does nothing but push hers back, letting it flap just like the loose samurai hakama belted at her waist and the haori over her jounin vest. Her specialty is spear fighting and summoning cranes, one of which they are currently riding to cross over the Hidden Sound Country.

"Damn." Sighed Kirema, flopping back onto her back. "When you said Kawasemi could fly super-fast, I thought we'd be able to get there quicker than this."

"HEY," spoke up Kawasemi before his summoner could, "FLYING AROUND WITH YOU FOUR ON MY BACK WOULD BE LIKE YOU WALKING WITH FOUR PLATES STACKED ON YOUT HEAD."

"Sorry, sorry." Kirema said. "Seriously, though, we're gonna get there late at this rate. However, don't speed up unsafely just because of that, we should--"

She is uninterrupted by a high-pitched giggle from the third person tied for "Cloud's Second Strongest."

Kirema turns to look at the offender. "You alright back there, Reiko."

Her name isn't Reiko. That's shorthand for her nickname: Megami-no-Raiden, or The Goddess of Thunder and Lightning. She hasn't gone by her birth name in almost a decade, and she recently convinced the Raikage to actually make it classified data.

"Hmm?" She says, looking up from her book. "No, I just reached a good bit!" She smiles, mostly with her eyes. She wears a sleeveless jumpsuit under her jounin vest and her most notable feature is the large, jagged scar on the side of her left shoulder. Her hands are snuggly fit inside two heavy gauntlets that look like they're made from thousands of turns of wire (they are).

"You know, giggling like that, people are going to think you're a pervert." Kirema scolds. "Seriously, tone it down or people will think of you like that one-eyed Leaf guy."

"HEY!" Reiko shouts, cradling the book to her chest. "Kakashi, that bastard, he just reads smut! This is a work of art, and science!" She sniffs, turning her head. "My beloved _Principles of Electrodynamics_ is way above his trash!"

Kirema just chuckles. Then she turns back to Kamome, serious. "So, how much longer, then?"

Kamome shrugs. "Kawasemi-kun has a good updraft, but we're also fighting a headwind. We'll get in after dark, but not much after." She turns back to watching the sky, posture slightly stiff.

Kirema understands. "Hey, you'll be back with your team in a few days, don't worry about it. They'll be fine, my hubby wouldn't give them a mission they can't handle." She smiles. "Don't worry, you just got them a few weeks ago. They won't get any C-class until you're back."

The last member of the team looks on from as far away as she can. Her greatest wish is to attain the title of "Cloud's Second Strongest." She is blonde, almond-eyed, and Jinchuuriki.

Her name is Yugito.

I I I

Three days down, eleven days to go.

"Gai-sensei!"

Only eleven days.

"Lee!"

That was only 12 hours more than a week and a half.

"Gai-sensei!"

Not that long at all.

"Lee!"

Nope.

The veins around his eyes pulsed, and Neji disappeared into a puff of ninja smoke. He couldn't stand the way those two egged each other on, sometimes.

He turned as Tenten appeared beside him on the roof.

"Hey, you had to get away too, huh?" Tenten said.

Neji nodded.

Tenten smiled for a moment, quirking her lips. "Yeah, they can be pretty over the top sometimes, it kinda gets on my nerves when we're supposed to be serious."

"I just wish they didn't do it in public." Neji admitted. "We're supposed to be a discrete patrol."

Tenten snorted. "Yeah, right."

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Really... why do you say that?"

Tenten idly swung a kunai around her finger. "Well, after the invasion, the Hokage said we need to appear as strong as before, right? Assigning a guy like Sensei to patrol, it's obvious to everyone that the Leaf is maintaining a presence... also, this is the one of the patrol routes closest to the Rice Field Country. If something goes wrong..." Tenten paused. "Well, there's a S-ranked ninja close by."

Neji nodded. "That's... very astute."

Tenten broke into a wide smile. "Well, I was wondering myself."

"It isn't quite like you to be so modest." Neji said. "I wonder... it's almost like you're embarrassed, or something."

"Well, it's not like you're really complimentary all the time, either." Tenten shot back.

Neji smirked. "Point. But, you're an exceptional kunoichi, it's not really a compliment if it's a simple truth."

Tenten arched an eyebrow. It didn't quite hide her blush.

"INDEED!" Gai boomed, as Neji and Tenten both flinched back a step.

_He makes it easy to forget he's a jounin._ Neji mused, as he relaxed from the jyuuken stance he'd slipped into. But, it would take a jounin to sneak up on Neji.

"It is good to see my two adorable students enjoying the springtime of their youth together!" Gai continued.

"Yosh! Even my great rival deserves a Springtime of Youthful Happiness!" Lee agreed, punching the air.

Gai jokingly punched Lee in the arm, nearly knocking his student of the roof. "How true, my cute apprentice! Tenten is also blossoming with happiness, although I wouldn't have picked Neji if I were in the bloom of my maidenhood!" Gai shouted, striking a particularly dynamic pose on one foot.

"Sensei!" Tenten shouted.

"Just what are you insinuating. Gai-sensei." Neji quietly asked.

"My rival!" Lee shouted, slapping Neji on both shoulders (his reflexive "don't touch me," was ignored), "Achieving a Youthful Spring together with a dynamic girl, is nothing to be ashamed of!"

"The adorable Lee is correct!" Gai said. "You are beginning to blossom into fine shinobi of Konoha! That the Spirit of Fire would ignite passionate flames in your heart is resplendent with YOUTH!"

"It isn't like that!" Tenten said.

Only eleven days, Neji reminded himself. Eleven days would be over before he knew it.

"You shouldn't waste such a dynamic possibility!" Lee scolded. "Otherwise you could end your Burning Youth alone!" Lee struck a dynamic pose, with a wide powerful stance and an arched arm. "Gai-sensei is a paragon of Manliness, but he still lacks a Blossoming Youth Companion!"

"Ho ho ho!" Gai said, heartily slapping Lee on the back. It made a loud smack like a belly flop. "My Youthfullness isn't expired quite yet!"

When you can't defend, attack. "Lee has a point. Gai-sensei." Neji said. "In the, er, contest of Youthy Romance, you've gotten nowhere."

"You guys, saying such hurtful things to your sensei!" Gai said, chucking heartily, "It's true that the Flames of Passionate Youth sometimes burn those around them!" He paused, suddenly serious. "However, don't let your Youthful Rendezvous interfere with your dynamic ninja duties." He looked Neji and Tenten squarely in the eye. "Also, Be Careful! The Passionate Flames of Youth can be quickly doused with the Ocean of Parental Responsibility!"

"Yosh!" Lee added, for good measure.

Tenten was blushing deep red across her whole face. "Neji and I aren't... like _that_, sensei."

Gai smiled, and his teeth went 'ping.' He flashed Tenten a thumbs up, his signature pose. "I'm sure your Youth won't be quenched by a minor setback like that, my adorable student! Underneath his cool genius exterior is a heart of burning Youth!"

Neji dropped his head into his hands. Eleven days... more like eleven eternities.

I I I

"Hey, Shizune." Genma said, waving.

"Oh, hello, Genma-san." Shizune said, smiling. "How's your leg?"

"It's fine." Genma said, patting his thigh. "I was worried, but you really fixed it up good as new." He had been stabbed with a poisoned kunai and for a while a field amputation had looked to be the only viable remedy.

"I'm glad to hear that." Shizune said, smiling.

Genma smiled back. "It still twinges, sometimes, though. Do you think you could take a look at it some time?"

"Certainly!" Shizune said. "Just let me check my appointment book--"

As she was fumbling around the desk for it, Iruka pushed the door open, struggling with two large boxes.

"Oh, Iruka-kun! Let me help you with that!" Shizune said, dropping her book back onto the desk.

Genma scowled, clenching his teeth around the needle in his mouth. He didn't know what was going on between Iruka and Shizune all of a sudden, but he sure didn't like it.

"Ah, it's fine, Shizune-san." Iruka said. " I just need to set these down on the table over here, and then--"

"I insist." Shizune said, taking the top box off of the other.

Genma crossed his arms, and glared out the window.

"Uh... could you please set it down on the table then?" Iruka said.

"No problem!" Shizune said cheerfully. "Right here?"

"That's fine." Iruka said. He set the first box down, and then opened the one in front of Shizune.

She moved to the side, but not enough to really give Iruka full "personal space."

Genma glanced back, and did a double take when he saw how close Shizune was standing to Iruka. His sub vocal growl ended abruptly, as he flinched, hands going to his jaw.

"What's in here?" Shizune said, full of curiosity.

Genma held back a whimper, as he carefully pulled his needle out of the gum of his lower mouth, right below the teeth. He was bleeding, he could taste it.

"Oh, just coffee filters." Iruka said, pulling the corrugated paper circles out of their container inside the box. "We change the filters in the jounin lounge every week. Much longer, and ninja with extremely sensitive senses of taste begin to complain." He shrugged.

Shizune frowned at the paper circle in Iruka's hands. "That doesn't look like the same kind we use in the hospital."

"It isn't." Iruka explained, as he began fiddling with the percolator. "Those are treated with certain preservative chemicals... they have some of the same ingredients as some common synthetic poisons, so a lot of higher-level ninja who can detect the difference won't drink coffee filtered through that kind of paper." Iruka frowned, and then smiled as he got the mechanism to open. "So we have to buy this more expensive alternative from a ninja that retired and started making them after losing his hearing."

"That's fascinating!" Shizune said, smiling.

"No it isn't." Genma grumbled to himself, sulking, as he sourly prodded at the wound in his mouth with his tongue.

"Well, I don't know about that." Iruka said, blushing slightly.

"Can I help you with anything else?" Shizune said, eagerly.

Iruka rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, if you wouldn't mind..."

"I insist." Shizune responded.

Genma scowled at the appointment book forgotten on the desk as the two walked out, talking about coffee filters.

I I I

It had been a long and dusty trip. Motoko arched her back, stretching her spine, as she sighed, pushing her arms up and behind her.

A nearby farmer nearly drove his oxen into a lamppost in his distraction.

Motoko pouted, tapping her lips with her finger. She wasn't exactly tired, but she couldn't really travel too much farther tonight, either, since it was already dark.

First she would get something to eat. Nodding to herself, Motoko set to find a restaurant. She stopped in front of a ramen bar, considering, but decided that she didn't really feel like eating it right now. It was her favorite food, after all—it would be wrong to eat it if she wasn't prepared to fully appreciate the experience.

She came across a steakhouse that looked especially interesting, although a little seedy.

Then again, "seedy" didn't begin to describe some of the places Naruto had stayed with Jiraiya, while looking for Tsunade.

Decided, Motoko swept in the door, and smiled at the harried-looking waitress, who reflexively smiled back.

"By yourself?" The waitress asked.

"Yeah, for tonight." Motoko responded.

The waitress nodded. "All our tables are full, so you're going to have to wait, unless you'd rather eat something at the bar..."

"That's fine!" Motoko said with a smile. "I'm kind of in a hurry, anyway."

"Okay, come with me." The waitress said.

Motoko sat down at a barstool, and ordered fish and rice from the bartender. Motoko did not order alcohol—she'd seen what that did to Jiraiya. Besides, Naruto had promised Gamakichi that his first drink would be from cup the Toad Boss gave him.

"Hey, my name's Yakumaru, but you everybody calls me Sugoroku." The guy sitting next to Motoko said, smiling as he introduced himself. "What's your name, gorgeous?"

Motoko smiled. "Eh? You can call me Motoko."

"Motoko, huh? That's a nice name for a nice girl, Motoko-chan." He said.

"Just Motoko. Not with chan." Motoko corrected. She smirked. "You're not lucky enough to get to call me that."

"Funny you should mention luck." Sugoroku said with a smirk. "See, my nickname is from the kid's board game, even got the tattoo on my back, but my job is rolling the dice."

"Order up." The bartender said.

"Put that on my tab, Jimenji." Sugoroku said, smiling at the bartender. The bartender, named Jimenji, just met his eye for a minute, before turning away. "Whatever, it isn't my business." He said sourly.

"So, you like dice games, much?" Sugoroku said, sly.

Motoko shrugged, and swallowed the rice in her mouth. "I've never tried." She shrugged. "I'm lucky at cards, but that isn't quite the same, is it, Sugoroku-san?"

"Yeah, it's totally different. Cards, you can bluff your way around that, but dice—dice is a matter of pure luck." Sugoroku chuckled, and knocked back the cup of sake he had been nursing. "You might say, its a test to see who the gods really love."

Motoko smirked, a little bitter, as she finished off the fish. "Saying a thing like that, I don't think I'd win too much."

"Oh, on the down-and-out?" Sugoroku said. "I can't say I've seen you around here before—run away from home or something?"

Naruto chuckled on the inside. "Yeah, something like that." Motoko said, non-committal. Like she'd tell some random drunk she was a kunoichi on a foreign mission.

"I see, I see." Sugoroku said. "Say, how would you like to come play some dice?"

Motoko shrugged. She was pretty bored, and she was done anyway, at least it would be something to do. "Why not," Motoko mused. Then she smirked. "But, I don't want to lose money."

"Oh, don't worry about that, cutie-pie, you don't have to gamble cash if you don't want to." Sugoroku said.

I I I

Three fast raps, followed by two short knocks, and then two fast raps again.

The panel slides aside, and a pair of eyes peer suspiciously through the door. "Whosit?"

"Your boss said he had some info for me." Kakuuzu said.

"Yeah, and who're you ta—eh? Oh! Kakuuzu-dono, come right in sir, please!" Said the tough, hastily opening the door and stepping out of the way.

Kakuuzu just sneered at him, and walked inside.

"Remind me why we gotta visit this bastard friend of yours again?" Hidan abruptly asked, tapping his scythe against his shin.

"Screw you." Kakuuzu said. "Next time, pay attention the first time." Kakuuzu slid the chair back from the table, and sat down. Hidan petulantly remained standing.

"You bastard!" Hidan shot back, "what's your problem?"

The door on the other end of the room opened, and a suspicious guy with some scars on his face came through. He smiled at Kakuuzu, an empty business expression, and got an uncertain look on his face when he came to Hidan.

"He's with me." Kakuuzu said.

"Certainly, that's fine." The man said, sitting down at his own table. "Listen, I just got a tip from a guy that owes the syndicate some money, a gambler over in Hidden Cloud."

"The Hell this got to do with us?" Hidan interrupts. "This place pisses me off, it's not the sort of hole a pious guy like me should be hanging out in."

"Hidan. Shut the hell up." Kakuuzu said. To the man across the table, he said, "Ignore the dumbass. What have you got?"

"Hey!"

The man ignored Hidan this time. Licking his lips, he said, "The point is, there's gonna be a meeting between high-level kunoichi at that Snow Country Hot Springs Festival. One of 'em is the two-tails."

"Excellent." Kakuuzu grunted. "What's the price?"

The man waved his hand. "We can get money somewhere else." He slid a folder forward. "Instead, this guy killed two members of the family. If you could make an example of him, the syndicate would be grateful. He's close, and not well-guarded."

Kakuuzu took the folder and, without looking at it, held it back. "Hidan. A sacrifice."

Hidan just grinned. "Hey, alms for Jashin, maybe these criminals aren't beyond saving."

Kakuuzu stood. "Don't take too long, I want to leave for this festival as soon as possible."

Hidan just smirked. "I can't think of a better place for a ceremony than a festival."

I I I

Shikamaru had a secret hobby. He collected synonyms for "troublesome," so he could accurately describe, at least to himself, how he felt. He didn't share this secret with anyone, not even Chouji, because then people like Ino or, God forbid, his mother would find out. That would be so far beyond "troublesome" Shikarmaru hadn't found a word for it yet.

This meant, however, that Nara Shikamaru could very accurately describe his feelings at the situation that confronted him.

He was aggravated, annoyed, put out, and bothered.

He was bothered because he had been selected as the replacement for Naruto on Team Seven while said orange-clad maniac was out wandering around the world with the most famous pervert alive. Therefor, Shikamaru had to travel across the country. Twice.

He was put out because that meant he had to be on the same team as Sasuke, who was even more morose and silent and introverted after that whole troublesome business with the Sound Four. Also, Kakashi's chronic lateness made him both infuriated and jealous at the same time. It was seriously the most passive-aggressive behavior Shikamaru had ever seen—and Shikamaru knew passive-aggressive behavior.

He was annoyed because he had to put up with the super-annoying wife of the Fire Lord, Shijimi-sama, who at least couldn't bring her annoying cat with her (which, fortunately, still hadn't figured out the Shadow Bind). This meant they had to be on high alert for any political assassinations or something. More precisely, Kakashi had to be high alert and Shikamaru had to be ready to get the Fire Lady the hell out of dodge.

But he was also aggravated because, honestly, it was the biggest Hot Springs Festival in the World. That meant Naruto would be there, whether he wanted to or not, while that creepy old man conducted his unbelievably troublesome "research." So it wasn't like Shikamaru was actually going to be replacing anyone, either.

At least Tora wasn't coming along. That cat was like the incarnation of troublesome.

I I I

"Looks like Sugoroku is on the prowl again." He said levelly.

The Bookie groaned. "Boss, we don't need this kind of trouble—if he's sniffing tail, that could draw the wrong kind of attention. There's a ninja team on patrol stopping over in town tonight, and--"

"Bookie. Shut up." The boss said. He hasn't given anyone his real name in over a decade. He is old and shaved bald and very tough, as trim and fit as he'd been at thirty, with wrinkled leathery skin and a square jaw. He is called Chouzouyama.

"Those ninjas are just kids." Chouzouyama said firmly, "and Sugoroku will keep it quiet—if he knows what's good for him."

"If you say so, Boss." The Bookie said without any enthusiasm.

"I do." Chouzouyama said firmly. He drank deeply, emptying his saucer, and poured himself another shot of sake. When he set the cup down, and asked, "How are the books?"

"Good." The Bookie said. He was young and thin and talked too much, but he was good with numbers. "A couple places in town are behind on payments, but not really late yet. The dice has been good—Sugoroku's a real artist at the take, personal, ah, irregularities aside, but he turns a tidy profit without anyone really the wiser."

"Hmm. Any special customers at the dice tonight?" Chouzouyama said.

The Bookie shrugged. "Just Old Man Tarazou, from the ricehouse. He's addicted, so we milk him good, but not _too_ good, or his wife'll put her foot down. Crazy old battle-ax, that—some noble married off to pad the family finances, I think she lets him gamble to keep him away from her own liaisons--"

"Bookie. On topic." Chouzouyama sternly reminded.

"Uh—then. If you want to go enjoy a game, go ahead—it wouldn't throw off the game tonight."

"Think maybe I will." Chouzouyama said, knocking back one last sake before setting it aside. "Need to remind Sugoroku the dice isn't for his convenience, anyway."

Chouzouyama stalked up to the dice game, where Sugoroku's mark watched with interest. She hadn't placed a bet yet.

He sat down next to her without saying anything. The boys moved aside to make room.

"Oh, and I see we have a special guest with us now—Chouzouyama-sama, you come to bet a little with the boys?" Sugoroku asked, smiling.

To set them at ease, Chouzouyama attempted to smile. "Just got some loose change tonight—I got bored drinking alone."

The smile wasn't very good, but it set the gamblers at ease. Chouzouyama could fade into the background easy, if he wanted—odd for a boss, but he liked to keep his finger on the operations under him. He also made it a point to be available to anyone in the family—if they needed help or advice, he was willing to give it. He didn't really like to, but it was important to keep the boys loyal.

He placed a bet on "odd" when the Sugoroku called for them.

The girl next to him didn't place anything.

The dice were rolled. "So sorry, boss, but you lose this time—evens!" Sugoroku called out as the roller lifted the dice cup, revealing a three and a five.

"You know," Chouzouyama said, "it's impolite to sit at the table but not bet anything."

The girl next to him smirked. "Yeah? 'Fraid I don't have any chips to bet, though, and I don't think you'd like to see cash at the table."

Sugoroku caught his eye, and Chouzouyama resisted the urge to grumble. "I can spot you a few if you'd like."

Motoko smiled, shark-like. "Then I'll pay you back on my second turn."

Chouzouyama chuckled at the sheer brassiness. "Okay, then—here's three."

Motoko nodded, and promply pushed them forward. "Three on evens." She said with a grin.

They turned to the center, as the roller shook the cup, and slapped it down. He pulled back, and Sugoroku leaned forward. "A pair of fours—Even!"

Motoko smiled as three more of the rectangular wooden chips were pushed to her, and picked them up and handed them to Chouzouyama. "I always keep my word." She winked saucily. "Believe it."

Chouzouyama raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Any more bets, Ladies and Gents, and more bets for the next round?" Sugoroku said, smiling about as he cajoled and called.

"Two for even." Chouzouyama said, pushing forward his bet.

Motoko smiled. "Three on odd." She pushed the blocks forward, "odd" side up.

"And the dice are cast—a four and a three—odd!" Sugoroku said, somewhat surprised.

Motoko pulled in three more blocks, and handed one to Chouzouyama. "Call it interest."

Chouzouyama raised an eyebrow. "You're pretty confident."

Motoko chuckled. "Believe it—five on evens. Not even—_evens_." She pushed her five blocks forward.

Chouzouyama raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Motoko just pointed as the roller lifted the cup.

"A two and a six—even!" Sugoroku called.

Chouzouyama stared openly.

Motoko chuckled, and pushed all ten of her blocks forward. "Put them on odd." She said, and to Chouzouyama, "I'm pretty lucky."

"Any more bets?" Sugoroku said, looking around. He smiled. "Motoko-chan, are you sure you want to bet everything? You'll run out of money to bet before you know it!" He said with a chuckle. Around him, the boys smirked.

"Just read the dice. And, no chan." Motoko said, smirking.

"Well, you heard the lady!" Sugoroku said with a leer, and leaned down, and did a double take. "One and four—odd."

Mokoto silently flipped her top block over. "All for evens."

"You sure, Motoko-chan!" Sugoroku said. He glanced to the corner, and to Chouzouyama, who nodded slightly.

"Three on odd." Said the man in the corner. It was the first bet of the night for him. He was wearing a high-necked coat and had a long scar on his cheek.

"Any more? No? Well then!" Sugoroku bent down to read the dice, and paused. "Two and Four—Even."

"Still on even." Motoko said breezily. "All on even."

"I put three more on odds," said the man in the corner.

"Anyone else?" Sugoroku said, looking around. Even old Tarazou, the addict, was simply watching, with baited breath. This was ruining the evening, in terms of the take.

"Fine." Sugoroku said. The cup came down, and the roller pulled back, and Sugoroku looked down. "One and One—Even."

"You go against my luck, you're gonna lose. Believe it!" Motoko said with a smirk. She looked down at her stack of eighty gambling markers. "Saa... so many." She smiled, and stood up. "Well! Guess I better exchange them, and go look for a hotel!"

"Hey." Said the man in the corner. "No one's that lucky—without jutsu."

"What are you getting at, eh?" Motoko shot back, as Sugoroku scurried off to the side. Chouzouyama was no less astute about retreating, although more dignified. He wasn't fool enough to get involved in a potential ninja fight.

"I'm a missing-nin from Hidden Rock—I was a chuunin before I left." He warned, cracking his knuckles. "There are a couple more guys at my level here, too—Chouzouyama-danna is real generous-like." He stood up. "Guys like us, we don't like it when someone interrupts our honest fun with jutsu."

"Like hell!" Motoko sneered. "I don't cheat!"

"We don't believe you." The missing-nin said. "I'm warning you, now—come quietly, or there will be trouble."

"I like trouble." Motoko said, grinning ferally. Her hands began to work seals, and three more ninjas leaped up to assist their coated spokesman.

"Let's get wild!" Motoko shouted.

I I I

"Hey."

"?"

"Don't gimme that look. This isn't a direction that has anything to interest us."

"...We're going to the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival."

"...You, ah, lookin' to pick up girls, or something? 'Cause that's not really a skill I'm good at." A pause. "Though, with your looks, you should be more worried about STDs than whether or not you'll actually get any."

"No." The second man turned, and kept walking. "Jiraiya will be there."

A longer pause. "Okay, I'm cool with it if you swing that way, but _Jiraiya_--"

"You misunderstand." Retorted the second. There was steel in his tone. "Jiraiya will be at the festival to spy on it."

The first man grunted, and started walking again. "So? Guy's a huge pervert, of course he'd show up."

"Naruto is training with Jiraiya. So Naruto will be with Jiraiya. And Jiraiya is at the Hot Springs Festival."

The first man chuckled. "Having a death-match with that guy in a hot spring full of cute girls... I didn't know you liked irony so much."

"No. It's just convenient."A pause. "So far from his village, there would be no one to save him. This time, we can kill the old man."

"Yeah, whatever, Itachi." Hoshigake Kisame shrugged, and resettled his dreaded Samehadama with his shoulder strap.

The two did not speak again, as they headed down the road to Snow Country.

I I I

Asuma stubbed out his cigarette and slid the filter back into the pack with his fresh smokes. Ninjas never littered—it left too obvious a trail.

"So, you've finished this secret mission?" Asuma said.

Kurenai nodded. She didn't offer anything more, and Asuma didn't ask. It was very rude to ask other ninjas what their missions were—it was too often classified.

"Asuma-san, Kurenai-san." Iruka greeted. "How was the operation, Asuma-san?"

"Successful." Asuma said breezily, handing Iruka the scroll. "What's next?"

Iruka hummed. "Well, Shikamaru got sent with Team Seven on a C-class earlier today."

Asuma scowled.

Iruka smiled reassuringly. "It was Tsunade's idea, Kakashi wasn't enthusiastic. When you both get back, we'll send Team Ten on a mission, together."

Asuma nodded, mollified.

"In the mean time," Iruka said, "here's something for you—another assassination." He handed Asuma the scroll, and Asuma slid it in a pouch.

"Hmm." He said, pulling out a cigarette. "Hey Kurenai, you want to go get something to eat later?"

"Hmn?" Kurenai said. "Oh. Uh... I'm busy, sorry. Maybe some other time." She said, turning back to Iruka.

Asuma lit his cigarette, looked between the two, and grunted sourly, before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

"So." Kurenai said. "What's my mission?"

Iruka pulled out a scroll. "It's something for Team Eight. A mine was collapsed in near the border of the earth country two days ago. There's a high-priority B-class, search and rescue. Your team is ideally suited." He paused. "Also, there's a possibility of sabotage, likely by Rock nin." Iruka shrugged. "That last part is classified... don't let your students know until you're sure it won't be overheard."

"I see." Kurenai said neutrally. "Speaking of security clearance."

"Is this about dinner the other night?" Iruka said, quietly.

Kurenai took a deep breath. "Hai. Anko is my friend... you shouldn't be letting random genin know."

Iruka chuckled. "Well... if it makes you feel better, Naruto has a higher security clearance than you do."

Kurenai arched her eyebrows.

Iruka rubbed his scar. "When he was sent on the Tsunade retrieval mission, Jiraiya had his security clearance temporarily raised to the level of an ANBU Division Commander, so that Naruto could be told what he was doing." Iruka grinned. "Ibiki brought it to Tsunade's attention, but she just made it permanent, saying the future Hokage needs to know what's really going on."

Well. Huh. Kurenai took a moment to compose herself.

"Was it still necessary to let her know about Orochimaru's relationship to Anko?" Kurenai said.

Iruka shrugged uncomfortably. "I thought it would be good... Anko needs people that would accept her, not just despite her past, but because of it."

"And you were so confident Naruto could do that?" Kurenai said primly.

"Who better than the living prison for the Kyuubi?" Iruka gently reminded her.

That was a good reason. She still wanted one thing cleared up, though. "...What do you mean, because of her past, not despite it?" Kurenai said.

Iruka rubbed his scar, absently, composing his thoughts. "Well... because of Orochimaru, Anko has suffered and been held in suspicion. Like it or not, that's part of what formed her." Iruka paused for a moment. "It would be wrong to belittle that, Anko should be respected for enduring that experience. It's not enough to make her skills like an excuse that wash away her past." Iruka smiled self-consciously. "Does that make sense?"

Kurenai nodded slowly. "Yes." She whispered, surprised and a little awed.

She absently slid the search-and-rescue scroll into a pocket as she went out the window.

Anko, slumped against the door outside the mission office, blinked rapidly before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

I I I

Tenten flinched as a building three blocks down the street exploded.

Neji just activated his byakugan, and looked over, frowning slightly. 'That was--"

"I know." Tenten interrupted. "That was caused by an explosive tag. Third grade, concussive, low burn."

Neji grunted. He wasn't about to admit he could only tell it had been a tag.

"Let's check it out." Tenten said. "If we're lucky, we might actually beat sensei there."

The nodded and darted over across the roofs, avoiding the sudden confusion on the street. Three more explosions went off in quick succession. "Two jutsu—fire then earth. Then, a second grade tag, no concussion, high burn." Tenten identified, scowling. "That's at least chuunin level combat going on."

"I can see five ninja presences—no, six." Neji corrected, frowning. "Five ninjas, one kage-bunshin—there it goes. Canceled."

People spilled out onto the street, escaping the now burning building as the pair landed on the ground.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" Shouted Gai, as he smashed into the ground. "Good Citizens, do not worry, for I, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, have come to quickly keep the peace!"

People began fleeing faster.

"Sensei... you don't exactly inspire confidence in people." Tenten scolded.

"Do not worry, sensei!" Lee shouted, landing beside them. "I still believe in your Brightly Burning Youth!"

"Let's just deal with the situation." Neji interrupted.

At that exact moment, someone flew out the window of the burning building, screaming. "GethemoffGetthemoff-GET-THEM-OFF!" He said, rolling and swatting his body wildly. There was nothing on him. "Oh please, GET THESE THINGS OFF ME!"

"That man is under a genjutsu." Neji said, somewhat obviously.

"Team Gai! GO!" Gai shouted, leaping forward into the conflagration.

With a cry of "yosh!" Lee followed. Tenten and Neji were a little more sedate, merely running instead of taking a flying leap into a burning building.

Once inside, Neji raced around, keeping under the smoke.

"Where the hell is she?" One man roared.

"I don't know!" Screamed another. "She keeps disappearing! It's like trying to fight the goddamn smoke!"

A third man just screamed inarticulately. Neji found him—another one laced with genjutsu.

"Goddamn it, pull together! The pride of the family is at stake, don't let some hot little mark take you out!" Commanded the fourth voice.

So. Neji thought. Four on one, apparently missing-nin with organized crime that had unknowingly tried to nail a ninja.

Now that the "bad guys" were established, he could act.

Neji darted forward, and nailed the first speaker with the 64 Hand Hatakke before he'd even turned around fully.

"There's more!" Screamed the second voice.

"Leaf Spinning Wind!" Agreed another. Lee, Neji identified.

The second voice howled, wet and harsh, since his throat had been smashed in by the kick.

"You bastard--" Neji calmly turned to dispatch the one that came up before him, but not before the guy hit the ground and started rolling around.

Another Genjutsu.

Then the building collapsed.

Neji grunted, and immediately turned, throwing the Kaiten up to guard him. When he settled, he used a quick kawarimi to escape outside.

He landed on a roof, and lept down to Tenten, who was settling a woman dressed like a waitress on the ground. Neji could tell with his Byakugan that she was suffering from smoke inhalation.

"It would seem the combat has resolved itself." Neji said.

"Sensei and Lee were still in there!" Tenten said.

Then part of the building exploded apart, and a whirling green shape arced up and over, landing right between them with barely a tremor.

"HAA!" Gai said, striking a pose. "My adorable students--" he blinked. "Where's the cute Lee?"

The three turned to look at the building. A man with a large-necked coat and a scar on his cheek burst out a window, and began rolling desperately to put himself out. He was not on fire.

Another Genjutsu, Neji noted.

"Lee! I'm coming in!" Gai shouted, and dashed forward again.

Neji moved to follow him, but Tenten grabbed his sleeve. She was biting her lip, with her eyebrows puckered.

"Tenten--" Neji said.

"Trust your teammate." Tenten said. "Don't charge into a burning building after him... he'll make it out on his own."

"Yes." Neji agreed, relaxing.

I I I

The window slid open silently, and the curtain stirred slightly as a form slipped through, and slid the window shut behind itself.

It melted into the shadow, and drifted down the hall, soundless. It paused before a door, and slid it open, easing through like a ghost before sliding the door shut again.

The form dropped low, and moved through the shadows to the side of the bed, before beginning to arch up, reaching over, and--

"Shit, my eyes!" It swore, as a light abruptly shined in its face, and then it lurched as it was pinned to the ground, and twisted to push one of it's own kunai up against the belly of its assailant even as the other brought a knife against its throat and--

"Anko?" the one on top asked, in disbelief.

"Um, hi?" She said, weakly, still slightly dazzled from the lamp that back lit Iruka.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, sliding the knife back under the pillow and climbing off her.

Anko smirked. "I wanted to see you."

Iruka sighed, and rubbed his face. "Anko. It's two-thirty in the morning. Why now? Hell, why break into my house in the middle of the night and try to ambush me in my bed?"

Anko's grin just got wider.

Iruka blushed, and it spread across his face, following his scar. "Ah."

Anko languidly stood up, rising jointlessly from the ground to standing, and leaned over the chuunin sitting in his bed. "I'm surprised you even noticed."

Iruka sighed, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, it's like everybody forgets what creative and devious bastards kids are."

"Your kids ambush you in your sleep?" Anko said, incredulous.

Iruka shrugged uncomfortably. "Well... Naruto managed to sneak into my house once, and switched the grade on his paper. I caught it, but... I didn't change the grade back."

He shrugged. "That just encouraged him... it actually got to the point where I had to chase him off with a knife." He paused. "When I could catch him. That kid is seriously sneaky when he's trying to go unnoticed."

Anko chuckled, then scowled. "You... that completely ruined the mood."

It was Iruka's turn to grin cheekily. "Children aren't the only devious ones," he said, before laying down on his side, facing away from her. "Turn off the light when you leave... you can let yourself out." he finished.

Instead, she slid in behind him, and threw a leg over his hip and an arm over his shoulder.

She whispered into his ear, "Well.. if you want to be that way... then giving up isn't my ninja way." She licked his neck. "Believe it." She said with a feral smile.

I I I

Lee darted into the building, frowning as he scurried along the floor as quickly as he could. Without the Byakugan, like his rival, or even the ability to sense chakra, he was fighting blind and deaf in this kind of conflagration.

"There's more!" Someone screamed, lunging towards him with a kunai.

Lee reacted on instinct. "Leaf Spinning Wind!" He shouted while darting out of knife range and swinging around to smash the man across the face. With all the momentum from his weights, the man's face was crushed.

He dropped down and scuttled forward, frowning. An extreme battle in a burning down building—way beyond anything he'd trained for!

Then the building collapsed, and he grunted as two beams cam down across his back. He grunted, catching them. He was pinned.

With a roar, he forced them up and apart, throwing them off of himself with explosive motion. Then he began to cough. All this smoke—it was time to get out of here.

He paused, and then his eyes got even wider as he began to beat at his head desperately.

His hair was on fire!

He felt someone grab him, and he stiffened. They weren't trying to hurt him, though, and instead wrapped something around his head, smothering the flames. She was pressed against his side, he could feel her—Lee blushed, despite the circumstances.

"Let's escape, eh?" The girl said, and then used Kawarimi, taking Lee with her.

Lee opened his eyes a moment later and smiled weakly at his teammates.

"Lee, are you alright?" Tenten asked, worried. He stood up, and smiled more confidently. "I am unharmed!" He said.

"LEE!"

Lee turned, and sparkles appeared at around him. "Gai-sensei!"

A mountain rose up in the background, wreathed in clouds. "Lee!"

Waves crashed against the mountain dramatically. "Gai-sensei!"

The pair embraced manfully, as another wave crashed against the mountain. "Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!" Lee finished decisively.

"So." The girl said, turning to the other two, "my name's Motoko. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh Lee! My adorable apprentice, I was worried the Burning Might of your Youth had been snuffed out in that Extreme Building Fire!"

Tenten shook herself, and smiled. "Good to meet you, Motoko. My name is Tenten." she said, bowing.

Neji also bowed. "Hyuuga Neji is my name. Thank your for saving our teammate." He looked her over more closely. She was a few years older than them, and she had hair that would reach her neck, if it wasn't pulled back by a hairclip. She had a cute face, and a body that rivaled Tentens'.

"Gai-sensei! For worrying you so much, I will do five hundred kicks with each leg!" Lee said, clenching his fists.

"Ahh, he didn't need my help at all, it was just faster that way." Motoko said, waving her hand. She grinned. "So! I better be going then!"

"Lee! For failing to prepare you for this, we will do Five Hundred Kicks with Each Leg, Together, While ON FIRE!" Gai shouted back. "That is a Mr. Nice Guy Promise!"

"Please wait." Neji said. "The order and peace of this area is our responsibility. Please explain your involvement."

Motoko clenched her eyebrows. "Uh... I beat up a lot of missing-nin?"

Tenten discreetly reached for her hip-pouch.

Neji nodded tightly. "I see. If you are operating with a village, we will need to see identification and papers proving that you are here with the permission of the Fire Country to operate inside our borders."

Motoko rolled her eyes, and pulled out a headband. It had a Leaf insignia. "This good enough?"

Headbands could be stolen. So, no. Neji opened his mouth to speak, when--

Motoko was crushed in a bear-hug. "For saving my precious student! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!" Gai shouted, squeezing.

Motoko gasped, and collapsed to the ground. "You're welcome." She wheezed.

Neji sighed, and turned around. Then, for the first time he could remember, he did a double-take. "Lee... what happened to your hair?"

I I I

"Saaa," she said, grunting as she arched her back. She'd had to travel for over a week to reach it, but for the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival, a mere week of travel was totally worth it.

Temari rubbed her neck, trying to ease out the crick that had developed from carrying her huge battle fan slung over her shoulder for a whole day.

Well, there would be no need for it this week, hopefully. She had come for a well-earned vacation, a respite from all the craziness that had been going on in Hidden Sand.

It was good crazy, but it had still been nuts. The internal politics of the village were in chaos. The previous ruling faction—the Kazekage's faction—had fallen far from favor after it had turned out that the Kazekage had been sorta dead and Orochimaru had literally been wearing his skin.

Creepy snake bastard.

The point was, there was a major power vacuum, and Gaara, of all people, wanted to fill it. It had been one of the most shocking moments of her life, when her psychotic younger brother renounced his previous life goal of "killing all people not himself" in favor of "become Kazekage and protect the village."

He hadn't said it outright, but it was painfully obvious that he was emulating that twitchy blonde bastard.

Temari couldn't quite find it in herself to disapprove. But that meant that Baki had been running around like crazy to pull together an interim collation, pushing back the selection of the fifth Kazekage long enough for Gaara to be eligible.

It would still be a couple months before Gaara would really be ready.

"Enough of that!" Temari said out loud, clapping her hands together. She was on vacation! Nothing to distract her from a week of pure relaxation.

She chuckled, hoisting her battle fan onto her shoulder and setting out to find a place to stay. That lazy bum would probably understand perfectly.

I I I

"That's the best I was able to do." Tenten apologized. "But, there wasn't much to work with, and there was so much damage already..."

Lee nodded absently, and ran his hand along his head.

It was completely smooth. Not a strand of hair anywhere.

"I'll be right back." Neji said, and he left the room.

Lee nodded again.

"Is it okay?" Tenten asked. She hadn't really brought anything for cutting hair, she only had some razors, and shaving cream. She'd tried to crop it with kunai, but it was so short in some places from burning, and there was only so much she could do, that she'd ended up just shaving his head completely.

Lee nodded.

"I know you were attached to the hair, but--"

"Tenten." Lee said. "It's fine. I'm just—not used to it. That's all." He turned, and struck a Nice Guy Pose. "This is an excellent hair cut!"

Tenten nodded, but cringed inside. Before, his face had been disproportionate, but now, he looked kinda like a frog—hairless, with those huge eyes.

Miraculously, his eyebrows had remained completely unscathed. It was like they were completing with his eyes to see which feature could dominate his face more.

It was an okay look, but it wasn't better than the bowl cut.

"Here." Neji said, tossing something.

Lee caught them reflexly, and looked down. "Glasses?"

"They're cosmetic." Neji said. "I found them at a corner store. They're the lightest tint I could find."

They were rectangular lenses, tinted green, with rounded edges in a high-strength steel wireframe, carbon-black.

Lee put them on.

The look was much better. The glasses were kinda cool, and definitely muted the eyebrows and weird eye shape.

"They look good." Tenten said.

Lee nodded, and stood up. "Well! I have to do some push-ups before going to bed!" He said. "Neji! I won't wait up for you!"

He lept out the window, scaring the hell out of a pedestrian, before his teammates could quite catch the implication.

Tenten turned to look at Neji, with an eyebrow raised.

"What?" Neji finally asked.

"You have surprisingly good taste." Tenten said. "I mean... with the way you usually dress, I would have thought that..."

Neji scowled. "Don't question the Hyuuga fashion sense."

Tenten just giggled. "I was kidding." She frowned. "Still... I wonder who that girl was."

Neji shrugged. "Sensei said that she was a Leaf-nin, so we shouldn't worry."

Tenten nodded. "You were checking her out pretty closely there."

Neji arched an eyebrow with some eloquence.

Tenten scowled. "I'm not being a jealous girl. I meant it as 'threat assessment.'"

"Whatever." Neji said. Everyone slipped up and said something they didn't quite mean sometimes. It didn't matter. Tenten was surprisingly understanding when he misspoke, even though it would be easy to tease him with it.

"I'm serious!" Tenten said.

Neji nodded. "I know." he said, also serious.

"Fine, if you're just going to give me a hard time..." Tenten said.

Neji wanted to throw up his arms and say "what the hell," but instead settled for arching an eyebrow again.

"If you're just going to be that way, then fine." Tenten said, turning around.

Neji, proving he was a genius after all, just shrugged. "It's not like she was better looking than my teammate, anyway."

He left then, before Tenten would think to say something snide about Lee.

Meanwhile, on the roof, Gai was quietly observing the girl sitting across from him.

Gai cleared his throat. "So, ah Naruto.. why are you hiding your Passionate Youth Flame as a Blossom of Konoha?"

Motoko stared. "How did..."

Gai grinned, and flexed an arm. "Breathing! Stride! Stance! Your body language clearly identified you as Naruto, even while you wear that illusion!"

"Okay seriously, I don't believe you." Motoko said. "No one is that good at reading body language."

Gai shrugged. "It was a long time ago, but when I was as Youthful as you are, I competed against the super-observant sharingan. I'm good enough to read someone's attacks just by watching their feet. But, that doesn't answer my question... why are you disguised as a girl?"

Motoko shrugged. "It's for a mission. More than that—it's a secret!"

Gai nodded, and smiled. His teeth went 'ping.' "I believe you!" He announced. "Also, good luck! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my youthful team!"

Gai disappeared in a swirl of leaves, and Motoko went back to hotel hunting.

I I I

"Oye, are we there yet?" Shikamaru asked irritably.

Sakura's eyebrow twitched. "No, not yet. We're coming up on the edge of town right now, so it should be pretty soon."

Shikamaru just sourly grunted.

"Tut, tut." Shijimi said. "There's no need to be short with the lad."

"Of course, Shijimi-sama." Sakura said sweetly.

"What a sweet girl!" Shijimi cooed, pinching Sakura's cheek fiercely.

_'If she keeps this up, I'll become a traitor to my nation.'_ Sakura thought darkly. _**'Crazy old woman!'**_ Agreed her inner self.

Kakashi choose that exact moment to giggle, eye flickering up from his little orange book to scan his surroundings, before settling back on the page.

Sasuke was nowhere in direct sight, instead scouting around as a perimeter guard. It had been Shikamaru's idea, loathe as Sakura was to admit it. Sasuke was being used as bait, to draw the first attack. Even if he was killed instantly, it would provide Kakashi with the last instant warning when his chakra presence disappeared.

If he was circumvented, then he could counterattack any attempt on the Fire Lady's life.

Sakura wasn't sure that Sasuke had seen quite so deeply into Shikamaru's plan, or how cheaply his comrade appeared to hold his life. Kakashi hadn't quite approved, but he hadn't disagreed, either.

Shikamaru had just rolled his eyes at the jounin and said that Naruto's shadow clones would be ideal for that sort of interference operation.

Sasuke appeared in a swirl of leaves in front of them.

"Sakura. Which hotel are we staying at?" he asked.

"Oh, um, the Purple Hibiscus. I got us three rooms, all in a row." Sakura said.

"Such a charming girl!" Shijimi interjected.

Sakura grit her teeth.

Shikamaru hmmed. "So... I guess me and Sasuke on one side, and Kakashi on the other, to guard the flanks, while Sakura takes the center with Shijimi."

Kakashi looked up. "The jounin doesn't have any complaints with the chuunin's plans." He said wryly.

Shikamaru just grunted. "Don't act miffed when we take initiative when you don't give orders. It's just least troublesome that way."

"It's quite alright with me." Lady Shijimi said kindly. "I'm sure we'll be able to keep ourselves occupied with all sorts of girl talk just fine."

Sakura pasted on a smile. "Yeah, it's just great."

Shikamaru sighed, and rubbed his face. This was more troublesome than he'd expected... none of the other three ever quite took the lead. To him, it was apparent that the real idea man of the outfit was Naruto; he was definitely the one that suggested all courses of action first, and then the others either accepted or reacted, fixing the too-obvious tactical flaws and going with a better option. But without Naruto, none of these three was willing to be the initiator.

Which meant he had to do it. Bothersome.

"Shikamaru?" Sakura said, drawing his attention. "We're here."

"Great." he muttered.

I I I

Ursura yawned hugely, nearly cracking her jaw as she threw back her arms, filling her lung capacity fully with fresh air.

They had just reached the main crossroads of the town hosting the festival. Dominated by the naturally tiered hot-springs on the mountainside, the main street of town run up the side of the hill, with side streets that branched off, and became increasingly residential the farther you got from the main drag.

"So," Ursura said, "did somebody remember to make reservations or something?"

"Um." Okute said, fidgeting with her fingers.

Tetsuko stared, slowly lowering her club to the ground. "You mean... Boss, you are too irresponsible sometimes!"

Ursura chuckled. "Relax, I'm just yanking your chain. Chigaku took care of it, like, weeks ago."

"...hmph." Tetsuko said, raising her club again.

Chigaku erupted out of the ground. "Somebody say my name?"

"No." Ursura replied, with a straight face.

"Oh..." Chigaku said, crestfallen. "Anyway, the place still has a few rooms, so we can go check in right now."

"That's cool, lead the the way."

"It's on the fifth intersection," Chigaku said, "I picked it because it had an auspicious name."

She led them to the door of the "_Four Stones Together_."

Ursura paused, frowning at the door. "Okay, seriously, could we pick a more transparent place to stay?"

"Umm..."Okute pointed across the street, at the "_Ninja Hotel_."

"Damn." Tetsuko said. "I guess we could..."

"Whatever." Ursura said, clapping her hands. "The point is, everybody inside."

"Welcome to Four Stones Together!" Chirped a helpful redheaded greeter. "Oh, Chigaku-sama!" She said delightedly, clapping her hands together. "This must be your geology club!"

"We, uh, are." Ursura said, giving her subordinate a dirty look. "I suppose you could say that I'm the club president."

"Well, if you could come right this way, I'll take you to your rooms." The waitress said with a smile.

Tetsuko frowned lightly. "Boss... is it really smart to split up into separate rooms?"

Ursura chuckled. "Well... don't put all your eggs in one basket. Besides! Despite the meetings, this is still low-key enough to be essentially a vacation." She clapped Tetsuko on the shoulder. "So, don't worry about it. Barring some whack-job missing-nin looking for trouble, this will go smooth as silk."

Tetsuko grumbled. "Well, paranoia is my job and responsibility."

Ursura rolled her eyes. "Just don't say that so pridefully."

I I I

The sun had set while they landed. Kawasemi had winged back, slowly circling to ground, and the sun had appeared to sink as their altitude had decreased, until they finally landed in darkness.

"Thanks, old friend," Kamome said, patting her summoned beast on the head.

"FOR YOU, NO PROBLEM." Kawasemi rumbled, before Leaving to his native dimension, leaving in a burst of smoke.

The four kunoichi silently set off for the town they could see lit up in the distance, running swiftly and silently, sure of their footing even in the dark—after all, they're jounin.

"Here's the deal." Kirema said. "We're a few hours behind schedule, but we don't have to meet until late tomorrow anyway. It doesn't matter what inn we stay at."

"I made reservations at the Purple Hibiscus, but they expired several hours ago." Kamome said. "They might still have openings, but it seems unlikely."

Raiko shrugged, carefully. With her huge wound metal bracers, she had to be careful—running with her arms back in the shinobi style, they could easily wrench her shoulders. "Well, there's bound to be a place somewhere with openings. But first..."

They came to a halt in the shadow behind the neon sign of the inn across the street from the Purple Hibiscus.

"Okay, I'm going in." Kamome said, before she vanished in a swirl of vapor, appearing in a similar swirl beside the entry to the inn. She straightened her hair and walked in.

"Can I help you?" A young woman asked, walking over to the foyer area where Kamome stood.

"Yes, please. I made reservations for the Kumo Sewing Society here last week, and I understand that because of the festival we might have gotten here to late to redeem it, but perhaps you still have openings?" Kamome said brightly, with a winning smile.

With a tired, plastic smile in return, the hostess bowed. "I'm truly, very sorry, ma'am, but we filled up hours ago. Normally, I would recommend one of our competitors, but I'm afraid they have all mostly filled as well."

Kamome waited for a moment. Finally, she asked, "Well, what places haven't filled?"

The hostess cringed slightly. "The, ah, Hogei Inn still has rooms... but I'm afraid I can't really recommend them, only offer that they have vacancy."

Kamome resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow. "Oh my! Do they have insects, or other vermin?"

"Oh no!" The hostess said, vigorously shaking her head. "The Snow Country Hotel Authority would never allow such a thing. Hogei has some of the best accommodations and a prime location." The girl paused. "It's just.. the owner can be... trying."

Kamome bowed, and the inn girl bowed back. "Well, thank your for your time, and your honesty." Kamome said.

"I apologize for the inconvenience." The inn girl said.

"It's quite alright," Kamome said with a smile. She stepped outside, and vanished in a swirl of cloud-stuff, reappearing beside her companions.

"Report." Kirema said. Beside her, Reiko was lost in her own little world, reading one of her electrical physics books by the ambient streetlight.

"Yessir." Kamome saluted. "The Purple Hibiscus is full. All inns excepting one is full. The Hogei Inn has vacancy and a hostile reputation."

"Hmm." Kirema said, frowning slightly. "Well, it's not like we have a choice. We'll just have to go with this other place as Plan B."

For the first time that evening, Yugito spoke up. "I saw the Hogei Inn. It's at the third intersection up the side of the hill along the main street."

"...Right." Kirema said briskly. "Let's go."

The four disappeared as they set off, and they quickly reached their destination.

They landed on the street, and walked inside.

"YES? What is it? What are you four doing out so late, hmm?" Said an old crone, as she hobbled over with a stick. She paused, eyes narrowing at them. "Out with it!"

"There's no need to be so angry." Kirema said lightly. "The four of us are just looking for a place to stay for a few days."

"What makes you think I have an opening for four women traveling alone? Indecent!" the old lady said with a contemptuous sniff, stamping her staff for good measure.

"You have rooms or not?" Kirema said archly.

"Four rooms won't be cheap. Also, that one," she said, pointing at Yugito, "isn't welcome. She smells like trouble."

Yugito opened her mouth to protest, but Kirema glared back at her.

Turning back to the old woman, Kirema said. "Well... I guess you can tell she's jinchuuriki. Fine, we'll pay an additional security deposit on her behalf. That work?"

The old woman pursued her lips, scowling, before nodding abruptly. "Fine!" She shook her stick, and turned around. "I'll send someone with they keys."

Yugito turned to her boss. "Kirema-sama, why!?"

Kirema shrugged. "That concern was uncharacteristically reasonable, so we addressed it as such. It's not your place to have pride or shame."

Yugito scowled.

"Stop that." Kirema snapped. "We only took you with because your handlers said you could be trusted in public. You're not human, you're just a container for a weapon. You exist only to be pointed at enemies. Remember that!" She order.

Yugito lowered her eyes. "Hai, Kirema-sama."

I I I

But now it was time for bed, and Motoko seriously needed to find a room. But this was supposed to be the last place with any vacancies.

"Hogei Inn... man, what the hell kinda place... ahh, whatever." Motoko said, shaking her head.

Motoko pushed aside the door-flaps and stepped inside. "Hey, you guys got any vacancies?"

"Who the blazes is making so much racket in my hotel this late at night?!" A withered old lady demanded, as she hobbled over. "You!" She said, gesturing with her stick. "What do you want?"

Motoko crossed her arms. "Well, I was gonna ask for a room, but I don't know if I wanna stay in a place owned by a miserable old bat like you."

"Miserable old bat!?" The crone shrieked. "I'll show you miserable, you uncouth little harridan! Get out!"

Motoko just grunted. "Like I'd want to stay in a place like this! You hag!"

"Rude child!" The old woman sneered, jabbing in Motoko's direction with her cane, "I want you out! Out! Don't darken my door any longer, you little bitch!"

Motoko caught the cane in one hand as it swung at her. "What the hell, are you retarded!?" Motoko shouted. "Who insults--" she cut herself off before saying "ninja," since she was undercover.

"The hell is all this noise about?" A third voice interupted.

Motoko looked up, and didn't tense. She recognized the face. This person was Yozora Kirema, current commander of the Cloud Sword Squads, the special group that dealt with assassinations and competed with Konoha's ANBU. "Oh, nothing much." Motoko said sweetly. "I was just looking for a room."

Kirema just raised an eyebrow. She'd heard the two going at it. "Whatever." She turned to face the owner. "If your establishment is going to be this loud so late at night, I'm going to demand a discount." That said, she turned and walked back down the hall she'd emerged from.

The old crone sneered, but she turned and walked to the desk. Money was always tight. "Fine." She said. She turned to face Motoko. "Here's your room key. The rate is 80."

"80!?" Motoko shouted. "That's too much! I won't pay more than 40!"

"75." The woman said stiffly. "It's no better than a brat like you could get elsewhere."

"HEY!" roared Motoko.

"Quiet!" Came the muffled shout of Kirema from down the hall.

"60. No lower." The old woman stiffly said.

"Deal." Motoko agreed, taking the key.

The old woman sniffed pretentiously. Served the girl right; she was rooming next to the Cloud jinchuuriki. The old woman had been a ninja, once, many years ago, and could sense that sort of thing still.

Meanwhile, Motoko was fumbling with her lock, and fighting back a grin of anticipation.

_'I already found one of my targets,'_ Motoko thought,_ 'and tomorrow—my mission begins for real!'_

I I I

AN:

Yeah, all those names mean something, but... I forgot what.

And, I keep experimenting with scene breaks, since I'm not happy with any of the ones I've done. I think the triple "I"s are a winner, though.

"Hogei" means "whaling," in the sense of "whale hunting." I wanted to invoke something both unpopular and Japanese, so why not?

Finally, I fixed some of the spelling errors in previous chapters. I'm taking this story a little more seriously now, so they were bothering me.

Last, I'm starting a forum to answer questions, you can find it easy from my profile.


	7. Three Days at the Festival: Beginning

AN: So, uh… here's the first half of the next chapter. It just kept getting longer, so I thought I'd slice it in two. It's _still_ longer than the last chapter.

**THREE DAYS AT THE FESTIVAL: BEGINNING**

I I I

Bird chirped in the garden, even though it was still in shadow. The bustle of people getting ready for the new day could be heard from outside the building.

Inside the Hogei Inn, four of the most powerful women alive were sitting in their hotel room, dressed with deceptive casualness for the upcoming day.

"Okay, we're decided then." Kirema said.

"Yes, Kirema-sama." Kamome said.

"Yes." Echoed Yugito, quieter.

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Huh?" Reiko said, looking up from her book. "I mean, sure thing, boss!"

Kirema pinched the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb. "Reiko, at least pay a little bit of attention to these meetings. The fate of the village hangs in the balance."

Reiko snorted dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, a secret treaty mission with Hidden Stone, regarding the possibility of the Fourth Secret War." She scowled, and turned back to her book. "I'd rather keep working on my new electric flux technique."

"Don't be so disrespectful of Kirema-sama." Kamome said, her voice cold as she stared down at the slouching Reiko with an impassive face.

Reiko sneered back. "You'll be crying hardest when your precious students get sent to the front lines--"

"You're both out of line." Kirema said. Her voice was quiet but the room was suddenly filled with the crushing presence of her chakra. It wasn't sharp with killing intent, but it buzzed and hummed to their senses, an expression of her extreme annoyance.

The chakra sense dissipated. "Kamome. There is no need to speak on my behalf." Kirema scolded. Kamome bowed, humble but not humbled.

"As for you Reiko. I can hardly believe the words coming out of your mouth. Wasn't it you who pressed for escalation after the battle of--"

"The past is behind us." Reiko interrupted. "And that was a long time ago to begin with."

Yugito shifted, uncomfortable. She was at least 10 years younger than the other three women, who were talking about something she wasn't aware of, and that no one would explain to her anyway.

Kirema stared at Reiko for a long time. "Well." She smiled. It didn't reach her eyes. "Your orders are to make contact with the Stone Force, to arrange a rendezvous. Are your orders clear?"

Reiko stared back for a moment before looking down. "Yes, Kirema-sama."

Kirema's face softened. "It's not like we're definitely going to war. Just... we'll see what happens, and move from that position. This isn't a crisis situation."

Kamome cleared her throat. "Could we please repeat the code phrase?"

Kirema knew that Kamome certainly remembered but was grateful her subordinate was willing to change the subject so tactfully. "Okay, it's from the latest Princess Fuuin flick. You know the scene where they're facing down Sorcerer Mao on the glacier?"

"I hate that movie." Reiko offered helpfully.

"Right. That's great." Kirema said. "Anyway, display your headband discretely. Then, approach the potential and laugh a little bit. After that, say, 'So you have come all the way here! Princess Fuuin!'" Kirema did a surprisingly good imitation of Mao's voice. "Then they will respond 'You are Mao!'" Not only Mao, but also Fuuin's voice was dead on. "After that, the second member of the response team will approach and say, 'Your highness, please stand back.'" The impression for the secondary character Tsukuyaku was a little bit off.

There was a pause.

"I didn't know your were so talented as a voice actress." Reiko said, surprised.

"More to the point, who came up with such a ridiculous pass-code?" Kamome said, annoyed that she would have to participate in that kind of thing.

Kirema leveled a look at her. "They were decided on in secret communiqué between the Tsuchikage and my darling hubby." NO ONE insulted the Raikage in Kirema's presence. She was more than just the commander of the Kunogakure Discretionary Action Force, charged with politically important bodyguard and assassination missions, the ones who were directly responsible for the Raikage's safety; she was also married to that person.

It struck many as a convenient marriage to consolidate power for the politically vulnerable man who was rebuilding the village following the Third Secret War he had lost. In reality, she had decided she loved him and no one really dared to compete with the Black Ops commander.

"...Oh." Kamome said, weakly. "Um, what do we do after contact is made?"

"Verify the coordinates of the rendezvous bath." Kirema said. "As well as the time."

"Understood." Kamome said.

"That everything?" Kirema said, looking over the group. "Wait. Yugito, if you're approached, make sure to defer to someone else to do the talking. I understand that hubby wants to demonstrate that Cloud controls a jinchuuriki, but waving a weapon about at treaty talks is rude. Keep as much to the background as you can."

Yugito's lips were pressed in a firm line. "Understood. Kirema-sama."

"Just don't forget yourself." Kirema warned. "Your handlers assured me you can control your power, so I expect you to live up to that."

Yugito nodded crisply. "Yes. Kirema-sama."

"Okay. Everyone understands then?" Kirema said. "Then, move out!"

Rather anti-climatically, they all stood up and sedately walked out of the room. Shouting "move out" was really much cooler when all the shinobi could then leap off in different directions.

On the other side of the wall, Motoko set down the big cup she'd been using to listen through. It was a ridiculous trick, one suited for children, but placing the mouth of a cup on the wall and her ear on the bottom worked, and more importantly, did it without using any chakra. Sneaking about with as little chakra use as possible was a valuable lesson Naruto had learned when he was eleven.

He had spent four weeks evading the entirety of the Hunter Nin Office after he'd sabotaged Bagel Day with X-Lax.

The point was, doing things without using Chakra was important if you wanted to sneak past other (more competent, Naruto was willing to admit in retrospect) ninja, who could sense chakra better than Naruto could hide it.

Motoko stood up, dusted herself off, and set off to follow them. With the help of cleverly disguised Kage Bunshin, tailing them all would be easy.

So the youngest one was a jinchuuriki... Motoko wondered what that meant. She felt like she was supposed to know the term.

It made Motoko curious. She decided to tail Yugito personally, with her real body (well, as much as Motoko's body was the real body, anyway).

Whatever. It probably wasn't that important.

I I I

"Tsuchikage-sama." Tetsuko said, frowning. "Tsuchikage-sama, please wake up." The bodyguard assigned to the Tsuchikage was crouched over her boss, trying to get her to wake up in time for their morning briefing. It was well past dawn.

"Um... is she really asleep?" Okute said, wringing her hands, kneeling on the other side of the Tsuchikage. She just couldn't imagine the dreaded Ursura of Five Bears sleeping so blissfully while surrounded by other people.

"Yes." Tetsuko growled. "It pisses me off."

'Killing Intent!' Ursura thought, awake instantly. She kicked up, towards the source of the killing intent being projected at her, and grinned when she felt her heel connect. She spun around, throwing her arms out as she molded chakra in the fingers, the dreaded Bear Claws shimmering into being along her fingers.

Ursura frowned, and released the jutsu. "Tetsuko? The hell are you clutching your chin like that for?" She demanded, as she flopped down on the floor.

"You kicthed me." Tetsuko barely got the words out around her swollen tongue, sitting cross-legged to her leader's right side.

"Huh. Whatever." Ursura said, shrugging.

'So careless...' Okute wondered, a little horrified.

"So, what's the plan for today, anyway?" Ursura said, stretching her arms.

"Meeting up with Cloud nin." Chigaku said, as she walked in the room and sat down facing the Tsuchikage. "Using that silly code you bullied the Raikage into using. Double-check coordinates for the meeting tomorrow."

"...That was a surprisingly good summary." Ursura said.

"What are you implying?" Chigaku said darkly.

"Well, normally you just blather endlessly without ever reaching the point." Ursura said. "But, for once you actually got from point A to point B with, you know, a minimum of fuss." The Tsuchkage frowned, not noticing the darkening expression on her subordinate's face. "Then again, you weren't going on (and on and on!) about rocks."

"Hmph." Chigaku said. "Just because you're ignorant of the real power of your own village, doesn't mean you should take your jealously out on me!"

"Um..." Okute said weakly.

Ursura just grinned. "What, you're just angry that I'm better than you."

"That's a childish response." Chigaku shot back without missing a beat.

Tetsuko, still nursing her jaw, just growled. She was using a basic medical jutsu on her tongue, so she couldn't move it around to speak. Or scold her teammates.

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Ursura rolled her eyes. "Back on topic." She immediately whipped around to face Okute. "You had a concern?"

"Um, yes?" Okute said.

Ursura rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna eat you. Sheesh, be more confident already."

"Yes." Okute said, more firmly.

There was a pause.

"Well? What was it?" Ursura asked, almost shouting.

"Oh! Um... do you really think this will cause a war?" Okute asked.

"Well... who knows?" Ursura said flippantly.

"It's true that we both hate the Leaf." Tetsuko said, touching her face lightly. Satisfied that the jutsu had worked, she continued. "There's a lot of bitterness against Those That Hide in the Leaves among both the Stone and the Cloud. Uniting ourselves by attacking the weakened enemy is natural."

"So... war?" Okute said weakly.

"The Third Secret War ended over a decade ago." Ursura said quietly.

"Uh..." Okute trailed off when she saw that Ursura was addressing Tetsuko, not her.

Tetsuko met Ursura's eyes for a moment, and then seemed to deflate a little. "That's true." She looked up. "But, don't discount the Fourth Secret War, either."

Usrura grunted sourly. Okute flinched as the Tsuchikage abruptly flung herself up into a standing posture and clapped her hands. "Okay! So we split up, and the first person to make contact with the Cloud eats free!"

"I'm going to have to veto that." Tetsuko said, gracefully standing up to face her leader. "It's my duty to make sure that you stay safe. Speaking frankly, the Cloud group is probably stronger than us... it would be bad if you walked into a trap."

Ursura chuckled. "There's a big difference between the strength of those elite jounin and a Kage like me."

Tetsuko grunted. "Then it could also be said the only person capable of rescuing an ambushed Stone ninja is you."

Even a Kage could be struck down with deceit.

Ursura sighed. It was loud. "Playing to my sense of responsibility for my cute ninjas, eh? It's true I won't let anyone I command die, but it pisses me off a little that you'd use that against me." Ursura turned to face Okute, who had sidled around to stand at the Tsuchikage's flank.

"Okute! Put that ridiculously huge chakra reserve to work, and contact the Cloud with a group of Kage Bunshin!" Ursura said. Abruptly, she frowned. "Wait, you don't want to, do you?"

"Well..." Okute mumbled, "I guess it's fine."

"That's totally not the image of Stone nin I want to send." Ursura replied. "Ah! No offense, of course!" She added, waving her hands in what she hoped was a placating manner.

"No, I understand..." Okute mumbled, crouched down in a corner with her arms wrapped around her legs. "I'm just too self-conscious and shy to send on that sort of mission." The heavy aura of depression around her was almost palpable. "Just a shy, dark, weirdo."

"Oookay." Ursura said. "Chigaku, it's up to you to..." Ursura trailed off as her subordinate looked up. She had a jeweler's eyepiece strapped to each eye and a big sandstone rock she'd pried out of the garden sitting on her lap. Her pants were already smeared with dirt from it. "...to support Tetsuko when she makes contact." Ursura finished weakly. "Don't wanna send the dirt-geek, either." She mumbled.

"I heard that." Chigaku shot back. She didn't look up from the rock she had her lenses pressed against, though.

Ursura sighed again. "I guess we gotta rely on your strength for this one, Tetsuko."

"I live to serve." Tetsuko said, bowing before she jumped, caught the eves, and swung up onto the roof.

"The hell are you, a genie?" Ursura grunted, before leaping after herself. It was true that jumping around wouldn't be too good, but they just needed to get around to the street.

Chigaku threw a thumbs up at the disappearing Kage, still not looking up from the rock she was hunched over.

"So strange..." Okute murmured, pressing her fingers together. This was her first mission working with the Tsuchikage and the legendary All-Earth Chigaku. They weren't really what she expected. At all.

"Okute! Start sweeping the area for the contact!" Ursura ordered.

"KYAAA!" Okute screamed, startled.

Ursura just shook her head before using shunshin again.

I I I

This was quite possibly the most annoying sweet old lady Sakura had ever met.

"Ah! Don't these statues look just so cute, Sakura-chan!" Shijimi cooed, fawning over the ridiculous animal statues that Snow Country seemed to enjoy sticking in the baths. Something about guardian animals. Sakura had learned about them in the academy but hadn't committed it to long-term memory.

"Yes, they're really... cute. Really cute, Shijimi-sama." Sakura replied. It was a little disturbing to her; she could have poured on the sugary sweetness easily even a year ago, but somehow, since joining Team Seven, she couldn't really do that anymore.

She blamed Naruto. Or maybe Kakashi. 'Yeah!' Her Inner Self said. 'Those two really strain your ability to put up with bullshit!'

"Ah, you don't need to be so formal with me, Sakura-chan! You can call me Shijimi-chan!" The highest-ranked noblewoman in the Fire Country said.

"It, wouldn't really be appropriate, would it?" Sakura said, a little weak. She picked up strength as she continued. "I mean, the Fire Lady should be addressed with proper respect. Shijimi-sama."

"Nonsense!" Shijimi tutted. "We're friends now, so there's no need to be so formal! In fact, I order you to refer to me as Shijimi-chan, hmm!" The plump old lady nodded, pleased with her answer.

'Her true colors show through.' Sakura thought darkly. Sakura wasn't a fool. Referring to a noblewoman so casually could have disastrous political consequences; as an active duty ninja, not using proper respect for the Fire Lady could seriously weaken her standing and reflect negatively on the whole village. On the other hand, a Leaf shinobi who disobeyed even such a trivial command from Fire Nation nobility was blatantly violating orders, a serious offense.

In short, Sakura was neatly trapped. Shijimi could theoretically punish her no matter what she said, now. 'The ruthlessness of the court, indeed.'

"Oh, that would be too embarrassing for a simple girl like me!" Sakura responded, putting her hands to her cheeks. "But... I guess I could call you Shijimi-onee-sama!"

Sakura wasn't the smartest girl of her generation for nothing.

"How cuuute!" Shijimi gushed.

Inside, Sakura was grinning darkly. 'Shannaro! Still got it!'

"Ah! Is that Sakura?" A voice said behind her.

Sakura turned. "Ah, you are... Temari!"

"One of your cute friends!" Shijimi squealed. "Please introduce me."

"Ah, right." Sakura said. "Shijimi-nee-sama, I would like you to meet Temari-san, a chuunin of the Hidden Sand! And Temari-san, this woman is the Lady of the Fire Country, Shijimi-sama herself!"

"I see!" Temari said brightly. "It's very good to meet you, Shijimi-sama!"

'Ah, that isn't her real face!' Sakura thought to herself. 'I guess Temari is skilled at playing the good little girl, too... since her father was the previous Kazekage.'

"A Kunoichi who hides in the Sand!" Shijimi said. Perhaps some of the surprise in her voice was even honest.

"Since we're from allied Countries, it's not that strange!" Sakura protested lightly. "We share the experience of being Kunoichi, so we already have a lot in common!"

"I suppose that's true. It's refreshing to meet someone so easy to forgive treachery, that's all!" Shijimi said lightly. "I would be a little worried about it happening again."

"That was the work of a faction that has been completely discredited." Temari said sweetly. "There's currently no possibility of war between our countries."

"Wasn't the leader of that faction the Kazekage?" Shijimi asked, surprised. This time it wasn't honest at all. "But since he died in the invasion..." Shijimi trailed off. "Ah! Please forgive me saying such a painful thing about your father."

"It's fine." Temari said. "Since he died a month before the invasion, it was the work of a missing nin. From the Fire Country, in fact!"

Shijimi just smiled in response. Her eyes were closed, and the muscles in her cheeks were tight.

'Completely outmaneuvered.' Sakura thought. 'Although, I wish it wasn't at the expense of our village.'

"I'm surprised that the whole village could be fooled so completely." Shijimi said. Sakura had to admit it was a good recovery.

"That's because the Leaf missing nin Orochimaru was so good with kinjutsu!" Temari responded, voice bright. Her smile was loosing sweetness in favor of a predatory look.

Shijimi smiled again, the same meaningless expression. "Well! I think I will get us some drinks... why don't you two stay here and chat while I fetch some tea!"

"Ah! It isn't good for Shijimi-nee-sama to go get us drinks! Please let me escort you and carry them!" Sakura protested.

"Nonsense!" Shijimi scolded. "It's natural to impress new acquaintances with kindness! You two stay right here and chat." She nodded. "And I have the utmost confidence in the perimeter security the rest of your team provides, so there's no need to fear."

"Shijimi-nee-sama?" Temari said wryly as she eased into a more relaxed sitting position next to Sakura.

"Don't be dense." Sakura retorted. "You were skilled enough in that last conversation to know where that kind of thing would come from."

"Hmn." Temari said. She paused for a moment, before shaking her head slightly.

"Is something wrong, Temari-san?" Sakura said.

"Ah, I said a pretty vigorous thing about not going to war... it might even be true." Temari smiled, a jagged expression.

Sakura smiled back, a little unsure. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." Temari sighed. "Even if it was helped along by that Orochimaru, the reasons we invaded so willingly still exist." She shook her head.

"I'm sure the new Hokage will work hard to avoid war, for both village's sakes." Sakura said placatingly. Additionally, the Leaf couldn't afford prolonged combat, not now.

"I guess." Temari said. "Listen, about that... how long does Tsunade-hime plan to hold office?"

Sakura wrinkled her nose. Phrased differently, that could have been a threat against the Hokage, which would have been very serious. As it was, though... 'Calm down!' Inner Sakura roared. 'Even though the fate of the village might depend on this conversation!'

'Oh great...' Sakura moaned to herself, 'even my own instinct is to be nervous.' She pulled herself together. 'But I still need to respond.'

"I honestly don't know." Sakura responded.

Temari smirked. "That's a convenient answer... so I guess I'll ask blatantly." She looked Sakura in the eye. "Is Tsunade a placeholder until Naruto is ready?"

Sakura could only gape. "What...?"

Temari frowned. "Well... I guess there's no harm in you letting the Hokage know what I'm about to tell you." Inwardly, Temari sighed. 'And I came on this trip to avoid this obnoxious kind of politics.'

"Gaara plans to become the next Kazakage, and he will almost certainly get the title." Temari said. "He's strong enough, but frankly, it's more important that he's the previous kazekage's son."

"That guy!" Sakura said, surprised. "He's so..." She managed to stop herself before finishing such a rude thought about someone so important, apparently. 'He's so bloodthisty!' or 'He's so psychotic!' were not things to be saying about a Kage-apparent.

"'He's such a blood-crazed maniac who doesn't care about anyone,' is that what you mean?" Temari said. She smirked, a little bit sad. "I would have agreed with you, but... he's really changed since the invasion, even going so far as swearing to try to understand the feelings of other people." Temari chuckled. "He's adopted Naruto's dream as his own and decided to become a Kage to give his life meaning."

Temari shook her head. "I thought he was just a fool, but he was that powerful… stronger than Gaara." Her younger brother was a monster, through and through, who freely used the power of the One-Tails to crush everyone as proof of his existence.

When Gaara had begun his transformation in the forest outside the Leaf Village, Temari honestly thought all three siblings would die. Gaara in monster-mode was unstoppable with normal jutsu. Even the Last Uchiha had only been able to slow him down. But there was probably a jounin somewhere in Konoha that knew kinjutsu powerful enough to kill Gaara.

And along came some blonde loudmouth with poor fashion sense, and he was able to force Gaara to completely unleash Shukaku. And that same idiot was capable of a ridiculously high-level summon, capable of going toe-to-toe with the One Tail.

But what terrified her most was when Gaara had said, "He has the same power as me." Temari, who had lived her whole life around Gaara and was sensitive to demon chakra, hadn't been able to tell. To think a fraction tiny enough that she couldn't sense it, to think that small amount of power had been enough for him to handle her brother, it was horrifying.

Worse: there was only one Bijuu that had died at Konoha—and it had died about the same time this brat was probably born.

It scared Temari on a very deep level that the Leaf Village commanded the strongest possible ninja, a jinchuuriki of the legendary Fire King, the Nine-Tails Demon Fox.

After the reports came back, there was no way a single member of the Sand Village Council would seek war on Konoha as long as Uzumaki Naruto was alive. The potential for complete annihilation was too high.

"Um... I don't think Gaara is anything like Naruto." Sakura said, rather pointedly, impatient with Temari drifting off in thought like that.

Temari just stared for a moment. "Then... you don't know?"

"Know what!?" Sakura demanded.

"Never mind. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Is Naruto going to become Hokage in the next few years?" Temari asked.

Sakura couldn't help laughing a little bit. "Naruto? He talks about it, but, he isn't really the type." Suddenly, Sakura felt a flash of guilt. It was true Naruto had matured a lot over the last few months. "Well," Sakura amended, "maybe. It's possible, I guess."

"I see." Temari said, frowning. That his own teammate would so casually dismiss what the Sand Village Council thought was an absolute certainty... which was the side with bad information?

"Speaking of Naruto, he's not on this mission with us." Sakura wasn't about to mention that he was off on some training mission with Jiraiya. Come to think of it... that would tend to support Temari's thoughts, wouldn't it? Being trained by the Toad Sage would certainly look like he was being vetted for the tri-corner hat.

"Oh?" Temari said, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah. So, his replacement is... Shikamaru."

Temari frowned mightily at that. "Why should I care about that bum?"

"No reason." Sakura said lightly.

"Ah, time to go back to work." Temari mumbled, using her eyes to indicate a point behind Sakura.

"Getting along well, I see!" Shijimi cooed.

"Of course, Shijimi-nee-sama!" Sakura responded with as much cuteness as she could manage.

I I I

"Damn." Motoko mumbled. "Lost her."

Yugito was surprisingly hard to tail. Well, Motoko amended to herself, surprisingly hard to tail without being obvious. The blonde-haired girl from Cloud seemed uncomfortable and skittish in crowds, and tended to move either faster or slower than the people around her. Occasionally she darted across lanes.

Keeping up with her without being obvious about it was really hard. Motoko wasn't one to give up though! After all, Uzumaki Naruto had managed to tail a Hunter Nin right into the Hunter Nin office at the tender age of eleven!

Usually it wouldn't be a problem. Although... this time was for real, it wasn't just a prank where the worst that would happen was a scolding (even if the scolding was mostly Killing Intent). The consequences were different this time, and besides, it wasn't like Yugito was going to be the one making contact, anyway.

Catching up with her again would be easy, but too obvious. Motoko nodded sagely. Yup, it was definitely smartest to give up for now.

Her stomach gurgled again. Motoko sniffed the air.

There was a ramen stand nearby... on the next corner... yes!

Motoko hummed a little ditty as she stepped under the curtain.

"Hey!" She called out. For Naruto it would have been a shout, but Motoko was just too cutesy for it to come out that way. "Can I get two bowls of Miso?"

"Sure thing!" Replied the woman at the counter. "Just take a seat and it'll be right with ya!"

"Ha ha, yeah." Motoko said, sitting down at the table. She smiled and fiddled with her chopsticks, thinking about her mission. 'Man... I hope I get a chance to see Chigaku in action, it sounds like she's really good at doton jutsu!' Motoko frowned. 'But I hope I don't see her use them against me. That would mean I would have failed my mission!' Motoko jerked left on her stool to catch a chopstick she had nearly dropped. 'Ditto with that jinchuuriki thing. I wonder what it means?'

Motoko froze as a new customer spoke from her left flank, sitting down beside her. "Um, can I get a beef Ramen please?"

It was Yugito. Motoko tried to watch her out of the corner of her eye, but she just wasn't subtle enough to fool another ninja. Or another person, really.

"Is something wrong?" Yugito said coolly. She looked archly at the girl next to her, who seemed to be about her own age, also wearing festival kimono.

Motoko looked back, staring into her eyes, and commented on the first thing that came to mind. "You know... you have weird-shaped eyelashes."

Yugito grunted coldly, turning away. It was surprising, she thought bitterly, that such casual words from a total stranger could still hurt her this much.

"They're cute, though." Motoko added, turned back to the counter. "They make you look cool and unique."

Yugito paused. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she understood what was going on.

Worried about the pause, Motoko thought back to what just happened. It took a little bit of careful recounting, but finally it struck her. Just like when Sakura always hit him after talking, and said "think about it!" when he asked why. Her cute gasp pulled Yugito's attention back to her.

"I'm so sorry! The first sentence was pretty mean, wasn't it?" Motoko said. "Please accept my sincere apology."

This was the first time that anyone had cared about Yugito's feelings. "It's... okay." She said.

"That's good, then!" Motoko said brightly. "Anyway, my name's Motoko. I'm happy to meet you!"

"Thank you." Yugito wasn't sure how else to respond. "My name… is Yugito."

Motoko nodded, spinning her chopsticks between her fingers. "It fits you."

"What do you mean?" Yugito asked, cocking her head to one side.

Motoko paused. "I don't know." She said honestly. "It just felt like the right thing to say, even though I don't really know if it fits your or not. Your name is an important part of your identity, I guess, but at the same time it's not, since it's not something that actually describes you." She paused. "Ah, I'm rambling aren't I? I'm sorry."

Yugito shook her head. "No, it's fine. I'd… never really thought about it."

"Order up!" The owner called.

"Ah!" Motoko said, delighted as the ramen was set down in front of her. "Itadakimasu!"

Motoko ate fast, but it was still more polite than Naruto was. Kurenai had taken that part of training very seriously—Motoko actually acted like a girl was supposed to, most of the time.

Yugito stared for a moment, before shaking her head and beginning to tap her chopsticks against the table. It was almost a nervous habit; she almost always tapped her chopsticks while eating in public. It drove Kirema nuts.

"Order up!" The owner called out, setting the bowl down in front of Yugito.

"Thank you." Yugito said quietly, before digging in.

Although Motoko was eating two bowls, she also had a head start. Yugito managed to tie with her on the last bowl.

"Ah... that was pretty good." Motoko said, patting her stomach with content. She turned to face Yugito. "You know, you're the first person that could keep up with me."

Yugito wasn't quite sure how to respond. "It wasn't... hard."

"Oh?" Motoko said, smirking a little. "Are you disrespecting my skill at eating Ramen?"

"Skill...?" Yugito said. "Well, Ramen is really good, so it's easy to eat fast."

Motoko's face became serious, as she leaned in closer.

Yugito leaned back. People very rarely got into her personal space, it was making her very uncomfortable.

Abruptly Motoko smiled. It was like dawn breaking between the high mountains, Yugito thought, warm sunlight that washed over the green hills and chased away the cold morning mist.

"I like you." Motoko said.

Yugito couldn't ever remember hearing those words addressed at her before.

I I I

Tetsuko browsed through the knickknacks, burning time while she looked for her contact. Since they were trying to be discreet, she couldn't carry around her huge iron club, or even wear her armor. It made her feel unprepared.

Instead she had a kimono, and her hair pulled up into a knot on the top of her head, just barely long enough to wrap around the (very sharp) chopsticks. Her headband was tied around her forearm, and the symbol of hidden stone was visible every time she lifted her arm to browse through the goods.

She moved on to the next stand when the owner finished with his current customer; she didn't particularly feel like putting up with his sales pitch.

The next stand was festival masks. It twisted her gut a little bit; Gotei had always enjoyed the masks at festivals. He had been an accident, but neither of them had regretted it, and Gotei had been the apple of her eye.

She reached up, lightly caressing an ANBU mask, the symbol of the elite killers at the command of the Hokage. The irony was almost too painful.

But she wasn't so distracted she didn't see the other come up beside her.

The woman had long hair, pushed back to fall away from her face. She wore a flowing kimono with long sleeves over a pair of wide hakama pants, the creases crisp. She had the edge of a forehead protector peaking out from the fold of the kimono. She raised her hand slowly, and pulled it out to show the symbol of the Cloud.

Tetsuko turned to face the woman, pushing her sleeves up to show her own forehead protector and then pulling them back down for a more formal position, before bowing.

The other bowed back. "Hailing from the Land of Lightning, ranked jounin among Those that Hide in the Clouds, I am named Asagiri Kamome."

"Well met." Tetsuko replied. "Also ranked jounin, I am Hidden Rock's own Tetsuko."

After a pause, Kamome began to speak in a hesitant monotone. "So you have come all this way, Prin--"

"There's no need to put up with my leader's ridiculous antics." Tetsuko interrupted. "We both know the Raikage only agreed because it wasn't worth an argument."

Kamome just nodded. Her smile looked a little more real this time.

"Why don't we walk this way?" Tetsuko said, nodding her head to the right.

Kamome nodded, and the two set off at a sedate pace. "The first meeting will take place tomorrow at nine."

Tetsuko grunted in agreement. "The meeting place will be the Upper Pool in the Sparking Rift Park. Is that acceptable?"

"Eminently." Kamome responded. "Until then." She bowed again, and turned away.

"Goodbye." Tetsuko said, with her own bow. "So, they sent Asagiri Kamome, the famous spearfighter, huh? Thought she had a genin team to look out for these days..." Tetsuko shook her head. 'Talking to myself now... I hope boss isn't rubbing off on me.'

With a shake of her head, Tetsuko headed off to meet with her leader.

Behind the two, a mother and her young child stepped away from the food stand where they had been looking at grilled eel cuts. They stepped into the alley between two stands and, with one last check around the parameter, each formed a hand seal shaped like a cross before disappearing in a poof of smoke.

I I I

Shikamaru was beginning to regret becoming a ninja. It was just one big unending hassle. Bad enough he had to run a parameter guard on the ladies hot spring; he had to do it with Sasuke and Kakashi. One didn't know when enough was enough and the other was seriously the most passive-aggressive guy Shikamaru had ever met.

And then it got even more troublesome.

"Doesn't this scarf look just so cute!?" Shijimi gushed, holding the gauzy fabric in question up for the approval of the two kunoichi with them.

"Ah! It's very cute, Shijimi-nee-sama!" Sakura said, hands clasped together.

Shikamaru rubbed the space between his eyebrows with his fingertips, trying to get his face muscles to relax. Occasionally, Sakura's lower left eyelid would twitch; it made Shikamaru's face feel tense just watching her spasm like that. At least it didn't happen while the Fire Lady was watching.

"It certainly is!" Temari added. "But, I think this one would match your complexion better, Shijimi-sama!" The wind girl said, pulling out a length of something in alternating bands of silver and gray. It was the kind of thing grandmothers wore when visiting other old people.

Bothersome. Shikamaru didn't know why Temari was here but he didn't like it. He especially didn't like the jagged smile on her face when she did something like that to the Fire Lady. Shikamaru was smart; he knew they were playing some female dominance game.

Shikamaru wasn't just smart; he was a genius, so he repressed his sigh. They might hear it and draw him in.

"I think this one would make you look cute, Shijimi-nee-sama!" Sakura said, pulling out a bright pink hair cloth. "Although, it isn't quite the right shade for me..." It wasn't. It was a different shade then her hair and thus, clashed horribly. Even Shikamaru, who showed up late to debriefings wearing clothes he had slept in, could tell.

Temari had fallen back to walk with him. "You look like you're keeping a thought to yourself."

Shikamaru didn't bother to look at her. "I was thinking when you smile like that, you look like a shark. Your eyes close like you're rolling them out of the way to bite and there are lots of teeth."

She cuffed him on the shoulder. "You'll never get a girlfriend like that."

Shikamaru grunted. He didn't rub his arm because that would just encourage her and really, she hadn't hit him that hard. Thinking about what that meant worried him. "Kunoichi are the wrong type of girl for me."

"Right, you want a girl that's soft and demure." Temari said, with what was almost a snarl.

Uh oh. "That's not it." Shikamaru said, annoyance leaking into his voice. He didn't really feel comfortable explaining his reasoning about girls, but Temari would be an absolute harpy unless he corrected that little misunderstanding. "Use your head. A pregnant kunoichi can't go on missions, and has to stay with the new born kid for a while. After months off-duty without enough practice, her skills will be rusty; the only safe missions above D level are long recon trips, so either she's never around for the kid or a rusty ninja is going off on hazardous assignments." Shikamaru paused, wondering whether he should go on. "That's not fair to anybody."

There was a pause, as Temari looked down at him. "You... you're serious about that. You've really thought this through."

Shikamaru grunted sourly. "I'm not a misogynist; I've got reasons for what I'm looking for in a woman."

"And heaven forbids something against your plan happening." Temari shot back.

Shikamaru shrugged. "I'm not going to deny or accept anything blindly. There's consequences to think about."

There was another pause. "You're alright, Shikamaru." She said, quietly.

"Yeah, yeah." He muttered.

"What kind of insecure response is that! One 'yeah' is enough!" Temari responded, smacking him again.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes towards the sky. "My mother says that." He said abruptly.

"Eh?" Temari said, off balance.

"When I say 'yeah, yeah,' she always shouts back, 'one yeah is enough!'" Shikamaru said. "It really annoys me, like she's always looking for conflict. Isn't life enough of a hassle without making trouble?"

"Maybe you shouldn't give your mom that kinda lip, then." Temari said, with a heavy voice that made it obviously his fault.

"Yeah, yeah." Shikamaru grumbled. She had a good point, but telling her that would be like giving her a license to criticize everything about him.

"Don't make me say it again!" Temari snarled.

'Oh god.' Shikamaru thought. 'this woman... this unbelievably troublesome woman, is the same as my mom.'

"You know, they say men usually date their mothers." Kakashi said from behind, the smile obvious in his voice.

Temari flinched, turning, but it was too much trouble for Shikamaru.

"Says the guy who reads pervy books instead of dating." Shikamaru responded dryly.

Kakashi blinked.

Temari snorted. "Kakashi zero, Shikamaru one." She grinned. "Looks like Gai's got some competition now."

Shikamaru just closed his eyes. 'Troublesome!'

"Yeah, I gotta go check on something." Kakashi said lightly.

"That's right! Run away!" Temari shouted as he used a shunshin. "So, where were we...?"

I I I

Okute was beginning to hyperventilate a little bit. A kage bunshin had reported that contact between Tetsuko and a Cloud agent had been successful, but she'd decided to patrol the area a little bit. Just in case.

She hadn't expected to find anyone, really.

It was just a festival in an unimportant country without any real strategic value or natural resources. No reason for any other high-level ninja to be there.

Like oh say SHARINGAN KAKASHI.

So Okute was beginning to hyperventilate a little bit while hiding on the roof, laying on her front, peering over the side of a building, to keep her profile down. She wasn't afraid, exactly, but she had no idea what to do. She had to report this but Ursura, for all her carefree antics, was still a heavy combat ninja that had come to power just in time to participate in the Third Secret War, and Tetsuko hated the Leaf.

What was going to happen!?

"Yo."

Okute flinched, spinning around to face...

to face...

oh jeez.

"Uhm, hello?" Okute said weakly.

Kakashi smiled back. Okute thought. She couldn't really tell through his mask, but his one visible eye (that, at least, was a relief since he couldn't hypnotize her with just eye contact)(yet) was closed like he was smiling but it wasn't that comforting because he was still the Copy Nin and a world-class assassin with over a thousand techniques while all she really had going for her was solid basic skills and the Kage Bunshin and she needed to breath a little bit now.

"Are you..." Kakashi gestured a little impotently. "you know, okay?"

"Me? I'm fine." Okute said.

"That's nice." Kakashi responded.

There was a pause.

It was getting a little weird, even by Kakashi's standards. "There isn't going to be trouble, is there?" He finally said. The Leaf and the Stone weren't at war, but they weren't at peace, either. It was more like mutual de-escalation had occurred and neither had mobilized after it.

Okute just shook her head franticly. "We're just here on vacation! If you knew the Tsuchikage it would make sense!" Even in this panicked state, dropping that name had been deliberate. It would be important for Kakashi to understand the magnitude of what was going on here.

"Hmm." Kakashi said, with no commitment. It did fit the character of the Tsuchikage, but then again, so did scheduling a secret rendezvous with Cloud agents, like Tsunade had briefed him (she had, Kakashin thought, acted like she hadn't wanted to spread intel around to people that didn't really need it, but didn't want ignorance to bite Kahashi in the ass more). Kakashi decided to tell most of the truth to this excitable Stone kunoichi.

"Well, my cute little genins were assigned a C-class escort mission. Because it's somebody important it had to involve an elite jounin (me!)." Kakashi said. "Basically there's no reason for any kind of confrontation."

Okute breathed out. "That's pretty much similar to our case. Right now, Ursura-sama isn't looking to cause trouble with the Leaf. I'll have to report to her, but she probably won't even want to meet."

"Great!" Kakashi said. "But, I'm afraid I can't let you go so easy. After all, you might just go stage an ambush!" You could almost hear the little heart doodle in his speech. It was totally at odds with the implied threat of his words. It spooked Okute a little.

Okute smiled weakly. "At the same time, detaining me would be a pretty hostile act. Such an open confrontation would be disastrous in the current political climate."

"You're talking about Yumi-sama and Dotoi-sama, aren't you?" Kakashi said.

Okute nodded. "It's still just a rumor, but it's a reliable one. If marriage talks between the Stone and Fire Daimyos break down because of us, it would hurt both villages."

Kakashi just looked her in the eye for a moment before nodding. "Okay, that pretty much corroborates Leaf intel." He stood up, and dusted off his thighs. "See you around. Or, you know, hopefully not." He disappeared with a shunshin.

Okute breathed a huge sigh of relief. Hidden Leaf didn't have enough people to spy on their own Noble Court as well as they'd like, so offering valuable info like that about what the royal families were up to went a long way as an olive branch.

The fourth daughter of the Fire Daimyo, Yumi-hime, and the third son of the Stone Daimyo, Dotoi-sama, were reportedly being arranged as marriage partners. It was an attempt by the Fire Lord to defray the possibility of war while his Hidden Village was weak. The motives of the Stone Lord in accepting were currently unclear, but it was widely believed it would involve Fire Nation tariffs on rice export.

It looked like the Fourth Secret War might actually have to be kept secret from the courts.

I I I

"Something wrong?" Yugito said.

Motoko blinked and smiled. "Nah, I just remembered something!" Motoko wasn't sure how else to describe the sudden influx of information from a cancelled Kage Bunshin, and she didn't want to explain it to Yugito in the first place.

"Oh?" Yugito said.

"Yeah!" Motoko said.

There was a pause.

"Well? Aren't you going to ask what it is?" Motoko said.

Yugito blinked. "What is it?" She asked, slightly hesitant, but willing to play along.

"AH! It's a secret!" Motoko said, pressing her finger against the side of her nose. She giggled at the expression on Yugito's face.

"You need to loosen up, Yugito-chan!" Motoko said, smiling. "It's a festival, so let's go have some fun!"

"I've never really been to a festival before." Yugito admitted.

"It's easy!" Motoko said, clapping her hands together. "All you do is hang out with your friends! Oh, and eat food. That second part is actually really important."

"Friends, huh?" Yugito smiled. It didn't look very happy, Motoko thought. "Well, I guess that's why I've never been to a festival before."

Yugito stiffened as Motoko abruptly threw her arms around her. It was, Yugito realized, a hug.

"In that case, this festival will officially be used to celebrate our new friendship!" Motoko said. "Now, let's go do something exciting. Like… uh…"

Yugito could only stare at the girl that was so unafraid of her. It twisted at her heart to think that it was only because she didn't know the truth about Yugito.

"Ah! What's that sound?" Motoko said, perking up as she cocked her head to the side slightly.

"Those sound like Taiko drums." Yugito said, catching herself. Even if it was just for a little while, there was someone who didn't mind her presence. While there were people that looked after her, Yugito didn't think of them as caregivers. Their job was making sure she was competent and skilled as a ninja and they didn't particularly enjoy it. Her childhood had been lonely, ostracized from all other children as a potential hazard and no one looked at her kindly. The Raikage was always polite to her, which was more than could be said for most ninja, but Yugito still resented him for his distance. Sometimes Yugito wasn't sure if the hatred that smoldered in her belly belonged to the demon, or her.

And here was someone that enjoyed being around Yugito, and had easily called her a friend. Yugito was sure she would take it back just as easily once she found out that Yugito was really a monster. But… did that have to happen? This was supposed to be a really peaceful mission, and Motoko didn't even have to know that Yugito was a ninja in the first place.

Yugito could have fun as a normal girl. Nobody else had to know.

Motoko tugged lightly on the sleeve of Yugito's yukata. "Come on, let's go see these Taiko drums! They sound really loud and exciting!"

Yugito smiled. "Yes, let's go."

I I I

Izumo contemplated the cup of coffee in front of him before sipping from it philosophically. Then he offered his opinion. "You're full of shit."

Kotetsu frowned. "Hey, I'm serious. I think Anko is trying to seduce Iruka." He was seated casually with his chair flipped around backwards, his hands resting on the back. The crossword puzzle in today's paper lay forgotten in front of him on the break room table.

Izumo shook his head. "And I think you're wrong. He's totally not her type. Maybe he was a prankster when we were kids, but he grew up and turned into a total square. She wouldn't even look his way."

Kotetsu leaned in. "See, that's the thing. Normally she just picks up somebody with a wild reputation and they go at it for a while until it just implodes. There's something different this time."

Izumo looked up from the coffee. It was good today, and they hadn't had to worry about glue or hallucinogens in the coffee even once since Naruto had been made a genin. There was a rumor going around that he'd even done something to that Bagel Day the hunter nins took so seriously, but frankly Izumo didn't think even Naruto was that ballsy.

"Why do you care so much about Anko's love life, anyway?" Izumo asked. "All of a sudden, you always seem to know everything about her relationships."

Kotetsu grimaced. "Her apartment building was wrecked during the invasion, so she moved. She lives right over me, now."

Izumo paused. "So?"

"So Anko is loud." Kotetsu said. "When she argues with her flavor of the week, the whole building knows. Plus she's a screamer."

Izumo snorted, and very nearly sucked coffee into his nose. "Okay, I didn't need to know that. Any of it."

"I'm just saying, there's something different this time." Kotetsu said. "She's always talking to him in the mission office, and she's never home any more. Or at least, if she is home, she's not moving furniture around any more."

Izumo paused. "…moving furniture around?"

Kotetsu threw up his hands. "I know! But, that's what it sounds like."

Izumo shook his head. "I think Genma has better odds with Shizune then Iruka has with Anko. He's just… not her type."

"There's something different this time." Kotetsu repeated. "I don't know what it is, but there's definitely something different."

"Oh, that must be the new filters." Iruka said.

"Iruka!?" Kotetsu said, jumping slightly and turning around. "When did you get here!?"

"I just popped in to get my lunch." He said, shaking the Tupperware container with a sandwich in it as he closed the door to the refrigerator. He pointed at the coffee cup in Izumo's hand. "And if there's something different with the coffee, we just switched to a different kind of filter."

"I see." Kotetsu said.

"I thought there was something different." Izumo said, looking into the cup. He'd thought the coffee had been secretly switched to decaf without anyone noticing again. That had been the cruelest of Naruto's pranks by far.

And then the world as Izumo knew it changed.

"Hey Iruka!" Anko said, launching herself from the door to wrap around Iruka.

Iruka grunted as she slammed into him, twisting around so she was leaning against his back. "Anko? Do you need something?"

"Not exactly." Anko said. "But, I have some free time, and I thought we could go out and get something to eat."

Iruka smiled at her, despite his discomfort at her insistent physical closeness. "I appreciate the offer, but I brought lunch today." Iruka said, raising the Tupperware sandwich almost like it was a Shinto amulet that would ward her off. "I really need to take a quick lunch today so that I can get right back to the mission office. We have a lot of D-class missions that need to get done today."

Anko frowned. "That's boring!" She announced. Her arm blurred, and the Tupperware (sandwich and all) smashed into the wall next to Izumo's head. "Anyway, you don't have a lunch anymore, so let's go out." She grinned. "I'll even pay. This time."

Iruka just stared open-mouthed at the mustard-soaked tomato slice that was slowly sliding down the break room wall. Finally he closed his mouth and shrugged. "Let's go."

"Great!" Anko roared, leaping towards the window. Iruka stumbled, barely able to keep up as she dragged him along.

Kotetsu and Izumo stared out the window for a while after that. The curtain fluttered in the breeze, mocking them.

Kotetsu quietly whispered "Kai," with his hands in the tiger seal, but nothing changed. The tomato slice fell to the ground with a mocking splat.

"Did that just happen?" Izumo finally said.

"Yeah." Kotetsu said. "Anko basically kidnapped Iruka for a date."

"I mostly meant the part where Anko offered to pay." Izumo said. Part of him wondered just how desensitized that made him. He shook his head. "In all the years I've known her, she has never once offered to foot the bill, even that time she lost a drinking contest to Ibiki."

"You're right." Kotetsu said. "She must be even more serious than I thought."

Izumo sipped from his almost-forgotten coffee philosophically. "I wonder if we'll be invited to the wedding."

I I I

"So those are Taiko drums?" Motoko said slowly, taking in the sight in front of her.

"Yes." Yugito said.

"Those… are so cool." Motoko enthused. She grabbed Yugito by the hand. "Come on! Let's get closer!"

Yugito smiled lightly as she was pulled headfirst through the crowd. Watching Motoko shoulder through people to get up near the stage was so funny. The girl would use her elbow as a wedge to pry her way through, shoving people out of her way, while pouting and saying "excuse me" in the most breathy voice Yugito had ever heard. Basically the girls' actions and words were totally at odds.

"There!" Motoko said, throwing a fist in the air, "the front row!"

"It's pretty loud." Yugito said, leaning in so she could speak directly into Motoko's ear.

"What!?" Motoko shouted.

"I said it's pretty loud!" Yugito repeated.

Motoko frowned. "You're from Cloud?" She shouted back.

Yugito's face clenched. She realized it was a coincidence, but it had still spooked her.

"I said, it's pretty loud!" Yugito shouted a third time.

"I got it the first time!" Motoko responded. "But, I decided to tease you!"

Yugito shook her head, unsure of what to do. She'd seen friendly bantering before, but this was her first time participating. She had an idea of what she should do, but she didn't want to punch her new friend on the shoulder, or stick her tongue out….

"Ah!" Motoko threw her arm around Yugito's shoulder, pulling the slightly taller girl down. "don't be sad, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad!" Motoko jutted her lower lip out. "Please forgive me!"

Yugito smiled. "I wasn't angry, it's just the first time someone's teased me."

Motoko looked at her for a moment, with an indecipherable expression. Then the girl hugged her again. "Don't be sad, Yugito-chan!"

Yugito shrugged uncomfortably. "I'm used to it."

"That's no excuse!" Motoko said. Passingly, she wondered if Yugito had a bloodline, and that was what jinchuuriki meant, or something like that. This way this girl smiled reminded Motoko of Haku, who had such a bittersweet expression. With a mental shake, Motoko pulled her attention back to the present. She didn't want to see anypone suffering from loneliness, even if it was technically her target. "Today you are going to experience as much friendship as I can possibly cram into the day!" Motoko roared. Yugito smiled.

The drums stopped pounding away.

"Eh?" Motoko asked, in the sudden quiet.

"Okay!" Said a man on the platform where the drums were set up, "let's give these guys a hand!" He looked expectant, and then pleased when everyone started clapping. "These drummers are from the Yukinoumi shrine on the northern coast. They came all the way to the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival to play for us!" He said.

Everyone clapped again. "So," the man shouted, "now we're going to ask for some volunteers to come up and help out the drummers!"

Hands shot up. Yugito was dismayed to see that one was her own, fingers laced with Motoko's.

"Pick us!" Motoko shouted, completely unembarrassed.

The man on the platform, who had already called forward a woman from the back, smiled down at the two girls in the front row. "And the two up front!" He said. They were very cute, so the audience wouldn't have any complaints.

"Yeah!" Motoko cheered, pulling Yugito up onto the stage with her. "Alright, what should we do?"

"Why don't you go help Fuuzaki over there," the announcer pointed Motoko to a priest with a whispy beard, who waved, "And you," he indicated Yugito, "can help Gozou and Mirai over on the big one!" He said, waving Yugito a drum that looked like it had been carved out of a tree that was 400 years old. It was immense, set up lengthwise, and taller than a man.

"Lucky!" Motoko said. "Yugito-chan gets the big one!" She smiled at her friend. "Get along well with Gozou-kun and Mirai-kun!" That said, Motoko bounced over to where the old priest Fuuzaki was sitting.

Bemused, Yugito walked over to the man on the closer side of the big drum.

"Hey there, my name's Mirai." Said the man, "What's your name?"

"Ah, my name's Yugito." The girl responded.

"A cute name for a cute girl." Mirai said, nodding sagely.

Yugito shrugged, not sure how to respond. It was sort of a meaningless response, but she was feeling distinctly out of her element.

"Alright!" The announcer shouted, saving Motoko from having to answer, "the most important part of Taiko drumming is the rhythm, so-"

BOOM!

Everyone started, and turned to look at Motoko, who was holding one of the cloth-covered mallets used on Taiko drums. "Hey! This is pretty fun!" She cried, lifting the mallet again. The audience laughed when Fuuzaki deftly pulled it out of her hands when she went to strike it against the drum again.

"What's the big idea?!" Motoko shouted. She crossed her arms, and with a great "Hmph!" looked away from Fuuzaki, pouting exaggeratedly. More laughter from the audience.

"What a little kid." Mirai said, chuckling.

Yugito shrugged. "Motoko is pretty excitable, but she's also very kind." She paused, hesitating for a moment. "I'm very glad she's my friend."

Mirai smiled. "I see! You two have been friends for a long time, then?"

Yugito bit her lip. "No, we just met earlier today."

The announcer spoke up again. "Alright! As I was saying," he glared at Motoko, who responded with a cute 'who, me?' pose, "the most important part of drumming is rhythm! Without a good rhythm, you're just making noise!"

BOOM!

Everyone turned, and Motoko stuffed the mallet in Fuuzaki's hands. "It was him!" She said, pointing.

The announcer stared for a bit before shaking his head. "So, if the audience could help me set a rhythm for the volunteers," he said, looking at Motoko, "then we can get going!" He started clapping his hands, and the audience began clapping along.

"Here!" Mirai said, handing his mallet to Yugito. "Hit the drum here," he indicated a spot on the surface on the drum, "on every fourth beat!" He paused, waiting for a moment, "now!" He said.

Yugito hit the drum.

It was loud. Louder than the one Motoko had.

Yugito hit it again, and looked over her shoulder. Motoko was furiously beating away on her own drum, regardless of the rhythm, completely ignoring the old man Fuuzaki who was desperately trying to get her to obey some sort of time scheme.

Yugito smiled, and hit her own drum at her time interval.

"Stop!" The announcer shouted, waving his hands. The drums stopped, and the clapping died off. He turned to look at Motoko. "You… you're really bad."

"That's so mean!" Motoko said, clutching her hands together. "Even if it is, well, true." She sighed, putting a hand to her head. "Not doing things when I'm supposed to is my biggest weakness!"

The announcer just shook his head. "That's not an excuse!"

"Well at least Yugito still likes me, even if you don't!" Motoko shot back. "And she isn't bald, either!"

"I'M NOT BALD." The announcer roared. While technically true, he also had a comb over.

Motoko just turned to the audience. "Let's poll the audience! Raise your hand if you think the announcer man is bald!"

Laughing, most of the audience put their hands up.

"You traitor Fuuzaki!" The announcer roared. "Put your hand down!" He did a double take. "You too, Mirai, unless you want out!"

"She's got a point, boss!" the drummer laughed. "What do you think, cutie?" He asked, turning to Yugito.

Yugito, suddenly aware of all the eyes on her, squirmed and looked down. She didn't have good memories of that many people looking at her.

"Ha!" Motoko roared, drawing their attention back. "Yugito's just too kind to tell it like it is! Baldy!"

"I'll show you bald!" The annoucer roared, lunging for Motoko. She ducked away, and he began chasing her around the stage.

"Bald!" Fuuzaki shouted, striking the drum at the same time.

"Bald!" Agreed Mirai, hitting the big drum.

"Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!" the audience began chanting in time with the drums, laughing.

Finally, the announcer slipped when Motoko ducked to hide behind Fuuzaki, and his hair dramatically spilled over, revealing his shiny head.

"I hate you all!" He roared.

The audience laughed.

Except Sasuke. He frowned a little bit. "What's Motoko-chan doing here?" he wondered.

"Something over there, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, desperately looking for something to draw Shijimi's attention away from her.

"Unn." Sasuke grunted, shaking his head negatively. "Let's keep going." He turned and walked back to his team, away from the congregation laughing around the drums, and couldn't quite resist the urge to turn back and look one more time at Motoko, hamming it up in for the audience.

She was, Sasuke decided as he turned back to where Sakura was giving him an odd look, really cute in that festival yukata.

I I I

"You have pretty good comedic timing." The announcer complemented, as the drum group began packing up. "Even if you don't obey the rhythm."

"Thanks!" Motoko said. "Mostly."

Fuuzaki chuckled. "Well, you're welcome to come by again. Today was one of our most successful shows, thanks to you."

"Yeah!" Mirai shouted from the stage, where he was helping cover the drums for the night. "You too, Yugito-chan."

"Thanks, but Yugito doesn't like being in front of so many people so much." Motoko said. "So… we'll probably do something else, tomorrow. Thanks for inviting us, though!"

"You two are pretty close." The announcer said casually.

"Yeah, we're good friends." Motoko said.

"That's what they're calling it these days, huh?" Mirai commented to Yugito. He had been wondering why Yugito had been paying such close attention to the other girl the whole time. Now he was glad he hadn't tried very hard to capture Yugito's attention. "Well, it's pretty rare to see, ah, 'close friendship' between two girls in these countries."

Yugito shook her head. "We're… not like that." She protested weakly.

"Not yet?" Mirai said. "Or… she doesn't swing that way?"

Yugito blushed, and opened her mouth, but no words came out. She honestly had no idea what to say. She was mortified.

Mirai patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll give you a chance."

Motoko chose that moment to drop her arm around Yugito's shoulder. "Hey, what are you two talking about?"

Yugito could just die.

I I I

"You're late." Kirema said, as Yugito walked in the door.

Yugito smoothed the smile of her face, into her professionally blank expression. "I apologize."

Kirema shook her head. "Well, you didn't create a scene, but you should be more dependable in the future. If you're not there when I need you, you'd be a worthless weapon."

"I apologize." Yugito repeated.

"Never mind." Kirema said. "Moving on. Kamome, report."

"Contact made." The crane lady quietly said. "Meeting time affirmed, tomorrow at nine in the Sparkling Rift Park."

Kirema nodded. "Of the options we selected in our communications, that one is probably the most defensible." She paused. "Do you know who you made contact with?"

"Testuko the Crusher." Kamome said. "I also saw All-Earths Chigaku when I went to make contact. She wasn't hiding, my guess is that she was there as backup in case there was an escalation."

"An elite battlefield nin like Tetsuko the Crusher, and the unparalleled Doton genius All-Earths Chigaku…" Kirema said. "Well, the Crusher would probably lose to any of us four, but All-Earths is a tough opponent, too."

"Don't forget that Ursura of Five-Bears herself is here." Kirema lightly reminded. "If we're concerned with combat potential, Ursura could have brought three genin with her and still be favored for victory."

"Don't remind me." Kirema said, shaking her head. "That woman is probably the only rock-nin alive that could challenge my hubby. Against one of us, we'd turn to dust." She shook herself. "Let's not dwell on that. Kamome, could you go see where Raiko got to? Otherwise, you're dismissed for the evening."

"Hai, Kirema-sama." Kamome said, disappearing.

"Yugito, don't disappoint me like this again." Kirema said. "Other than that, just keep your head down, okay?"

"Hai, Kirema-sama." Yugito hesitated. "Kirema-sama… how do you know if you like someone?"

Kirema stayed still for a moment. "I don't believe the words I am hearing, Yugito. You are a jinchuuriki. You are incapable of 'liking' someone. Don't get distracted from your objective by a _boy_."

"Hai, Kirema-sama." Yugito said. She wanted to explain that it was a girl, a new friend, but Kirema would hear it and wouldn't understand, anyway. Fleetingly, Yugito regretted the thought that she could turn to this woman for advice.

"Don't make me regret bringing you along." Kirema said, before disappearing herself.

"Of course not." Yugito whispered to herself. She snarled. "Why would I _ever_ want to make you angry?"

The sun had set a while ago. Yugito was alone in a room full of shadows.

I I I

Two bells rang, sometimes together, sometimes not, creating an eerie discord. The morning mists swirled around them. Dawn was still a little while away.

"So this is it…" mused the one on the left. "The Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs festival."

"Yes." The one on the right, the shorter one, responded.

The tall one on the left sighed, and shifted the wrapped bundle on his back, disturbing the bells and streamers that hung from his wide hat. "This feels so dumb."

"It's a good opportunity. That's all."

"While that's true… it just isn't ominous enough. I would like to operate somewhere a little more intimidating, and not… a festival."

The short one paused, glancing at his companion. "I didn't know you were so fond of melodrama."

The tall one snorted. "Oh, now he cracks a joke. Let's just get this over with, Itachi-san."

"Yes." Itachi said, and the two stepped through the gate into the laughing world of the hot springs festival. In black cloaks, with clouds of blood-red, they stood out painfully. At least there were very few people around yet, most of those stall marketers preparing for the day.

"Besides," Kisame mused, "no matter how much I like melodrama, our Leader's taste in uniform is worse."

"…yeah." Itachi admitted.

I I I

Motoko sighed, setting off for the for the park where the group was meeting. She'd made preparations in the dead of night, after she'd gotten away from Yugito. It had cut into her sleep a little bit, but operating on a few hours was nothing for someone with her (Naruto's) constitution. Now she just needed to get close enough to detect when they would be leaving, and move in afterwards.

"Hey."

Motoko did a double-take. "Sasuke-kun?"

"…yeah." The boy said, moving forward from the pole he'd been leaning against. "I saw you yesterday." She was wearing a different Yukata today, he noticed. This one had a complicated butterfly pattern; it was even better than yesterday.

"Oh." Motoko blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"On a mission protecting some old lady." It was habit to obscure the identity of the client. "Don't know what she sees in this place." Sasuke muttered. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I'm vacationing at a Hot Springs Festival!" Motoko said, grinning. "I guess that makes me the same type as 'some old lady,' huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Sasuke scoffed. "I was just wondering why you were here."

"How very considerate, Sasuke-kun." Motoko said, rolling her eyes.

Sasuke just grunted.

"Well, if you're done taking up my time, Sourpuss-san, I have places to go and octopus balls to eat."

Sasuke wanted to ask if he could come with her, but he had a duty to perform. "Whatever. If I don't see you around… I guess I'll see you back in Konoha."

"Yeah, yeah." Motoko said, waving an arm as she walked off. "See you later."

Sasuke turned himself, walking off in the opposite direction.

"Sasuke." Motoko called. "Be careful, okay?" It would be bad if Sasuke picked a fight with one of the diplomatic groups. Not only would it start an international incident, they'd wipe the floor with him, too.

Sasuke waved a hand without looking back. It was… odd, he thought, to have a girl tell him that. Her injunction didn't annoy him the way it would coming from Sakura. From Motoko, hearing her say "be careful" was… nice.

Sasuke shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking about this kind of stuff during a mission. He jumped up onto the roof, scanning around to look for enemies, before jumping off to report in to Kakashi.

Yugito stepped out from under a building overhang, a plate of rice balls half-forgotten in her hands. She frowned, unsure of what to make of this. Was Motoko a leaf kunoichi…?

I I I

Tetsuko lowered herself into the bath with a happy sigh. There was a pair of guardian statues of, of all things, frogs on the shelf next to her, but that was fine. It would be a waste not to enjoy the hot springs. Even if they were just a vehicle for a meeting that would potentially result in war.

"Well met, Asagiri-san." Tetsuko said.

"Kamome is just fine, Tetsuko-san." Kamome replied, lowering herself into the water across from the Stone woman.

Both sat quietly, pondering how they would proceed.

"Man, you two are both so stoic." Ursura said, twisting her pinkie finger in her ear, leaning against a rock beside her subordinate. She smiled. "So, you must be Kamome the Soaring Lance. Good to meetchya, I'm Ursura."

"Tsuchikage-sama." Kamome said lightly, bowing. She was a little bit spooked that the Tsuchikage had been able to sneak up like that and get into the bath so close to her undetected. It was easy to forget that this woman across from her was at least as talented at assassination as Kirema. Speaking of which. "Might I introduce the commander of our party, Kirema."

Kirema slipped into the water beside Kamome. "It is an honor to meet you, Tsuchikage-sama."

"Same here." Ursura smiled. So, that guy had sent his wife, the feared 'Death Fog' Kirema. Spooky. "How's the Raikage? Still going strong, I bet."

"He is in good health." Kirema said. "I'm surprised that you moved so quickly to a face-to-face meeting between the two of us."

"Na, if we're going to be allies, we should trust each other." Ursura said, flopping her hand. "Although I'm a might concerned you felt it necessary to bring along that sort of war potential for this kind of meeting."

"Yugito is stable." Kirema said. "In truth, we just wanted to demonstrate that ours is more dependable than the vaunted Gaara of the Desert from the Sand village."

"Funny you should mention that guy… word is he got taken down pretty fast when the Sand and the Sound invaded the Leaf." Ursura said. "A lot of people saw him during the exam, but then nobody saw him accomplish anything… even though we got reports his chakra was felt, he didn't kill even one leaf nin."

"So you're saying that the Leaf have some way of countering jinchuuriki?" Kirema said, frowning. Their own intelligence had pointed in a similar direction, but that Stone's resources verified it… was a concern.

"Maybe even a jinchuuriki of their own." Ursursa said slyly. "But I've only heard rumors so far, nothing more definite than that."

Yugito, sitting out of sight behind her leader, froze. She didn't want to associate herself with the famously psychotic Gaara, but was there someone like her in the Leaf?

"So basically you're saying we can't rely on our jinchuuriki as a weapon to annihilate their village." Kirema said.

"Well… we're getting a little ahead of ourselves." Ursura said. "Anyway, let's just set the place for the next meeting."

"How does ten tomorrow in the Pine Glade Spring sound?" Kirema offered.

Ursura nodded. "That's good."

"Until then…" Kirema said.

"There's one more thing." Ursura said.

"Yes?" Kirema looked up.

"Sharingan Kakashi is in town." Ursura said. She smirked. "Don't worry, it seems to be a coincidence. Looks like he's guarding a VIP from his country that wanted to vacation… we've got him covered, but it's good to let you know, eh?"

With that, Ursura and Tetsuko stood, and vanished away with shunshin.

"Too much of a coincidence?" Kamome finally asked.

Kirema grunted. "I don't like relying on their intel so much… it's something we can check ourselves, but it would be bad if he found out we're also here, it would be too suspicious." She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't like that she so effortlessly made us seem like informationless fools."

Kamome bowed. "Naturally you're at a disadvantage, bargaining with a Kage."

"Still." Kirema said. "That's no excuse for sloppy diplomacy."

"Don't worry so much." Reiko said idly from the shelf overlooking the spring, casually stuffing her book into her hip pack. "It's not like we need to accomplish anything more than just a commitment towards an alliance, anyway. We'll do the real bargaining from more equal positions."

"You're right." Kirema said, nodding as she stepped out of the spring. "Kamome, Reiko, Yugito: let's go."

The four vanished away with shunshin.

Some minutes later, Motoko eased into the spring, and swam to the frog guardian statues. "Kai." She whispered, and the illusion binding the two unraveled.

"Oh man!" Gamakichi complained, "that was rough!" He shook a webbed finger at Motoko. "You didn't have to leave us frozen up like that for so long, did ya?"

"Gamatatsu doesn't mind as much, did you, Gamatatsu?" Motoko said, pouting. "Besides, I came as soon as I could without being suspicious."

Gamatatsu blushed, shaking his head. "Of course not, Motoko-chan."

Gamakichi scowled. "It's just too weird seeing you dolled up like that, Naruto."

Motoko pouted. "Mou… what kind of crappy summon can't even remember his summoner's name? It's Motoko, Motoko! At least for this mission."

"Don't gimme that crap!" Gamakichi shouted.

"You shouldn't pick fights with girls, older brother." Gamatatsu scolded.

The other two paused, staring at the younger of the two frogs.

"What?" Gamatatsu asked.

"You… you do know that Motoko is really…?" Gamakichi said, before giving up, shaking his head. "Whatever. The point is, they mostly just said they were going to meet again tomorrow." Gamakichi hopped in the pool, and happily began splashing around.

Motoko sighed. "What a pain… they just keep having meetings to set meetings, they're worse than ninja administration back home."

"Well, you'll never guess what else they said…" Gamakichi began.

"Don't tease me!" Motoko said, crossing her arms cutely over her chest as she shook her head back and forth cutely. "I just can't stand it when boys tease me!"

"Stop doing that!" Gamakichi shouted, wildly pointing at Motoko. "It's really creepy!"

"So you said there was more?" Motoko said, ignoring his outburst. Both ignored Gamatatsu's plaintive "older brother…"

"Oh yeah," Gamakichi replied, rubbing his webbed hands together, "see…"

I I I

AN: So, uh, I basically don't have an excuse for why this took so long. The next chapter should be along before too long, anyway. Look! A distraction!

OMAKE: NINE THOUSAND

Premise: Let's assume that Naruto disregarded Kakashi's advice to stay with the group, and charged ahead to confront Deidaria and Sasori by himself so he could save Gaara. He's alone with the two in the middle of the desert.

"Bastards!" Naruto screams, arms up as he uses his signature Kage Bunshin jutsu.

"Deidaria, how many clones does your Scouter say he has?" Sasori said to his partner, his tail wavering back in forth. He was a little bit surprised by the sea of orange-clad ninja in front of him.

Deidaria adjusted the device over his eye, before blinking. "Over Nine Thousand!"

Sasori's head whipped around. "WHAT!? Nine Thousand! Are you sure!?"

"Yeah!" Deidaria rips scouter off and crushes it in frustration. "Over Nine Thousaaaand!"

"GRAAAGH!" Nine thousand Narutos agreed, before mobbing them both.

I I I

AN: So somebody (my brother!) complained that they were having a hard time following who all these people are. Therefore, here's a list of all the ninja OCs that I have used so far. If I didn't suck at art I would probably draw them or something, too.

Stone Team:

Leader: Ursura (no last name given), nickname: "Ursura of Five Bears"

Rank: Tsuchikage; promoted from commander of the Stone Assassination Teams after the previous Tsuchikage was killed near the beginning of the Third War. She uses bear-based jutsu and summons in combat. Appointed as a "stop gap" Kage that came into power just in time to lose a war, she has spent the last decade consolidating power.

Second: Tetsuko (no last name given), nickname: "Tetsuko the Crusher"

Rank: Jounin. Her weapon is a big club. That's too simple for a ninja, so it probably has some kind of trick to it. Some minor skills in medical jutsu; it's rumored she's stolen or reverse engineered Tsunade's super-strength jutsu. Called a "battlefield ninja," she participated in the last secret war against Konoha and seems to be holding a very bitter grudge.

Third: Chigaku (no last name given), nickname: "All-Earths Chigaku"

Rank: Elite Jounin. Chigaku is famous as the one who has mastered every earth element jutsu that exists. She takes rocks very seriously and is often covered in a layer of dirt.

Fourth: Okute (no last name given), no nickname

Rank: Jounin (recently promoted). She uses her unusually large chakra capacity to use Kage Bunshin. She has no other Jounin-level skills. She is insecure and very aware of the fact that she is the weakest member of her group.

Cloud Team:

Leader: Kirema (no last name given), nickname: "Death Fog Kirema"

Rank: Elite Jounin. Commander of the Cloud Village's Discretionary Action Force, ninja who are assigned missions directly and exclusively by the Raikage. She is also married to that person. She uses swords in combat, as well as water-type jutsu. Her signature jutsu creates fog that muffles sound, sight, and smell, allowing her to kill at her leisure.

Second: Kamome, Asagiri, nickname: "Kamome the Spear"

Rank: Jounin. Uses spears in combat, and holds the Crane summoning contract. Currently a jounin-sensei for a genin team, a responsibility she takes very seriously. Recalled to active jounin duty specifically for this mission, she worries about her team.

Third: Megami no Raiden (real name classified), nickname: "Raiko"

Rank: Elite Jounin. A combat-type ninja who was originally taijutsu-oriented, but now uses overpowered lightning element jutsu to annihilate enemies. She seems to hate Kakashi for some reason. A hawk during the previous secret war, she now advocates peace.

Fourth: Yugito Nii, no nickname

Rank: Technically genin. Having never participated in a Chuunin exam, Yugito is theoretically a genin. However, her power and skills are at or above the jounin level. She is the living prison (jinchuuriki) for the Two-tails, Nekomata (the "Ghost Cat"). Although she is not hated per se, that is because her village doesn't think of her as a human.


	8. Three Days at the Festival: End

AN: Another chapter! It's only been like a gazillion years, too!

**THREE DAYS AT THE FESTIVAL: END**

I I I

"That's outrageous." Kakuuzu said.

The clerk at the desk didn't react, but Kakuuzu noticed that the man's pupils were dilated slightly. So, he was good enough to keep his face under control but he was still reacting to Kakuuzu's killing intent.

"Why do you always have to be such a cheapass?" Hidan said, lounging against the desk. He was getting bored of listening to his partner complain about how high the prices were.

The clerk swallowed. "It's really busy for the festival. If you want a room and you don't have reservations, then it's going to be at least this expensive anywhere you go."

Kakuuzu growled. What he really wanted to do was lunge out and kill the man with one punch, but that would blow their cover.

"Just shell over the cash already." Hidan whined. "I'm sick of this shit."

Kakuuzu grunted. "60. That's final."

The clerk frowned. It was reasonable, but he didn't want to let two guys like this stay in his inn. Still, they hadn't done anything obviously illegal, and discrimination was against the law in the Snow Country. So he was obligated to let them stay. "65." He said. Driving them off by not backing down on price was the best option.

Kakuuzu frowned, the space between his eyebrows scrunching fiercely.

"Fine. Whatever, we'll pay it." Hidan said. "Sheesh."

Kakuuzu turned to look at his partner. "Shut it, you."

The clerk cleared his throat. "Well, I could give you a room for 60, but it's a single. If you don't mind sharing, then…"

"Oh Hell no." Hidan said. "We'll pay the damned 65 and we'll take the double. God dammit, Kakuuzu, why are you always such a tightwad?"

Kakuuzu scowled, and began carefully counting out bills to the clerk. He didn't want to share with Hidan any more than he had to.

Dammit, it was getting late; it was almost dark already. They needed a place for the night and roughing it would be too conspicuous, and Kakuuzu didn't think he could stand a whole night of Hidan's griping.

Just to spite the clerk, he paid with as many small bills and change as he could dig out of his pockets.

I I I

The Pine Glades Spring was a tier of three pools fed by a single hot spring. Pine trees grew right up to the very edge of each pool. Because they were old and thickly grown, they were impossible to move through with normal Leaf Village tree-jumping, and too dense to allow for fast movement between them. In short, it was difficult to approach or leave quickly without making a lot of noise, and it was impossible to know what was going on without being right on top of the spring because it was so secluded.

It was the ideal place to have a sensitive meeting between powerful ninjas, Motoko decided, which was why she was sitting on a tree overlooking and frowning down at it in the moonlight. With all the shadows, she had a difficult time discerning what was where. The problem was the two groups could meet in any of the three pools, and Motoko would have no way of knowing which before they showed up and chose.

So all three had to be watched. Some variation of the Toad henge would be best, but only Gamakichi and Gamatatsu were trustworthy: that wasn't enough, even if they were willing to do it. Motoko knew a Kage Bunshin would be able to last long enough, but not if it was using too much of a disguise jutsu. A Kage Bunshin under henge to look like anything other than a person wouldn't last nearly as long as it needed to.

The first order of business was leveraging one pool as being the one they would definitely be using. Motoko had a pretty good idea of how to do that; she would just leave a group of Kage Bunshin henged to look like a group in one of the end pools. It would be best to make it two or three guys, probably napping, drunk, or some combination thereof. They had to obviously be in no condition to spy on the group, so unconscious would probably be best. If they were at one end, the group would naturally meet at the other end. And if they were naked guys, then the kunoichi would be reluctant to approach them, no matter how ninja bad-ass they were.

Okay, she would drive them to stay in the upper pool with a trio of guys sleeping off hangovers in the lowest pool.

Motoko sighed. Now that she could definitely control where they would meet, how to listen in?

I I I

Kisame and Itachi are both early risers. It is just one of the many things they have in common; part of why they have the least friction of any team in Akatsuki is because they simply do things the same way.

They both go to bed early, just a few hours after sunset, and they both wake up at or before sunrise.

It might seem odd that ninjas would be so rigorous about going to bed early, but that's just they way they are. Neither is terribly introspective.

At any rate, that explains why the two of them have already eaten breakfast (it is, after all, the most important meal of the day) and are now beginning to scout around for the loud brat.

Kisame sinks down lower into the water, trying to make himself less conspicuous. He is not succeeding; he self-consciously adjusts the washcloth that is sitting on his head.

"Itachi," he whispered, "everyone is STARING."

"That," Itachi says, "is irrelevant." He glances around, the Sharingan instantly categorizing everyone around them. Mostly they are old people, the only sort that are up as early as the two missing-nin and not out working somewhere.

Itachi is dead on the inside. It doesn't bother him that he's permanently burning the image of naked old people into his memory.

There is a gaggle of housewives congregated around a rock. They titter when Itachi's eye sweeps over them, but they have very weak chakra. To the Uchiha, they're about as interesting as the rock.

Kisame has better hearing than Itachi. He can hear what those housewives are whispering to each other.

"…that dark-haired one is so cute…"

"…I would take the blue one home, too…."

"…don't bother, they're clearly together…"

Kisame fidgets, and tries to lower himself a little further into the water. He misses Samehadama already, but he promised Itachi he'd leave his weapon behind; it's just too obvious. It's not fair that Itachi gets to use his Sharingan.

"This is a waste of time." Itachi says to Kisame. "Let's go."

Itachi stands. His towel snags on a rock and is pulled off. Everyone freezes; the spring goes dead silent. Itachi looks down; calmly, he plucks the towel of the surface of the water and wraps it back around his waist, and begins to walk to the exit. It is like nothing has happened.

Kisame, miserable, follows as discretely as he can. He is hating every minute of this.

"…I would be hunched over too if I had to take that in the…"

Kisame stumbles. He would really, really like to have Samehadama with him.

His pants, too.

I I I

Ursura cracked her knuckles. She was pumped, excited. Someone with less self-assurance would be nervous about something going wrong. But Ursura didn't attain the pinnacle of the Stone village with weakness or doubt.

Although, admittedly, going in literally naked was a little much.

Okute was out keeping watch over Sharingan Kakashi. He would know, but that was good, too. He would be worried about being under surveillance, so he'd be less concerned with reconnaissance. Rather, even if he knew they were covering something up, it wasn't like he could spare the manpower to figure out what.

Tetsuko had set up a guard point at the west end of the pool; the Stone delegation coming from the west and the Cloud from the east had been a convenient bit of symbolism. Regardless of that, Tetsuko was probably still super-angry that she had insisted on going in alone.

Chigaku was underground somewhere.

Ursura smirked, and lowered herself into the top pool at precisely 9:55 AM. It was time.

I I I

"Hi Iruka!" Shizune said, smiling. She looked up from the missions she was organizing, reading through requests that had been forwarded from the customer office for assignment to teams.

Tsunade grumbled, sorting through more sensitive documents. Technically she should be reading them while secreted away, but if Shizune wasn't supervising they wouldn't be read.

"Good morning." Iruka said. He paused, debating whether to mention what a nice surprise it was to see Tsunade this morning. He decided it wasn't worth his neck.

"Something wrong?" The Hokage growled.

"Oh no," Iruka said. "I just suddenly wondered how Naruto was doing." It's better to dodge an attack than block it. Basic taijutsu, he taught it every day.

The Hokage sighed. "That boy," she said, and it was both warm and exasperated, "has probably forgotten all about his job and made friends with the enemy."

Shizune giggled. "That would be just like him, wouldn't it?" She grinned. "Since they're all kunoichi, I wouldn't be surprised if one fell in love with him."

Iruka sighed. "I don't even know what to say." He stepped forward, and began picking through the folders, finally stopping at the one he needed, skimming as he nodded. He needed some numbers on mission availability for when he inevitably got asked by nin that 'just happened to be passing by' about what the good missions were. Preparation was half the battle: another taijutsu lesson he pounded into kids' heads.

"Are you doing anything for lunch?" Shizune said, a study in casual.

"Hm?" Iruka said, looking up. "Ah, yes, actually. I guess I'm going on a date with Anko."

"You guess?" Tsunade said, looking up. If Iruka hurt Shizune, Tsunade would break his knees.

Iruka nodded uncomfortably, sensing the danger. "Yeah. We've been meeting for lunch the last few days." Iruka's innate kindness was endangering him; he wasn't quite willing to paint Anko as a kidnapper. "It's casual, but… well, they're dates, I suppose."

Shizune nodded. "I see."

"Well, if that's everything, I'll see you later." Tsunade said.

Iruka, sensing the dismissal for what it was, fled.

The master and disciple read through the scrolls a little more.

"You okay?" Tsunade finally asked. "With Anko getting him, I mean?"

Shizune nodded. "Well… it's not like I have a right to be angry." She paused, setting the scroll aside for a moment. "Even then, Anko was the first to go after him."

"It's not always the first person that wins." Tsunade offered, thinking of Dan.

"That's true." Shizune nodded. "But…" She paused. "I think Anko was more serious about it than we were. Kurenai was just getting sick of Asuma not making a move, I think."

"And you?" Tsunade said, once it became apparent Shizune wouldn't add more.

"I guess I was just interested in a guy that would attract even Anko's attention. He really is a great guy." Shizune said.

"Are you okay with that?" Tsunade said.

Shizune shrugged, and picked up the scroll again. "Well… Anko deserves the chance, I guess."

"Mm." Tsunade said. The two got back to work.

Finally Tsuande broke the silence again. "There's always Genma."

Shizune's answering snort would have been very hurtful to him had Genma been there to hear it.

I I I

Reiko closed her eyes, concentrating as she channeled chakra through her arms and into her bracers. Kirema watched silently as she used this new "flux" technique, while Yugito stood at her flank, trying not to fidget. Whatever Reiko was doing was making the Nekomata restless and irritable.

Kamome was up on one of her smaller cranes keeping watch from the air. Three men involved with the noodle business (from what she could overhear) had been drinking in the Pine Glade spring since she began surveying at eight, and had drunk themselves into a stupor by 9:30. No one else had entered or exited the area since she had started her flyovers.

Reiko opened here eyes, and grinned. "There's the three in the low spring pool to the south, one at the west end of the zone, one just entered the north pool. Also, there's another moving underground, I suspect that one's Chigaku."

Kirema raised an eyebrow.

Reiko smiled. "My newest technique is for information-gathering."

"Not annihilation?" Kirema asked dryly.

"I'm disappointed too." Reiko said without missing a beat. "Anyway, all living things generate an electromagnetic field. There are a couple kinds of animals, sharks mostly, that can actually detect them." Reiko held up her gauntlets. "With these, charged full of my electric-type chakra, I can detect reactions from people's fields." She smiled. "I have yet to meet a shinobi that has even thought of hiding their electromagnetic presence, let alone actually accomplish it." Reiko paused. "Also I can always tell which way is north."

"A basically unblockable range-finding jutsu. That's… very good." Kirema said.

Reiko grunted. "Right now, it's high A-grade difficulty. Getting the response is easy, but understanding it is really hard. The data is very delicate, so it requires a deep understanding of what you're doing. I think it's beyond anyone not me."

Kirema closed her eyes. "It would be nice to give to our hunters, but on the other hand, at least it's nearly impossible for someone else to use against us, too."

Yugito cleared her throat.

"Time, eh." Kirema mused. "Very well." She faced Yugito. "Stay at the east point with Reiko, I don't want them to see you off by yourself."

"Yes. Kirema-sama." Yugito murmured, her face a mask as the leader of the group went of to the meeting.

Reiko sat down, and pulled out her book. She stared at the cover for a minute before sighing. She set the book down for now.

Yugito looked up.

"Hey." Reiko said. "What was that stuff the other night about."

Yugito crossed her arms, and raised an eyebrow.

Reiko grimaced. Seeing Kirema's signature "brow arching" on someone else was still unnerving. Yugito probably didn't even know where she'd copied that from, to boot.

"You know what I'm talking about." Reiko said. "That 'how do you know if you like someone' business. You never struck me to get sidetracked by a guy, so what the hell was he doin' that-"

"She." Yugito snipped. "Her name was Motoko and she was nice to me."

Reiko paused, and then cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Ah. Ok. Well, carpet and hardwood are both floors so it's ok, I guess, but still, what the hell?"

Yugito blinked. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"Ah geeze." Reiko said. "Allright, so if you like a guy, then that's hardwood, but if you like girls, well, then it's more like carpet, cuz, well, you know."

Yugito sat still for a moment, and then color bloomed across her cheeks. "That's… no! That's not it at all!" She stopped, and visibly took control of herself. "Motoko was nice to me and called me a friend." Yugito paused, before continuing, quieter. "So… what's friendship?"

Reiko sighed. "You know, Kirema doesn't even think you feel emotions like that." Reiko paused. "To be honest, she's too optimistic like that."

Yugito didn't move.

Reiko grunted, gathering her thoughts. "You… you exist only to be the handle for the sword called Nekomata. History shows that extraneous things like feelings are weaknesses for jinchuuriki like you. It would be best if you erased this feeling, okay?" Reiko grimaced. "It's tough for a shinobi, too, but 'killing the heart' is absolutely vital for a jinchuuriki. So put aside those kinds of emotions."

"Yes, Reiko-san." Yugito said heavily.

"It's easy once you're used to it." Reiko advised. Her voice was inflected with an odd heaviness, the result of a lifetime as an excellent shinobi, who had already fully mastered setting aside the self's desires for the sake of the mission.

Yugito couldn't tell. Her own heart was already filled with its own heaviness, the result of a vague and bitter feeling, black and increasingly hot.

I I I

With a glance to the south end, where three men they couldn't see where sleeping off hangovers, Kirema gracefully stepped down into the hot spring.

"So we meet at last." The other woman said. Her appearance was as feral as the rumors said, and the pictures that Cloud had of her didn't quite capture the aura of potential violence this woman seemed to project.

"The Tsuchikage, Ursura of Five Bears, I presume?" Kirema said in response.

"And you would be Death Fog Kirema, representing your husband, the famous Raikage, so-called Strongest of Hidden Cloud." The Tsuchikage replied, a smirk tugging at her lips even as her voice responded evenly.

"Some would say Strongest." Kirema shot back. The lack of any qualifier was the point.

"Since the Leaf's Yondaime died, I might even be one of those 'some,' eh?" Ursura responded, chuckling. "Strongest of any hidden village. But," Ursura said, wagging a finger, "maybe not strongest ninja."

Kirema raised an eyebrow. "Are you perhaps talking about missing-nin?"

Ursura smiled. "Yeah. Continuing with Hidden Leaf, there's a guy named Uchiha Itachi."

"The S-Class missing nin." Kirema said. "Who appeared in the Leaf Bingo Book rated as 'extreme danger, do not engage' about the same time the Uchiha clan disappeared."

"Killing off that whole family, feared above all others." There were continual dark rumors that the Uchiha had practiced some sort of ritual fratricide, back when there were Uchiha. Itachi was the bogeyman of the Leaf Bingo Book, rated as even more dangerous than the legendary Orochimaru. Ursura said. "A full-blown murder machine. Wonder what he's up to."

"I don't know either." Kirema said. "First the Kyuubi, then the Uchiha disappearance, and finally that Sound/Sand invasion… Leaf is the weakest they've been in over sixty years."

"No better time to invade, huh?" Ursura said. "You been hearing that a lot? It's true. We could crush them into nothing. Then there would be a big power vacuum in the middle of the continent. Lots of war and chaos and most of all, opportunity."

"For you there is another condition." Kirema said. "The Fire Lord, it seems, is himself acting to protect Those that Hide in the Leaves. Yumi-dono from his court is betrothed to Dotoi-dono, the Stone Lord's son."

"That's pretty true." Ursura said, smiling. It didn't entirely reach her eyes. "It would be pretty embarrassing for the leadership of our country if we started a war." Ursura flapped her hand at the wrist. "But, the Leaf have appointed that notorious super-flake Tsunade to the Tri-Corner Hat. It would be pretty believable to the rest of the world if she started something, and then the mud would be on the Fire Lord's hem, not the Stone Lord's."

Kirema frowned. "I was under the impression that you were more interested in peace, Ursura-dono."

Ursura shrugged. "The Supreme Dictator of the Earth Country, that's someone else who's not me."

Kirema didn't outwardly react. "I understand that the rice tariffs the Fire Nation imposed on the Earth Country following the last Secret War have made finance… difficult. If the envoys representing the Stone Lord bargained from the position of strength, then the Earth budget would be eased."

Ursura grinned. "And Us that Hide in the Dirt, we're the strength that props up Stones."

"The faction of the late Gashir is pushing to acquire the Byakugan." Kirema said. "The strategy office has already accepted some mission proposals for evaluation. They were rejected in the planning phase, but it's already been tabled as an objective again."

"And I've still got people that want blood for Bellflower pass." Ursura said.

"Including your number two, right?" Kirema prodded.

Ursura smiled again. It was very sharp and not welcoming at all. "What kinda old hens are we turning in to, gossiping on like that, eh?" Ursura leaned back, closing her eyes. "Anyway, I'll commit to an alliance with the Cloud. A mutual defense pact."

"So if we go to war you have no choice but to get dragged in, huh?" Kirema said. "And if a certain Cloud faction antagonizes the Hyuuga again we might have a war on our hands. Then you have to get dragged in, even if you protest you don't want to, because of poor Yumi-dono."

Ursura grunted sourly. "For what it's worth, if I had been Raikage, I would have had Gashir executed. Going off half-cocked on his own like that and then his party had the gall to call diplomatic immunity." Ursura shook her head.

Kirema sighed. "It was a very tense time. The various feudal courts were almost unanimously aligned against us. If the Third Hokage had called for war… well, the Mist was looking for something to pull their country back together and they had no hatred for the Leaf, bloodlines aside. And our own satellite countries began to make condemning noises." Kirema shook her head. "A tense time indeed."

Ursura leaned back, sighing explosively. "It sounds like we're being dragged towards a war."

Kirema nodded. "If that's the case, the Raikage would prefer to be one of those still standing when it ends."

Ursura chuckled. "Well, that's a philosophy I can get behind, eh? Let's lean on each other a little bit, then."

The two women reached out, and shook hands.

"Alliance." Kirema said.

"Between Cloud and Stone," Ursura said with a grin, "with the Leaf wedged between them, right?" She chuckled a bit. "I guess you could say I represent the rock, and you guys at Cloud are a pretty hard place."

Kirema frowned. "That was a terrible joke."

"Yeah, yeah." Ursura said. "So. The terms should be simple and straightforward, for now. Non-aggression and mutual defense."

"For now." Kirema agreed. "Doubtless the mission offices will have their own terms to bicker over."

"They always do." Urusa sighed. It was something of a joke that ninja treaties were 10 percent blood and 90 percent money. The meaning was, if one page of a treaty between villages concerned their military forces, like border patrols, there would be nine more pages covering numbers and sorts of missions that the other village would be allowed to take in the foreign country.

"Anyway," Ursura continued, "among her other talents Tetsuko is a skilled calligrapher." Calligraphy, in the ninja world, was a science of inks, papers, wordings, and brush strokes designed to impede counterfeiting. Ursura grinned. "You'll understand if I send along a scroll myself labeled 'Raikage's eyes only,' right?"

Kirema grunted sourly. "I suppose I can trust it not to be a blast note."

Ursura chuckled. "Well, whatever. We'll drop by your place with the documents around nine tomorrow morning, okay?" She heaved herself out of the spring, the motion exaggerated in the unique way of the Tsuchikage. The meeting was over.

Kirema climbed out herself, somewhat more sedately. She wondered how Ursura had managed to track them back to their inn, but gave it up; the Tsuchikage wouldn't reveal her ninja's methods so easily, no matter how congenial the woman was.

I I I

"So? Any luck?" Kakuuzu demanded impatiently.

Hidan's eyes snapped open. "God damn it, Kakuuzu, can you shut your damn trap for just a minute or what? Shit…" Hidan grumbled, "I almost traced it down. Anyway yeah, I found the two-tail's chakra but if some bastard hadn't interrupted me in the middle of my search I might know where the bitch was."

Hidan has the best chakra senses of anyone in Akatsukai. His religious jutsu and various rituals have given him the longest and most sensitive range of sensing ability. He can even compete with Zetsu at detecting demonic chakra, but only when he's meditating.

Kakuuzu closed his eyes and counted to ten. Very quickly. "Did you at least get a direction?"

Hidan swore, pulling the pike out of his chest. "Yeah, she's definitely somewhere at the festival, but I'm not sure where exactly. I just felt the double pulse of the two-tailed beast. It's close, that's all I can say. Asshole."

Kakuuzu lunged, slugging his partner so hard his jaw broke. "We're moving out."

Hidan's response was even more venomous than it was garbled.

I I I

The springs are quiet; the surface of the water has stilled. There isn't a sound to be heard except the cry of an occasional bird.

Both teams of ninjas are long since gone.

With a pop, a boulder sitting in the middle of the top spring disappears in a cloud of smoke. There is a rush of water to fill the empty volume, and ripples spread out across the surface of the lake.

With a gasp, Naruto pops up. He is sweating, although he is too wet to tell. He looks down, and grimaces. There is another pop of ninja smoke and it's Motoko again.

Breathing heavily, she heaves herself out of the hot spring, and shakes the water off as best she can. She had used her super-henge to turn into a rock. Naruto had done one of Sasuke's big shurikan, once, in the fight against Zabuza, and it had been very hard to compress his body into a shape so much smaller than him. Bigger was easy, but it got hard past a certain point to sustain a larger form. That big rock had been difficult. Motoko didn't want to think about what would have happened if the jutsu had failed in the middle of that discussion. If her control had been a little bit worse, it probably would have.

Absently, she cancels the Kage Bunshin in the lower spring. They had been drunk, but they were better now; they were clones of Naruto, after all, and possessed his same capacity to sublimate poisons like alcohol. By the time the ninjas had showed up, maybe they could have heard something.

Yeah, they'd been able to hear some of it. Enough to cement it in Motoko's brain, anyway. She slogged out of the spring, already musing over what she'd heard. After swearing to an alliance, they'd agreed to meet up one last time tomorrow, at the inn. That would probably be pretty easy for Motoko to spy on.

I I I

His name is Shisui, just Shisui, and he is watching with some amusement as a stiff-necked man in a pressed suit walks into the bar in a small town on the southern border of the Waterfall country.

Shisui is a grizzled old man who has seen many things in his long life as a ninja, mostly terrible things.

The man who just walked into the bar is almost painfully stereotypical. He is well-dressed, but not too well-dressed. His tie is tight and his shirt is buttoned all the way up to the top. The collar is folded neatly; his suit is clean and neat and conservative. He is carrying a briefcase; it is taunt leather over a metal frame with brass corners.

To top it off, the man is wearing thick glasses and his hear is so neatly parted he must use a ruler.

But he walks in the dirty, dingy bar, glances around absently (his eye, Shisui notes, lingers on only old him, the most dangerous man in the place), and then walks calmly and confidently up to the bar, sits down, and orders something hard from the bartender.

The man slides the bartender a bill, and the bartender looks around, hesitating, before leaning in and speaking quickly to the man, their foreheads almost pressed together, before moving off.

The man finishes two more drinks while doing, of all things, spreadsheets on the bar counter. The next time the bartender brings him a drink, the man speaks to the bartender.

Then the waitress brings him another beer.

"Didn't order that." Shisui says sourly.

The waitress jerks her head towards the man at the counter. "Boss says that guy over there said ta give you another of whatever you're having."

"Hmm." Shisui responds. He doesn't agree, but he knocks back the beer he has been nursing all night anyway. He takes the new one, contemplates it, and then goes to sit down next to the man at the counter.

"I am hiring for a job." The man says, packing spreadsheets into his briefcase.

Shisui smirks. "And you're thinkin' of hiring me?"

The man turns to meet Shisui's eyes for the first time. Shisui is impressed, a little.

"Yes. I am." The man replies.

"Huh." Shisui says, turning away to take a swig of his beer. "And why would that be?"

"Because you are a missing nin who is looking for work." The man says.

Shisui almost gags on his beer. "How do you figure that?"

The man turns, and smiles. "I could go through the whole logical process I followed to reach that conclusion, but that would be too trite." He pauses to knock back his own shot of whatever. Shisui can smell the alcohol in it from here. "My name is Bookie." The man says. "It's not just an alias; I have responded to that moniker for over a year. When I think, I refer to myself as Bookie inside my own head." He pauses. "Just like your name is Shisui."

Shisui grunts sourly. The bartender was a little too free with information, it seems.

"The employer to whom I owe my loyalty is currently incarcerated in a Fire Country jail." The man called Bookie says. "He ran a Yakuza group and was jailed for running a gambling establishment without any licensing."

"And what, you want to bust him out or something?" Shisui says. "That's damn hard."

"Normally it would be." Bookie nodded. "However, the Leaf Village is seriously low on manpower. They are accepting missions at a normal rate to give the appearance of strength in other countries, but that means their normal military duties are suffering. Things like prisons for gamblers and drunks and white collar criminals are very lightly guarded."

"So you think what, you're just gonna waltz in and bust your guy out, no problems?" Shisui says with a sneer.

Bookie shakes his head. "No. I have no ability in ninpou." He pauses, and glances at Shisui. "A strong ninja, however, could free my employer. If that strong ninja didn't kill any guards and we fled immediately across a border, it wouldn't be worth the Leaf's resources to get us back."

"That's pretty ballsy." Shisui says. "But you're putting a lot of faith in this strong ninja, eh?"

Bookie smiles. "Come now, Shisui-san. Could a jinchuuriki really reach old age without being strong?"

Shisui abandons all pretense and turns, glaring at the man.

"No need for such hostility." Bookie murmurs. "And please remember we are just two gentleman conducting business in this kind of bar. In a fight, with this many missing nins around, I would die."

Shisui turns back to the bar, and hunches unhappily over his beer.

"My father was a minor official in the finance ministry of the Mist country." Bookie said blandly. "I was fourteen, and nearly ready for the government employment test when the civil war began." He paused, and glanced down at his empty shot glass.

"My parents were killed in a jutsu exchange that took out most of our neighborhood. I understand some Mist hunter nin were fighting a mother and daughter who happened to have a bloodline that apparently involved an extraordinary amount of collateral damage." He stopped speaking while the bartender refilled his glass.

"Eventually I managed to immigrate to the Wave country, where I got a job counting taxes collected from desperately poor fisherman." He paused again to knock back the new shot of alcohol in his glass.

"Then I was pressed into the service of the Gatou Corporation. I invested drug money in boats so Gatou could put a whole nation under him. After Gatou died and his corporation imploded, mostly from Board members hiring assassins on each other, I managed to flee to the Fire country. Since I didn't have any paperwork and I was technically a criminal anyway I ended up running the books for a gambler." Bookie turned to smile at Shisui. "After a lifetime of experiences, I imagine we've reached the same conclusion, you and I: humans are the real demons."

Shisui turned to his beer, and finished it off. Finally he said, "So why are you trying to bust your boss out, anyway?"

Bookie shrugged delicately. "Because he is a decent man."

Shisui chuckled, then. "No shit, huh? Alright, how much you payin' me then?"

Bookie turned, and smiled his best business smile while the two got down to haggling price.

I I I

Yugito was milling through the crowd, feeling irritable and drained. She hadn't slept well last night; her dreams had been dominated by phantom memories from the demon sealed inside her. She didn't wake up screaming anymore, though.

Then after a night of poor sleep she'd essentially been on alert for three hours while Kirema-san and the Tsuchikage plotted and planned.

Now she was out by herself. She probably shouldn't be, but she didn't want to be around anyone else from her team right now.

She wished Motoko was around.

Yugito grimaced. Motoko was apparently a kunoichi. And not just any ninja, either; someone from the Hidden Leaf. An enemy. But at least she wasn't here on a mission. If they fought, Yugito would kill her, of course, but she very much didn't want to.

The sound of some drums startled her out of her revere; for a moment she thought they were the huge drums from yesterday, but they weren't. These were lighter, and accompanied by other instruments, playing in a more complicated rhythm.

Curious, Yugito drifted closer to the platform where the music was coming from. In the field adjacent to the band, people were twirling about, dancing. It looked very complicated, but each person's role was simple. It was a dance traditional to the Snow Country, although Yugito couldn't remember the name.

Yugito wished Motoko was here.

"Hey!" Motoko said.

Yugito startled badly as the other girl hung off her shoulder.

"Whatcha doin' here?!" Motoko shouted brightly. "Waiting for your boyfriend?"

"N-no." Yugito said, trying to imperceptibly slide the kunai back into where she had hidden them in the belt of her yukata. It wouldn't do to flash knives in front of the other girl.

"Good!" Motoko said, pulling Yugito forward. "You can dance with me then!"

"But I don't know how." Yugito protested.

"Me neither." Motoko chirped. "But it's okay even if we screw up, as long as we have fun, right? Pretty girls will be forgiven anything!"

Yugito stopped resisting, and let the other girl pull her forward. They began to imitate the other people around them, couples that were dancing to the loud instrumental music.

Motoko grinned. "See! You're doing good, there's nothing to be worried about!"

Yugito smiled back. "I've always been told to do my best at everything."

Motoko laughed as they spun about in a circle. "That's good!"

The music ended; the song was over. Most stood and left, while some stayed where they were, waiting for the next song in the set.

"For as long as I could remember, I always had to do my best. Or else…" Yugito said, trailing off. Or else she would be devoured and replaced by the Two-tailed Cat. Or else she would be replaced by a better host, leaving her a desiccated, chakra-less half-corpse.

Motoko frowned a little. "That's good, isn't it? Why shouldn't you?"

"Sometimes…" Yugito said. "Don't you get tired of it? Of this life?"

Motoko paused, and looked Yugito in the eye. "I'm not the most tactful person around, but you're not talking about dancing anymore, are you?"

Yugito gathered her thoughts, and wet her lips. That had been uncomfortably direct. "Well… I'm… I guess you could say we work in the same industry." It was the easiest way to explain that she was a ninja, and that she knew Motoko was a ninja, too. Seeing the other girl's lack of expression, she hastened to explain.

Huh? Motoko thought. She was still trying to puzzle that one out, but she discarded it to follow what Yugito was going to say next. It probably wasn't too important, anyways, and Motoko didn't think it would be a good idea to ignore what Yugito was saying.

"I'm not happy with my job because it's not something I picked for myself." Yugito paused. "But at the same time, I have to… otherwise I would be worthless." She didn't know what she wanted to say. She didn't know what she meant. But Yugito was sure Motoko would understand.

Motoko couldn't figure out what Yugito meant. At all. But Naruto had a keen ability to detect the loneliness of other people.

"A long time ago," Motoko said, "I decided to walk the path where I would have no regrets." She paused, as images suddenly welled into her head. A waterfall and a friend. An exchange of heated words.

Chidori.

A tail of burning red chakra.

Wings of Darkness.

Chidori and Rasengan.

Rising, yet again. A fiery haze. Two tails. Lashing, swirling, malicious chakra bound into that shape. Despair and horror; since the other had run out of chakra, Naruto had seen himself reflected in two dark eyes before he'd smashed his friend into the ground.

That guy didn't get up again. Getting up again, that was something only Naruto could do.

"Sometimes, no matter what, something will happen that we regret." Motoko said. Because of his injuries, Sasuke couldn't consciously remember anything from that day, although he might retain fragments from his sharingan. Tsunade said the Uchiha boy had gotten off lucky with that small amount of brain damage. The injuries had been within the legendary Sannin's ability to heal.

Naruto shook the bad memories off with the ease of practice. Embrace the future; the past is already done.

"So," Motoko said, "the only thing you can do, is what you'll regret the least." Motoko smiled, and it was somewhat bittersweet. "Realizing you'll have regrets, what can you do that you'll look back on as the best choice?"

Yugito frowned. "That's not… very comforting."

Motoko smiled crookedly. "Well, it's that way for everybody, so at least it's an experience you can share with everyone else, right?"

"I'm not the same as everyone else." Yugito said heavily, slowly. "There is something that makes me… different. I'm…" Yugito swallowed. "I'm not supposed to be a human."

'Huh?' Motoko wondered. 'A tool, like Haku?' Then Motoko scoffed, rejecting the idea out of hand. "That's stupid." She waved her hands around, getting worked up. "You have hands and a body and stuff, right? Thoughts and human feelings, right?" Motoko glared fiercely, daring Yugito to disagree.

Yugito nodded, hesitating.

"Whatever foofy words we use, reality isn't dependant on words." Motoko leaned in, and hugged Yugito. "You're definitely a nice person. Even if a thousand people said otherwise, well, that's a thousand wrong opinions, okay? Even if a thousand people said sashimi was better than ramen, that doesn't mean ramen isn't the best food ever."

Motoko released the hug, and smiled.

Yugito smiled back, eyes watery.

"Alright!" Motoko said, roaring loudly enough to startle the twelve other people closest to them. "Let's dance until we pass out from exhaustion!"

I have no idea what we were just talking about, Motoko thought, but at least Yugito seems to be in a better mood.

I I I

The universe, Uchiha Sasuke decided, hated him. He handed over the natto he'd been sent to get.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun." Cooed the Fire Lady.

"Hn." Sasuke responded, trying to deflect attention away from himself. He looked away meaningfully in another direction, the closest he would allow himself to come to pointing and shouting "what's that over there!", but it made his hair flip dramatically over his forehead. The effect was really cool, and the Fire Lady squealed.

He was a ninja. Not an errand boy for a spoiled noble.

"That will be all for now. Thank you so much!" The Fire Lady said.

The problem was spoiled nobles were rich enough to hire ninjas as errand boys.

Sakura was smirking. Didn't she have a crush on him or something? Sasuke didn't get girls. Motoko didn't care that he didn't understand. She even thought it was cute.

Sasuke disappeared in a shunshin before she could come up with another errand to send him on. He landed on a rooftop beside Kakashi, who was lazing about while watching Sakura and the Fire Lady wander about the festival stalls, looking at the different trinkets on display.

"Good job." Kakishi murmured. He was clearly distracted. He was probably at a good bit. He was about halfway through the book; it was probably the scene where Goichi stumbled across the lesbians and was invited to… join.

Not that Sasuke would know or anything.

"Hn." Sasuke said.

Kakashi sighed. Such a dull boy. He wouldn't appreciate fine literature like Icha Icha at all. "Anyway, why don't you go see what Shikamaru's up to, or something?"

Shikamaru had been dragged off by Temari. Strictly speaking he probably shouldn't be going off with a girl on a mission, but on the other hand, she was a combat-type ninja from an allied village with known enemies in town. Kakashi couldn't in good faith allow an allied ninja to move about alone, just as he couldn't provide Leaf intel to another village, allied or no.

Letting Temari drag off Shikamaru was an excellent compromise: she had an ally in case of a combat situation, and he didn't have to tell her that enemies were in the area.

Sasuke grunted again and vanished.

Kakashi giggled again. With any luck, Sasuke would stumble across an awkward scene.

Even though he was an introverted freak, Kakashi had been young once too. It wouldn't be good if Shikamaru was _too_ friendly with a kunoichi from another village, after all.

This was just another way for him to look after the people under him, that's all.

Even if it was "troublesome."

I I I

Itachi paused. He glanced over at his partner, quirking his eyebrow meaningfully.

Kisame saw the meaning. 'Why did we come here again?'

Kisame grimaced back. 'We couldn't renew at the other place.' Then, he shrugged half-heartedly. 'Someone else had reservations.'

Itachi breathed out louder than normal, the closest he would come to a frustrated huff. 'But why here?'

Kisame just grunted. 'Only place with vacancies.'

Itachi's eyes flicked to the owner, who was currently berating them; Itachi for having such long hair, and Kisame for being blue. 'I can see why.'

"Don't ignore me." The owner of the Hogei inn seethed, shaking her finger vigorously. "Why if you were my children I would box your ears for your impertinence. When your elders speak, you'd do well to listen! Understand!" The old harridan demanded, scowling up at the Uchiha (Kisame was too tall).

Itachi merely closed his eyes.

"Don't you close your eyes when I'm talking to you young man!"

Itachi opened his eyes, Mangekyo Sharingan spinning. "Tsukiyomi." He announced.

With a gasp, the old woman collapsed to a heap on the floor.

Without missing a beat, Itachi stepped over the insensate geriatric.

"Think she'll be okay?" Kisame wondered.

"I don't care." Itachi honestly responded. He stepped over to the inn register behind the desk and looked down. "The room at the front end of the hall is free. We'll take that one." He penned a name down.

Kisame hefted his sword back onto his shoulder as they moved to the room. "So, what did you do to her, exactly?"

"The usual." Itachi said.

"Ah." Kisame nodded, wincing.

"We have an early day tomorrow." Itachi said.

"Yeah, I'm about bushed, myself." Kisame agreed. "Let's call it a night."

Neither missing-nin questioned the logic of searching a town for a 13 year old boy like Naruto and a lounge lizard like Jiraiya at six in the morning and ending their search to go to bed at nine o'clock sharp.

I I I

AN: Whew! I thought this chapter would never get finished. It's been what, like five months since my last update?! Since it's been so long some people are worried about this story maybe being abandoned. Don't worry; I'll definitely reach the conclusion. There will be a denouement and everything.

Here's some humorous content.

OMAKE: NEW SHOW

"You're probably wondering why you were all called here today."

"Yeah, un." Deidara said.

Pein turned to glare at his subordinate. "That wasn't a question."

"Sorry." Deidara muttered.

"Anyway," Pein said, "what with how our motives have finally been published, and we're actually getting screen time for us as an organization, and just what with how everything after the Time Skip has been going, I think it's time the Akatsukai organization consider diversifying its interests to protect our assets against the, er, canon."

Kakuuzu raised his hand. "Can we do it before the anime airs my fight scene?"

Pein nodded decisively. "Yes. And I definitely want to go through with it before, you know, we find out that the _real_ leader is Madara masquerading as Tobi for some asinine reason."

"Wait, what?" Hidan said, as he was the only one who had not figured it out on his own, since the others where competent.

"Anyway," Pein said, steamrolling over Hidan's question, "The point is, I got us a gig. So, uh, we need to figure out who's going to be which planeteer."

Finally Kisame spoke. "...I dunno if this is such a good idea, boss. I mean-"

"Shut up." Pein snapped. "I don't like this either. But, they control the whole planet from the shadows under the direction of a god using their mystical ring powers. It was either this or those Ring Wraiths in the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy and frankly, none of us know how to ride horses."

There was an incredulous pause as the elite group of sociopaths took that in.

Itachi spoke up. "I know how to ride hors-"

"Zip it." Pein said.

Itachi began again. "But I-"

"Zip!" Pein shouted.

Itachi began to sulk quietly.

"Good." Pein paused. "Kakuuzu, you're going to use the 'Heart' ring." He paused, waiting for someone to endorse this as a good idea. Nobody made eye contact. "It's because Kakuuzu has five hearts, see, so he should have the heart ring."

"I get it." Kakuuzu grumbled. "Just… we get it."

Pein continued. "Hidan: you're his monkey."

"What! Hell are you talking-"

"I don't want to hear it." Pein said. "These assignments are _final_."

There was a pause. Finally Zetsu spoke. "Tobi's a good boy-"

"NO." Pein said. "Just, just no."

Hidan began to sulk, although with substantially more grumbling than Itachi. Pein continued, unhindered by the opinions of his subordinates.

"Anyway, Kisame. You get water. Since you know water jutsu and you're a fish man."

Kisame, a little hurt by the type casting, just nodded stiffly. His therapist had explained to him in his last session that he shouldn't let himself be defined by other people who were only familiar with the shallowest parts of him. He was given an exercise: every time someone hurt his feelings by thinking he was just a bloodthirsty shark-man hybrid killing machine (he was so much _more_), he should think of one thing he liked to do that broke that stereotype. So Kisame thought about baking cookies. Itachi thought his snickerdoodles were especially tasty.

So it looked like Kisame was pouting, even though he actually wasn't. It was his thinking face.

"Itachi, you're that Wheeler kid, who had fire."

Itachi was still sulking so he was giving Pein the silent treatment, but the leader knew he heard.

"Konan, you gotta be wind." He flinched at the venomous look his childhood friend gave him. "Look, we have to have at least one girl in the Planeteers, so you have to join. Plus your origami thing is the closest to wind jutsu we have in the group."

He broke eye contact with his teammate and turned to his most trusted subordinate(s). "Zetsu."

"YES?" "Yeah?"

"The Earth ring." Pein simply responded.

"ACCEPTABLE." "That's fine."

"Just don't eat anyone." Pein admonished. "We're nominally the good guys in this, we can't go around committing cannibalism."

"AWWW." "No fair, boss."

"I still don't want to hear it." Pein firmly returned, ending the argument.

Deidara raised his hand.

"Yes Deidara?" Pein said.

"Uh, what about Captain Planet? I mean, he's blue with green hair, but you already made Kisame water, so…un." Deidara didn't know how to finish what he realized, in retrospect, was a somewhat tactless question. Because of his freakish mouth-hands, he know how much being judged hurt; he would put a note in Kisame's "I'm sorry" jar after the meeting.

"Well, Captain Planet is summoned by the combined power of the rings and possesses dominion over nature, so…" Pein trailed off, looking over his shoulder at the gigantic, open-mouthed nine-eyed statue that dominated the room. It was surprisingly easy to forget it was there, looming in the background.

The only sound was Konan, putting her face in her hand while she groaned.

I I I

AN: So I was halfway though writing this chapter when I realized that I had blocked out four days of events. For the chapter named "Three Days At the Festival." DAMMIT. It's not like I could just change the title, either; it was a continuity mistake on my part.

Also I've fixed things that people have pointed out were wrong since last time, too. It's pretty hypocritical that I'm nitpicky but make lots of mistakes; I guess all I can say is that if there's an error, I want to fix it.

If you want me to respond to you, use the forum or send me an email. I generally assume that people that leave reviews don't expect a response.

Anyway, the title of the next chapter is "S Level Combat." Guess what happens.


	9. S Level Combat

AN: So I guess I should point out that I'm going to write the Akatsuki as strong as I expected and hoped they would be, and not as they actually canonically were. No, that's not quite right: they won't be stronger or faster than they were in canon, but their tactics and skills will be at the S level. Except Hidan. He's an idiot.

**S Level Combat**

I I I

A bird began to sing. Itachi's eyes instantly opened, Sharingan swirling. His gaze flickered out the window. He made eye contact with the robin and cast a preliminary genjutsu on it before deciding it wasn't a threat. He released the sharingan and cancelled the illusion, sitting up. On the other side of the room, Kisame sat up and began his morning stretches.

Itachi looked outside again. It looked like it was going to be a wonderful day.

I I I

Ursura cracked an eye. "Hey Tetsuko."

Tetsuko grunted, and blearily sat up. "What is it, boss?"

"Time to rise and shine." The Tsuchikage said with a grin. "It's already this late in the morning, what are you doing sleeping in this late?"

Tetsuko wasn't amused. "Well, I was up most of the night carefully writing documents you capriciously decided on giving the Cloud envoys this morning."

"Details, details." The Tsuchkage said breezily. "It's true that there are some things we had prepared, but delivering something with wet ink is also proof that we take this seriously and are willing to bargain." She vaulted up, and casually kicked Chigaku, nimbly dodging the kunai made from a shard of rock the Doton user lashed out with.

"The hell, boss?" Chigaku said, sitting up. "Seriously, what the hell?"

The Tsuchikage shrugged, and walked over to the last bedroll.

"I'm already up!" Okute said, waving her hands as she sat upright.

Ursura pouted. "Aww, you're no fun."

"Let's just go." Tetsuko said, with a put-upon air.

"Okay." Tsuchikage said. "Anyway, this is just us being nice and saying goodbye, everybody smile and look happy. This is the home stretch, so don't get careless at the end." She grinned. "Move out!" She shouted, and flashed away with shunshin.

I I I

Kisame and Itachi are not the only Akatsuki that were early risers. One of Hidan's many absurd religious rules was a mandate for rising at dawn. Surprisingly, this was one of the few Precepts of Jashin that didn't annoy Kakuuzu, a firm believer in "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Kakuuzu's health (especially for a man over 100) and wealth were uncontestable, although his wisdom was somewhat more conditional.

"Found it!" Hidan crowed, pushing himself up off the ground. He snarled, then, because he had forgotten he had nailed himself to the floor with his spear. He pulled the spear out, aggravating the wound, and stood up. His torso trickled blood.

It was a good thing, Kakuuzu thought absently, that the Akatsuki cloak was black and red. "So?" He said. "Where is it?"

"Pretty close, actually." Hidan said. "Bastard was sitting right the hell down the road."

"I see. Well then, let's go and see if we can get the drop on them early." Inwardly, Kakuuzu seethed a little bit. He had hoped they would get to skip out on the bill, but the innkeeper had made them pay in advance for the first night.

"Yeah, this festival is pissin' me off." Hidan said darkly. "The hell kind of festival doesn't even have animal sacrifices?"

Kakuuzu closed his eyes. "Seriously, are you trying to be dense?" He turned away, and spoke up again to curtail Hidan's angry protests. "Whatever. Let's just go and get through this."

Hidan grunted, annoyed that Kakuuzu wasn't going to let him talk, but shouldered his scythe anyway. Although he was pissed with his partner, he didn't mind too much. Akatsuki was the destiny Jashin-sama had chosen him for, and Hidan was a willing tool for Jashin.

I I I

Yugito glanced around the courtyard. Raiko and Kamome were flanking Kirema, who was sitting on a blanket spread out in the courtyard, waiting to greet the stone delegation. After a little bit of debate with Kamome, Kirema had decided to leave Yugito sitting in the shadow of the veranda that surrounded the courtyard and not with the rest of the group.

Reiko paused in her reading, and Yugito looked up to see the group from the Stone Village landing in a tight formation across from the Cloud group.

"Yo." Said the Tsuchikage, brandishing some scrolls in her right hand. "I brought some gifts for your cute husband."

"Mmn." Kirema was noncommittal. "Was there anything else?"

Ursura of Five Bears grinned, and glanced to her right. "Well… I was just wondering when the last time the innkeeper cleaned the futons out. There are some bugs creeping about."

"I guess that's our cue." A voice sneered. "Bitch, saying such a lame thing, I'll sacrifice you to Jashin as a heretic." He was a pale man with a pinched look and long hair, even more blonde than Yugito's. He had a huge scythe with three blades, and a black cloak with red clouds scattered across it.

"Don't be a dumbass." His partner scolded. "That's not our goal, it isn't necessary to antagonize them." The second man was wearing some kind of head covering, but it didn't hide his bizarre eye color. He was wearing the same style of cloak and was carrying (of all things) a briefcase.

"Tch. Whatever, you sacrilegious asshole." The blonde man sneered.

"What would your mother say?" The Tsuchikage said lightly, twirling a kunai about a finger absently. Abruptly, her face dropped the smirk, and she became serious, projecting killing intent. "State your business. Depending on the response we might leave you alive."

The two man were unimpressed, projected the same killing intent back. The masked one stepped forward. "Hand over the jinchuuriki of the two tails." He paused, weighing his words. "If not, the ones left alive won't be you."

Yugito stiffened, unsure of what the response to that would be.

It was at that instant the wall between the two opposing groups exploded into the courtyard.

I I I

Motoko yawned, jaw creaking as she reached her arms up over her head. She bent her left arm behind her head, jutting her chest forward as she bent her head back.

Then she twisted, popping her back.

"Alright!" She said, clapping her hands. "Today's going to be great!" That said, she rolled back and kipped up, ready to start her day.

She slid open the door, and froze.

Standing in front of her was the S-Class missing-nin, Uchiha Itachi. He was brushing his teeth as he walked down the hallway. "Itachi…!" She hissed.

After hearing his name, Itachi paused and turned to the girl. He pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth. It was really ominous. "Do I know you… miss?"

"Uh, no, no." Motoko said, waving his hand. "I just thought you had a scurrilous look about you, like some kind of, ah, small carnivorous mammal, like a weasel or a ferret. Or something." Motoko flashed him a surprisingly convincing smile. "Yeah!"

Itachi arched a brow.

In response, Motoko slammed her door shut. "Shit-shit-shit!" She chanted, diving for her kunai pouch.

The door slid open, and Itachi stepped in.

They paused. Then Itachi recognized the Konoha standard issue equipment pouch.

In turn, Motoko recognized the hand-seals from practicing with Sasuke and launched herself towards the window just as the Grand Fireball detonated her hotel room.

She spun around twice, kunai pouch clasped in her hand as she landed in front of some very surprised people. She recognized both groups of jounin from the two countries on her left and two weird guys in the same cloaks Itachi was usually wearing on her right.

"Shit." She said with extra fervor.

"Motoko-chan!?" Yugito shouted, and then Itachi appeared with a shunshin in front of the girl.

There was a pause for the legendary S-Class Missing-nin Uchiha Itachi, everyone unsure of how to respond to this new development.

Finally Hidan spoke. "What the goddamn hell is going on, Itachi?" He paused. "And what the hell are you doing in a bathrobe?"

'Itachi!' Ursura turned and made glancing eye-contact with Kirema. So, this guy was definitely the real deal.

"Itachi, what the hell is going on…" Kisame trailed off as he landed on the roof surveying the scene. He glanced around, resettling the Samehadama on his shoulder before grinning. "Hey, it's the Zombie Twins!"

"God dammit!" Hidan roared, leveling his scythe at Kisame. "Knock it the hell off with that stupid nickname already!"

"Just apprehend your target." Itachi said lazily. "As it stands… I'm here for ours as well. Isn't that right, Naruto-kun?"

"So you saw through me somehow, huh?" Motoko said, straightening up. "Your sharingan really is the best… guess the gig is up." She formed a seal, and with a poof of smoke a 13-year-old boy in boxer shorts and an undershirt was standing were Motoko was. He strapped the equipment pouch on his thigh.

Itachi didn't say anything. As a point of fact, he hadn't seen through the illusion. But he'd recognized Naruto's equipment pouch (the Sharingan memorized a lot of usually worthless trivia), and guessed that such an absurd circumstance fitted Naruto.

They froze for a moment, Itachi calculating the best way to avoid a multiple-fighter death match with all these jounin while Naruto desperately tried to come up with a plan to escape.

Yugito stared, dumbstruck. Was Motoko… was Motoko just an illusion? A cover used by someone trying to get close to her group, exploiting her weaknesses?

"What the hell is going on?" Reiko finally said.

"We four are from Akatsuki." Kisame said. "We're here to capture the tailed beasts-"

"Kisame." Itachi said sharply. "Don't speak so freely."

"Hmph." Kakuuzu said. "I don't get what's going on myself, but as long as the two-tails is handed over, then we'll leave peacefully."

"The hell-" Hidan began.

"I'm afraid that won't be happening." Kirema said. "I don't care who you are, the two-tailed demon cat belongs to us. We won't hand over such a useful sword without a fight."

"Wait a minute!" Naruto said, waving his hand like a child in a schoolroom. "What two-tailed cat!? There's another demon around here!?"

There was a pause. Finally Kisame spoke up. "Yeah, the two-tails was sealed in that slant-eyed girl over there." He pointed at Yugito. "She's the jinchuuriki of the-"

"Kisame!" Itachi said, sounding more annoyed. He turned, glaring at his partner. 'Seriously, shut up.'

Kisame shrugged uncomfortably. 'Sorry.'

"What!?" Naruto said, shifting to look at Yugito. "Then Yugito-chan is-" Abruptly, he remembered that the infamous Uchiha Itachi was standing across from him. "Ah hell!" He shouted. "I'll figure it out after the fight!"

"I don't entirely understand myself, but I do get that there's gonna be a fight." Ursura grinned. "Okay. It's the Cloud with their allies the Stone and some blond spy versus the Akatsuki, that's what's going on!"

Her hands flashed through seals, and she roared as she slammed her hands against the ground. "Then let's kill 'em all!" She roared.

The summoning smoke hadn't cleared, before a huge roaring bear burst out of it, slamming into the wall between Hidan and Kakuuzu.

A second, slightly smaller bear leapt roaring into the air, and slammed a paw into the roof where Kisame had been standing.

I I I

The Pinwheel Eye took in everything as Itachi raked his gaze across the combat zone. The Tsuchikage was no pushover. She had already split the Zombie Twins using her summons and had tied up Kisame long enough to develop a battle plan. She was cunning enough to divine that the Akatsuki traveled in pairs or groups from Kisame's talkativeness. She determined that the Akatsuki had to be split up and handled individually or they would use combo attacks to crush even multiple jounin opponents.

Itachi's Sharingan sped up, ramping up with excitement. He waited patiently for what was going to happen next.

I I I

Immediately after two of her Bears shot out, Ursura spun, and began speaking. "I'm assuming temporary command of the combined groups. Reiko and Chigaku, you're on the masked Zombie Twin. Tetsuko and Kamome are on Fish Face. Okute and Yugito have blond Zombie Twin. That leaves Kirema and myself on Itachi. Fight well. The objective is survival." She turned to face the blond boy that was still mostly paying attention to Itachi.

"Boy!" She shouted. He twitched and turned his head towards her slightly, but didn't take his gaze off Itachi. She twitched for a moment as she felt that something was off.

She ducked and rolled forward, swinging around with a palm even as the boy shouted "Kai!" to dispel the genjutsu Itachi had cast.

The Leaf missing nin leaped over her chakra claw and kicked out, nearly taking her block off before he shunshined away to prevent a counter.

"You've gotten better, Naruto-kun."

The boy grunted, drawing some kunai. "You're just getting old, you've already got wrinkles on your face."

Ursura couldn't help cracking a grin. The sheer balls of making fun of Itachi's face to, well, his face was just too great.

"Kid, you're a leaf nin, right?"

"Yeah." He said, flinching slightly when Itachi shifted his weight.

"Well, I guess you understand that I'm gonna have to take you prisoner after this fight." She said. "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you if you help us out, okay?"

The blonde brat snorted. "Yeah right! You'll just have to let me go after realizing how awesome I am when I save all your lives!"

That was a little much, she thought. "Whatever. You ready, Kirema?"

"She has been for three seconds now." Itachi murmured.

"Even if you know, it won't save you." Kirema said. "Die in this, Unmugakure no Jutsu." With that, the Hiding in Clouds and Fog technique billowed out.

I I I

Kisame turned, glancing down as the whole courtyard was enshrouded in incredibly dense mist. It was more like fog than mist, really. "Huh." He mused, letting go with his left hand to punch the bear that was grapping with him, pressing down on his wrapped sword. He turned back as the bear reared back, surprised, and he grinned.

"Samahadama." He informed the bear, before ripping the rough-skinned sword from the bear's grasping claws, severely injuring its paws. He swung around, ready to use pendulum-like power to simultaneously rip open the bear's skin and crush its ribs, when he had to compensate.

Kisame ducked in, spinning the sword around his head once instead, neatly deflecting the huge iron club that would have crushed his skull.

"Pretty competent." He mused, leaping back to create some space for himself.

The woman with the huge club just grunted, getting ready for the next blow.

"That one is Tetsuko the Crusher, general staff secretary to the Tsuchikage and jounin. For myself, I am Asagiri Kamome, jounin of Hidden Cloud." Began another woman, landing formally. She had a lot of hair and some billowy clothes that could hide some serious armament. More to the point, Kisame noticed, she had that large spear. She continued to speak. "And you would be Hoshigaki Kisame, S-classed Mist missing-nin nicknamed 'Daimyo Killer.'"

"Damn." Kisame said, standing up a little straighter. "Makes me blush, knowing I'm so famous." He leered a bit, rushing forward. He ducked underneath the iron club and reached out with his left hand, grabbing the spear as it lanced out for his stomach and pushed it aside. With only his right hand holding the Samehadama, he swung down his sword, smashing open the ground while Kamome ghosted out of the way. "Oh, so close." He said, sighing.

The two women reset. They had him pincered between them.

He glanced down at the fog. "The hell is that stuff, I wonder." He sniffed experimentally. "Huh, that's pretty neat. I can't even smell what's going on." He turned his attention back to his opponents. "Guess that's why she's called 'Death Fog,' with that thick mist that can block sight, hearing, and smell. Probably even screws up chakra perception and touch, too." He shook his head, suitably impressed.

"Whatever." He said. "My opponents are you two."

"Glad you remembered." Tetsuko said dryly.

"Don't be snippy." Kisame scolded. "I'll take my time killing you."

"The one being toyed with is you." Shot back Kamome, finishing the seals while Kisame's back was turned. "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" Kamome began. "Spear him, Shuro-kichi!"

The jutsu complete, the red-crested crane, Shuro-kichi, was partially summoned, his head and neck appearing to the shoulders in front of Kamome, a huge ballista of a beak on thickly coiled muscle waiting to explode forward.

Kisame snarled, dodging as the huge head of the bird's razor-sharp beak streaked through his position, twisting to follow as he dodged, pecking at him.

He barely managed to block with Samehadama as Tetsuko crashed her club down onto him, fracturing the roof underneath his feet as he dropped into a crouch from the impact.

The summoned bird, seeing an opening, launched forward like a rocket. Kisame gasped as it speared his chest. Abruptly he dissolved into water, engulfing the mouth and nostrils of the summoned bird and attempting to suffocate it.

"Shuro-kichi!" Kamome cried, cancelling the jutsu to free her summoned ally.

"Too slow!" Kisame roared, spinning around to slam his sword into her from behind.

His blow was again diverted by Tetsuko's club, and both used the momentum from the clash to spin about, locking weapons together. Tetsuko grunted, neck muscles bulging as she forced the Samehadama back. "Too slow yourself!" She ground out.

Abruptly, Tetsuko dropped to her knees.

"Ho ho!" Kisame jeered, letting go with his left hand to catch the spear that streaked over Tetsuko's shoulder, straight at his heart. "It's only been this long, but your teamwork is already this good!"

He grinned, and Tetsuko's eyes widened, as she tried to force back the Samehadama. 'Crazy! With just one hand, he's pressuring me this much!'

With the same arm strength that allowed him to use the Samehadama in one hand, Kisame snapped the chakra-enhanced shaft of Kamome's spear and lunged forward, plunging it into Tetsuko's throat. She collapsed to the ground, bleeding heavily.

"Tch." He said. "I was too slow." Beneath him, the dying Tetsuko was replaced by a log with a poof of smoke.

He turned around, grinning at Tetsuko as Kamome clapped her hands, finishing her jutsu.

With a swirl of smoke, a trident appeared in Kirema's hands. It was a curious thing, with a haft of dark ebony wood and a blade that was stained even darker by some mysterious method.

"This is the treasure of the Crane Tribe, the Kurokuchibashi." Kirema said, twirling the trident about. "It's said the lightness of the Black Beak is exceeded only by the sharpness with which it spears fish for dinner."

Kisame smiled, an ugly, angry smile. "Cute. But you better be careful, it's not uncommon for a shark to catch a diving fish in its jaws."

"That we shall see!" Kamome said, leaping forward, the trident spinning wildly about.

'Shit!' Kisame thought, leaping back, dodging. He watched carefully, as the tough roof tiles were sliced up by the passing of the trident. 'She's channeling wind chakra through it to cut up anything that get's close!'

"I see you've noticed this weapon's power!" Kamome said, spinning the trident about in a complex pattern. Combined with the deadly sharp chakra she could emit through it, there was no opening for Kisame to exploit.

Kisame simply darted forward, smashing aside the trident with Samehadama, grinning. He lunged for the finishing blow, but cursed as he spun the sword around again, deflecting another attack from the almost-forgotten Stone jounin. "That's getting pretty annoying." He said, as he leapt away.

"So it's true, that Samehadama eats chakra." Tetsuko mused. "But… " She said, looking closely at the slightly cracked surface, "it wasn't fast enough to completely protect itself."

Kisame grinned, hefting the Samehadama. "Well… since you know so much, I'll tell you more. My partner isn't just a sword, it's alive. A little cut like this will heal in no time." He smiled, toothy. "The same can't be said for the blow I'll land in exchange."

"I see." Tetsuko said. "Kamome. Please stand back."

"You intend to take him alone?" The Cloud jounin said, feeling slighted.

Tetsuko didn't break her gaze from Kisame. "Yes. Mostly I don't want you to fall into the radius of my techniques." With that, she leapt forward, channeling chakra into her huge club.

Where it slammed into the ground, it cracked right through the roof. Tetsuko didn't give Kisame time to react, swinging up the club and spinning it around to slam into him. He blocked with Samehadama, but his sword was completely blown away, leaving him open. Tetsuko finished with another inertial swing, crushing Kisame's ribcage. The impact was so severe that the water was instantly scattered when the clone dissipated.

"I get it now." Kisame said. "It's like a deadblow hammer, right?"

Tetsuko nodded. "Using earth type chakra, change the solidity of the innermost core from iron to iron dust. Then the momentum is completely transferred through the blow." She hefted the club again. "In short… a direct blow would shatter even your sword. Never mind your bones."

Kisame shrugged. "Well, a direct blow is a big thing to take for granted against an opponent like me."

Tetsuko grunted. "We'll see." With that, she leapt forward, slamming the club down into Kisame's position. He stepped back for a counterblow, but instead of moving to avoid Tetsuko smoothly vaulted, arching up and balancing her whole body on the base of her club with her hands. With an ominous click, three of the bands wrapped around the shaft popped off, and coiled wires exploded outward, spinning wildly and chopping everything around her.

"I said I didn't want you in the radius." Tetsuko said to Kamome when the whirling stopped.

I I I

Kakuuzu frowned, leaping away as the bear smashed into the wall, before it turned around to roar at him.

It lunged forward, running towards him on all fours before rocking onto it's side to swipe at him with its right claw.

His briefcase poofed into a summoning storage space so he could catch the bear's claw with his left hand. Even with his hand open and his fingers splayed, his hand could still barely match the spread of the bear's palm.

However, even though he was dwarfed in size, he was still strong. His skin was already the dark coloration indicative of his body enhancing, skin-hardening jutsu.

The bear stood to nearly three meters of height, rearing back, and swung with its left paw, as well. His right hand went up, and caught that claw before it could hit, as well. It roared, and its jaws opened to snap his head off.

Kakuuzu, in response, pulled it forward with his hands, dropping down into a crouch and leaning forward before launching himself up, slamming the metal plate protecting his forehead into the great beast's throat.

It reared back, coughing, and he jumped, spinning around to blast it in the chest, right below the sternum, with a straight heel kick.

He bounced off, and backpedaled while the bear slumped over, winded. Kakuuzu was pretty sure he'd severely bruised or even torn the diaphragm muscle in the great beast's chest.

"So close combat is out."

He turned, and made eye contact with the Cloud jounin that was standing around ten meters away from him. Her vest marked her a jounin, but the most eye-catching features were the large coiled-wire gauntlets around her forearms. They were almost certainly jutsu-related tools.

"Hey bear." She said, not breaking off eye contact with Kakuuzu. "Go back, we'll handle this guy here."

"OKAY." The bear rasped, still winded. He dropped to all fours, and vanished into a puff of smoke, returning to his place of origin.

The two ninja stood still, evaluating each other for a moment, before Reiko dropped into a crouched stance, palms slamming together to flicker through some seals.

"Reiryuuha!" Reiko shouted, pointing her right hand out, index finger extended, left hand pressed against the right gauntlet. A flickering charge of electricity on her gauntlet was the only warning, and a brilliant flash of lighting arced from her extended finger to Kakuuzu. For the instant it existed, it was shaped like a serpentine dragon.

The blasted fragments of a log fell to the ground in still-burning splinters.

"Damn." Reiko said. "I guess that would have been too easy."

She spun, kicking away as Kakuuzu landed, his axe kick splitting the ground where she had just been standing. She flipped, and pushed off the ground with her hands, which went through a new set of handseals.

Across from her, Kakuuzu grunted as his foot sunk into the earth, which spiraled up around his leg, trapping him. From the feel of the chakra, there was another ninja underground, holding him in place with jutsu. He looked up, and the gauntled woman was doing the same handseals as before. If he was trapped this time, he couldn't dodge. And he couldn't drive the electric charge to ground; the earth-user would prevent that.

Well. If you can't dodge or block, obviously you should counter-attack.

His left eye twitched as he screwed his face up, concentrating, and he pulled open the top of his cloak to expose the scowling black-nosed mask.

"Raiton: Gian." He grunted, just as the woman pointed her finger and launched her Rairyuuha.

The False Darkness and the Lighting Dragon Blast collided, a flash that exploded sideways, igniting grass and flash-baking the ground as the two charged blasts negated each other.

He grunted as her apparent partner twisted out of the ground. She was a dirt-covered woman in a Stone Village jounin vest and a dark brown jumpsuit.

"He did something weird." She said. "He's sticking these strange threads into the ground, he almost speared me with them."

Kakuuzu scowled, retracting his threads. That was true, but it was also true that she had almost sheared his threads off with her earth jutsu in exchange. He had better avoid underground fighting for the time being.

Kakuuzu unbuttoned his cloak, better exposing the scowling black-nosed mask. "Raiton: Gian" launched out again. In the instant of the blinding flash, he also formed a hand seal.

Reiko simply held up her hand, and grinned. The flash of lightning converged on her hand, arcing into her gauntlet.

"Raiton: Youryoutate." Reiko said. "Don't even bother, my Capacitance Shield can completely absorb the electric charge of any Raiton attack."

"Bunshin: Daibakuha." Kakuuzu's voice said from behind them. It was the only warning they had as the Shadow Clone detonated.

Chigaku lunged, grabbing Reiko by the shoulder as she pulled them both down, a wall of earth erupting up and around to protect them from the explosion. She had felt the vibration the instant the second set of feet had landed on the ground, and had reacted.

She flashed through her own hand seals, and slammed the ground. "Doton: Ga no Naraku." Kakuuzu flinched, jumping back. He recognized the technique. The Underworld's Fang was a B-class earth-type assassination technique that speared the target from below.

Nothing appeared out of the ground, but he heard the high-pitched poof as his second shadow clone was destroyed where it was hiding.

He grunted, scowling as he stood up straight. "Skilled. To totally negate my lightning attack like that… you're a genius-class ninjutsu user, alright."

The other two women simply ran apart, flickering through their own handseals.

"Doton: Ne Ryoudo." Chigaku commanded. The Root Dominion skill reached out through the dirt, heaving and softening the ground, throwing the enemy off balance as Kakuuzu's footing was destabilized.

Kakuuzu stumbled, dropping to a wider stance and one hand touching the ground, back arching. He pushed off, leaping back several meters to try and find safer ground. His cloak was pulled tight as a second mask migrated to join the first on his chest.

"Raiton: Haji no Koutei." Reiko howled, her fingers hooked into claws as the Grasp of the Emperor shot out of them, scouring the whole area with vivid blue-white lighting.

In response, the smiling mask with the square teeth emerged. A flicker of flame was the only indication of Kakuuzu's counter-attack. "Katon: Zukokku." The Suffering's Source exploded forward, tearing through the Grasp of the Emperor.

"Shit!" Reiko swore, discharging her other gauntlet into the incoming fire blast, detonating it prematurely as she dove away.

Chigaku slammed her hands into the ground. The preparatory layer of the Root Dominion allowed Chigaku to perform more advanced and subtle earth-type jutsu, since the whole area of ground was saturated with her chakra.

"Doton: Kuufuku Noyama." Chigaku said, as the jutsu began. While under the effect of the Hunger Hills, the ground bubbled in response to any surface pressure, popping open a cavity that then swallowed whatever was present, sinking it down to a murderous pressure.

Kakuuzu pulled his legs up as the ground fell out from under him, sweeping up into a maw-shaped crater that threatened to engulf him.

Rather than try to land, he used another Suffering's Source to launch himself into the air like a rocket. The intense heat of the Katon attack instantly cooked the cavity in the ground into something like pottery.

While in the air, Kakuuzu sighted down at the Doton user. She was the most trouble; the Raiton user was only capable of straight blasting attacks, which was Kakuuzu's special domain.

Both the scowling mask and the smiling mask aligned. A small arc of charge in the scowling mask and a flicker of flame in the smiling mask was the only indication of what was about to happen.

"Katon, Raiton: Assaimou." The fire and lighting elements mingled to produce the Crushing Blind, where the extreme heat and charge compressed the atmosphere to several times the ambient pressure, and then propagated as a deadly wall of air that would crush the enemy's whole body, even as they were fried and cooked by the component elements.

Chigaku dived underground, the dirt erupting around her to protect against the powerful combined element attack. The shield jutsu crumpled in, bludgeoned by the force of the attack.

Reiko was prevented from counterattacking as something flew through the air at her. It was, she noted morbidly, Kakuuzu's hand; apparently he'd somehow left his right arm behind as he jumped back and then blasted off.

It was still attached to the hole in the ground by ropey threads, saturated with Kakuuzu's uniquely tainted chakra. Reiko dodged away, hands flickering through handseals.

The threads contracted, pulling the hand back into the hole as she bathed the area in lighting.

She skipped back as she heard Kakuuzu land at her flank. It wouldn't do to get pincered between him and his arm (as creepy as that sounded).

Kakuuzu glanced at where the Doton user was hiding underground. "I'm impressed. It's rare that I meet two people that can block even one attack, let alone a combined element blast like that."

Chigaku burst out of the ground, gasping. She coughed, and blood splattered out onto the earth. Blood was leaking from her ears, as well.

"But it's impossible to simply block that level of jutsu and not take some kind of damage." Kakuuzu continued. "Even if you stopped the fire and lighting, you've still been hit by a powerful pressure wave."

Chigaku grunted, wiping blood off her face. "Well, I'm still able to fight."

Reiko sighed. "You've got a high-level enhancement-type earth jutsu, and you can use A-class attacking fire and lightning jutsu. You can even do something that's close to a combined-element attack, although it's not as good as our Raikage." She tilted her head. "I've never heard of anyone that used quite that many elements at such a high level… except maybe the late Professor of Konoha."

Kakuuzu shrugged. "Well… that's not quite true." He twitched, then, and pulled the cloak off his right shoulder, exposing his freakishly severed right arm and the right side of his chest. A new mask was on his right pectoral. "It's not like I'm limited to only three elements." A faint whistling sound was emitted by the new mask, vaguely bird-like with a howling expression.

"Shit!" Reiko swore, diving to the ground. Obligingly, the earth split open and swallowed her into a waiting hollow.

"Fuuton: Atsugai." Kakuuzu said, as the blast of deadly wind from the Bleeding Force exploded over her position.

The ground opened, spitting Reiko out. "Good save." She said.

Chigaku grinned weakly from her position on the ground, hands still pressed to the earth.

Her eyes widened as she saw yet another mask on the back of Kakuuzu's right shoulder, facing towards her. It had an upturned lower lip, an anguished expression on its face, two stylized tears emerging from the corners of the eyes. A thin stream of water was swirling in its mouth.

"Suiton: Suishibanshou." Kakuuzu said, and a blast of chakra-charged water emerged from the mouthpart. The Drowning Creation stormed towards Chigaku's position.

Her hands blurred before one touched the ground, and three laminated layers of earth sprung up, shielding her from the blast. Water sprayed around the shield, splattering lightly on her face. It tingled and itched uncomfortably, so heavily charged with Kakuuzu's accursed chakra.

The shield collapsed when the attack abated, and her eyes widened when she saw that Kakuuzu was forming seals with only his left hand.

Chigaku tried to jump up and run, but she felt suddenly dizzy as she stood, heaving and woozy from the damage she'd taken earlier from the Crushing Blind.

"Suiton: Suirou." Kakuuzu said, finishing the jutsu. The water swirling around Chigaku suddenly condensed, trapping her in the prison sphere.

Kakuuzu grunted. "So… that's one down." His right hand had emerged from the hole, and was maintaining the water prison jutsu around Chigaku, held up by his black chakra threads. He had been less than enthusiastic about leaving his earth-element heart behind with his arm, but it was the only way it could counter the Doton jutsu Chigaku had used on the area. Now it would hold her out of the way.

Reiko shook her head. "Possessing all five element transformations at A-class proficiency… this freakishly cursed chakra and those masks…" She grinned a little sickly. "Not to mention that you're wearing the forehead protector of the Waterfall Village."

Reiko shook her head, almost disbelieving. "You're the Stitcher Goblin. The goddamned Stitcher Goblin of Waterfall."

Kakuuzu grunted sourly. "Having heard those rumors… I imagine you're a veteran from the Third Secret War, then? You're too young for the Second or First, let alone the Era of Secret Clans…"

Reiko shook her head. "The Era of Secret Clans ended over 80 years ago, when they conglomerated into the hidden villages." She cocked her head to the side. "So… it's true that you're immortal?"

Kakuuzu grunted. "Well… not immortal exactly. Somehow I can rejuvenate my body by continuously replacing one of my worn out hearts, thereby extending my lifespan."

He paused, thinking. "You're pretty talented, yourself. Even if Akatsuki might not have a place for you, you could live freely within my criminal organization."

Reiko paused for a moment. "Are you… offering me a job?"

Kakuuzu shrugged. "You're more competent than my idiot partner. Eating a False Darkness like that is no small feat. I value skill."

"And then when I let my guard down, my heart powers one of those masks, right?" Reiko said, waving her hand.

Kakuuzu shook his head. "Actually… individual skill has no impact on the heart. The only thing that matters for me is element disposition. Some have a stronger disposition than others, of course, but I doubt that you just happen to have an extremely strong lightning disposition."

Reiko shook her head. "Thanks… I think. But I'm not going to betray the Raikage." She grinned. "Naïve as it sounds, I believe in him."

Kakuuzu just nodded. "Then… die."

I I I

Ursura hunched down into a counter-reactive stance as the fog billowed out, perplexing her senses. There was no way she'd be able to control the battlefield now, and summoning was out of the question.

She glanced behind her as Kirema emerged from the fog.

"Good senses." Kirema complimented, drawing close.

"Heh." Ursura waved her hand. "I'm a little pissed, though. This is bad weather for summoning animals in."

Kirema nodded. "I apologize. However, we don't know the capabilities of his sharingan. Rather than trying to surround him, I think it better to seal away his vision advantage." She held out her hand; there was a radio attached to a throat microphone and an earpiece. Ursura took it, and Kirema lifted another out of her pocket. "We'll use these to co-ordinate our attack."

"And keep that Leaf-nin out of the way, right?" Ursura said.

Kirema nodded. "Indeed. It would be bad if he died, removing a counter-intelligence opportunity from us. It would be worse if he escaped in the confusion. I'll keep him lost in the fog for a little bit."

"Clever." The Tsuchikage complimented. "What's the plan?"

Kirema frowned, thinking. "Our best bet is a pincer. I'll drive him towards you, you engage, and I'll stab from behind?"

"Sounds good." Ursura said, nodding. "Best to keep it simple."

"Alright, let's go." Kirema said, fading into the mist.

A few minutes later, the radio crackled in Ursura's ear. "Move three meters forward to your eleven o'clock."

"Party time." Ursura whispered to herself.

I I I

Itachi sighed, and closed his eyes. When he looked up, the Sharingan was spinning slowly again, reflecting the calm mental state he forced himself to enter. The unmagakure no jutsu, the Hiding in Clouds and Fog technique was a famous assassination tool used by Kirema to seal off and isolate opponents, clouding their hearing and sight, blocking their ability to smell, even deadening their sense of touch and ability to detect chakra. The high-density chakra meant it would last a long time, even without any support from the user. It was widely considered the supreme tactical intelligence denial jutsu. There was an important caveat however; because the area was saturated with the user's chakra, they were still capable of the sonar-like chakra detection used in the Silent Killing style.

Fearsome indeed.

But it was a double-edged sword in squad combat; neither could the allies detect anything. Idly, Itachi spun a genjutsu around himself to blend in with the background fog. This way he would have the upper hand against the Tsuchikage.

He guessed they were conferring about how to contain him right now. He felt his best bet would be to immediately strike them down in succession, if he could. His best chance would be when they tried to trap him in a pincer, if he guessed their tactics correctly.

He considered creating some Kage Bunshin, but decided against it for now; soon, he would. Once combat was joined, maybe some as a delaying tactic for one of the enemy. Mizu Bunshin were out of the question, probably; all the water in the area was under the control of the Cloud group leader.

I I I

Ursura scowled, and her hands flickered through hand seals. Chakra wreathed her fingers, extending into wicked dagger-like claws. She had a feeling this would come to close combat.

Her radio crackled. "He's very close to you."

Ursura frowned. "I don't see him… shit. He's probably using camouflage genjutsu."

Kirema chewed her lip slightly on the other side. "That seems likely. I'll engage him, and you'll be able to locate us that way." She sighed, clearing her mind. "Of course, I might just kill him with the initial attack." She whispered to herself.

She moved forward, closing on Itachi's position. He was standing straight, but wary, ready. She drew her sword, and shot forward with a horizontal stab. His hands came together for a jutsu; she couldn't see what it was from behind, but it was probably bad. She immediately struck, hoping to catch him unguarded.

Preternaturally aware, Itachi twisted, dodging the blade at the last instant. He parried the katana with a kunai, the steel ringing as the hit together. His other hand whipped out, flinging three shurikan at Kirema.

Kirema ducked as her blade met his sword, dropping down to dodge the throwing stars and spinning to cut his legs at the thigh.

In response, Itachi jumped, cartwheeling over Kirema, stabbing down from above. She swung her sword up, blocking as she entered a tight crouch. She released her grip with her right hand, and reached down, grabbing another, shorter sword, and stabbed at Itachi, who hadn't quite reached the ground yet.

She impaled him, and he met her eyes briefly, sharingan still lazily spinning. Then he poofed into smoke.

She swung around without looking, blocking one kunai with her left sword, leaning into that direction to avoid another from a slightly different angle. She came to a guard position.

Itachi was standing a few meters away, waiting. She frowned, and reached out with her senses. "Shit!" She swore. "That jutsu you opened with… you created Kage Bunshin to stall Ursura for time, didn't you?"

Itachi merely nodded. "But you have yourself to worry about." He said, hands flickering through hand seals.

"That's right!" She said, shooting forward. He finished, breathing in for a katon jutsu, and exhaling a fireball. Kirema grinned, filling her katana with chakra, and then slashing apart the fireball, lunging forward through the embers to impale Itachi between the ribs. He grunted, and then burst apart, spewing ravens that swirled about her.

Kirema snorted in disgust. "Subtle." She muttered, using Kai.

She had only an instant of hair-raising warning before pain lanced through the side of her lower back. 'My kidney!' She thought, frantic. 'He stabbed me in my left kidney!'

"It was foolish of you to meet the eyes of even my Kage Bunshin." Itachi's voice whispered in her ear. Snarling, she reversed her right sword grip and drove it back, impaling him.

Again, he burst into smoke.

She twisted, leaning slightly. Itachi, implacable and unruffled, stood three meters away, just like he had at the beginning of the exchange. Except now she was bleeding from a potentially fatal wound.

"You were mistaken earlier." He murmured. "I initially created five Kage Bunshin, not one. Further, it was not Tsuchikage-san that I stalled with them."

Kirema paused for a moment, before growling. "You mean you've just been playing with me!?" She snarled.

Itachi just sighed, cocking his head to the side. "You are simply incapable of challenging my capacity." He looked up, staring at her face. She kept his eyes on his chest, centering her vision on his diaphragm. He continued speaking. "If you were counting, you'd know that I'm the third Kage Bunshin you've encountered."

"Bunshin Daibakuha." He said from behind her, and she dove forward, twisting and hunching to put as much of her armored vest between her and the explosion as she could, gritting her teeth as the shockwave sent a spasm of pain through her stab wound, as the lunge tore it wider.

She pushed herself up, and immediately flipped back as he kicked at her, darting back out of range. "So that was the fourth, huh?" She grated out. She was bleeding heavily. First the explosion and then that flip had really aggravated her wound. She might actually bleed out at this rate.

He nodded. "Four were assigned to you. The fifth is shadowing the real self." Then he cancelled himself to report back.

Kirema swallowed her anger and shame and set to giving herself some emergency first aid to stop the bleeding.

I I I

"God damn it!" Hidan swore leaping away from the bear. "A goddamn bear!?" At least it was going for Kakuuzu, he thought. Hidan didn't want any part of a bear. They were crazy. He vaulted up onto the wall.

He spat on the ground as he looked around for a good area for him to use his ritual in. A broad, open expanse was usually best for him. He kept his eye on the Nekomata host; she was coming towards him, and landed a few meters away.

There was a big, flat roof on the next building over, a more modern three-story hotel. He jerked his head in the direction of the building. "Let's rumble up there, bitch."

Yugito scowled, but jumped after him. As soon as her foot touched the ground, she skipped up and over again, to dodge the huge scythe that smashed into where she had just been.

Hidan spun, kicking the cord of the scythe up and pulling it around, sending the thing careening back into his grasp. He kept spinning, and buried the innermost blade in Okute's neck.

Okute dropped the kunai as she dropped limply to the ground, blood spurting out her mouth and neck. Then she dissipated in a poof of smoke.

"Oh shit." Hidan swore. "I goddamn hate Kage Bunshin. It's so goddamn cheap."

Okute landed beside Yugito. "What do you think?"

Yugito shook her head. "It's… he doesn't seem very professional at all." She frowned. "But… there's something odd about his chakra."

"Hey!" Hidan shouted, pointing his scythe at them. "Don't talk about me like I'm not standing right in front of you, dipshits!"

Yugito narrowed her eyes. "Allright, asshole, why is your chakra so screwed up."

Hidan sneered. "Moron, it's not screwed up, it's superhuman." He spread his arms, like he was offering a benediction. "My chakra… what you are sensing is that I am immortal!"

Yugito sniffed. "Well, we'll certainly see."

Hidan laughed, slightly hysterical. "You'll see! And I'll offer up all your suffering and death to Jashin-sama!"

He flung his scythe out, even as his left hand held a rosary to his lips. He began whispering intensely under his breath.

The scythe crashed into the ground, and the two jounin leapt apart. Okute charged forward, hands forming the cross handseal of Kage Bunshin. Four clones formed in a star around her, and the five ran in formation. Five meters out, the real Okute in the middle dropped and kicked out behind her. The rear Bunshin caught on it and used it as a spring to leap up over Hidan's head, as the other three broke apart and took his front and flanks.

"Catch his scythe!" Okute shouted at Yugito. The Cloud girl nodded, and leaped forward. Rather than trying to control the weapon itself, she landed on the cable Hidan used, and grabbed it. In a tug of war, her inhuman strength would win.

Hidan scowled at the four Bunshin surrounding him. "Lame." He sneered. "If you want to slaughter someone, you should spill their blood onto your own hands." He pulled on the cable, and glowered when he couldn't get it away from Yugito.

The four Kage Bunshin simultaneously charged forward. Hidan dropped the cable, and lashed out, driving his fingers into the eyes of the two bunshin on his flanks, and head-butting the one in front of him. All three dissipated into smoke before he could hurt them. The rosary on his left wrist jangled slightly on his outstretched hand.

The last drove a kunai into his spine, cracking his backbone. He looked over his shoulder at and sneered. His back-kick destroyed it.

"Shit." He grunted, reaching around and pulling the kunai out. It poofed into smoke in his hands, and he rolled his eyes as he dropped his hand back to grab at the cable again.

"Did I miss?" Okute wondered aloud. "No… I'm sure I severed his spine."

Hidan closed his eyes, focusing his chakra. "Moron." He said. "Didn't I already tell ya, I'm immortal."

Yugito stiffened, and dropped the cable as a pulse of chakra went along it, causing it to undulate wildly. She jumped backwards, releasing it, unsure of the effect.

"Dammit!" Hidan shouted. "It didn't work right… that shoulda shredded your hands."

Okute scowled. "This time, I'll get you for sure." She formed the handseal again, and created four more Kage Bunshin. She reached into her equipment pouch and handed each a kunai. She turned to face Yugito. "Please cover me… but don't get to close to him."

Hidan scowled. "Again with the ignoring me!" He shouted, charging forward, spinning the scythe around to hold it over his head.

The four Kage Bunshin charged in two stacked pairs. The real one threw a smoke bomb that detonated at Hidan's feet. When he emerged from the smoke, the lead two bunshin dropped forward in a charge and shoulder-charged his knees, swinging a kunai around into his thighs.

The top two jumped up and grappled his arms, driving kunai into his triceps.

The four Bunshin jumped away as Hidan collapsed, onto his knees, screaming in anger.

The original Okute formed the tiger hand seal to activate the explosive tags wrapped around the handles of the four kunai. They simultaneously detonated.

"That got him?" Okute murmured to herself.

Hidan exploded out of the cloud, arms trailing almost uselessly behind him from stringy wounds in the shoulders. His legs were in better shape, somehow, and he had somehow managed a forward leap on them.

Okute, surprised, threw her hands up in front of her as a guard. He smashed into her headfirst, and his teeth viciously clamped on her forearm. His teeth dug through her sleeve, and he bit in far enough to draw blood.

Then she disappeared with a kawarimi, and Hidan stumbled forward, off balance. He turned, and grinned at her as her blood dripped down from his lips.

"It was a pain in the ass, but I win." He said. Blood dripped from his ruined arms onto the roof they were standing on. He scuffed at it with his feet, drawing a circle in his blood.

"All you did was bite me and… and you say you won?" Okute was carefully feeling her arm, assessing the damage. "I mean… my rabies shots are current and everything."

"You heretic." Hidan breathed out, voice laden with loathing. He inscribed a triangle into the blood circle at his feet. "Witness… witness the miracle of Jashin!" He screamed.

Hidan's skin turned black, darkening into an unnatural shade of total black. A freakish pattern of bones was contrasting in white, a skull on his face and long bones along his arms, even bone shapes for each of his finger joints.

He raised his hand, spreading them wide. They were responding naturally, moving like they weren't even damaged at all, but they more resembled shredded meat on bone then arms.

In response, Okute's four Kage Bunshin darted forward, slamming a kunai in between his ribs and puncturing his lungs from four different angles.

Hidan laughed wildly.

Okute collapsed to her knees, coughing blood. Her chest burned, four stab wounds. She could feel blood leaking out, staining her jumpsuit inside her jounin vest.

Immediately, the four bunshin returned to their master, two standing guard as the last two diagnosed her condition.

"At least one lung was punctured…" one murmured.

"Lift her up." The other said. "Ideally we should lay her down, but if we do it will suffocate her bronchial…"

Hidan turned to face Yugito, who was charging forward. "If you hit me she'll die." He said, amused.

Yugito paused, faltering. The two guarding Kage Bunshin watched closely.

"You see…" Hidan explained, gesturing at the symbol of Jashin beneath his feet, "with this ritual, any injury on my body also affects her body." Idly, he reached up and snapped his nose.

Okute gasped, spitting out blood as more blood began to leak out her nostrils. Her nose was bent sideways, broken.

Hidan pushed his nose straight again, forcing it back into alignment.

Okute shook as her nose was abruptly forced straight again.

"This is a miracle of Jashin-sama." Hidan said reverently. "I can visit my suffering onto my enemies with my body; my suffering is their suffering." He smiled, a dreamy expression on his face. "Their slaughter is my slaughter." He laughed. "Isn't it so sad we don't all have my immortal body though?"

In response, Yugito dropped, bum-rushing Hidan. She planted his shoulder in his gut and picked his knees with her hands, pulling him up onto her shoulder and charging forward. She ignored the blood that spilled all over his hands from his lacerated thighs and trickled down his chest onto her shoulder. She pushed him off his symbol and sprinted four meters before stopping dead, spinning around to drop a back kick on his sternum, cracking him onto the ground.

"Doesn't do anything if you're not on your jutsu-shiki though." Yugito said, reaching up to wipe her lip, stopping once she thought better of it. Her hands were covered in his blood.

Hidan stood up shakily, swearing. "You bitch!" He roared, pointing. "What the hell was that!?"

"Didn't I just say?" Yugito said. "I broke that stupid jutsu of yours." She turned to shout over her shoulder. "Okute, don't worry. I'll finish this guy off for you."

"Don't you understand?" Hidan roared. "Getting the blood of a priest on yourself… unforgivable!" He roared. He pointed again, with his left hand. The rosary of Jashin glinted from where it still hung from his wrist.

Abruptly Yugito flinched, burning, deep pain driving down into her shoulder, squeezing her hands and arms with fire. She looked at her hands.

The blood of Hidan was hissing and boiling, eating through her jumpsuit and vest and skin, lacerating her body. Enriched with his accursed chakra, his blood was attacking her.

Yugito sneered through the pain. "You think…" She dropped to all fours, eyes growing tight. "You think this tiny amount of evil can hurt someone like me!?" She roared, and the hot black flames of the Nekomata whipped over her skin, driving off Hidan's blood as she transformed.

"Bitch cat." Hidan said, and he spat blood.

In response, the Nekomata roared.

I I I

Ursura smiled, jumping forward with a thrusting palm. That area of the mist felt slightly different to her chakra perception. Not that she could really tell much with this dampening fog.

The genjutsu broke, torn off by the chakra emanating from her attack, revealing Itachi in a crouch. He shot inside her guard with a kunai in his hand, looking to stab her.

The Tsuchikage kicked out, forcing him to jump sideways, and then she changed the motion of her foot midair, driving him back further.

She lunged forward, swiping with her chakra claw and following with a downward palm from the other hand.

The ground cracked, divots opening where the chakra-shaped claws tore at the ground.

"Close combat with an Uchiha is dangerous." Ursura said, grinning. "But letting you get to your preferred mid-range and letting you use jutsu is more dangerous." Then she jumped forward, tapping the ground with a kick to intercept Itachi when he attempted to dodge.

She jabbed with a claw, and changed her mind while following through with her other hand and kicked instead, planting her foot in Itachi's stomach. She grunted as her chakra-hardened foot slammed into a log, smashing the surface.

She spun, and threw a backhand, even as she dropped forward to pursue Itachi after he aborted his stab attempt to dodge her backhand. "Barely made it in time with that kawarimi." She jeered.

Itachi shrugged, even as he dropped back from a claw-thrust and drove a side-kick between her guard. She knocked it aside by raising her knee and then reached down to dig her opposite claw into his thigh and cripple him.

Instead, he spun, pulling his leg behind himself and pushing up against her, pinning her hand between them. But her other hand closed on his back, hovering inches above his spine; his bathrobe was no armor. She would have ripped his spine right out of him if he didn't have a kunai pressed lightly against her liver.

"I'm pretty sure you're the real one." She said, smirking. Amusingly, she noted that she was several centimeters taller than him.

Itachi leaned up, and kissed her.

Surprised, she met his eyes for a minute.

The sharingan was a bizarre shape, like three sickle-blades on a wheel, spinning slightly.

Ursura sighed as she took in her surroundings. She was tied to a huge cross, crucified. The world was inverted, a black reality outlined in red and white lines. Itachi was standing on the curiously whirled ground in front of her, dressed in his regular Akatsuki regalia instead of the bathrobe that he was actually wearing. Ursura chuckled; now she was even higher above him. "I can't believe I fell for the old 'kiss the girl' trick."

Itachi shrugged. "If it works…" he trailed off, not bothering to finish any of the many thoughts that such a sentiment lead to.

Ursura grunted, using the Kai technique.

"You needn't bother." Itachi said quietly. "In this illusionary reality of Tsukuyomi, everything is dictated by me. There's no way to escape."

"You'll forgive me if I try anyway?" Ursura mocked, using a chakra claw to nick her palm lightly. Nothing happened.

Abruptly, Itachi was holding a sword. He didn't draw it or bring it out with a summoning jutsu; it simply appeared. He stepped forward, and slid it between two pockets on Ursura's jounin vest, stabbing her through the stomach and internal organs until it came straight out her back and he could lodge it in the material of the cross.

"God dammit to hell." Ursura swore. "That hurts like a son of a bitch, you know that? Damn." She stilled, gasping as sweat rose on her brow. She looked down at Itachi, who was standing impassively beneath her, hands at his sides. His expression was resigned, slightly bored. He was in a professional mode. Scary stuff, Ursura thought. Pro torturer stuff.

Without any visible motion, he was holding the sword again. It was gone from her body, just vanished.

Itachi was holding it again.

"For the next 72 hours," Itachi said, "I will continuously stab you with this katana."

I I I

Grunting, Kisame pushed himself off the ground. He was bleeding from several deep parallel cuts, one that was perilously close to his eye. He glowered up towards the two women who stared down at him from the roof. That last attack had been dangerous; dozens of super-high speed wires flashing around, they had cut at least as deeply as swords.

Abruptly, he grinned. "Playtime's over, little girls!" His hands flashed through handseals, and he arched up and back, before abruptly rocking forward, spewing a huge volume of water out of his mouth. "Suiton: Bakushouha!"

The Aquatic Shockwave pulsed outward, and then condensed into a huge wall that rushed forward to completely engulf their position and wash them away.

"What the hell is that!" Tetsuko roared, as she and Kamome were swept away on a hastily summoned diving bird. Before Kamome could even hazard an answer, the bird gave a keen scream as a water-formed shark ripped through its wing.

They fell into the water, struggling to parry as five huge sharks formed from the very water engulfing them continuously mauled them.

Tetsuko had only one desperate, absurd view of Kisame cutting smoothly through the water like a shark himself before he was on her, dragging and wrestling her under the water.

'Shit!' She thought, struggling with Kisame, wrestling about. She could already see spots in her vision from so much exertion while holding her breath underwater. She stopped struggling, faking unconsciousness for a moment while she let a kunai fall into her hand from her sleeve. She was about to stab Kisame in the liver when he surged forward, undulating his body like a fish to propel himself through the water, dragging her along. He exploded from the water and spun, flinging her down against the roof.

She gasped, sucking air in, and sat up, wincing. At least three ribs were broken. She grunted, forcing herself up. She was having trouble breathing, and she was still winded from her near-drowning. She wasn't capable of keeping up with him for a number of minutes still.

With a sudden feeling of foreboding, she spun, but it was too late, the water swept up around her. She had only an instant to force her lungs to swallow as much air, saturate her lung tissue with chakra, hold as much air as she could before the water surrounded and trapped her. She glared at the Kisame grinned at her, right hand outstretched to maintain the imprisoning water sphere around her.

Kisame grinned as he lightly landed on the roof, several meters away. It seemed the one maintaining her prison was another water clone. "You almost tricked me with that kunai. But we're not really done yet!" He glanced absently at the courtyard of the inn, which was still obscured by the thick fog. Then he turned to face the street, which was ravaged by the flood-like effect of his jutsu. "Isn't that right?" He finished.

Kamome glared up at him, before biting her thumb again and flashing through the hand seals of the summoning technique again.

"Please let your wings be my legs!" Kamome shouted, vaulting into the air by using Kurokuchibashi like a pole. Beneath her, in a cloud of smoke, a crane the size of a huge horse appeared. It was totally white, except for the circle of red sweeping up into his face from his beak, giving him the name, Akakamen, Red Mask.

Kamome landed on his back, wrapping her feet down around his shoulders as Akakamen launched into the sky with surprising speed.

Kisame chuckled as the huge crane shot into the sky, banking, before it spun around, folding its wings and diving forward, Kamome holding the Kurokuchibashi forward like a lance.

He jumped to the side as the pair dived down. His eyes widened as he saw the ripple of air, a cone of air around the two waver, distort… was it a wind type chakra effect? He leaped even further out of the way, hands flashing through seals.

The Suijinheki no jutsu swept up, armor to protect his body as the crane and rider swept past him. There was a loud crashing sound as they passed, and then the cylindrical water shield was shattered, and his exposed face and hands were cut more, his cloak becoming shredded as it protected his body.

"Scary." He muttered to himself. He grinned, and wiped some blood of his forehead with his sleeve. "Using the transonic cone that compresses the air as you move at the speed of sound to heighten the power of that wind jutsu… even a glancing blow would tear most people to shreds." He paused, as the two banked around for another pass. "Takes a while to reset it, though."

He grinned as the summoner and her summoned monster lined up another pass.

"Shoot across the Cloudy Sky! Spear!" Kamome roared, even though it would be drowned out by her jutsu as she dived at the enemy. She leveled the Kurokuchibashi again, channeling her chakra and converting it to the wind type, raising the density and deadliness of the pressure cone. The two dived, and the shark man used the same jutsu as before to create a cone of water to protect him. Ready, Kamome dipped her lance to one side at the last instant, slightly changing the approach vector. The two screamed through the shield like paper, and she had one delicious look at his surprised face before the cone turned him to bloody shreds.

Which then dissolved into water.

The real Kisame launched up from the ground, swinging his sword around with his monstrous strength to smash her as he came down. Kamome heaved the lance up, arm muscles screaming protest against the wind resistance from her high speed.

She managed to cut him in half while he was still coming forward to her, but instead of spraying gore, or dissolving into water, a bisected log appeared before her.

She didn't have time to react before the top half slammed into her, knocking her unconscious.

Kisame grunted as the Cloud woman with the spear was knocked off her crane by the top half of his kawarimi. He guessed her face was pretty broken; the bottom half nailed the summoned crane like a meteor. He could hear the wing-bones snap from his position on the roof.

He grunted sourly, a little disappointed he had managed to win with such a simple jutsu in the end. He glanced to where his clone still had the Stone jounin trapped. At least, he thought, she was still capable of glaring death at him. He estimated she had about nine minutes of air left, based on how much air she'd managed to suck into her lungs first. He hadn't been much surprised by that; the breath holding jutsu was common among the underground-traveling Stone ninja.

His hand twitched. He glanced down at the ring. Sealed with mysterious jutsu, they were the key to the astral projection the Akatsuki used, and allowed for a certain, low level of telepathy between wearers.

His partner was summoning him.

"Looks like you're saved for today." Kisame said. Knowing Itachi, they were probably retreating now.

Tetsuko glared at his retreating back, even as she gasped and heaved when the jutsu holding here dissipated.

I I I

The Nekomata shot forward, and swiped at Hidan. He rocked back, sneering, and rolled around behind the demon cat.

It glanced over its shoulder, and a tail flashed out, smacking him away. He skittered across the roof like a marble, cursing.

He forced himself up, grunting. Even as messed up as his body was, he could move fine in ritual form as long as his bones were all attached. More so; even if he was reduced to just his bones, he could move just fine like this.

"Just an animal." He sneered. "You know that?" He stumbled forward, and paused, dropping his hand onto his knee, even as he pulled out his spear with his right hand. "Maybe you're some sort of super-being, but you're just a goddamn animal." He smiled as the huge cat leaped forward, swinging a paw around to bat at him. He made no attempt to dodge, but he did swing his spear.

He nicked it's leg when it sent him flying through the air. The demon chakra in the deep slash wounds would have killed a human, if the cuts themselves didn't. The demon chakra was driven out in purple flames by the cursed power of Jashin.

He smiled as he licked the tip of the spear, and stumbled when his curse form wavered, realigning to its new ritual bond.

He limped two steps forward, sneering as the Nekomata circled, exactly like a cat toying with its prey.

"Loser." He sneered, ramming the spear into his the side of his neck, going right through to the other side.

Blood squirted out the new wound, and dropped down, splattering from his foot to over a meter out, crossing the line of the ritual circle.

"A human would've stopped me from getting back here," Hidan gloated as the Nekomata collapsed, yowling and gargling, "but you're just a stupid cat."

He reached up, and twisted his own neck, which broke with a sick crack.

The Nekomata collapsed, and the flames pulled back. Hidan looked around himself and sighed. He hadn't even noticed when that other girl had run away. He really should hunt her down in the name of absolute slaughter, but….

He looked at his ruined body, and then up at the Nekomata. Jashin-sama had been very clear: he should obey the commands of the Pein, because the Pein would cause immense slaughter. The Pein would stain the whole continent with blood, and Jashin-sama wanted the loyal Hidan to be a tool of that.

So Hidan would obey the Pein and bring him the Nekomata.

He grinned, as his body ripped, sizzling slightly as his flesh rebirthed itself with the holy chakra of Jashin-sama.

I I I

Reiko stood, waiting for Kakuuzu's next attack. He didn't seem surprised she'd turned down his offer to work as a missing-nin for him, but then again he didn't seem happy about it, either. Reiko hoped Chigaku would be able to free herself from the water prison he had her in soon.

The crying mask popped around his shoulder, the water swirling in the mouth, even as wind begin to spin in the howling mask. "Hyouton: Toukoudo." Kakuuzu said.

The water and wind condensed into a huge cylindrical shell of ice. The Frozen Wasteland was a hardened elongated oval that streaked through the air, gleaming cruelly.

Reiko countered with a powerful lightning blast, knocking it off course.

When struck with her attack jutsu, the ice shell detonated, shooting thousands of razor-sharp ice shards into the area at high speed.

The shards of ice shredded the log Reiko replaced herself with.

Kakuuzu turned, his left hand rocketing out towards his opponent, catching Reiko by the throat where she appeared after emerging from her kawarimi.

She choked as the hand began to crush her throat, but she abruptly grinned.

Her right hand grabbed at the thumb, and her left dug at the fingers. Kakuuzu had only the tingling warning of the defensive charge Reiko built in her skin before she dumped thousands of volts of electricity into his left hand from her gauntlets. Because she had charged her skin, it tried to ground through Kakuuzu's left hand.

But that tingling warning was enough. A single thread reached from the hand deep into the ground, carrying the deadly electric current safely away from Kakuuzu's hand and into the dirt.

Reiko snarled ferociously as the hand began to sizzle slightly.

Abruptly it let go, and threads whipped around her legs, tugging her to the ground and lashing her in place.

She struggled, and brought her hands up, but more threads caught her elbows and pulled them back, pinioning her into the ground.

She looked up, and saw Kakuuzu jumping high in the air above her, left arm trailing down to the threads binding her. His right foot was raised above his head in an axe kick. From that height, it would kill her when it connected.

"Damn!" She swore.

A spear of dirt launched out, and Kakuuzu had to swerve to avoid it. He looked, and saw that Chigaku had managed to reach the bottom of the water sphere imprisoning her with one hand. That contact with the dirt was enough for her to use jutsu. Her free hand flickered through some clumsy one handed seals, and the water prison technique was punctured by several blades of dirt that erupted out of the ground. Then the thrusts of earth caught Chigaku as she fell, coughing. She looked up weakly, cradled by her earth jutsu.

Kakuuzu sighed as he landed between the two. "So close." Threads reached out, pulling his arm and the heart-containing lump in it back to him, even as he released Reiko, recognizing the jutsu she was about to use to fry her way free.

"Even using Hyouton…" Reiko said.

Kakuuzu shrugged. "The water user this heart previously belonged to was a member of that blood limit, from Hidden Mist. So, I'm capable of using some of those jutsu."

"That's pretty morbid." Chigaku said.

He flexed his left hand, frowning as it bled slightly from the sizzling wounds. "I'm beginning to get tired of playing with you two."

Reiko snorted. "That's some arrogant stuff to be spouting, when you're having such a hard time."

Kakuuzu just sighed in a put-upon matter. "So far, all I've used is simple stuff. Maybe it's A-class, but they're just dumb chakra-dump jutsu." He shook his hand out slightly, satisfied with its recovery. "Meaning, the genjutsu and advanced ninjutsu I've accumulated over more than a century of winning ninja battles, you will see some of those now." In that last part, his voice took on an ancient and ominous quality.

His hands flickered through seals, almost faster than even Reiko's trained eyes could follow. "Genjutsu: Madoi." Called Delusion, it was an ancient genjutsu that filled someone's senses with meaningless stimuli, just sensory noise.

Reiko stepped back, as colors stopped making sense, as things blurred around her, and bizarre whistling sounds began to fill her ears. "Kai!" She said, breaking the illusion. She had only an instant to grasp what was before her: Kakuuzu was hurtling towards her, arm cocked back.

Kakuuzu's fist slammed into her face, knocking her through the air. Reiko felt some teeth loosen from the impact. She turned, spinning around in mid-air only to fold up as Kakuuzu drove his heel into her stomach, slamming her into the ground.

He was about to smash her brain into paste when a huge mass of rock slammed shut on his position from all around him. He jumped, flipping over the rock that now protected Reiko after it had threatened him.

He dropped to the ground, and formed a single hand seal. Two Kage Bunshin appeared on either side of him.

Each Bunshin went through a separate set of seals; one finished just an instant before the other.

"Genjutsu: Zouokai." Chigaku gasped as the world suddenly went dark, a hundred skeletal figures rose from black waters, and grabbed at her with bony, clutching hands. She was trapped in the World of Hatreds. She didn't try to cancel the illusion, but first did her own handseals, ignoring what her senses were telling her.

"Suiton: Sensatsu Suishou." Thousands of water needles formed from the water scattered from the water prison and Kakuuzu's earlier water blast. They flickered up, forming, and then darted in to impale Chigaku from every direction. They impacted the cocoon of dirt that rose up around her, protecting her.

The last, the real one, dropped to the ground, and he shot forward over the ground, shooting his arm out, hardening it with jutsu to smash the earth cocoon, further concussing the already beaten Chigaku inside.

Meanwhile, Reiko had not been idle. She pulled herself together quickly, and staggered to her knees, and began to fill her gauntlets to their maximum capacity. She forced herself to her feet, snarling around broken ribs and the pounding from her head.

She drew a kunai from her hip holster. It had a bizarre shape for a kunai; it was radially symmetrical, really more of a huge needle than a throwing knife. She held it lightly with the tips of her fingers, pointed parallel to her arm. More exactly, it was precisely parallel to the centerline of her coiled gauntlet.

It was the ammunition for her deadliest jutsu, with attack power totally exceeding even Kakuuzu's masks.

Kakuuzu slammed his fist into the cocoon of dirt, and it collapsed like dough, empty inside. He glanced down, sighing. She had escaped through an underground tunnel.

Reiko sighted Kakuuzu's back.

He turned, just in time to see her loose the jutsu.

"Raiton: Amadenkou no Megami!" Reiko shouted. The Goddess of Sky Lightning discharged the huge well of lightning-type chakra in her gauntlet into an extremely powerful electromagnetic field. As the field expanded, creating an electric flux, it exerted an immense force on the steel kunai. This rail gun type weapon was capable of accelerating the kunai so fast that the air caught fire around it.

In a brilliant roaring arc, the kunai shot off, the friction so great the air burned around it as it streaked through the sky as fast as lightning, glowing white hot. It exploded through Kakuuzu, tearing a great chunk out of his chest and blowing a huge exit wound out of his back.

He tottered, and then dissipated in a burst of smoke.

Reiko dropped, as a fist soared over her, going through where her head was.

She gasped as a foot slammed into her kidney from the other side, picking her off the ground and throwing her through the air.

She rolled over the ground, and pushed up to see Kakuuzu and his Kage Bunshin standing in front of her.

"That was a very impressive jutsu." One of them said. "However, anyone with a little skill will always exchange the real self with a Kage Bunshin using kawarimi when there's a chance they could be attacked… like immediately after the attack on that other woman failed."

The second one turned, looking towards the ground. "And escaping underground like that took a lot out of her, when she's already bleeding internally from the pressure damage."

Then they both stiffened, looking up, past Reiko.

Reiko turned her head, forcing herself up a little more.

Standing behind her was Itachi, standing calmly, placidly, in his bathrobe. He radiated casual menace. "It's time to go." He said plainly. "Your partner has already achieved his objective."

One of the Kakuuzu poofed out of existence while the other slapped his forehead. "I'll never hear the end of it from that sanctimonious bastard."

Itachi paused, then nodded, before he too poofed out in smoke. Another Kage Bunshin, Reiko realized.

"You two were lucky today." Kakuuzu said. He paused, and then turned to Reiko. "I should probably kill you, but it seems like a waste to murder such a genius." Then he was gone.

Reiko grit her teeth, waiting for a moment to see if it was really over. "You okay?" She asked.

Chigaku slowly, painfully emerged from the ground. "No. But I'm alive." She said.

Reiko chuckled, even though it sent waves of pain through her chest. "Good answer."

I I I

Ursura collapsed bonelessly, sliding down Itachi's body. She couldn't actually feel her fingers through a haze of sympathetic pain, but she still managed to dig them into his back, and snap his spine like a toothpick with her chakra claws. Then the real pain washed over her, a red haze that filled all her synapses with screaming noise.

He began to collapse, too, but then he vanished in a poof of smoke.

With him abruptly gone, Ursura simply fell forward and landed in a heap with a thud, collapsing onto her side and rolling onto her back.

She craned her head back, and met Itachi's eyes as he looked down at her.

"Almost had you again." She teased, voice hoarse. "Sloppy, man, sloppy."

Itachi nodded. "A Kage Bunshin I created before we began fighting was observing. The instant I created the Tsukuyomi, it exchanged places with me, in the slight delay between the execution and release of the technique." He paused, thinking. "That is the closest someone has come to killing me in a long time."

"You sure do know how to make a girl feel special." Ursura said. "You wanna lean down here and whisper some sweet nothings in my ear? I still can't really feel my arms or legs but I bet I could bite your jugular out real good."

Itachi's face moved, the muscles in his upper cheeks tightening slightly, and then the corners of his mouth eased up a little. It was, Ursura thought, a pretty weak-ass smile.

"Weak sauce." Ursura scoffed. "If you're gonna do it, stick me already. Hell, man."

"I gave up meaningless killing," Itachi said, "the night I left my village behind." Then he turned, and walked away, disappearing into the mist.

I I I

"Dammit, dammit, dammit…" Naruto chanted under his breath, kunai in his hands, looking back and forth. It all looked the same; stupid-dense fog in every direction, and it made his skin feel slightly numb.

He created three Kage Bunshin. Two jumped into the air, and a moment later the third jumped. When the third reached the first two, they each grabbed it by an arm and threw it higher. When they landed, they formed a triangle with the original, each scanning an arc, trying to find someone.

They all paused for an instant when the Kage Bunshin had cancelled itself mid-air to return some intelligence. The club-lady from Stone and the chick in the big clothes from Cloud were facing off with Itachi's freaky partner; he couldn't see what anyone else was up to, but the whole local area was totally swamped in this weird fog.

He was beginning to contemplate just dropping a big-ass Taijuu Kage Bunshin on the area when a huge explosion went off behind him.

Startled, he turned to look in that direction. He made eye contact with one of his clones, which shrugged.

He created another clone, and it nodded, darting forward to scout the situation as he followed with his other two. Normally he would just charge in, but something about Itachi seriously gave Naruto the willies. He didn't think he'd ever forget that time when he was traveling with Jiraiya and he opened the door and there was Itachi and his stomach just about dropped into his balls and all he could think was 'that's not Sasuke because Sasuke doesn't scare the crap outta me.'

So he was being a little bit more cautious than normal. Naruto didn't have a problem being afraid; but he wasn't going to be ruled by fear, either.

The scouting clone cancelled. He swore, and darted forward, tucking his kunai back into his equipment pouch and pulling out a roll of bandaging.

"Oh shit, are you okay!?" He shouted.

Kirema looked up, startled. Dumbfounded, she watched this enemy spy rush forward and start frantically worrying over her stab wound.

"Oh man…" He bit his lip. "Uh, uh…."

Finally she spoke. "Just, calm done." She sat back. "If you want to help, cut away my vest around the injury, and pull out any fabric that might have gotten caught in the wound."

"Okay!" Naruto said, getting to work. For a moment, he industriously hacked at the armored vest, and Kirema gritted her teeth every time he bumped her in his enthusiasm to help. Then he tugged her shirt, pulling it away from the wound and ripping it open.

"For now, just pack a bandage over the wound, and hold it tight." She said. Direct pressure was one of the best ways to stop bleeding. But unless something could be done about the internal bleeding, she would die soon.

Kirema snarled, going carefully through the handseals for a general tissue-closing healing jutsu. She was barely at the level of a "battlefield lifesaver." Fortunately, stopping bleeding, slowing poison, and preventing shock were the three most important skills for that group; all a battlefield lifesaver had to do was keep someone alive long enough for them to reach a medic nin.

Then, she used it to seal up the stab as best she could, closing the organ tissue and the membrane sheathe around the kidney, and then the skin, as best she could. She sighed, wincing as that much motion sent a jolt of pain in her side. The healing was haphazard at best; any vigorous motion would rip open the tentative heal like tissue paper. She was out of the fight.

"You okay?" The blond brat asked, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

"Just fine." Kirema sighed. "Just fine." She formed the tiger seal, and cancelled her jutsu, clearing the area of the mist and fog.

The two looked across the courtyard, to where Ursura was laying spread-eagled on the ground.

"Hey." The Tsuchikage croaked. "That pretty-boy screwed me up good." She struggled, and managed to flop up to her feet, arms dangling, quivering. She grimaced and leaned on her hands, forcing herself up to her feet. She stumbled twice, nearly falling on her face, before she managed to get next to where Kirema was crouched, with Naruto standing over her.

Ursura grunted, going through hand seals at roughly twenty percent speed. Finally, with an uneasy tumble, she managed to hit the ground with her hand.

Three bears appeared, different then the two before. Ursura sighed in disappointment; she hadn't even gotten the chance to use her precious bears. Total miscalculation on her part; Kirema's area jutsu was just too at odds with the way she fought. Itachi had barely even needed to try to capitalize on that.

"Hey boss. You okay?" One of the bears said, worried.

"Eh, no injuries exactly but my pain nerves got messed up with genjutsu." Ursura said. "Anyway, you three split up and track down the other three members of the squad. They'll be working with another lady from Stone against a guy in a black cloak."

"GOT IT." Another bear ground out, and the three immediately bounded off in different directions.

Ursura shook her head, and regretted it because she was beginning to feel woozy. She sat down. "Damn, did he get me."

Kirema stiffened, looking up. "You." She snarled.

"Please come with me, Naruto-kun." Itachi said quietly.

Naruto looked up, to where Itachi was standing passively a few meters away, hands at his sides. He had appeared, stealthing in with shunshin, and they hadn't even noticed. "Screw you." Naruto said. And then for good measure, added "And the horse you rode in on."

Itachi closed his eyes, and when they opened again the sharingan was spinning. He looked up, and Naruto unflinchingly met his gaze.

One of the bears barreled up with Tetsuko and Kamome, dropping them so it could snarl at the man in the bathrobe. It was ignored, and Ursura waved it down.

The two stared for a minute, not blinking. Naruto was barely breathing, not breaking his gaze from the almost hypnotic spiral of the sharingan, refusing to allow himself to be drawn in.

Itachi calmly met Naruto's gaze. Naruto, Itachi noted, was staring back, fighting the mild genjutsu off with raw stubbornness. And then the color of the younger boy's iris began to change from its blue, flecks of red, and the shape of the pupil was less round, beginning to hint at slits. Itachi began to feel the supernatural pressure of Naruto's killing intent.

Itachi closed his eyes. "I see." He glanced up, and his sharingan was much slower, rotating about lazily.

His eyes flickered about him; the last two bears had returned, with passengers. All five of the women were injured, and the bears were nothing. Good; the Two-Tails jinchuuriki was not among them. He could capture Naruto and escape.

But that would be a lot of work.

He turned, and walked away. "We will meet again. Naruto-kun."

Naruto stared after the man, before shaking himself and turning back to the others.

"What the hell was that about?" Ursura finally asked.

Naruto shrugged. "Hell if I know." He glanced across the group. "Hey… where's Yugito?"

Okute coughed, flecks of blood landing on her hand. "I'm sorry, leader."

Ursura sighed. "No, you did your best." She turned to Naruto. "It looks like those bastards won… so we're going to be talking to you now."

Naruto turned to Okute. "What do you mean, 'you're sorry.' Where the hell is Yugito?"

Kirema frowned at him. "Not that it's your business, little boy, but they captured the Two Tails."

Naruto turned to stare down the Cloud leader. "You mean, those Akatsuki bastards captured her? You let them take her!?"

Kirema sneered. "There was no let. They beat us, and we have to cut our losses."

"That's bullshit!" Naruto roared. "You don't just let them take your people!"

"Hey. Kid. It's not as if we want them to control our jinchuuriki." Reiko said.

"Don't call her that!" Naruto shouted, swinging around to jab a finger at her. "Don't, don't you dare call her that! She's, Yugito is a person! A ninja, one of your ninja! I won't let you act like she's something less than that!" Naruto stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "Arrgh! I gotta go save her!" He turned, adjusting the kunai holster on his hip.

"Child." Ursura said. "You don't seem to understand that you're our prisoner right now."

"Just try and stop me you old hag." Naruto said, flinging a smoke bomb to the ground. When the smoke disspated, he was already charging after the group.

"Who's a hag you shrimp!" Ursura shouted at his back. She shook her head. "Jeeze… why the hell does he care so much?"

I I I

"You carry her!"

"She's your target, moron. You carry her."

"Asshole! I got torn the hell up fighting her! You carry her!"

"That's because you're incompetent. You carry her!"

The four Akatsuki were standing in a circle (or a square; Itachi thought both were equally applicable shapes) around the body of Yugito. She had been shielded from the worst of Hidan's jutsu by the Nekomata and it's nature, and was breathing shallowly.

"Stingy bastard! You're the one with super-strength, why don't you use if for once and carry her!?"

Hidan and Kakuuzu were discussing which member would be the one to carry the victim to their lair so they could begin the extraction ritual.

Kakuuzu sighed like he was dealing with a particularly obstinate and dim-witted child (in his mind, he was). "Hidan. She's you're target, you carry her."

Kisame turned his head slightly and made eye contact with Itachi. The shorter man nodded his agreement.

The two disappeared with shunshin.

That gave Kakuuzu an idea. He simply disappeared into a shunshin too. He also liked to simply get up and leave at restaurants, sticking Hidan with the bill.

Hidan turned purple and his head began to shake. "ASSHOLE!" He screamed at the absolute top of his lungs.

I I I

Hidan grumbled some more as he jumped along, hopping from roof to roof as he got out of town. The whole region was in chaos, because of all the fighting that had happened, but especially because those fights had involved high-power elemental techniques.

So he was high-tailing it out of the area before some more ninja showed up and hassled him for carrying a Cloud jounin over his left shoulder like a bag of rice. She was dripping blood down his already bloodstained back, and it was really annoying because it was getting in his shorts and making his chafe something awful.

"God-damned selfish asshole." Hidan muttered under his breath. "I swear to Jashin-sama I'm going to sacrifice his penny-pinching ass some day." He growled, shifting the burden on his shoulder slightly at the apex of his leap.

He heard something behind him; Hidan swung around in mid-air just as he got tackled by three identical blonde kids in their underwear. It was that ninja brat that had been staring down Itachi in the courtyard earlier.

"Give Yugito back!" The brat growled. Or at least, the one latched on his right arm growled.

The two on this leg seemed to be trying to squeeze him to death or something. Hidan honestly thought that that was pretty gay.

"Loser." Hidan sneered. He hefted the girl with his left hand, and flung her outwards.

The three ninja immediately kicked off of him, much to his annoyance.

Naruto frowned. He wasn't going to make it to Yugito before she smashed into the top of what looked to be a drugstore. He reached out without looking and took the hands of his Kage Bunshin, who acted as a secondary platform for him to launch off of and catch Yugito.

He grunted as he landed, desperately trying to protect her head and spine; he landed hard in a deep stance. It was pretty awkward, since Yugito was taller than his real body.

He checked her pulse. It was shallow but steady, and two holes on either side of her neck were oozing blood. He wrapped a bandage around her neck, but not very tightly. He had vivid memories of a particularly tight bandage job during Academy First Aid that had cut off the circulation to his left hand.

When he was finished, he looked up. Hidan was standing on the roof of a building on the opposite side of the road, cursing. His Kage Bunshin were standing a few meters in from where he was, between him and the enemy nin.

"Asshole!" Hidan shouted. He had pulled the scythe from where it was tucked into his belt behind him, and was using it to point at Naruto. "What the hell's the big idea, jumping on me like that!? Loser!"

"I'm going to kick your ass." Naruto swore, and he ran forward. He jumped in the air, clearing the street, and created a mass of Bunshin as he descended on Hidan.

"Bring it, little bitch!" Hidan shouted. He threw his scythe out, mowing through several Kage Bunshin. The rest landed and swarmed towards him.

Naruto himself landed and held out his hand, charging a rasengan with the help of a clone. He could do them one-handed since improving his chakra control with Kurenai, but it went faster with two sets of hands.

Done.

His clone ran forward, taking the rasengan in his right hand with it as he stayed behind, watching. Waiting.

Hidan swore, swinging his scythe and shearing through a clone. One was launched up by it's compatriots, and was coming down towards his head with a kunai. Glancing up, he reached into his cloak with his left hand even as his right swung his scythe around, driving clones back.

He grinnned as he thrust up with his pike, impaling the clone as it came down. It dissipated in a burst of smoke.

"An opening!" One of the clones roared, lunging in and grapping his scythe. Startled he tried to impale that one with his pike, too, but his raised arm was grabbed from behind by another clone, that was jabbing him in the side of the head with its sandle as it stood on his shoulder.

Some more were wrapped around his legs, holding him locked in place.

"Assholes! Get the hell off!" He roared.

"RASENGAN!" Hidan looked up, as a particularly pissed-looking Naruto lunged forward, holding a whirling blue sphere of chakra in front of him.

"Shit." Hidan said, as the sphere struck him right in the middle of his body. It hit; he roared in pain as it began to tear away at his body, one layer at a time, as he was unstably held in place by the clones. He struggled, and finally managed to free his pike enough to swing it down and prick the Naruto holding the rasengan.

Because of his struggling, the clones holding him lost their grip, and the whole group was blasted backwards as the rasengan exploded, launching Hidan to go skittering across the rooftop, where he crashed into and partway through an Icha Icha Violence billboard.

Hidan struggled, kicking his legs before he finally managed to flop forward, pulling himself out of the billboard.

He screamed. "It hurts!" He formed himself upright. "This suffering, Jashin-sama look at this suffering!" He pushed his arms apart, holding them wide, each gripping a weapon. There was a circular pit in his stomach, organs bleeding and floating ribs abraded to stubs. It looked like someone had just scooped out a few layers of his torso. "All this suffering!" He screamed. "It is for you, Jashin-sama!"

He sneered as he looked at the Narutos, before shuffling forward. He stopped, and smiled, wildly, reverently. "Witness a miracle!" He commanded, and he drew a circle on the ground in his own blood, and inscribed a triangle.

Then he licked to blood off the tip of the pike, and his body rippled, transforming as he entered the curse form.

"Share my suffering!" He crowed, slamming the pike into his gaping wound, pushing it through until it came out his back.

There was a pause, and then all the Narutos popped into whisps of smoke. Except one, the one that had used the rasengan on Hidan. That one collapsed to its knees, holding its gut.

"How!?" It gasped, coughing up blood.

"I already told you, dumbass! A miracle!" Hidan shouted. "A miracle of Jashin-sama!" He gestured at his body. "When I'm in this form, with your blood in me, you suffer what I suffer! My pain is your pain!" Hidan grinned, and jerked on the pike still lodged in his chest.

Naruto twitched, falling forward and catching himself on his hand.

"Loser!" Hidan jeered. "You can't lose to the holy power of Jashin-sama!"

"I'll never give up." Naruto said, forcing himself to stand. "Not even if you cut off my arms and legs, I'll defeat you." He stumbled forward, raising his right arm, his left hand pressed against his stomach wound.

"As long as I still have breath in my body, I'll fight." He said. Chakra flickered, spinning in his palm. "As long as I can stand, I'll move forward." The rasengan bloomed into form, spinning in his right hand.

"That's my nindo!" Naruto roared, rushing forward.

"Just die like a worm!" Hidan shouted back, burying his scythe in his leg, piercing his hip, his thigh, and his calf. "Just suffer and bleed out like a loser!"

Naruto collapsed, Rasengan dissipating as he fell forward. He reached up, and pulled himself forward, one meter, two meters, trailing blood until he reached Hidan's foot. "Just… just one more thing…" He croaked.

"Yeah?" Hidan sneered.

Abruptly, Naruto grinned, his broad, close-eyed fox smile. "Fooled You!" He shouted.

His body erupted into roots and stems, growing forward and entangling Hidan's legs, growing up and entwining his body until Hidan was totally bound by a tree. "Magen: Jubaku Satsu." Naruto's voice announced from somewhere.

"Since when!?" Hidan shouted. "This is bull-shit!"

"Since the beginning." Naruto said smugly, as he emerged from the tree over Hidan's head. "I dropped a 'what you want is what you get' on you when the clones were attacking, right before you got nailed by my rasengan." Naruto smirked. "That pause after you stabbed yourself almost gave it away, but you were too stupid to catch it."

"Cheater!" Hidan shouted.

"You're just being a sore loser." Naruto said. He held his right hand out, and a clone of him emerged from the side of the tree, reaching out to cup over his hand.

A rasengan bloomed into being.

"This time I'm going to take off your head." Naruto said. The completed rasengan came down into Hidan's neck.

I I I

Naruto lifted up Yugito carefully, tucking her head against his shoulder. She was taller than him, so he could barely manage to lift her bridal-style like this; he had an arm wrapped around her back and another in the crook of her knees, but her feet were almost touching the ground, and her arm (the one that wasn't wedged painfully next to his ribs) looked about ready to spill out and drag on the ground or something.

It was tenuous, but he had her. He was relived that her pulse was stronger; it looked like she was just sleeping instead of passed out, now.

"Hey, Yugito-chan." He murmured. "Let's go back, okay? You're safe now."

I I I

AN: Lordy. This chapter seriously just kept getting longer and longer. I didn't even touch on what Kakashi's team did, or anybody else, but it's already like 15k words. Anyway, there's maybe one or two chapters to go, depending on how much it takes to tie up all the loose ends.

Consider Kakuuzu. In chapter 336, he explained that he fought against the Shodai Hokage. At the very least, he survived and presumably escaped under his own power. That puts Kakuuzu in the same league as Madara, who definitely lost to the Shodai when both men were in their prime. That is to say, Kakuuzu is as strong and deadly as Madara. And Kakuuzu doesn't have any sort of doujutsu at all. He's in the same class as Madara and Itachi and Pein, and he doesn't have any sort of fruity eye super-powers.

Also, apparently Hidan's afraid of bears.

Man, I just love writing the Akatsuki. They're so psycho, all the time. I also like to imagine they're tremendously high maintenance people, really bad at getting along with others. That's why it takes them like three years to accomplish anything. I bet Pein named himself after the stress-migraines he got herding these cats.

And yeah, I'm spelling it "Pein," not "Pain." I know I've been led astray by crappy scanlations before and subconsciously insisted on wrong spellings without knowing it (Tsunande, anyone?) but I just, I just can't call him "Pain." Every single time I type that, I just giggle because Prince Humperdink says "Alright, Alright, a fight to the death. Let's just get on with it, already!" And Wesley says, "No! We fight to the Pain!" And there's the Leader of Akatsuki, just standing there looking ominous.

Hey, that would be a pretty good omake.


	10. For Precious People

AN: Just so we're all clear… this story is set BEFORE the time-skip. Like, this story is set somewhere in the foggy continuity of the Filler Arc.

**FOR PRECIOUS PEOPLE**

III

"Time to rise and shine!" Kakashi announced, sweeping into the room that Shikamaru and Sasuke were sharing.

Sasuke glanced up from the table he was sitting at, and then went back to packing kunai and shuriken into his thigh holster. Sometimes it amused Kakashi that Sasuke was so picky about everything always being in exactly the right place.

Shikamaru grunted, opening an eye. He made eye contact with Kakashi before he closed it and rolled over.

A moment later, he started snoring.

Idly, Kakashi wondered what Naruto would do with such an obvious pranking opportunity.

Then Shikamaru half-heartedly crawled out of his futon, and stumbled to a stand, before yawning hugely as he stretched up.

"Kay, I'm ready to go." The lazy boy finally muttered.

Kakashi bemusedly noticed that Shikamaru had changed before going to bed the night before.

"Great!" Kakashi said. "Well, it's time to escort her highness the Fire Lady to breakfast."

He stepped back out into the hall where Sakura was chatting with Shijimi about something inane. Mentally, he added a bullet to the list on the complaints he'd be writing to the Hokage. Trying to trap a ninja bodyguard with courtly word games was conduct unbecoming of a noble.

Kakashi stepped in. "Well, if you two are ready to go, Shijimi-sama, we'd certainly like to get there on time."

"Oh, of course Kakashi-kun!" Shijimi said. "I'm sorry for delaying you, I know how important it is to be timely."

Kakashi merely raised an eyebrow. Shikamaru didn't bother holding back a snort. "Maa…" Kakashi said. "Well, you're the one that made reservations for breakfast, that's what I meant." He gestured, and the group set off down the road towards the trendy café Shijimi had made breakfast reservations at the day before. Kakashi was amused to note that Sasuke immediately went to the roofs and hid himself.

Kakashi smiled. "Our job is merely to protect you from horrible agonizing death. Shijimi-sama."

Shijimi was not one to be so easily frightened. "Oh, I have the utmost confidence in your ability to perform your duty adequately. Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi beamed. "Why thank you! It's nice to know you appreciate how dangerous ninja are." He paused, and made eye contact with Sakura. She'd understand why in just a moment.

"But," he mused, "Just hypothetically, it's very possible that an A-class missing-nin will appear out of nowhere and try to kill you."

Shijimi tutted. "Oh, surely that doesn't happen very often."

Sakura was a bright girl, she knew her cue when she saw it. "Ano…" she said, drawing the Fire Lady's attention. "We were ambushed by an A-class missing nin on our very first C-classed mission. It… was very close."

"And all because someone was abusing their ability to hire ninja!" Kakashi said loftily. "We forgave the client in the end because he was such a noble guy, but people who try to take advantage of the ninja they hire are universally hated by the Villages."

Shijimi narrowed her eyes, and spoke, a little too sweetly. "Of course, but you were the ones that accepted the contract, after all."

Kakashi shrugged eloquently. "Well…" He trailed off, glancing off into the distance. He seemed to unfold from his slouch, ready for combat. There were some huge chakra presences lighting up, some familiar and some not. Definitely bad news.

Shijimi spoke. "Is something wrong, Kakashi-ku-"

"Quiet!" Kakashi spoke. "Sakura. Sasuke. Get the client out of here." He formed a seal, and created a pair of Kage Bunshin. One jumped toward the scene and the other moved to brief Shikamaru.

"Who are those people?" Sasuke asked, leaping to run alongside Kakashi and Sakura, who had Shijimi perched on her back.

"Some jounin on vacation from Cloud and Stone." Kakashi said lazily. "Also the Tsuchikage."

Sakura almost stumbled, before turning to Kakashi. "What!?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, I ran into a Stone nin and we decided not to have a death match." With that, Kakashi smiled, although Sakura was only able to tell because his one visible eye was shut the way it always was when he smiled.

Sasuke spoke next, after dropping back slightly, allowing Sakura to take the lead. Curious, Kakashi fell back beside him. "Then we need to go back."

Behind them, already distant, there was a huge crash from a collapsing building.

Kakashi idly looked at his disciple. "Well, I sent Shikamaru to rendezvous with Temari, and it's better not to get involved in a fight between two groups that hate us more than each other."

Kekashi paused, then, as information from his Kage Bunshin came back. It was even worse than he'd thought; they were fighting Akatsuki, not each other. He barely pulled his attention back when Sasuke spoke, low and intense.

"No. Motoko's around here somewhere."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at that. "I know you like her, but…we have our own mission to complete right here."

"I'm not going to leave her behind to die!" Sasuke hissed.

Kakashi didn't like it, either, but Motoko was supposed to be a smart girl with a lot of common sense. She was almost certainly high-tailing it back to Konoha even faster than they were, but it would take a little too long to explain that to Sasuke in this crisis situation.

"Sasuke." Kakashi said. "It's hard, but you need to believe in your comrades. Believe in Motoko's abilities as a kunoichi, okay? You'll meet her again, in Konoha."

Sasuke met his teacher's eye for a moment, and seemed to find whatever he was looking for when he turned back to watch where he was going. "Okay." He said.

I I I

"So that's why you need to go convince Temari to leave!" Kakashi told Shikamaru.

"Why me, instead of another Kage Bunshin?" Shikamaru grunted. "Push comes to shove… you can make her, I can't."

Kakashi nodded. "That's why. I don't want to give the impression I'm ordering a kunoichi from another village. That would be a violation of our treaty terms, as a matter of fact. You're her friend, so if you ask nicely she might actually do what you ask."

Shikamaru looked at Kakashi. "We are talking about the same Temari, right?"

Kakashi smiled. "You should trust your girlfriend more." With that, the Kage Bunshin cancelled before Shikamaru could say something witty.

"Troublesome." He muttered instead, before setting off to find Temari.

He hopped to a roof, scanning, and noted with some wry amusement that he found her immediately on account of her running straight towards the scene, against the flow of people that were running desperately away.

"Oy, Temari!" He shouted, jumping across the street and landing on the building across from her. He had to shout to be heard above the din of the crowd.

She turned, and grinned when she saw him. "Shikamaru, what's up?"

"We gotta get out of here." He said, landing beside her.

She shook her head. "I can't. I need to collect intelligence on what's going on."

Shikamaru grunted. "We'll fill you in later. We have to leave now."

Temari frowned, and moved through the crowd. "No, I have a duty as a Sand nin to find out what's going on, you understand."

Impatient, Shikamaru just grabbed her arm. "Just trust me, okay?"

Temari didn't shake his hand off. "Just trust you, huh? What are you saying to a ninja from another village." She turned, and grinned at him. "Alright, I wasn't too excited about trying to spy on crazy powerful unknowns anyway. But if you betray a maiden's trust she'll cut you to pieces with one jutsu."

"Troublesome." Shikamaru groaned.

"Stop whining." Temari said, "And hold on!" With that, she grabbed him around the shoulder and lept, swinging her fan around and opening it beneath her, pulling Shikamaru on behind her as they shot off, skimming above the roofline. Now that she wasn't trying to sneak up on people, she could use the less stealthy flight mode, leaning forward and controlling her fan while she kept her body half-turned to keep Shikamaru from sliding off.

At least, Shikamaru mused as he watched the ground go past beneath him, he didn't have to run like a sucker.

But it made him nervous that she still had an arm clamped around his shoulder.

I I I

There was a pause as the group tried to comprehend what had just happened. The blonde kid that had been spying on them (successfully, Kirema sourly thought), had just charged off and they hadn't been able to stop him. He'd gone to save an enemy jinchuuriki from a group of four sociopathic S-ranked missing-nin.

At least the kid had balls, Ursura decided.

The seven women, four from Stone and three from Cloud, were arranged under what remained of the veranda extending from what remained of their hotel. Each was busy assessing their injuries, getting prepared for whatever would come next.

"You know what really bothers me?" Reiko mused, gingerly holding the side where Kakuuzu had nailed her with a kick, right over the kidney; it was bruising severely, even worse than the stomach-shot she had taken. Idly, she stuck her other fingers into her mouth to probe at the teeth he'd knocked loose.

"What really bothers you, Reiko-san?" Kirema said, sounding a little too tired to play games.

"When that blond Naruto kid blew through that wall, and then he was talking with Itachi for a little bit." Reiko said. "He said to Itachi, 'what two-tailed cat? There's another demon around here?'" Reiko paused and shifted uncomfortably. "That's really bothering me."

Ursura groaned. "Shit, you're right."

Okute coughed, retching blood onto the handkerchief she was holding against her mouth. "What… what do you mean, Reiko-san?"

Tetsuko, who was hovering over the younger woman, not able to do anything now that Okute was stabilized, not able to do anything for her own injuries, frowned. She leaned back, and spoke. "By saying 'another demon,' that Naruto kid implied that he was a demon."

"Or that he's also a jinchuuriki." Kirema said, before Ursura could say it.

"That's not all." Ursura muttered darkly.

Reiko nodded. "Yeah… if Konoha had a jinchuuriki, what would it be?"

Kamome sucked her breath in, worried.

Okute shivered. "You mean…"

Tetsuko nodded. "The One, Two, Four, and Eight Tails are confirmed as jinchuuriki. The Three Tails is loose in the Mist area. Five, Six and Seven are… accounted for." She grimaced. "That leaves only the Nine Tails. It's been suspected, but it's the only possibility."

Ursura grunted. "We had suspicions after the last Leaf chuunin exams, when the One-Tails, Gaara, was defeated. We're pretty sure it wasn't any of Leaf's elites, so…" Ursura waved her hand meaningfully, or tried to. Her fingers were trembling badly and she couldn't get them to stop. "Plus the Nine Tails disappeared in Konoha territory about 13 years ago."

Kirema closed her eyes. "Everyone thought it was a double-death with the Fourth Hokage, but there were always… questions."

"So yeah." Ursura said. "The blond kid is the jinchuuriki of the Nine Tails." She paused. "Or, that's what he wants us to think."

Kirema cocked an eyebrow.

Ursura grinned. "It could very well be insurance against us. A bluff in case we won."

"Doesn't explain how the missing-nin knew him." Reiko pointed out. "But if they were hunting the tailed beasts and he was one of them, it would explain a lot of his dialogue with Itachi nicely... and it's not like we haven't already discussed the possibility that Leaf has the Kyuubi jinchuuriki."

"I didn't say it was likely he was bluffing," Ursura huffed, "just that it was possible."

"So the question is, what do we do?" Kirema said. "If you're trying to say we can't beat him in a straight-up fight, that… might be true."

"Maybe, maybe not." Ursura sighed. "Jinchuuriki are notoriously unstable, fickle things. They lose because of overconfidence and aren't really dependable as ninjas." Ursura grinned. "Of course, this one seems pretty competent at infiltration gigs. I wonder if we were supposed to find out about it, whether missing-nin showed up or not."

Kirema sat up, eyes wide. "You mean… a threat by Konoha?"

Ursura nodded, smiling. It didn't reach her eyes. "If we think about what a jinchuuriki usually does, 'total annihilation' would probably be a good description. For the Nine-Tails… 'total annihilation' is probably understatement." The Tsuchikage shook her head. "So if you also give that weapon the capacity to infiltrate a ninja village, and prove that it's capable of sneaking around even elite assassins, then…"

"A weapon that can be deployed directly into an enemy Hidden Village, and released against the home forces as a surprise attack?" Kirema finished. "So the Hokage was demonstrating that they have a jinchuuriki that can sneak into one of our villages and then destroy it?"

Ursura grinned. "Sounds about right." She shook her head. "Man… what a scary idea. No warning, no prevention… you wake up and there's a bijuu killing all your cute little genin and massacring all your clans right in their houses."

"So we have to destroy it now." Tetsuko said.

"Can we?" Reiko said, sounding honestly curious. "If we were in top condition, maybe… but we're all pretty hurt. What can we do?"

Kirema sagged, deflating as she considered the question. "I guess we have to see what the Hokage's game is."

Ursura shrugged. "I suppose we've been out-foxed."

There was a pause, and then Tetsuko groaned at her leader's joke.

I I I

Neji tapped his finger against his sleeve, impatient to get going.

Everyone assumed that his long, silky hair required lots of maintenance and that he spent lots of time in the bathroom every morning prepping it.

In reality, Neji rolled out of bed, dunked his head in the sink, and ran his fingers through his hair; bam, he was good to go. He showered, if he remembered. It wasn't that he was unhygienic; he was just typically dirty for an adolescent boy of thirteen.

Lee… Lee, on the other hand, spent fifteen minutes every day gelling his uncontrollably wild hair into that tamed bowl shape.

"He doesn't even have hair anymore." Neji muttered to himself.

"What was that, my youthful rival!?" Lee shouted right in Neji's ear.

Neji winced and turned to face his teammate. "I said…" but then he trailed off, mouth open.

Lee scrunched his face, looking very worried. "Is something wrong??

"Lee…" Neji said, "you're hair… it's…" here, Neji gestured impotently at his own head. Finally, he managed to finish his sentence. "…Back."

"Indeed!" Lee roared, striking a pose on one foot. His teeth went ping, and he flipped his head, showing off his newly-restored bowl-cut.

"But… it was… gone." Neji lamely finished.

"Don't question the power of Youth, my youthful rival!" Lee roared, gyrating his stance.

"That doesn't make sense!" Neji protested. "You can't just, just 'youth' your hair back!"

"Neji." Lee said, uncharacteristically solemn. He relaxed, and stood at attention. "Don't question the power of Youth. Some questions… some questions have very dangerous answers."

Something eldritch, something that hinted at the incomprehensible horrors that lurked in the vast gulfs of the plutonian abyss shone in Lee's eyes for a moment, a subtle gleam that chilled Neji to the core of his soul.

Then it was gone when Lee's teeth went "ping."

I I I

What woke Yugito was a spike of pain that dug into each side of her throat, interrupting the duller haze of suffering that always seemed to wash over her when she overused the power of the Demon Cat.

She cracked an eye, fearing the worst after losing the fight with Hidan.

She was being held bridal-style, an arm wrapped around her shoulders, cradling her head in the crook of the right elbow, while the left arm was supporting her knees, and the left hand was supporting her right hip.

Another jolt of pain in her neck, when he sprung off a roof, and the pain finished pulling her into complete wakefulness.

She looked up, and saw a whiskered face wreathed in blond hair, backlit by the morning sun. The face swam into focus, a lip being worried by teeth and blue eyes that darted around nervously, pinched with concern.

He seemed to notice her attention, and glanced down.

A smile spread across his face. It made Yugito think of when the sun broke between the clouds and illuminated a valley between the high mountains, and suddenly everything was warmer because of the direct sunlight.

Motoko had made her feel that, and Motoko was just a lie this boy had made up.

"You're awake? That's great!" He said, not seeming to notice her dark mood.

"Hmn." She stiffly responded.

"Anyway, I'll have you back to your team in a minute." Something dark passed across his own face, but it was gone almost before Yugito could notice.

He continued to speak. "They'll have you fixed up in no time. Believe it!"

"Whatever." Motoko finally said.

He glanced at her, dismayed, but didn't say anything. He jumped again, and Yugito winced slightly as it jolted her neck.

He noticed. "Just one more hop and we'll be there, okay?"

Yugito grunted.

Naruto frowned, not quite sure how to handle this new, sulky mood Yugito seemed to be in. Sasuke sulked like this sometimes when he lost at something, but somehow Naruto felt that teasing Yugito about losing to Hidan was exactly what not to do.

He jumped again, mulling over what he was going to say next, and was interrupted from further conversation by the Tsuchikage speaking up when he landed in the ruined inn courtyard.

"I can't believe you actually came back, kiddo."

I I I

The day was going to be a hot one, he mused, once the sun got a little higher in the sky. Already there was an occasional grasshopper making noise, it would be a full-blown chorus by afternoon. The insects were nothing. They totally ignored people; during the Third Secret War, the Kamizuru bee-user clan of Hidden Stone had genetically altered the native grasshopper population of the Fire Country to ignore humans, thereby reducing the chances that Leaf Ninja would detect an infiltration.

The Bookie was right. The guard was lax, only two teams of career genin led by a chuunin each to guard the whole facility, plus support staff. There was nothing here to stop him from waltzing in and taking what he wanted.

He closed his eyes, and sank back beneath the earth, slowly burrowing his way towards the prison.

Like most prisons in Fire Country, it was built on an artificial island that divided a river. The water was raw material for suiton jutsu and a preventive measure against the very kind of underground infiltration he was now using.

Too bad for them that the Yonbi allowed the man named Shisui to easily do element combinations.

Shisui converted some chakra to the water element, and melted it together with the earth element he used to tunnel through the ground. Rather than transforming them into a third, unique element like wood, he saturated the earth chakra with water chakra; the result is a cohesive 'mud' chakra that can be used to bridge the moat.

Shisui slid along underground, and reached the inner courtyard. This is where the executions are held; he could sense that it was empty, there was no one around.

Shisui would have liked to come up closer to where Chouzouyama was being kept in the Eastern cell block with other financial criminals, but to do so would require going through the hardened floor of the building. That would take too much time and leave too much evidence.

So Shisui emerged into the late morning sunlight of a courtyard that stinks with the blood of beheaded men.

Immediately Shisui cast a genjutsu on himself, obscuring his presence from sight and smell. He sneaked into the hallway leading up to the courtyard, past the offices of various prison officials.

Shisui used a bizarre hybrid jutsu of his own creation. It is both ninjutsu and genjutsu, and combines shape and element manipulation. The effect is simple to describe, but very, very hard to achieve: with this jutsu, Shisui vastly magnifies his ability to sense chakra. It is a bit of a double-edged sword, since using the jutsu makes him very easy to sense as well, but against six career genin it's not a concern. It's the two chuunin he worried about.

He could sense the presence of the eight ninja used to guard the prison; three were in the office block, five seemed to be on perimeter guard, and the last was over in the interrogation block. Bookie had heard a rumor in town that one of the chuunin was an interrogation specialist.

Shisui drifted into the building, moving as quietly as possible, until he reached the East Prison Block.

The large, central prison bay holds the general prison population, and cells that can be individually locked radiate around the room. Like most countries, the Fire Country allows complex prison gangs to develop and subsidizes some of the prisoner management to those gangs. Manipuating at that level of political intrigue is expected of anyone who reaches a high enough rank to become prison warden.

The leader of a block gang is the one who controls the keys to the secondary prison cells. They can be used for private rooms for the elite or for their intended purpose: punishment.

Shisui sneaked to the East Block and looked through the steel bar-and-mesh used to seal off the prison proper. The prisoners were lazing about, nothing to do between their morning and noon meals.

Shisui and Bookie talked for two hours and couldn't decide on the best method for extracting Chouzouyama. The twin problem of identifying and extracting his target is complicated because Shisui doesn't know what Chouzouyama looks like or sounds like; Shisui isn't good enough to ensnare someone in deep genjutsu and ask them questions they won't remember.

It was Bookie as the client who proposed the method, and frankly Shisui didn't have a better idea.

Shisui dropped the disguise genjutsu and cast a henge to change his appearance. Now, it was Bookie dressed as a high prison official that stands before the East Block. Silent as only a ninja could be, Shisui-turned-Bookie walked to the gate and regarded it; a prison official would have a key.

"Yessir, can I help you sir?" Said a thug sitting by the gate. Wearing the simple white kimono issued to prisoners, he also had an armband wrapped around his left bicep. Without knowing the extraneous symbolisms, Shisui knew it identified the thug as the designated doorman for the gang that controlled the East Block.

"Bring me the prisoner named Chouzouyama." Shisui commanded.

"Yessir, right away sir." The thug said. He scurried out, into the mass of prisoners interestedly rubbernecking.

A bald and square-jawed man is hustled over to the prison gate by two more gang officers. The man has only been here a few days, long enough for the gang to work him over, still an outsider to the East Block.

When Shisui sees the spark of recognition in the man's eyes, it's enough; this man is Chouzouyama and he recognizes the face of Bookie that Shisui is borrowing. Shisui reached out and used earth chakra to guide fire chakra into the lock on the gate. The metal hissed and melted under his touch, and he wrenched open the gate when the lock turns to soft slag.

"This face hired your rescue." Shisui said, and with a cross-shaped seal three Kage Bunshin appear, two taking down the prison officers while the third heaved Chouzouyama over his shoulders in a fireman's carry.

That Bunshin darts out, and Shisui slammed the gate shut. In a few minutes, at most, these men will realize the gate isn't locked anymore.

Shisui darted out, abandoning stealth for a quick extraction. He dropped the henge on himself, and his bunshin does the same.

Shisui is almost in the courtyard when the first ninja appears. A woman in her twenties, Shishui can tell at a glance that she's one of the genin.

He pooled chakra in his gut, and breathed out a huge mass of mud that swallows up her shuriken and then her, too. He formed the seals, and then dove into the mud, tunneling through it with jutsu, his Bunshin dragging the target behind it.

He popped out into the courtyard, and one of the chuunin attacked, just as expected.

This man is better than the one before, although odd. Everything above his nose is wrapped in bandages, and his forehead protector covers where a man's eyes are. Distantly Shisui wonders whether the man is Hyuuga.

The man darted forward, using taijutsu of some kind, but Shisui knocked him back with a raw blast of air-element chakra and then the man is mostly swallowed by the earth.

He's running out of time, the others are coming. While the bandage-head is cursing him and digging his way free, Shisui is already diving underground, his Kage Bunshin handing Chouzouyama off to the real self before it cancels.

Nearly thirty seconds later, Shisui burst out of the ground, and heaved his target out and pulls the older man up and onto his shoulders. While Chouzouyama gasps for breath from his unexpected trip underground, Shisui is already running as fast as he could towards the checkpoint in the next country over.

The mission will not be successful until they get over the border. Shisui reminds himself that so he won't get sloppy on the last leg.

I I I

Ursura raised an eyebrow when the blond kid landed with Yugito in his arms. She had been debating various pursuit strategies. Once he captured an enemy jinchuuriki, he would definitely escape. And that was disregarding the whole "he got exposed as a spy" thing.

"I can't believe you actually came back, kiddo." She finally said. "I mean, what the hell?"

The kid just gave her a strange look, like she was being ridiculous. "I said I would bring Yugito back, didn't I?"

Ursura couldn't help it, she had to laugh at that. "Yeah, but…" She shook her head. "You know what? Forget it." She pointed at Kirema. "You just give Yugito to Kirema, okay, and then come over here and we'll have a little chat."

The kid eyed her a little bit, and then he eyed Kirema, too, before shrugging slightly and handing the sulking host of the Two Tails to the enfeebled leader of the Could delegation, before walking over to where the Tsuchikage was standing up.

"Let's go sit over underneath the veranda, okay?" Ursura asked, somewhat rhetorically. Then she added, "Or under what's left of it, at any rate."

"Sounds good." The kid agreed, sounding way too happy about basically being debriefed.

The Tsuchikage sat down, and she grimaced internally when it was a little too much like collapsing into a seat. Whatever that crazy genjutsu Itachi had used on her was, it had sure messed her up good.

"So." She began. "You probably know a lot about us, but I don't know much about you. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"Okay!" The kid said. Again, there was way more enthusiasm than most interrogation suspects had. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto! My favorite food is Ramen, and my favorite color is orange! I especially like Miso Ramen, and not just because it comes in the orange package, either, but it's tasty. I guess my hobby would be gardening, well that and becoming a better ninja, of course! Why, just the other day I-"

This was definitely the first time Ursura had ever seen inane blather used as a defense technique in an interrogation. Sure it was data, but it was so riddled with crap and lies, probably, that it was likely worthless. The Tsuchikage felt out of her depth, debriefing hostile enemy nin was an art of itself that she had little to no training in, and she didn't think normal tactics would work on this clown anyway.

"Kid." Ursura said, holding up a hand. "Let's keep it simple. Name. Village. Serial Number. Rank."

Naruto blinked. "Okay… well, my name is still Uzumaki Naruto. I'm a ninja from the Leaf Village, and… I don't remember my serial number, although I'm pretty sure it had a six and two eights in it. And I'm a genin."

Ursura nodded. "Okay, now we're getting somewhere." She glanced behind the kid, to where Tetsuko was sitting, ready to provide a counter-questioner in case they needed to keep him off balance or something. "So… why were you spying on us?"

He shrugged. "Granny Tsunade wanted me to find out if you guys were gonna invade or what."

Ursura wondered how this kid managed to land this sensitive of a mission if he just spilled his guts as soon as anyone even asked him. Also, Granny Tsunade? Who talked about their Kage so irreverently? She hadn't even gotten to the part where she threatened him for not talking, he was just merrily yammering away.

"I'm glad that you don't want to go to war with us." He continued. "Cuz, well, you guys would lose."

Tetsuko stiffened at that, and Ursura couldn't help grinning. It wasn't a very nice expression. "And why do you say that?"

"Because Konoha ninja are incredible!" He proudly exclaimed. "I mean, you guys are all pretty good too, but you're just not as awesome as we are!"

Ursura wanted to break his teeth. "Alright, alright… next question. The Kyuubi no Kitsune."

He stiffened, and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. It was all the answer she needed, and Ursura sat back, hiding her nervousness with a grin. It changed the entire nature of the conversation. It didn't matter if he spilled his guts; if he burned them all to crisps it wouldn't really matter what he said to them. What's the point of training a death machine in interrogation procedure?

"Never mind." Ursura said, changing tack. "And what does Tsunade-hime plan to do, if we go to war, eh?"

Naruto shrugged. "I dunno. She didn't tell me and I didn't think to ask."

"Then what would you do, eh?" Ursura said. "If you were Tsunade, what would you do?"

Naruto puffed his chest, crossing his arms in an overblown display of assumed authority. "That's easy! When I'm Hokage we're not going to go to war!"

Ursura traded glances with Tetsuko. She nodded, too, looking about as incredulous as how Ursura felt. "When you're Hokage."

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! I'm gonna be the next Hokage, it's my dream!" Abruptly, he frowned. "But, I want to protect everyone. Ninja battles are awesome, but wars suck. So I don't want to go to war with you guys."

"That sounded pretty stupid, but it was a nice sentiment." Ursura frankly responded. "But you need to get your head out of your ass. What if Cloud over there declared war on you, eh? What would you do then?"

Naruto smiled. "Then I'd beat up their Kage to make them stop."

That was the most audacious strategy Ursura had ever heard, in her entire career as a ninja. The ridiculous part was it was actually a pretty reasonable idea. As a jinchuuriki, the kid probably had the potential to go toe-to-toe with the Raikage or with herself.

A fight between Kages, betting the whole war on a proxy battle. But ninjas really only fought proxy battles for their countries, anyways.

Ursura raised an eyebrow. "And what if the Fire Lord told you that we, you and me, kid, what if he said that Stone and Fire were going to war."

Naruto shook his head vehemently. "He can't tell the Hokage what to do!" He protested. "The Kage's the strongest person in the Village, in the Country."

Ursura shook her head, disbelieving. She knew she was getting sidetracked from interrogating this kid by his zany policy opinions, but… how couldn't she ask? "That's not how it works, kid. The Daimyo controls the money, he pays the budget for the Hidden Village. You gotta do what he says!"

The kid frowned. "Why?"

Tetsuko couldn't handle it. "Why!? The Daimyo collects the taxes and supports the finances of the Village. If you don't obey he can threaten your budget and you'll be ousted by the council! That's why you have to do what the Daimyo says!"

"That's not what I meant!" Naruto shot back. "Why does the Daimyo control the budget, huh? What stops the Hokage from taking control of that!"

There was a pause as the two interrogators digested that. Overthrowing the Daimyo, who provided funding, was the closest thing to heresy the ninja world had. The Mist civil war had been sparked by a rogue faction trying to seize control of the taxes, and it had ruined the country.

"Kid…" Ursura said.

But Naruto was on a role. "The Daimyo… what did he ever do that was so great, eh? Just because he was born, he's on top?" Naruto shook his head, and slapped his fist in his hand. "The Hokage is the greatest ninja in the village. Out of everyone, they're the best choice, who trained every day for years to lead everyone! How does being born compare to that!" Breathing a little heavily from his outburst, he visibly reigned himself in. "If the Daimyo told me to put all my precious people in danger because of his own reasons, well, I wouldn't let him!"

"And if I said you were going to war with the Stone country, hmm? What if it was Those that Hide in the Stones that brought war to your door step?" Ursura said.

Naruto looked her in the eye, and said, "The Kage leads the Village. If a Village goes to war, it's because the Kage said so. If the Stone and the Leaf go to war, it's because you, the Tsuchikage, said so." He leaned forward, eyes burning with intensity. "If you threaten my precious people like that, I will personally hunt you down and kill you right in your office while you're wearing your big hat."

Ursura held his eye contact for a minute, holding up a hand to keep Tetsuko from attacking him from behind. The kid was serious. Scary shit, man, Ursura thought, and she couldn't help shuddering a little bit (to be fair it was mostly from that genjutsu of Itachi's) and looking away when she noticed that his eyes, normally blue, had darkened, had reddened and the pupil began to distort into a slit as he got angry.

Then she grinned, and heaved herself to her feet. "You're some hard-core shit, you know that kid." She shook her head. "Man oh man." Although it was wrapped in platitudes and seemingly juvenile ideals, there were some ruthless sentiments underneath his words.

His doctrine was simple, but subtle. By holding the enemy leadership directly accountable for their wars, by killing them first, he was ensuring that an enemy country would only start wars that the leaders were personally willing to die for. Ursura had seen many that got drunk on power and viewed the ninja beneath them as expendable.

Naruto was turning that upside down. He was viewing the lives of the foot soldiers, of the individual ninja, as more precious than the lives of the leaders. Something in that appealed to Ursura, something in that made her want to believe in the kid.

"All right, kid, last question…" She said, looking down at the kid. "What if you started the war?"

Naruto looked up. "I wouldn't." He said firmly.

"For the sake of the argument, kid, humor me." The Tsuchikage said.

"I would kill to protect my precious people." He said frankly. "How can I expect you to be any different?"

Ursura leaned down, so that her eyes were inches from his. "I like you." She declared, voice alight with savage intensity. "You've got balls, kid, and your heart is in the right place, and you're a lot less stupid then you sound."

"Hey!" Naruto complained.

"I tell you what." Ursura said, grinning. "When you become Hokage… we'll sign a peace treaty, you and me, and the Stone and the Leaf will be allies, how about that?" And with that, Ursura held out her hand to the boy sitting in front of her.

"Tsuchikage…" Tetsuko murmered, but Ursura waved her off.

"I'd like that. I'd like it a lot." Naruto said, taking Ursura's hand and allowing her to pull him up, so the two were standing.

The sun was climbing in the sky.

I I I

There was something making noise. It was difficult to tell what, exactly, over the throbbing that made it feel like his brain was trying to burst out of his skull through his temples. It sounded vaguely like someone was talking to him.

Jiraiya just groaned pitifully in response.

"Boss! You gotta wake up!" The voice said, an urgent whisper right in his ear.

Jiraiya groaned again, and rolled over to get away from the voice. Unfortunately he didn't remember how narrow his cot was, so he ended up rolling off the edge and hitting the cold, hard cement floor with a thud.

Then Jiraiya whimpered.

"Boss! Come on, this is important!" The voice said again, somehow right in his ear again. "Naruto is in trouble!"

Blearly, but with some urgency, Jiraiya cracked open an eyelid and made eye contact with the Toad perched on his shoulder. Gamakichi really did look worried.

Jiraiya managed to force himself to a sitting position, and ran his hands down his face. He could feel the stubble from not shaving, the tracks where drool and mucus had trailed down his face, and his eyes were still crusty and blood-shot. His senses of touch, hearing and sight were painfully sensitized and everything felt like it was covered by grit.

Jiraiya made another noise, this one somewhat more interrogative.

"Naruto got caught!" Gamakichi said, distraught. "And he fought with Itachi or something!"

Jiraiya stilled, looking carefully into the Toads eyes. They were serious. Jiriaiya swore incoherently, and somehow managed to leverage himself onto his feet. Swaying, eyes crossing from sudden nausea and a flare of hangover-related pain, Jiraiya fumbled through some handseals before disappearing into a swirl of ninja smoke with a pop that was somehow obscene.

Moments later, the bars to the cell clanged as the guard ran his billyclub along them, tapping each of them in turn as he walked along the cells of the village lockup. "Rise and shine, drunkards and vagrants, rise and shine." The guard shouted, rousing the various miscreants.

The guard stopped when he got to the cell that Jiraiya had been sleeping his hangover off in.

The cell was empty. "Oh Shi-"

I I I

Yugito sat sullenly, legs pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around her knees. She stared dully into space as Kirema sat across from her, frowning. Kamome was sitting at Kirema's left, her face closed to emotion and rigid with pain, while Reiko had an indescribable look on her face.

"So." Kirema said. "This Naruto person is the real identity of a Leaf kunoichi you befriended here at the festival." The leader of the Cloud Team shook her head, voice angry and incredulous. "Just like that, you compromised your role and reduced your effectiveness as a weapon. I am very disappointed in you."

Yugito didn't say anything; except for the clenching of her jaw, she might have not even heard.

"Answer me!" Kirema spoke sharply.

"I apologize. Kirema-sama." Yugito said in a monotone.

Kirema eyed Yugito for a moment longer, before nodding. "This conversation is over. Understand that we'll have to reassess your dependability as a ninja after this."

"Yes. Kirema-sama." Yugito said, repeating the same studied monotone.

Kirema carefully stood, mindful of her own wounds, and moved to where the Tsuchikage had finished speaking with Naruto. She glanced behind herself; Kamome stood with somewhat less grace than usual, but Reiko met her eye before saying, "I'll be along in a minute."

Kirema studied Reiko for an instant before nodding, and proceeding to where Ursura stood.

Reiko stood, and moved forward to sit down next to Yugito, mirroring the younger girl's posture, sitting with her legs pulled up and her arms around her legs. The posture made Reiko's side throb, but no matter.

"When I was thirteen, my jounin-sensei was killed right in front of me." Reiko began. "It was during one of the border skirmishes between the Second and Third Secret Wars. We were on a relatively routine intelligence-gathering mission in the Rain country."

"We were deep in Rain territory. Our sensei had gathered the information we needed and we got a little sloppy on our stealth on the way out. That's why we were discovered. The man who found us was already the rising hero of his country, none other than Hanzo the Salamander."

"Naturally, we still tried to achieve our objective, and escape past him into our homeland. Our sensei rushed him. Today, intellectually, I know that sensei was using a combined taijutsu/raiton-ninjutsu technique called 'Skyrider,' and Hanzo countered with a partial summoning that augmented his body."

"At the time all I knew was there was a huge flash of light, and a dull boom, and then Sensei was bleeding all over the place from where his lung used to be and The Salamander was standing over Sensei with a frog-looking thing sticking out of his shoulder that leaked smoke out its mouth."

"We were only genin, but we knew what we had to do. We rushed him, and he took us down hard—Tozemaru was good, really good for a ninja his age, so Hanzo was a little less careful with Tozemaru, and cut off his arm with his freaky shoulder tongue."

"So there Hanzo was, standing over us, and Gennei—he was my other teammate, he died years ago in a poison gas jutsu from a Hidden Grass chuunin—Gennei shouted something about why didn't he do the honorable thing and kill us, too."

Reiko smiled, then, a crooked, complicated expression. "I don't really remember what Gennai said, to be honest, but I'll never remember the half-sad, half-exasperated expression on Hanzo's face when he said to us, 'Listen, kid, don't spit on my kindness.'"

Reiko was silent for a moment. "I was really bitter for about three, four years. What the hell, kindness, he just killed sensei and crippled Tozemaru." Reiko paused, significantly. "Then I learned more about tactical MO and realized that Hanzo should have killed us all."

Reiko flopped back, and winced when it aggravated her wounds. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, kindness in the ninja world can look like cruelty, if you don't think about it. Hanzo killed Sensei and ruined Tozemaru, true, but… he also spared our lives when it was really not such a smart idea for him."

"So now we have this kid, this Naruto, who disguised himself as a kunoichi to spy on us, and in so doing lied to you about his identity." Reiko said. "And he hurt you because his mission required that he deceive you. But his mission didn't require that he befriend you." Reiko snorted. "And it certainly didn't require that he charge into the jaws of death and snatch you off those jagged teeth, either, eh?"

Sighing, Reiko stood up. "Kindness indeed." And Reiko walked away.

Yugito squeezed her knees tighter, not sure what to feel.

I I I

Kirema nodded to Kamome, who went over to stand with Tetsuko and guard the prisoner while Ursura and Kirema conferred.

"So, whadda ya think?" Ursura said, crossing her arms to hide the shaking in her fingers.

Kirema frowned. "He's too dangerous to take prisoner, but it would be really good to extract what intelligence we can from him."

Ursura grinned. "I say let him go."

Kirema raised an eyebrow.

Ursura scowled. "Come on, think it through, it's obvious. If the kid doesn't report back then Konoha will know we found him. They already suspect that we're collaborating, plus Kakashi's suspiciously convenient bodyguard mission—and then their spy doesn't come back."

Ursura shook her head. "And anyways, we're already assuming we could take him. On top of that, I don't have anywhere in Hidden Stone I'd trust to hold a jinchuuriki, let alone that one. I imagine it's the same in Hidden Cloud."

"So, just let him go, scot-free." Kirema said.

Ursura shrugged. "At the very least it'll throw Konoha through a loop. And anyways… we can leverage it as political capital later. I can't take the risk of holding him, I might as well try and get some benefit, even if it's just holding something over Tsunade's head."

Kirema just shrugged her acceptance, and even though she had a sour look on her face she kept her opinion of releasing the spy go to herself.

I I I

"Alright, kid, we're gonna let you go." Ursura said.

"Finally!" Naruto groaned, standing up.

Tetsuko caught her Kage's eye, and saw something in there that decided her, because she didn't protest when the boy stood up.

"Well, it's been fun!" Naruto said enthusiastically. "I hope we get to meet again sometime! Only, you know, not as enemies during a mission!"

"That was probably too honest, but I agree, kid." Ursura shot back. "Anyway, take care of yourself, okay? It would be lame if you died stupidly and didn't become Hokage."

"I'll become Hokage one day and we'll all live at peace with each other! Believe it!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fist in the air.

Tetsuko nods stiffly, not really wanting to acknowledge the kid but not wanting to show disrespect to someone her boss favors, either.

Okute waves timidly, and Chigaku looks up and nods before laying her head back down on a slab of sandstone she'd dug up and going back into recuperative sleep.

Kamome bows, somewhat formally, from where she was sitting against what was left of a pillar from the veranda, and Reiko doesn't look up from her physics book when she waves.

"Goodbye." Kirema said, somewhat stiffly, and Naruto turned to look at Yugito, who wouldn't meet his gaze.

He stays like that for a moment, face frozen, before his smile becomes softer, and the happiness seems to fade from it. "Yeah, take care, okay?"

With that, Naruto turns and leaps over the veranda of the ruined hotel. The authorities will be here soon and Naruto wants no part of that.

Yugito stares at his back as he leaves, and continues to stare for a moment after that.

"Yugito." Kirema says. "Don't go and do something you'll regret."

"Yugito." Reiko flips the page, eyes intent on her book. "Don't stay and do something you'll regret more, either."

Startled, Yugito turns to look at the jounin. Reiko glances up from her book, and says, "If you let it end like this…" and trails off, leaving all the what-ifs to Yugito.

Resolved, Yugito nods and, without meeting Kirema's eyes, shoots off after the boy.

Kirema rounds on Reiko, who reluctantly puts away her book and prepares to take her scolding like a woman.

I I I

Naruto is at the apex of his jump when he gets tackled from behind. Startled, he turns his head and recognizes Yugito, who has wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

He barely manages to land without skidding off the back of the building. Yugito doesn't exactly impede him, but she's sure not helping. He has to contort pretty badly to finish the jump.

Naruto contemplates the two inches between them and the edge of the roof, as well as the restaurant dumpster that would have broken their fall if they hadn't cleared the roof.

The dumpster is full of natto.

"That was close." He whispers to himself.

"It was, wasn't it?" Yugito said.

"Yeah," Naruto says. Honest relief enters his voice. "But, but, we made it at the last instant!"

Yugito squeezes his shoulders. "I felt betrayed, you know."

Naruto almost says 'then why'd you try to tackle me into the dumpster' but something stays his tongue. He pries Yugito off his shoulders and turns around so they're facing each other. He looks up into her eyes and is astonished to see she is almost crying and is hesitating to meet his gaze.

Naruto looks into her eyes and realizes that, once again, he has no idea what she's talking about.

"I'm sorry." Naruto says. He sounds confident, but he's basically guessing.

She smiles, tremulously. "Thank you. I'm glad… it wasn't all a lie."

Naruto screws up his face, frowning. "What are you talking about? I never lied to you." Naruto pauses for a moment, and the emerging black look on Yugito's face sends him scurrying for words. Also the hands on his shoulders are beginning to squeeze more threateningly. "Well, aside from the whole disguised-as-a-girl thing." Naruto admits. "But that was just for the mission. I kinda forgot about that part because hanging out with you was such a blast, you know?"

Yugito smiles. "I'm glad. Friends?"

"Of course!" Naruto shouts. He would have struck the nice guy pose, but Yugito still had him in this death-hug thing. Alternatively he would have put his hands behind his head, but again, Yugito was in the way. He settles for settling his hands on top of hers.

More solemnly, he meets Yugito's eyes and says "You're precious to me, now. A precious person."

Yugito blushes, and looks down. "You… you're precious to me to."

"That's great." Naruto says, earnestly. "The pain of being alone… I'm glad you don't have to feel that way anymore."

"But… you're going to be going back to your village." Yugito says. "We might never see each other again."

"Never is maybe a bit strong." Naruto says. "Heck, Temari is from Hidden Sand, but she's at Konoha like every other week. Usually hanging out with Shikamaru, now that I think about it."

"I don't know if I could get away from Hidden Cloud that often." Yugito says. "But… I'd like to stay in touch." More hesitantly, she adds, "do you think… you could write me?"

"Of course!" Naruto says. "My handwriting's not too good and Iruka always said I couldn't spell but I can try for you."

"Thank you." Yugito said. "I'd… I'd really appreciate that."

I I I

Jiraiya has never felt more conflicted in his life.

He'd gotten to Snow Country in record time. It wasn't just a land-speed record; he'd traveled across about three countries using space/time ninjutsu. And he anticipated a pitched battle against at least Ursura of Five Bears and the Akatsuki duo of Itachi and Kisame once he got there.

But then when he got there Naruto was having some teary goodbye scene with a hot blonde kunoichi several years older than him. She was all over him!

Jiraiya had never understood what Uchiha Mikoto had meant by saying "sometimes you want to hug them and strangle them all at the same time."

He also wanted to punch Naruto in the face. Or buy him a beer.

"That magnificient bastard." The Toad Sage groused.

Once the kunoichi left, Jiraiya settled for tackling the kid out of the sky and giving him the noogie of a lifetime.

"What the hell was that about, eh brat?" Jiraiya roared.

"Goddammit Ero-sennin what's with the mid-air tackles all of a sudden?" Naruto roared.

"Well you need something to calm down after being all love-love!" Jiraiya shouted, still grinding his knuckles into Naruto's head as hard as he could.

Meanwhile, Naruto managed to pull out a kunai and punch Jiraiya in the kidney with the ring. "What are you talking about, eh? I was just saying goodbye to Yugito-chan!"

Jiraiya kicked his defacto apprentice in the face while nursing his side. "Stupid brat! Show more respect to your elders!"

Naruto rubbed his blackening eye rebelliously. Hard experience had taught him not to get drawn into arguments with Jiraiya unless he was sure he could win. Better to bide his time and get revenge by more subtle methods.

Jiraiya shook his head. "Right. Give me a quick report."

Naruto crossed his arms, and frowned officiously. "Yes! I made contact with the target groups and found out that Stone and Cloud made a mutual defense agreement in the Hot Spring. But they don't seem to want to invade, which is good 'cause then I'd beat them up! Then Akatsuki showed up and kicked everybody's butts and I stared down Itachi. Then I blew off Hidan's head with rasengan, but in retrospect I don't think that killed him."

Jiraiya stared for a moment, unable to believe that but also pretty sure Naruto hadn't lied to him. "I think your debriefing with Tsunade is going to take a while."

I I I

"Are you sure that was wise? Tsuchikage-sama." Tetsuko said, voice lacking in any inflection that would imply she disapproved.

"Was what wise?" Ursura said, eyes forward as the two waited for Okute to report back. They were taking it slow and careful on the trip back to the Stone Country.

"Promising a treaty to the Leaf like that?" Tetsuko said. "We've been their enemies for a long time."

"Friends today, enemies tomorrow." Ursura quoted. She didn't have to finish; the corollary of that famous saying was, of course, "enemies today, friends tomorrow."

"Besides," The Tsuchikage continued, "I offered a peace deal to him, contingent on him becoming Hokage, no one else."

"And if the Reikage finds out?" Tetsuko asked.

"There were only the three of us." Ursura responded quietly. "And I doubt that blond bastard will say anything."

"I would never!" Tetsuko hissed.

"I wasn't questioning your loyalty." Ursura said. "But, frankly, I'm pretty sure the Raikage would have done the same thing." The Tsuchikage sat up, and rubbed her face. "Listen… I'm used to thinking big, thinking ambitious. It's part of being Kage, of reaching for the top, you know?"

Ursura leaned forward, and looked her second in command right in the eye. "He said some very interesting things about the Kage as the leader of the country. Mist botched their chance… but if we, the other villages, all agreed to go at the same time… well."

Tetsuko said. "You mean…!"

Ursura grunted. "Yeah."

No more was said.

I I I

OMAKE: TOO LATE

"What do you mean 'he already left!?'" Princess Yuki hissed.

AN: The Angst! What the hell am I writing here, ninjas should be awesome killing machines, not whiney little brats.

And on that note, some people might be wondering why Ursura and Kirema are treating Naruto as if he's more dangerous than they are. Well… keep in mind their perspective. So far they're mostly seen him do two things:

1) Stare down Itachi. They don't know like we do how easily Itachi gives up when he doesn't feel like bothering.

2) Retrieve Yugito from all four Akatsuki. They don't know Yugito got dumped on Hidan and the other three left, and that Naruto tricked Hidan, or whatever—all they know is that all eight of them weren't enough to prevent Yugito from getting nabbed, and Naruto successfully nabbed her back.

So what I guess I'm saying is they're trying not to underestimate him. If they overestimate him, well, they don't think they are.

So. As of chapter 408, Cloud apparently controls the Eight Tails. And then, in chapter 416, we see what the Raikage looks like.

They are the stupidest-looking characters to date, bar none. In the whole entire manga, no one is harder to take seriously than these two. Come on, Kishimoto, give me something that at least _could_ be cool to work with here.

So yeah, I'm certain that _my_ Raikage won't look like that. I decided on a motif and skill-set for the Raikage in this story during, like, chapter three. I'm not surrendering that.

As for KillerBee… at the very, very least, I'm changing his goddamn name.

Anyway, there was a super-amount of expository dialogue this time around.

One chapter to go! Next time on Spying no Jutsu, "Denouement."


	11. Denouement

**Denouement**

I I I

"I'll kill you!" Naruto hissed.

"Ha ha ha!" Jiraiya laughed pompously, dancing around the roof holding his notebook over his head. "You should be proud you were awesome enough to inspire a whole volume of Icha Icha!"

Naruto found himself wishing (again) that he'd destroyed the notebook when he'd found it instead of shouting about Jiraiya turning everything Naruto did into something creepy. Naruto wasn't dim. Maybe he wasn't smart like Shikamaru, but he wasn't stupid. 'Icha Icha Espionage' was about his latest mission and he didn't want to be the hero of a pervy book.

Well, he didn't want to be the hero of a pervy book written by the freaky old Toad Sage.

"I'll kill you!" Naruto reiterated. With that, he began doing handseals.

Jiraiya was curious. He knew Naruto had learned some genjutsu, and was apparently going to use his new skills on him. It probably would be pretty easy to break out of.

Naruto knew Jiraiya would be able to break out of any genjutsu Naruto could put him in. So Naruto decided to do something more dependable than a regular type of genjutsu, instead Naruto would use something Jiraiya wouldn't be able to bring himself out of.

"Sexy no jutsu revised: Sexy Sexy world!" Naruto shouted, drawing odd looks from the passersby that had before been studiously ignoring the two arguing loudly on a rooftop. The 'sexy sexy world' was a variation of the "what you see is what you get" Naruto had used on Hidan. It drew out the target's most perverted fantasies. It was an incredibly obvious genjutsu, but on the other hand Naruto doubted Jiraiya would even try to break out of it.

"Eh heh heh!" Jiraiya began to giggle, immediately blushing as he was pulled into the genjutsu.

He began to reach out, fingers twitching like they were squeezing grapefruits or something. Naruto didn't really want to know. He waited until Jiraiya was really going, huffing out his nose and everything.

Then Naruto and one of his Kage Bunshin jump-kicked Jiraiya off the roof and through the window into the Hokage's office, using their chakra-enhanced kick to shatter the illusion.

I I I

Iruka was muttering under his breath as he flipped back and forth between various folders, jumping between mission requests and hospital reports and team rosters.

Finally he leaned back, closing his eyes as he arched his spine, rubbing his eyesockets with the heels of his palms. "Guuh." He groaned, before slumping back into his seat.

"Workin' hard or hardly workin'?" Anko asked, twirling a kunai as she crossed her legs, sitting on the desk next to him.

Iruka flinched, surprised, before relaxing again. "It's you… you startled me there, Anko."

Anko smiled, pleased she'd managed to sneak up on him when he had his guard down. "Well… I am an infiltration and espionage specialist, after all."

"I know." Iruka said. He rubbed his face again.

"Trouble in paradise?" Anko asked.

"Well… we're really stretched thin." Iruka said. "The turnaround between missions is too short, it's putting a lot of strain on our people." He waved his hands over the papers in front of him. "Since Tsunade mandated a field medic on every team, unless someone gets hit with an instant kill technique they almost always survive."

Iruka shrugged. "And because field medic training is so demanding, they're usually less skilled than average ninja of their rank, so the rest of the team has to work harder to cover that." Iruka smiled sourly though. "But fatality rates are way down so it's a good change… just a headache for when we're trying to meet our mission obligations."

There was a silent pause.

"Bummer." Anko observed.

"You didn't pay attention to most of that, did you?" Iruka observed, amused.

"Yeah yeah I did!" Anko protested. "Devil's in the details and all that." Anko scowled. "Geeze, you're still a pretty boring guy to be cooped up worried about this kind of stuff for three hours though."

"Three hours?" Iruka said, frowning. "It hasn't been that long."

Anko gave him a look.

Iruka checked the wall clock, and smiled sheepishly. "I guess it has."

"Right right!" Anko said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I was wondering what you're doing tonight."

Iruka frowned. "Well first I gotta grade some quizzes and then review for lecture tomorrow and I need to catch up on some financial stuff since the fiscal year ends soon."

Anko sighed. "That's all?"

Iruka shrugged. "It still needs doing even if you're gonna be sarcastic about it."

Anko stood up and began pacing. Privately Iruka was amused she had sat still this long.

"I know." Anko said. "It's just, I want us to do more things together, it's no fun that you're always buried in work and stuff." She spun and held up her hand. "And I know it's all important work and you're needed but… but I want to spend more time with you. I know it's selfish and maybe unfair and I'm beginning to ramble but!" She deflated a little, and frowned, crossing her arms. "I dunno what I'm trying to say."

Iruka chuckled slightly. "I understood anyway." He sighed. "Listen, this is the busiest part of the year for me. We're coming up on the end of the semester at the Academy, and we're swamped with work at the Mission Office because of the good weather… and I've been unusually involved in the bookkeeping this year because we're understaffed." Iruka smiled lightly.

Anko huffed out her breath, and leaned against the table next to him. "That doesn't exactly make me feel better, you know."

Iruka shrugged, palms up with his hands spread.

Anko rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah." She paused. "Listen, though, I'm not really a very patient person." She narrowed her eyes. "Don't say anything!" Anko waited, almost daring him to speak, before continuing. "But… I'll wait for you, okay? If you're busy now… I can wait until it's a better time for you."

She slid sideways until she was right next to him, and leaned down close to him. "But I ain't gonna let you go." Anko leaned in, breathing out into Iruka's ear. "You're mine now and I'm not about to let go of something I really, really want."

I I I

"I see." Tsunade said. "Well, the mission went as well as could be expected."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Kurenai said, speaking on Team Eight's behalf.

The Fifth paused, looking at the group in front of her. They were pretty beat up, and Shino in particular was looking pretty dejected. He seemed to take failure the hardest of the three, although Kiba was the most outspoken and Hinata the most pathetic about it.

"Don't worry about it." Tsunade said. She wondered what Naruto would say. He was much better at pepping people up than her, when he became Hokage the part where he consoled and encouraged teams would probably come naturally to him.

Well, she was the one who had to support these three now. "You did a good job." Tsunade said. "Although the mission wasn't a success, you did an excellent job considering the circumstances. Sometimes things go wrong on missions and you can't do anything about it. You dealt well with an unexpected catastrophe."

Obviously, that was when Jiraiya crashed into the Hokage's office through the windows.

I I I

Forget Neji and Sasuke. Forget Hiashi and his own Minato. Hell, forget even Orochimaru and Sarutobi-sensei.

Naruto was the most incredible jutsu genius Konoha had ever produced.

That was the thought that crossed Jiraiya's mind as he entered an indistinct purple-blue landscape under a hot pink sky. Jiraiya didn't care about that part; he cared about the incredibly buxom blonde chick pouring sake into the cup in front of him while another busty chick pressed into his back, messaging his shoulders, and a pair of incredibly well-formed twins pressed in on either side.

"Eh heh heh!" Jiraiya couldn't hold it in. This was the most extraordinarily awesome super-jutsu the Toad Sage had ever witnessed. He couldn't even imagine how many ways he could work this into Icha Icha. He reached for the girl holding the bottle of sake, and she blushed and giggled as he leaned forward.

Then the world exploded into pain as a pair of heels smashed into his face, sending him plummeting out of the illusion and off the roof and through a window. Jiraiya recovered and rolled, launching himself to his feet as he struck a pose, an expression of extreme frustration on his face. "Bring them back!" He roared.

"Never!" Naruto cackled, landing on the ground, holding the notebook. He scowled, and Jiraiya lunged into a shunshin, barely managing to snatch his precious research back before his terrible student shredded it with a rasengan.

"And my research too!" Jiraiya howled, slamming his fist into Naruto's head. "You insufferable little brat!"

"Naruto-kun." Hinata whispered, while Kiba continued to gape.

Tsunade scowled. "You two better have a damn good reason for interrupting Team Eight's mission debriefing."

Instantly sidetracked, Naruto looked up. "You guys had a mission? Great!" He smiled at them, rubbing his head while absently kicking Jiraiya in the shin. "I hope you guys did awesome!"

"Cretin!" Jiraiya hissed, chopping Naruto in the shoulder while hopping on one foot. Naruto went down and rolled, lashing out for Jiraiya's good foot but missing.

"Look who's talking, you old creep!" Naruto pointed. "Just for that—sexy no jutsu revised! Sexy Sexy World!"

"That's the stuff!" Jiraiya roared, before his eyes glazed over and he started giggling again, waving his hands in front of him in a manner that was both suggestive and somehow incriminating.

"Naruto." Kurenai said. "Did you just—what did you just do?" By the end, she was practically hissing in anger over this abuse of the powers she had taught him.

Naruto struck a pose with the left arm crossed under the right arm sticking out straight. "Sexy Sexy World draws out the user's deepest fantasies! Guaranteed 120% effective on perverts!"

Tsunade felt her whole forehead throb as that sunk in. "You mean it's an even more perverted jutsu!?" She shouted at him.

"Wait." Kurenai's voice was glacial. "You said this jutsu draws out their fantasies. Does this mean they're providing the visualization, not you?"

Naruto had to repeat that to himself to figure out what Kurenai meant. "Um… yes?"

Kurenai closed her eyes. "That's auto-suggestion." Abruptly, her head snapped up. "One of the 'legendary three grails of genjutsu,' and you developed it to use for a perverted technique." She seemed to deflate. "I don't know to laugh or cry."

"Well, I use it for other stuff too…" Naruto muttered.

"Wait." Tsunade said. "The three legendary grails of genjutsu or whatever you said, that sounds familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on what they are."

Jiraiya giggled again.

"And somebody do something about him!" Tsunade roared, pointing at Jiraiya. She didn't want to come in grappling range when he was like that.

"Okay." Naruto said, shrugging. He formed a handseal. "Sexy Sexy World revised—Yaoi Yaoi Kuni!"

With that, Jiraiya froze, before letting out a bloodcurling, girlish shriek and stumbling backwards. He fell out the crashed-in broken window, and they could hear him hit the ground several stories below with a terrific thud.

"Naruto-kun." Hinata said, breathy and light.

Kiba and Shino simultaneously twisted to look at their heavily blushing teammate in shock before, again in unison, shuddering slightly at the horrifying image Naruto had implied.

"Right!" Tsuande said briskly. "So. What are these three grail things."

Kurenai cleared her throat slightly and entered lecturer mode. "It's said the Sage of the Six Paths developed modern ninjutsu and created the modern ninja world, but… there were other, equally powerful innovators at that time. One of them was Wakuo the Deceiver, who developed modern genjutsu. It's said she possessed three classes of ability that have not yet been matched. Those are the 'legendary three grails of genjutsu' that could defeat even the Sage of Six Paths." Kurenai glanced at Naruto. "One of those was auto-hypnosis, where the target themselves unconsciously provides the imagery of the illusion."

Naruto frowned. "I just stopped using a Kage Bunshin to guide the illusion and used the target instead."

Kurenai nodded. "That makes sense… but even Wakuo probably didn't have enough chakra to use Kage Bunshin as casually as you do."

Tsunade cleared her throat. "Naturally, this knowledge isn't going to leave this room." With that, she turned to look at each of Kurenai's gennin in turn.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Shino responded.

"Man…" Kiba shook his head. "I don't think anyone would believe me even if I did tell them. Naruto, a super-genius at genjutsu?" He shook his head. "But I won't say anything, Tsunade-hime."

"Hey!" Naruto roared.

"K-kiba-kun!" Hinata said, sounding disappointed in her teammate. "Um, naturally we'll keep it a secret if you want us to, Hokage-sama."

"Good." Tsunade said. She turned to Naruto. "That goes triple for you, you loud-mouthed brat, eh?" Her harsh words were tempered with the rough affection in her voice.

"Hai hai." Naruto muttered.

"At any rate, if there's nothing further," Tsunade said to Team Eight, pausing to give them an opportunity to nod, "I need to debrief Naruto. You four are dismissed."

Team Eight snapped to attention and saluted.

I I I

The cave was empty, save the huge statue. It was dark; there was no light cast on the screaming face with the upraised hands, and no light for the nine eyes in the head of that thing to see by.

With a disjointed series of pops, the cave was full; on each of nine fingers stood a projection of a figure in a cloak.

The Leader of Akatsuki, the Pein, spoke. "Report."

No one spoke up immediately; Kakuuzu and Hidan were engaging in a slant-eyed staring contest to see who would have to speak, while Itachi stood passively with his eyes closed and Kisame seemed to be staring off into space.

After that pause, it was Hidan to spoke, having lost to Kakuuzu in a way understood only to them. "Tch." The priest said. His voice is gravelly and hoarse; his neck is held together by a brace, fragments of meat half-healed from a Rasengan. "We got the Two-Tails successfully but then she was taken back by a goddamn Konoha ninja."

Pein scowled, and spoke with a dark tone. "You failed me." His anger was projected on them through his chakra, a supernatural pressure that would have killed lesser ninja.

But they are not lesser ninja; they are the Akatsuki, the greatest and most terrible criminals Pein could find and bind to his vision.

Hidan snorted, looking up at the Pein. "Yeah, well, it's your own damn fault, sending us in without enough friggin' intel."

Pein's anger grew stronger, focused down on Hidan, squeezing at the dark priest's soul.

"Hidan has a point." Kakuuzu said, to stave off a fight. "Maybe we were too lax, but we simply weren't equipped to handle eight elite jounin. We were lucky that Itachi and Kisame were in the area, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten even as far as we did."

"And yet, even with their help, you failed." Pein scowled, closing his eyes. "You disappoint me. This is the power of the greatest ninja on the continent?"

Soon, he spoke again. "And who was this Konoha ninja, who gave you so much trouble?"

Hidan began a diatribe. "Stupid blond-haired asshole--"

"Uzumaki Naruto." Itachi interrupted, voice soft. "The Kyuubi no Jinchuuriki."

"The host of the nine-tails." Pein repeated. "I seem to recall that you have already tried and failed to capture him, as well. I am begin to detect a disturbing pattern, here."

Kisame spoke next. "That boy," he said, "is interesting." He grinned, a shark-toothed smile that would disturb company less psychotic than this. "We've all heard the rumors, of a bridge in the Wave Country, of the One-Tail, of Tsunade and Jiraiya. And now, this."

"He has remarkable talent with genjutsu. That was how he defeated Hidan." Itachi said. "It was totally unexpected." He added.

The Pein arched an eyebrow. To surprise Itachi, to defeat Hidan; it seemed the Nine-Tails was going to be a significant challenge.

But something bugged him. "And where," he asked, "were you three when Hidan was attacked by this child?"

Itachi and Kisame glanced at each other, and Kakuuzu looked away.

"Eating." Kisame said. "There's a really good taco stand just into the Earth Country from Snow."

The Pein closed his eyes and lowered his face into his palm.

I I I

"I can't believe it." Kiba said. "I just, I just can't believe it. I mean… Naruto?! Super good at genjutsu!?" Kba shook his head. "It's like, like… " Kiba shook his head again. "I can't even think of anything that compares."

"It does strain credulity." Shino agreed. "But… it seems to be true."

"Um." Hinata said. "I think, I think that I'm not surprised. I always knew Naruto was strong, so I'm not surprised that he found something he's good at."

Kiba shook his head. "I always knew he was sly as a fox, but…" he shook his head again. "I just never pictured Naruto as the genjutsu type."

"I concur." Shino said. "He is certainly cunning enough, but he never seemed to have talent in the more delicate aspects of chakra manipulation that genjutsu require."

"I don't think you're being fair to Naruto." Hinata protested.

Further conversation was halted when Kurenai stopped short in front of them, causing Kiba to stumble a bit and look up at his sensei. She was staring into the break room.

Kiba looked, and froze as the world as he knew it was changed on him again.

Iruka was sitting at a table, attempting to do paperwork.

Anko was sitting on the desk next to him, farther from the door, and leaning over until she was practically all over him, talking animatedly.

Iruka turned from the forms he was hunched over to retort, and Anko smiled when he spoke. Not a grin, not a smirk, but an honest-to-goodness smile.

He turned back to whatever he was doing, and she looked up. When she saw Kurenai standing there, her smile turned possessive and she slowly, clearly, wrapped her arm around Iruka's shoulder.

Kurenai, in turn, frowned and started walking again.

"Dude." Kiba began.

"What?" Shino agreed.

"Um." Hinata said, shocked herself.

I I I

Tsunade stared. She could just tell this was going to be the most ridiculous mission debriefing since the last time Naruto had gone on a mission in a foreign country.

"Say that again." Tsunade prompted.

"The Tsuchikage says 'hi.'" Naruto repeated.

Tsunade allowed her head to collapse onto her desk. "Oh no…" She muttered. Finally, she sat up. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"Well, I was training with my Kage Bunshin and you called me to your office, and then…"

"Not that far!" Tsunade snapped. "Start at the beginning of the mission."

"Okay." Naruto frowned for a moment. "So I got in to town late and ended up staying in the same hotel as the Cloud group, which was good until I ran into the Akatsuki. Oh!" Naruto said. "By the way, I ran into four guys from the Akatsuki, they were really strong."

"What?" Tsunade said.

"So then I saved Yugito from one of them and brought her back to Kirema and Ursura told me I did a good job, so she let me go."

"What?" Tsunade reiterated.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Stone and Cloud are becoming allies, but that's okay!" Naruto said, waving his hands. "Because we're all friends now!"

With that, Naruto struck Gai's 'Nice Guy Pose.'

"I'm going to need some sake before I deal with this." Tsunade muttered.

I I I

Kakashi lazily walked through the halls of the ninja administration building, thumbing through his book. He nodded at Kurenai, readying himself internally for another sermon about his Icha Icha, and was surprised when she didn't even acknowledge him.

Whatever.

Her students looked pretty out of it, too.

Speaking of out-of-it-students, he glanced back and Sasuke, and away before the adorable little brat could sense his gaze. Sasuke was acting increasingly worried and distracted. Well, for Sasuke anyway. Mostly he was even more surly and withdrawn than his usual cute self.

Also, Kakashi's internal monologue was beginning to sound like Gai. He should probably get that checked by Ibiki or something.

Nodding, Kakashi glanced back at his book, reading about the boisterous (and sexy!) adventures of various fictional ninja.

Well, he'd let Sasuke stew for a little bit maybe and ask the Hokage about Motoko after the mission de-briefing.

And on that note… Kakashi opened the door and entered the Hokage's office. Huh, Naruto was standing in front of the desk talking while Tsunade was slouching sideways staring incredulously at the blonde genin.

"…And that's when the Tsuchikage said I shouldn't die stupidly so I could become Hokage." Naruto finished.

Tsunade dropped her head into her hand, silently messaging her temples. She couldn't even figure out whether to label the mission "success" or "failure" now. That was just the first checkbox on the intelligence and accounting form!

Yea gods above, never mind the paperwork, the meetings she'd have to have with Foreign Intelligence about this one mission. With that thought, Tsuande crumpled down face-first onto her desk.

"We can come back later if now's bad." Kakashi said.

"No." Tsuande said, voice muffled. She raised her head. "No, it's just that Naruto did completely the opposite of what he was supposed to do on his last mission," here she paused to glare at the protesting genin, "But he seems to have succeeded anyway."

"Well, our mission was basically a success." Kakashi said. "But, there was a big, uh, fight and we had to leave."

"Yes, the Akatsuki." Tsunade said, glancing at Naruto again. "I'm aware."

"You had a mission, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Sure did!" Naruto roared. His hands entered a seal, and there was a pop of smoke.

Motoko smiled, and winked at Sakura. "Sorry I didn't let you know, Sakura-chan." Motoko said, winking. Then, she continued in Naruto's voice. "But I needed to test my abilities!"

'Oh no.' Kakashi thought, turning to look at Sasuke. 'Just, oh no.'

'What?' Inner Sakura said, jaw dropped. 'Seriously, what?'

Sasuke stood, gaping. His hands hung slack at his sides. His mouth opened as his head cocked to the side and his left eyebrow seemed to collapse over his eye. His jaw worked, and then finally shut; the snap was the only noise he had made.

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked. "Is something wrong?"

Sasuke flinched, dropping into a crouch as he abruptly flung his arm up to point at Naruto-as-Motoko. "You." He hissed. "I can't… it's… GAH." Sasuke flung his hands up to grab at his hair, and he flailed back and forth for a bit while gnashing his teeth. "GAH." He repeated, before storming out of the room.

Tsunade snickered.

"What just happened?" Naruto asked as he dispelled the illusion, pointing after Sasuke.

Then, Sakura realized something very horrifying. "I LOST TO NARUTO!?" She seethed.

Tsunade was outright laughing now.

Naruto backed up, worried Sakura was going to deck him.

"I lost Sasuke to Naruto." Sakura repeated, glaring at the orange boy.

Naruto, he just shrugged helplessly, knowing if he said anything he'd get decked.

Sakura shook her head once more, and stumbled out of the room in a daze.

Naruto and Kakashi stood by silently. Tsunade was still laughing.

"Okay, I have no idea what just happened." Naruto said. "Seriously, what just happened?"

Kakashi stared at his student. He couldn't tell if Naruto was having him on. "Do you… really not know, Naruto?"

"Would I ask if I didn't?" Naruto said, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Apparently not." Kakashi said to himself. "Okay, so… Sasuke had a crush on Motoko and Sakura was frustrated because Sasuke was interested in a girl that wasn't her."

Naruto repeated that to himself. "Okay, I know I'm not as smart as you, Kakashi-sensei, but I don't think I'm going to fall for that one."

Kakashi honestly had no idea how to handle this anymore. "Uh… I wasn't joking, Naruto."

"But… that doesn't make sense." Naruto said. "I mean, isn't Sasuke, you know, gay?"

Even Tsunade was dumbstruck by that.

"What?" Kakashi finally said.

"I'm not making this up!" Naruto protested.

"Naruto…" Kakashi said. "Why would you even think that?"

"Well there was this one time when we were nine and--" Naruto began.

"On second thought I don't want to know after all." Kakashi said, cutting off his student. "And… you never said anything about this?"

"Well it's not like it matters." Naruto said. "I mean, I'm not going to stop being his friend over it."

"I think what Kakashi is driving at," Tsunade said, "is that Sasuke is straight."

"Naah." Naruto said, shaking his head. He paused, frowning. "Really?"

"Really." Kakashi said. This conversation was profoundly out of his depth.

"Holy mackerel." Naruto said. "Why didn't anyone tell me!?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I think we kinda, you know, assumed you knew." He paused. "It's not something you should need people to tell you."

"Woah." Naruto said.

"Maybe you should go talk to Sasuke." Tsunade suggested.

"Yeah, I guess." Naruto said, walking out of the room.

Once he was gone, Kakashi turned to his boss. "I don't think that was such a good idea."

Tsunade snorted. Then she doubled over laughing.

Kakashi considered. "Well, it was pretty funny."

Tsunade, still inarticulate with laughter, held up the crystal ball that the Third had developed for long-range clairvoyance jutsu. "This," she finally gasped out, "is gonna be gold."

I I I

Sasuke sat at the end of the dock on the big pond in the Uchiha district. His eyes were glazed over as he stared out across the water.

Uchiha Sasuke was seriously contemplating suicide for the first time in his life. Or non-Mangekyo-related friend-murder. He thought maybe both.

"Hey." Naruto said.

Sasuke's head whipped around. He glared at Naruto. "YOU." He seethed.

Naruto didn't flinch, and steadily met his rival's eyes. "Yeah."

Sasuke grunted, and stood, never breaking eye contact with Naruto, even as the pupils split and the iris reddened as the sharingan activated. "You. Me. Now."

And before Naruto could mention that hey he was right, Sasuke was gay, he was getting punched in the face.

"Oh it's ON!" Naruto roared, before falling into the pond.

I I I

The wind screamed around the mountain crags, blowing powdered snow around beneath the pale blue sky. There was nothing alive within sight, not a sprig of grass of a stunted tree; only steep, steep rocks and the smooth white drifts of snow.

Grunting, Ursura hauled herself up the side of the mountain, fingers digging into the sides of the rocks as she hoisted herself higher, ever higher.

She cursed as the tiny ledge beneath her right foot gave way, and she slipped, hanging from the tenuous grips of her fingers. But she persevered, and began hauling herself up again.

Finally, she reached the top, an abrupt end to the mountain, and pulled herself up over the side.

It was not a cave or a ledge; the top of the mountain was a smooth, level expanse, lightly grooved from wind erosion. Generations ago, someone had just scraped the top off the mountain using kinjutsu, leaving this flattened place as a reminder.

Dominating the expanse was a huge bear, so grey it was almost white, sitting in the lotus position on a ratty old mat. One eye was gone, a ragged scar going from above his left eyebrow, down through the ruined right eye socket, and continuing until it reached the muzzle. The other was closed in meditation.

The elder and sage of the bear clan, the great Mog-ur, Kebu.

Ursura kneeled before him, and waited.

Soon, he spoke. "Tsuchikage-sama."

"Kebu-dono." Ursura greeted. "I have come before you with a request."

"Long has it been, since you struggled up the mountain to come before us." Kebu mused. "In all that time, you have been a friend and ally to our clan." Finally, the huge bear opened his eye. "What is it you seek, child?"

"More power." Ursura said. "I was shown, recently, that I have begun to stagnate. For the sake of the village, for the sake of your clan, I must gain more strength, more power, enough power to defeat anyone."

"Even the Akatsuki." Kebu grumbled. "Even isolated on this mountain I have heard whispers, rumors of the brewing threat."

Kebu stood silently, and loomed over the woman in front of him. "Stand, Tsuchikage." Kebu instructed. "Today, you begin the harsh training of Bear Senjutsu."

I I I

Naruto and Sasuke lay on their backs, staring up at the sky. They were shivering slightly in their still-soaked clothes.

As it always seemed to be, it was Naruto who broke the silence. "We cool?"

Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes. "Yeah." There was nothing else to be said, and Sasuke was content with that.

Naruto wasn't. "I feel like we're forgetting something."

Sasuke shrugged, even though Naruto couldn't see him. "Whatever."

"Yeah." Naruto said, and they settled into comfortable silence.

I I I

Sakura stared out across the water, legs dangling down between the rails of the bridge. "I lost to Naruto." She muttered, and then she giggled hysterically.

'It's not that bad!' Inner-Sakura roared. 'Naruto cheated with that pervy jutsu!'

"That's not the point!" Sakura protested. "It's not… even when it's the three of us, Sasuke pays more attention to Naruto!"

Inner-Sakura considered that. 'That means…'

Sakura blushed, and a thin line of blood ran down from her left nostril as she considered it. "N-No!" Sakura protested. "I'm… I'm pretty sure that Sasuke's not like that!"

'Then what does that lame Naruto have that we don't!' Inner-Sakura shouted. 'It's not like he's smarter or more skilled than us, all he does is charge into things!'

"But why would Sasuke care more about Naruto than me!" Sakura said, grabbing her hair in her hands as she thought about it. "Haven't I always tried to help him!? Haven't I always been there for him!? All Naruto does is fight with him!"

'Yeah! Naruto should stop fighting with Sasuke all the time!' Inner-Sakura agreed. 'If he wants someone to fight with, I'll beat Sasuke up instead!'

"No! That's not right!" Sakura said, shaking her head. Then she paused, and thought about it. "But… what the hell, that sounds like it could work!" Sakura sighed, dropping her head forward to rest it against the bridge. "Why are boys only happy when they're fighting?"

Sakura frowned, staring at the river going beneath the bridge, thinking that maybe she had never really understood Sasuke at all.

I I I

"So while Sasuke is out of commission with a head cold from hanging out in soaked clothes for hours," Kakashi said, glancing up from his book at Naruto, "we can't take any missions. So… free training for a few days, I guess."

"I'm gonna go eat Ramen." Naruto decided, before turning and walking away.

Kakashi stared after his wayward student before turning to Sakura, who seemed to want his attention. "Yes?" He finally prompted.

"Kakashi-sensei." Sakura began. "I…" She paused, uncertain. Kakashi buried his impatience and waited. "I want to get stronger."

Kakashi considered that. "Why?" He finally asked.

"Because…" Sakura began. "Because I don't understand my team-mates at all." She looked to the side. "And… and I think if I got stronger, I might understand them a little better."

Kakashi closed his book. "It will be hard."

"I know." Sakura said, squaring her shoulders.

Kakashi smiled, eye crinkling as he put his book away. "Then… welcome to hell."

I I I

Naruto whistled as he walked down the street to Ichiraku ramen. First some lunch, then he would swing by the training grounds and see what was open, maybe see if he knew anyone there. Even after his scuffle with Sasuke yesterday (never mind the A-rank assassination techniques, it was a scuffle in Naruto's mind), he was feeling antsy. He wanted to fight.

It wouldn't really be fair to use genjutsu on Lee; Naruto wondered how far he could push it. Neji maybe? Gai's team was always up for a throw down. Maybe he could even fight Tenten this time, he had wanted to pit his Kage Bunshin against her storm of weapons ever since the Chuunin exam. It would be awesome chaos.

Naruto was interrupted by a jump-kick to the back.

"Keep your guard up!" Jiraiya roared as Naruto dived into a roll and came up with knives.

"What the hell Ero-sennin!" Naruto shouted, pointing.

"I thought I said not to call me that in public!" Jiraiya seethed, putting Naruto in a headlock.

Passerby politely ignored the squabbling pair, but they also gave them a pretty big bearth in case it devolved into something the ANBU would have to break up. Again.

Naruto seriously contemplated stabbing Jiraiya. He would be kind and put the knives somewhere non-vital. Or maybe the liver. Jiraiya's liver was probably tough enough to handle it.

"So anyway," Jiraiya said. "I was gonna bring this up earlier, but then you got sent on that super-great mission." He held up a hand to forestall protesting.

"Naruto." Jiraiya said seriously. "How would you like to go on a three-year training voyage with me?"

Naruto paused, and his hand came up to rub his chin as he considered it. "I wanna get strong." He finally said. "Strong enough to become Hokage and protect everyone." He paused, glancing around. "And… strong enough to win, even against them."

Naruto grinned, and met Jiraiya's eyes. "When do we leave?"

I I I

The End

I I I

AN: So people have been asking about verb tenses. In the last few chapters, I was experimenting with using present instead of past progressive, and it was interesting but frankly I don't think it was worth bucking the system and doing something confusing just for a different "feel" for a scene. I'm sticking to past progressive from now on.

And now, for some final thoughts!

Just as "Ursura" is a bit of a joke on "Ursula," "Kebu" is "Creb." If you already know where "Creb the One-eyed Mog-ur" is… wow.

There were also some questions about Yugito's characterization. For me it was difficult… I wanted to show a girl that would grow into a bad-ass woman, but this is happening two-three years before Yugito's canon appearance. A teenager is naturally less secure emotionally then someone in their early twenties, and for my own selfish plot reasons I needed her emotionally vulnerable anyways.

Also, people are asking for "more Motoko" and while I agree it's an interesting shtick, it is just a shtick… I didn't set out with the intention of writing a fem-Naru story, but rather a story where the cliché mechanism of fem-Naru is exploited by Naruto himself for a mission. Remember that Motoko is something that Naruto uses for his own ends and not an actual, separate person.

Some people admitted they skimmed over the chapter "S-Level Combat" because they thought it was boring; others hailed it as some of the most awesome fanfiction they've ever seen (BTW, I really appreciated that!). But I guess it's like the old saw goes, you can't please all the people all the time. But I hope there was something here for everyone to enjoy!

Looking back, my writing has improved since this story first came out almost three years ago. It's tempting to rewrite it… but I believe that once you've posted something, for better or worse, it's basically complete.

At any rate, even at the risk of inflating this already-long author's note, I want to thank all you folks for reading. Here's to you!

Man, people are already asking about a sequel! Someone (I forget who), once wrote an essay about writing fanfiction saying that you should never, ever write a sequel just because you're asked to, because you won't have any plot and it will therefore suck.

Guess you guys are lucky I had a plot already worked out, huh? Expect "The Biggest Chuunin Exam Ever" in a few weeks.


End file.
